MYTWOBOBS
PAUL TIERNEY
The Cake is Safer than a Bank Iâm not a âroyalâ fan, but Iâll dip my toe in the water as the world becomes obsessed and besotted with Harry and Meghan.
I
f it were a case of one or the other, then I guess Iâm the other. If there were a vote to say should we have a British Monarch as our Head of State, Iâd be voting in the negative. But donât over-read that ⌠I donât âhateâ the royals, or anything like that. Theyâre an amazing bunch. But, pure and simple, should there be someone (or some family) in a position such as theirs purely because of the blood that runs in their veins? Then, no, not for me. I can already see the âthumbs downâ notes sent my way over the next few weeks from those who love Queen Elizabeth and the whole royal crew. You donât have to send in cries of support for all of the wonderful work they do in charity, wellbeing and giving many something to believe in. I agree. Iâm just not a supporter of the âprivileged lifestyleâ model, thereâs far too much of that in our broken world. I firmly believe three things, England will always have a monarchy; Harry, Meg, Wills and Kate (and those cute little kids, George and Charlotte) have relit the fire and passion for the royals in a way nobody would have believed possible; and Australia will have our own Head of State via something similar to a Republic in about a decade. Itâs all happening this weekend, starting (our time) with saturation TV coverage from 7pm on Saturday night. Iâd be lying to say I wonât have a peep. As a former bloodnut myself, itâs terrific to see Harry so happy and getting hitched to a lady who was on one of
WORDS BY COL BARNES
The âTitanicâ Budget:
MmmmmâRoyals...
my fave TV shows (grrr â not anymore). I wonder if the Spice Girls will play at Frogmore House at the reception? I donât think the TV coverage will stretch to a bit of zigazig-ha, but with these two, you never know. I hope the cake is OK. Itâs being made by the lady at Meghanâs favourite London bakery, and is an organic elderflower cake, covered in buttercream. No fruit cake covered in marzipan icing for H & M, no way. Itâs rumoured that the cake could be worth up to $25000 (no, I didnât hit an extra zero then, Iâve got it right), and theyâre a bit worried it could be stolen. Itâs being guarded around the clock for these final few weeks, in what probably amounts to the craziest thing to happen as royal hysteria sweeps the globe. Yes, a cake has its own security detail 24/7 to make sure nothing happens to it. After religiously watching âGame Of Thronesâ for the past 7 years, Iâd be more worried that some nasty person or group might want to poison the cake (if you didnât see Joffrey the King get poisoned at his wedding way back in season 4, you missed a pearler), or worse ⌠learn the recipe and make a fortune. Itâll be a big weekend for one and all. Ratings will be through the roof and the only big loser will be the hit the republican movement takes ⌠maybe years to regain their momentum after being hit with the Harry and Meg avalanche. Theyâll get married, theyâll wave, theyâll kiss and all that schmaltz will make everyone in the world forget about their problems for just a little while. Not exactly how the world should operate, says I, but who am I to steal the thunder, or rain on the royal parade?
The Titanic was the largest ship of its type in the world when it sank in 1912, a disaster that rocked the world with more than 1,500 people dying. Move forward in time and Titanic the movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet debuts in 1997. At the Box office it makes $2.187 Billion. I love a good movie, isnât it fantastic when you immerse yourself into the fictitious world of cinema. Last weeksâ Budget included a grant that simply amazes me. International movie studios will be enticed to make films in Australia as part of $140 Million Budget allocation. Itâs all about bringing these international companies here to help the Australian film production and related industries, which in turn will sustain jobs. It will provide $35 Million a year starting in 2019-20. Whatever amount has been budgetted to assist our struggling farmers could surely be bolstered with some of that $140 MillionâŚsurely there is a âtitanicâ disparity between the two industries, one of entertainment, the other of sustainment.
Old Wives Tale: âThe larger the earlobes the greater the intellectâ VERDICTâŚThere is no link between earlobe size and intellect, but there is a link between earlobe size and life experience because ears grow as we age and lobes sag due to gravity. (from Old Wives Tales, the science behind the advice)
The choices we make: Recent media reports tell us about 104 year old scientist David Goodall from Perth flying to Switzerland to voluntarily end his life, mainly because, he said, of his diminishing independence and
International movie studios will be enticed to make films in Australia as part of $140 Million Budget allocation.â he greatly regretted having reached that age. He said heâs wasnât happy and wanted to die. He was a well-respected ecologist and botanist, living a very full and fruitful life. Even though assisted dying was legalised in one Australian state last year eligibility requires a person to be terminally ill. Last week former Prime Minister, Bob Hawke, was admitted to hospital after falling and hitting his head. The 88 yearold would have to have been one of the most lively, opinionated and charismatic politicians Australia has ever seen. In the last few months Iâve been privileged enough to have some conversations with a couple of 96 yearold gentlemen here in Orange. They have led extremely interesting and sometimes challenging lives. These little snippets are in no way related except for the fact that we are referring to living life, growing old and inevitably, death. It has made me think about these subjects and Iâve delved into my journals and found this little gem Iâd collected some years back which provokes some thought about the choices we make in life. (Written by an 85yr-old man who learned he was dyingâŚ) âIf I had my life to live again, Iâd try to make more mistakes next time.
I wouldnât be so perfect. I would relax more. Iâd limber up, Iâd be sillier than Iâve been on this trip. In fact, I know very few things Iâd take so seriously. Iâd be crazier, Iâd be less hygienic. Iâd take more chances, Iâd take more trips, Iâd climb more mountains, Iâd swim more rivers. Iâd go to more places Iâve never been. Iâd eat more ice cream and fewer beans. Iâd have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones. You see, I was one of those people who lived life prophylactically and sensibly hour after hour and day after day. Oâ, Iâve had my moments and if I had it to do over again Iâd have none of those moments⌠moment by moment by moment! Iâve been one of those people who never went anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a gargle, a raincoat and a parachute. If I had it to do all over again Iâd travel lighter next time. Iâd start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay way later in the autumn. Iâd ride more merry-go-rounds, Iâd watch more sunrises, Iâd play with more children... if I had my life to live over againâŚbut you see, I donât.â
INSTAGRAMPICK
Col OF THE WEEK
Paul Tierney hosts a weekly radio program on Monday from 5-7pm on 107.5 Community FM
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MAY 17â23, 2018
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