In his second year, a buildup of mental and physical stress he hadn’t realized he was carrying led to an emotional breakdown. Van Aken felt in the dark about what was going on inside of him. “It felt like there was something constantly wrong and I was not OK and I didn’t know why and it was super scary,” he said. “It was just super hard for me to get to campus and go to class.” Van Aken turned to hiking, climbing and bouldering to find physical release for his emotions. That summer, van Aken embarked on several trips to Middle Palisade and Mount Russell in California, but didn’t succeed in reaching their summits. His body wasn’t ready. He attempted to climb Middle Palisade three times. The first two attempts were foiled by a snowstorm, exhaustion and altitude sickness. On the third, van Aken tried combating the altitude with medication, but became even sicker.
He attempted to climb Mount Russell twice using altitude pills, but these again made him feel sick. Confidence shattered, van Aken felt a huge weight on his mind and body. “I tied too much of my self-worth into (how) I was climbing,” he said. Bouldering posed a more difficult mental challenge for him and his self-esteem. “Ninety-nine percent of everything you’re doing is failing, and just that 1 percent is getting it,” van Aken said. “I was biting off way more than I could chew.” He needed to overcome the physical challenges in his life to overcome his internal struggles, he said. Kilimanjaro turned everything around. Van Aken didn’t feel sick this time; he felt great. A pastel sunrise lighting up Tanzania broke through everything he had experienced and fought against – physically and mentally. After he returned to Los Angeles, van Aken started
"99 percent of everything you’re doing is failing, and just 1 percent is getting it."
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LIFESTYLE