On the couch with Dr De-Stress

Have your good intentions fallen by the wayside?

It’s never too late to start again.

Read on - how you too are guaranteed to succeed.

Clare really wanted to start going to an evening yoga class. With a good plan she could manage her toddler’s bedtime routine and still get to yoga on time. Three months down the line and she has been only once.

Heather loved the idea of a morning meditation. She set her alarm early to do her practice. Three months on and she’s managed it about once a week.

Karen decided to lose weight by cutting out chocolate, sweets and desserts. So far, she has lost one pound in three months.

All three women went through the same process. They decided to make a change that would support their health and well-being. They considered what was possible and doable. But why didn’t it go according to plan? They all fell for that sneaky little obstacle, which I call renegotiation. The moment they needed to take action, an internal dialogue started. Thoughts such as ‘I don’t think I will make it’, ‘I am really tired, why don’t I do it next time’, ‘I am hungry now and I could have this cake as a lunch’ popped up. Do you recognise this process?

Renegotiation is likely to work against you and takes up mental space and energy, leading to a negative outcome of frustration and disappointment.

What can you do to stop re-negotiating? 1. Think through what you want to change, make a decision for an action that is doable and be absolutely clear about the benefits 2. Plan your action, prepare for it and don’t make the timings a challenge as that will easily seduce you into renegotiation 3. When the moment arrives to execute your action, don’t indulge in any second thoughts. Just do it! 4. Feel the satisfaction and be proud of yourself

Practical tips from Dr Mariette Jansen, Dr De-Stress life coach and psychotherapist of 20 years, on how to understand and overcome trauma, deal with anxiety, narcissism and lack of confidence. Award winning blogger and author of the Narcissism Survival Guide: From Victim to Victory. Available soon. To receive weekly tips in your inbox text Darling tips to 07967 717131. MORE FROM DR DE-STRESS SEE darlingmagaxine.co.uk/health

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