August 22, 2011
dailytitan.com
OPINION
Frisk Me
9
Vampire mania is like a blood clot by CHARLOTTE KNIGHT
“Let’s get personal”
Love, dating and sex with a personal touch We can all agree that love and romance go in many different directions. We can all agree that dating and intimate relationships are tricky beasts that will put up a fight before being tamed. And in general, we can all agree that sex is damn fun to talk about. I’ve always enjoyed talking about love and sex. It’s fascinating what turns people on and what they look for in potential partners. I love having mature, philosophical discussions on what this raw emotion and physical desire does mentally to us, because everyone thinks and feels differently about the matter. But even in 2011 the topic can sometimes be a little taboo. As a result, many people I converse with are shocked that I am so open about my sex life and the experiences I’ve had with the consequences that come from dating, sleeping with someone, or even falling in love. And sometimes I don’t understand why. Love and sex are touchy, personal topics. I get that. But it’s natural to have heartstrings tugged every once in a while. Lustful desires and the urge to just hump something sometimes is a biological normality. I’m so open about my experiences because I’m not embarrassed about the things I do or about the way I feel in the throws of passion. So when I write about it, I’m
not going to hold anything back. But I’m not blinded to the fact that in doing so, I’m putting myself at a great risk. I may have a potential employer who looks at my résumé and may be appalled by the fact that I take great pride in talking about my sex life. He might deem it unprofessional and not even give me a courtesy phone call to let me know that he’s not interested. My 80-year-old great aunt, who has always loved my writing and has always wanted me to excel as a writer, may decide to Google my name in an excited effort to read my work. God forbid she should come across this column and find it disgraceful and unbecoming of a young lady, bringing shame to my moderately conservative family. Dating might be a challenge for me, because any and all men of interest will know what mistakes I’ve made in the past and choices I’m currently making that I don’t deem as mistakes, just life experiences. I don’t get easily emotionally attached because I have very high standards when it comes to men—so high in fact, that the guys I can see myself spending the rest of my life with would most likely interpret this column as a public announcement that I’m a skank with no morals or self-respect. Let me clarify—I am not, under any circumstances, here to give dating advice. I am not here to tell you that
you can only have a successful relationship if you follow these five quick, easy steps. I may have gotten around, but I’m still completely clueless as to why your stupid boyfriend of five years is so damn clingy. And I couldn’t tell you why your girlfriend whom I’ve never met before is ignoring you. She could be PMS-ing. Or she’s still offended that you told her last year the new dress she bought looked OK on her. How the hell am I supposed to know? I’ve been involved in five highly unsuccessful relationships that have all crashed and burned, and I’m proud to be rid of (I’m mutual with the first one, but not on speaking terms with the others). If you want a successful longterm relationship, you’re not going to want any kind of advice from me—period. Rather, I am here to entertain you with past experiences. If you’d care to sit and listen, I would love to share with you darling people why I feel the way I do about some issues, what choices I would make if life came with a rewind button, and how these experiences have changed my perception of love, sex and romance. Am I risking a lot? Yes. Am I going to puss out? No. I’m putting it all out here on the line because I am not ashamed of why I am the way I am. So brace yourself, Cal State Fullerton. This semester, things are about to get personal.
Courtesy of HBO Shows like True Blood have blossomed as the public continues to support anything that involves sexy vampires prowling the streets.
Similar storylines in vampire films and TV shows haven’t stopped Hollywood from overdosing the public with never-ending vampire tales BRANDON COLLINS For the Daily Titan
There was once a story of a completely boring girl, in a completely boring town, living a completely boring life until… TADAH! A vampire decides that he wants to eat this incredibly boring girl and also have sex with her (hopefully not at the same time). This story has many unexpected twists and turns, like this apparently schizophrenic vampire falling in love with the tiresome girl known as Stella. Stella has to choose between two equally disturbed suitors: the vampire (who wants to eat her) and a neanderthal of a werewolf (whose muscles seem to only be dwarfed by his ego). Most of you, I would assume, are thinking Twilight, however with a few altered details I could easily be describing True Blood, the Vampire Diaries or one of countless other vampire novels. I just have one question for all the prospective fang-bangers out there: what the f*** is with this romantic obsession with these stupid vampire books, shows and movies? I understand the idea of fantasy. Every red-blooded, American male does. This particular fantasy, however, is simply baffling. I don’t understand how women
can desire a creature so internally conflicted; why would these women want something that both threatens their life and wants to cuddle at the same time? It may be a fundamental difference in the way men and women think, but I can’t understand the attraction to soft, sensitive men who make Hannibal Lecter look like an amateur. No matter how well dressed or attractive the bloodsuckers, I can’t understand how they could be considered sexy. Despite being strange, this trend seems to be ongoing, with no clear end in sight. In fact, Amazon.com has an entire subsection of romance novels just for steamy vampire reads, in addition to a rather shady subsection in the science-fiction/fantasy area. The last good vampire book that I’ve read was Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Why don’t women fantasize about this charmer? He crawls into their windows and seduces them with a bite, causing the women to grow weaker until they eventually “die” and become a vampire. Sounds dreamy, right? But add a little sparkle in the sunshine and some crispy hair gel and instead, you get vampires that make women swoon. Stephanie Meyer, the author of Twilight, was asked how much research she had done for her books; she answered that the only research she did was to reflect research that her char-
acter did in the book. “I didn’t want to find out just how many rules I was breaking,” she said in an interview with Time Magazine. Painful. I’ve unfortunately been subjected to many of these vampire stories. I can honestly say that with the right amount of alcohol and the right uncritical mindset they can actually be rather funny. If you happen to take them seriously, though, you’re in for some serious boredom. I’m not saying women can’t have a fantasy, but dear sweet mercy, why can’t it be something a little more reasonable? It needs to be, especially if women are going to forcibly subject their unsuspecting boyfriends and husbands to this tripe. A survey done by Fandango reported that 83 percent of respondents planned to see Twilight more than once. At least 95 percent of boyfriends in response to this should have let loose with a forceful “Hell no!” Maybe that boring little girl can end up getting sucked dry or something to spice things up. Clearly, a new genre is rising and there are at least two more Twilight movies coming out. If I have to endure the torture of two more terrible movies with atrocious acting and psychotic romance, I’m reviving the ancient practice of book burning.
dailytitan.com/opinion