MYTWOBOBS
PAUL TIERNEY
The Cake is Safer than a Bank I’m not a ‘royal’ fan, but I’ll dip my toe in the water as the world becomes obsessed and besotted with Harry and Meghan.
I
f it were a case of one or the other, then I guess I’m the other. If there were a vote to say should we have a British Monarch as our Head of State, I’d be voting in the negative. But don’t over-read that … I don’t ‘hate’ the royals, or anything like that. They’re an amazing bunch. But, pure and simple, should there be someone (or some family) in a position such as theirs purely because of the blood that runs in their veins? Then, no, not for me. I can already see the ‘thumbs down’ notes sent my way over the next few weeks from those who love Queen Elizabeth and the whole royal crew. You don’t have to send in cries of support for all of the wonderful work they do in charity, wellbeing and giving many something to believe in. I agree. I’m just not a supporter of the ‘privileged lifestyle’ model, there’s far too much of that in our broken world. I firmly believe three things, England will always have a monarchy; Harry, Meg, Wills and Kate (and those cute little kids, George and Charlotte) have relit the fire and passion for the royals in a way nobody would have believed possible; and Australia will have our own Head of State via something similar to a Republic in about a decade. It’s all happening this weekend, starting (our time) with saturation TV coverage from 7pm on Saturday night. I’d be lying to say I won’t have a peep. As a former bloodnut myself, it’s terrific to see Harry so happy and getting hitched to a lady who was on one of
WORDS BY COL BARNES
The ‘Titanic’ Budget:
Mmmmm—Royals...
my fave TV shows (grrr – not anymore). I wonder if the Spice Girls will play at Frogmore House at the reception? I don’t think the TV coverage will stretch to a bit of zigazig-ha, but with these two, you never know. I hope the cake is OK. It’s being made by the lady at Meghan’s favourite London bakery, and is an organic elderflower cake, covered in buttercream. No fruit cake covered in marzipan icing for H & M, no way. It’s rumoured that the cake could be worth up to $25000 (no, I didn’t hit an extra zero then, I’ve got it right), and they’re a bit worried it could be stolen. It’s being guarded around the clock for these final few weeks, in what probably amounts to the craziest thing to happen as royal hysteria sweeps the globe. Yes, a cake has its own security detail 24/7 to make sure nothing happens to it. After religiously watching “Game Of Thrones” for the past 7 years, I’d be more worried that some nasty person or group might want to poison the cake (if you didn’t see Joffrey the King get poisoned at his wedding way back in season 4, you missed a pearler), or worse … learn the recipe and make a fortune. It’ll be a big weekend for one and all. Ratings will be through the roof and the only big loser will be the hit the republican movement takes … maybe years to regain their momentum after being hit with the Harry and Meg avalanche. They’ll get married, they’ll wave, they’ll kiss and all that schmaltz will make everyone in the world forget about their problems for just a little while. Not exactly how the world should operate, says I, but who am I to steal the thunder, or rain on the royal parade?
The Titanic was the largest ship of its type in the world when it sank in 1912, a disaster that rocked the world with more than 1,500 people dying. Move forward in time and Titanic the movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet debuts in 1997. At the Box office it makes $2.187 Billion. I love a good movie, isn’t it fantastic when you immerse yourself into the fictitious world of cinema. Last weeks’ Budget included a grant that simply amazes me. International movie studios will be enticed to make films in Australia as part of $140 Million Budget allocation. It’s all about bringing these international companies here to help the Australian film production and related industries, which in turn will sustain jobs. It will provide $35 Million a year starting in 2019-20. Whatever amount has been budgetted to assist our struggling farmers could surely be bolstered with some of that $140 Million…surely there is a ‘titanic’ disparity between the two industries, one of entertainment, the other of sustainment.
Old Wives Tale: “The larger the earlobes the greater the intellect” VERDICT…There is no link between earlobe size and intellect, but there is a link between earlobe size and life experience because ears grow as we age and lobes sag due to gravity. (from Old Wives Tales, the science behind the advice)
The choices we make: Recent media reports tell us about 104 year old scientist David Goodall from Perth flying to Switzerland to voluntarily end his life, mainly because, he said, of his diminishing independence and
International movie studios will be enticed to make films in Australia as part of $140 Million Budget allocation.” he greatly regretted having reached that age. He said he’s wasn’t happy and wanted to die. He was a well-respected ecologist and botanist, living a very full and fruitful life. Even though assisted dying was legalised in one Australian state last year eligibility requires a person to be terminally ill. Last week former Prime Minister, Bob Hawke, was admitted to hospital after falling and hitting his head. The 88 yearold would have to have been one of the most lively, opinionated and charismatic politicians Australia has ever seen. In the last few months I’ve been privileged enough to have some conversations with a couple of 96 yearold gentlemen here in Orange. They have led extremely interesting and sometimes challenging lives. These little snippets are in no way related except for the fact that we are referring to living life, growing old and inevitably, death. It has made me think about these subjects and I’ve delved into my journals and found this little gem I’d collected some years back which provokes some thought about the choices we make in life. (Written by an 85yr-old man who learned he was dying…) “If I had my life to live again, I’d try to make more mistakes next time.
I wouldn’t be so perfect. I would relax more. I’d limber up, I’d be sillier than I’ve been on this trip. In fact, I know very few things I’d take so seriously. I’d be crazier, I’d be less hygienic. I’d take more chances, I’d take more trips, I’d climb more mountains, I’d swim more rivers. I’d go to more places I’ve never been. I’d eat more ice cream and fewer beans. I’d have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones. You see, I was one of those people who lived life prophylactically and sensibly hour after hour and day after day. O’, I’ve had my moments and if I had it to do over again I’d have none of those moments… moment by moment by moment! I’ve been one of those people who never went anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a gargle, a raincoat and a parachute. If I had it to do all over again I’d travel lighter next time. I’d start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay way later in the autumn. I’d ride more merry-go-rounds, I’d watch more sunrises, I’d play with more children... if I had my life to live over again…but you see, I don’t.”
INSTAGRAMPICK
Col OF THE WEEK
Paul Tierney hosts a weekly radio program on Monday from 5-7pm on 107.5 Community FM
@ORANGECITYLIFE
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MAY 17–23, 2018
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