chapter ten
MILES
Six years earlier Ian knows. I had to tell him. After the first week of school, he knew everything became Rachel. Rachel knows Ian knows. Rachel knows he won’t say anything. I give Rachel my room when she moves in, and I take the spare bedroom. My room is the only spare bedroom with its own bathroom. I want Rachel to have the better room. “Do you want this box in here?” Ian asks Rachel. Rachel asks what it is, and he tells her it’s all her bras and underwear. “I thought maybe I should just go ahead and put it in Miles’s room.” Rachel rolls her eyes at Ian. “Hush,” she tells him. He laughs. He likes that he’s in on such a private thing. That’s why he would never tell. He knows the power of secrets. Ian leaves after all the boxes are unloaded. My father passes me in the hallway and pauses. His pause means I should pause, too. “Thank you, Miles.” He thinks I’m okay with this. With the fact that he’s allowing another woman to push out the last reminders of my mother. I’m not okay with it. I’m just pretending to be okay with it, because none of it matters. Rachel matters. Not him. “No problem,” I say. He begins walking, then pauses again. He tells me he appreciates that I’m being nice to Rachel. He says he wishes he and Mom could have given me a sibling when I was younger. He says I make a good brother. Words are awful when they come out of his mouth. I walk back to Rachel’s room. I close the door.