AUTMN 2012 Volume 59 Number 1
www.christianwomanmag.com Australia/ New Zealand
LOVE, TEARS & AUTISM A MOTHER’S JOURNEY FROM HEARTBREAK TO HOPE
Inspired by heaven EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH BUSINESS WOMAN AMANDA WELLS ON HER TIME IN HEAVEN
The
Mind, Body & Spirit Battle
SHERALYN BUCKNELL ON THE GREATEST WAR WE WAGE WITH OURSELVES
Plus Potential – what’s yours? God of the impossible Flair for Fashion
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Editor’s Letter
10 Inspired by heaven Businesswoman and entrepreneur Amanda Wells relates her time in heaven talking to Christ 14 Flair for Fashion Fashion is a part of Katie Coleman’s life – but God holds her heart
17 Reaching your potential Our potential is the difference between what we are and what we can become… says Amanda Antcliff 20 3 Reasons why loving your man can be so difficult Berni Dymet gives some important and humorous insights into how your man may operate and how to continue loving him
Coaching and Mentoring Programs Coaching
Coaching programs have a personal, professional or ministry focus. They provide a creative and supportive pathway to personal growth and excellence. Each program is tailor made according to an individual’s unique needs and goals. Coaching is beneficial for anyone who is in transition, stuck or ambitious and desiring guidance, accountability and results.
Mentoring
RISE Mentor Program cultivates the purpose and call of God in people’s lives. The program is for 6 or 10 months and consists of monthly coaching and course work. The focus of this program is to help you define, develop and prepare for your unique calling in the church, community or marketplace.
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4 Christian Woman Autumn 2012
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About Amanda Antcliff Amanda coaches people with a distinctive blend of gifts and experience. She is a pastor, Bible college and corporate trainer whose strengths are exhortation and the prophetic. Amanda is the author of the book ‘Women Rising’. Her role and passion as a coach is to partner with and help you to discover and develop your unique self , dreams and purpose.
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Contents.
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24 The Mind, Body and Spirit Battle Sheralyn Bucknell knows what she’s talking about when discussing food, exercise and fitness. She says God has to be a part of this 28 When loving is the hardest thing to do Cecily Paterson relays her experiences with her autistic son and maintains that part of the therapy was going to be fixing herself 32 God of the impossible Katherine Spackman shows how nothing is impossible for God when faced with a threat from the enemy
32 NEW OPPORTUNITIES SCHOOL CHAPLAINS SU QLD, a Christian interchurch youth and children’s agency, invites applications for fulltime and part-time State School Chaplaincy positions across Queensland. Due to the announcement of Federal Government NSCSWP funding, a range of new positions will become available in both primary and secondary schools. Applicants need to demonstrate their suitability to provide support and care to young people. There is significant need for Chaplains in rural and remote communities of Queensland. More information and apply online at
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Unless otherwise specified, all Scripture quotations are from the New International Version, Correspondence Australia copyright-1973, 1978, 1984, PO Box 1321 Mona Vale NSW 1661 International Bible Society. P: 02 9007 5376 | F: 02 9979 4880 W: www.christianwomanmag.com No part of this publication may be reproduced in whole or part, without prior written permission. Opinions
6 Christian Woman Autumn 2012
expressed in this magazine do not necessarily reflect those of the staff. All attempts are made to verify advertising material, and no responsibilty is taken for misleading or erroneous material. Due to spam issues, all email addresses have been removed from our publishers section. Copyright 2012.
Change the world. Leadership Education for Leaders “Alphacrucis has always been my college. Today more than ever, I am excited to see how our students are changing the world.” Dr. Jacqueline Grey Academic Dean
Alphacrucis College has developed into one of Australia’s leading colleges in Christian thinking and action. Throughout 65 years of providing vocational training and higher education, AC has equipped and released thousands of leaders who have significantly impacted churches and communities across Australia and throughout the world.
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girl talk.
EDITOR’S LETTER The one thing we owe absolutely to God is never to be afraid of anything – Charles deFoucauld The only thing that matters is the faith that expresses itself in love - Galatians 5:6 We are now coming to the end of summer, officially, however here in Sydney we have not seen too much of it – only rain. Oh well, that’s the world climate at this time! Mving on from the weather, in the Autumn issue of Christian Woman, we are endeavouring to bring a balanced array of articles that will be inspiring and encouraging for every reader. Women are born to be highly influential, and are so much a part of God’s heart. He values and treasures women - so we need to value and treasure ourselves. We need to reach our God-given potential and become prominent in this world and to melt the hearts of men with our femininity.
Talking about women being influential – we have an article in this issue about a woman who is running a number of businesses and a ministry. She is driven in her walk by the time she spent in heaven after dying on the operating table. She saw Jesus and he asked her, “What have you done with the life I have given you?” That was such a significant time in eternity for her that she has vowed not to leave this earth until she has accomplished all she is meant to do. Do you want to understand the aging process that occurs in each of us? Dr Reginald Zahiruddin, a Christian surgeon from Pakistan, who was actually captured by the Taliban, explains the process. I particularly liked what he had to say about a gene program that affects the cells! I think you will enjoy this article - 3 Reasons Why Loving Your Man Can Be So Difficult and it’s written by a male, which makes it even more interesting! It is written in a humorous one and it is good to have a male’s point of view. Always helpful! Enjoy our inspiring articles and may God bless all you mighty and beautiful women.
Lynn Goldsmith
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Ministry.
heaven
INSPIRED by
AMANDA WELLS is one dynamic lady. She has many ‘irons in the fire’ and wants to accomplish so much in her life. We have met several times and it’s always inspiring to talk to her. I’m not sure who talks more–Amanda or me–because we have a lot in common—talking about business and ministry and there is always a lot to fit in, in the short time we spend together. But, it’s always interesting and I love an in-depth conversation! I spoke to Amanda about her ministry and also, importantly, the time she died on the operating table and spoke to Jesus. This has been the driving force behind her busy timetable.
10 Christian Woman Autumn 2012
Ministry.
Amanda – your life is particularly busy – tell me about the ministry you are involved in. I have been in an itinerant ministry for about 20 years now. I have been in ministry to local churches here in Australia and around the world – particularly in Europe, Canada, and New Zealand. I have been to America and Africa, but I feel my passion is Europe. I have also spoken at conferences. I have started some humanitarian organizations as well. I have also gone into a business side as well. Now I am coaching, particularly Christians, who are feeling they have something inside them – a dream a destiny, but are unable to fulfil it – the coaching is called ‘Passion to Purpose to Product in 90 days’. Seeing Christians just come out of themselves after being coached, and doing what God says has really been blessing me. I particularly want to talk about when you went into hospital to have an operation and you died on the table and how this has driven you to accomplish all God has for you It was in 1995 – I had been sick for quite some time. I had a very rare kidney disease and I was dying, I was only about 35 kilos at the time. I was in the intensive care part of the transplant unit in Brisbane. I decided that if I didn’t have the operation I could possibly die. I did have the operation, it was a massive operation and it had only been done once before. So, we had decided to go ahead and it was a 10 hour operation where they took my kidney and transplanted it within me because of the rare syndrome. At one point on the operating table I remember being in heaven and it was a very profound moment and it has really crystalized my life since then. As I was there I remember seeing so much. I remember seeing the colours, the water and Jesus was on my left hand side and he looked into my eyes and I will never forget the love that he had, but also how he saw everything about me. Jesus was on my left hand side, he was dressed in white, but it was so white that it honestly looked like light. It is so true he is dressed in light! I took more notice of His eyes;
they were piercing, yet were like pools of love. Even though those eyes seemed to know all my yesterdays and my tomorrows and knew me inside out, the love in those eyes was immeasurable. Heaven was full of life. The colours were beyond what we see here. From the throne it seemed were colours in flashing light. The water that flowed was amazing! As you walk on the grass in heaven it doesn’t flatten as it does on earth. There is constant sound in heaven; some I did not totally comprehend. It was worship but beyond what I had ever heard. Everything in heaven responds to honour the King. Everything, every living thing. Authority in Heaven is quite amazing. I do not believe we have had a revelation of authority and honour as it is in Heaven. At that point he had said to me these words: “What have you done with the gift I have given you?” I knew he meant the gift of life – what have I done with my life that he has given me. I didn’t answer, because there was no real answer. At that point I heard two prayers: I heard the prayer of my pastor as he prayed in the spirit and I knew what he was saying and it was like heaven was at attention when he prayed. The authority that happens in heaven, the dominion that we have where it says, “I have given you dominion under the earth, on the earth and above the earth”—it just blew me away. That this is the one area that churches really do fight against - praying in the spirit. But there is power in this. The other voice was my doctor, who was a Christian. He was calling me back. I knew exactly what he said. The one voice I didn’t hear was my husband’s, but I did say to him later, “I hope you were praying for me,” I said laughingly. I remember waking up in recovery – I called my doctor over who was a professor and I said to him, “I want to speak to you.” He said, “I want to speak to you, but I will speak to you tomorrow when you are fully awake.” So, he walked in very early the next morning and he said, “I want to talk to
you about what happened.” I said, “I want to tell you first what happened.” I talked to him about my encounter. I said to him, “This was the prayer that you prayed during the operation.” He said, “That was word for word what I said. Now let me tell you what happened.” They had cut my abdominal. It was a mess! They made quite a few mistakes. He said he almost saw the hand of God just stop the flow of blood. It was a real panic and there was an emergency. They got me back and they stitched me up. He explained, “You have to remember that you had 600 stitches inside and out.” I looked like Jaws. He continued, “We had an epidural in your back which was to stop the pain and movement for a few days.” I had IVs; I had about four drainage tubes. “I called you back, got you stitched up, finished the operation, we took the tube out and as we did you sat bold upright on the operating table, grabbed me around the throat and screamed at me, ‘What did you call me back for?’ He said, “You terrified me and scared the tripe out of every nurse.” It was such a profound experience of heaven – when Jesus said to me, “What have you done with the life I have given you?” I know I cannot die again – I will not go home until I fulfil everything he has asked me to fulfil. In heaven, on my right hand side was a throne – I couldn’t actually see the throne, but I saw ….. I saw the water. I just knew that if I could get into that water I would be okay. Under the water there were so many beautiful jewels – I cannot explain all this. There were some personal things that Jesus actually did for me, especially with the jewels. I saw some angels but the beauty of heaven! I was a mother of three children at that point and I did not want to come back. It really showed me we need to get someone soon enough when we want to resurrect them. Once you get them into heaven they don’t want to come back. If you’ve got them in hell the enemy has got a hold on them. That’s why it’s so important that we pray immediately when someone has died, to grab them
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ministry.
“
It was such a profound experience of heaven – when Jesus said to me, “What have you done with the life I have given you?”
quickly. To me it was just an answer as to why we can’t raise the dead when we are told we can. That may be part of the answer – they are in there, they are not coming back. One thing the Lord said to me, “They will not let you.” However, I had not fulfilled things that I should have fulfilled – I knew I had to come back. Others may not care. In heaven the colours are incredible – the sky just goes on to eternity. Our sky hides us from heaven. I want to go back when I can say to my Lord and Saviour, “I did everything you called me to do. I empty myself; I am giving myself to you.” Your situation in heaven and what God spoke to you about has had a profound effect on your ministry now? Yes, a profound effect. I should say there is a story as to why. I got offended and I was really hurt. That offence built up – it was an offence in church. At that time we lost everything. We had a master franchise business and the franchisor took off with almost $1 million - we lost everything. We had to sell everything – we had to sell our cars, we had to sell the house. If there had been e-bay at that time I probably would have sold the kids! I got angry, I got hurt and I got offended. That is I believe, what actually caused me to get as sick as I did. One thing in my life – I will not get offended anymore. The day of the operation I said to the Lord, “Forgive me.” I needed to repent. After that massive operation I was out of hospital in six days. I played ping pong at church on the seventh day! God really touched me. I remember standing, crying in the bathroom of my hospital ward. I looked at the scar and
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just cried. The Lord just so sweetly said to me, “Warriors have scars.” Yes, this was a war, most of it was my own doing, but I have won a war over offense that will never get me again. What is the main theme of your voice to the people – particularly to women? It is to meet their destiny. There are so many things women have that they just don’t tap into – they get busy. As women, that’s who we are – we start fulfilling everyone else’s needs but we don’t meet our own. I am a mum, I have three children, I have a grandchild, a business, and I minister and I do all this well. You can do it. The other thing: so many women have prophetic words and never see them come to pass. That’s part of my passion, to work through those prophetic words so they do come to pass. Right now I am doing a program with Caroline Marsh from the UK, who is a millionaire – she is a wonderful Christian and one of the UK’s wealthiest women. We are now working on a program where we are going to help women particularly come into their total full potential and break that glass ceiling that particularly is on women in Australia and Europe. How do you see the importance of women in business and ministry? I think they are imperative. If we look at history – women have taken the world out of nearly every crisis that it has ever been in. You go back and look at Debra, look at Esther, Ruth – right through the Bible. Then we go back and look at World War 1 and when the men came home broken emotionally and physically it was the women who really got the world back and financially got
the family back together. It was the same with the women in World War II and just recently we have seen in England, David Cameron, the Prime Minister, actually put a call out for women to rise up and be entrepreneurs and he is giving them 15,000 pounds to start businesses. He even recognizes that women have such an effect on the economy that we can actually change the world. I think women need to understand this. We are born to be nation changers. What would you say to women now? One of the biggest things with women is we tend to become complacent. We look at everybody else’s needs. I would say to take time out to get with God and ask him, “What is the life you have given me? What’s in my heart?” Really do some hard questions to yourself. Ask, “What is my passion?” Then don’t stop until you get God’s process of how you can fulfil your destiny. And don’t let other people put you down. You’ve got to be your own best cheerleader. When you get up in the morning tell yourself how awesome you are and what a great person you are. You can do it. Whatever you decide to do just do it! One woman in my coaching class wanted to be a doctor and she was 40 – she has now just gone into medicine. It doesn’t matter how old you are or what the world has said, when God puts something in your life, no man, no woman; nothing can stop you except yourself. CW Lynn Goldsmith Editor-in-Chief
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FLAIR FOR FASHION Fashion is a part of Katie Coleman’s life – but God holds her heart
A
lthough the 26-year-old spent her childhood dreaming of being a performing artist, through studying fashion at Rangitoto College, Coleman found she had a natural flair for clothing design. “I just really loved it. I had always made costumes with Mum when I was little so I was very familiar with lots of fabrics and colors and trim and being creative. It was kind of natural,” she recalls. “I have been doing this fulltime for two years now. I was supposed to do it fulltime for about four months to get it off the ground and go and get another job to support it but I’ve managed to get away without having to get any other work. I have a studio at home but it kind of takes over the whole house. I think it’s hard when you’re working from home just to be really disciplined. I’d like to get an office this year. I think with an office space you can get more routine in your life.” Coleman says the easiest part of her work is the designing. “I love old movies; I spend hours watching them. I then try and pick something that is completely not
14 Christian Woman Autumn 2012
fashionable at the moment. So for summer 2012/13 which is what I’m designing for at the moment, I started to look at the Talented Mr Ripley and that Italian summer feel. When I got into it I realized
it was really on trend and would have been good for this summer. I thought people might be sick of those silhouettes by next summer, so you’ve really got to think ahead,” she says. “When I’m onto the right thing it kind of settles in my stomach, and so I just go from there. I can spend weeks and weeks just drawing and re-drawing and wrestling with things.” For the coming winter Coleman predicts a back-toyour-roots feel will be in fashion. “At fashion week there were lots of maxi skirts that go up at the front. My theme for winter is Little House on the Prairie and there were a lot of country/ western themes coming through. I don’t know if it’s because music has been on the folk buzz for a while and fashion designers are just catching up.” Coleman’s current summer collection was based on Some Like It Hot starring Marilyn Monroe. “I wanted to create something that was really cute and flirtatious, a bit ditzy and fun. You can also see some of the tuxedo styles coming through. For my first collection, which was Spring/Summer 2010, I didn’t think too much about the commercial side, I just did it because I loved it. I do a wholesale tour every six months where you take the collection to the stores that you want to be in. You start getting feedback and
New n i e d a m s Everything i I know who’s Zealand so being e r a y e h t t and making i wage d o o g a paid reviews, and in a helpful way it gets inside your head.” Although she had already begun to study fashion before she gave her life to God, Coleman gave her career choice serious consideration. “I became a Christian when I was 19. I was living in Dunedin and I’d already been studying fashion for a year. I had done the partying the first year then went to Auckland for the holidays and came back as a Christian. That was a real journey for me,” she says. “Because I’d chosen to study fashion before I became a Christian there was the whole question of ‘is this really what God wants me to do? Should I give it up?’ I never considered giving up my degree but I wondered after my degree do I now have to go into youth ministry or become a nurse?” Coleman spent the two years
after her degree working as a PA in an office but realized she had to create and could do so with integrity. “I’ve got real ethics that underline the business. Everything is made in New Zealand so I know who’s making it and they are being paid a good wage. I’m making good quality garments, which is great for the environment; you’re not just going to throw them out next season because they’ve gone out of shape. I want to educate people to buy quality over quantity and to know where their clothes are coming from. It excites me that one day I could be contributing to the New Zealand economy because of exports and providing a stable business,” she says. CW Gemma Margerison
A PASSION FOR ADVENTURE & FABRIC Katie-maree Coleman is a young Auckland designer on her way up. She likes to use natural fabrics in her designs, so it’s no surprise they appear a lot throughout her own wardrobe too. Young designer Katie-maree Coleman launched her label Katie-maree Cole last year with a basics range made of New Zealand merino and cotton. Her most recent, high-end collection, Painted.me, has been influenced by the film and book Memoirs of a Geisha and ‘the Japanese flirtation with individual style’. Coleman, who graduated from Otago Polytechnic in 2006, won the chance to spend time in the Karen Walker workroom as part of the Air NZ Inspiring New Zealanders competition, which she credits helped gave her the confidence to launch her own label. Coleman, who is soon to launch an online store (katiemareecole.com), describes her designs and style as feminine. “The emphasis is on natural fabrics in high quality feminine designs, there is always colour and prints to set the mood for the season that the collection grows around,” Katie says. This page: Katie Coleman, right, with her photographer Heather Liddell at last year’s (2011) Fashion week. Photo by Charlotte Loyd Opposite page: A model wears an outfit from the Katie-Maree Cole Spring/Summer 2011 collection.
Reprinted with permission, Challenge
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16 Christian Woman Autumn 2012
your.best.life.
REACHING your POTENTIAL Christian mentor and Professor Howard Hendricks once said, “Nothing is more common than unfulfilled potential.” Unfortunately this is a sad reality. Many people live and die not having realized the fullness of their potential. Our potential is the difference between what we are and what we can become… Amanda Antcliff
I
’m a word girl. I love words and their meanings. Whenever I write on a particular subject I always begin by looking up the word in the dictionary and studying its definition. It never ceases to amaze me the revelation I get from the simple yet inspiring meaning of words. So, this is what I did with the word – potential – and this is what I discovered. It means, ‘something possible but not yet actual’...‘Latent qualities or abilities that may be developed and lead to future usefulness or successes’. One of the many wonders of humanity is that we all have potential. Each one of us has possibilities waiting to happen and capabilities yearning to be expressed. Potential is where vision comes from and what drives personal growth. Pope John XXIII (1881 – 1963) said these wise words, Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.
th or Continuous effort - not streng locking our intelligence - is the key to un ill potential – Winston Church
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your.best.life.
Potential is a force inside each one of us that is laying dormant - unexpressed and underdeveloped - waiting to be released and realized. The word ‘potential’ is captured in these images... - a flower poised to bloom - a seed ready to germinate - the sun rising in the morning - a bottle of champagne ready to pop - a butterfly developing in a cocoon - sails waiting to catch the wind
develop. This growth will then have a positive effect and influence on others. Roger Williams, a theologian in the 17th century said, The greatest crime in the world is not developing your potential. When you do what you do best, you are helping not only yourself, but the world.
What Does the Bible Say about Potential?
Most people have potential abilities and possibilities in their personal and professional lives. It’s very important, every now and then, to reflect and pinpoint the areas of your life where you have potential. Here are twenty thoughts about the potential which may lie within you.
Interestingly the word ‘potential’ does not occur in most conventional versions of the Bible. However, I believe the principle of potential does. The Kingdom truths which Jesus taught, about ‘seeds’, ‘growth’ and ‘fruitfulness’, can all be applied to the concept of potential. The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and perch in its branches. (Matthew 13:31-32) The potential we carry is like seeds which God has planted within us. These seeds may be gifts and talents, desires and dreams, calling and purpose. They might be tiny, like the mustard seed, but they have the potential to germinate and grow, and to become exceedingly fruitful and successful. Jesus also talks about light. He calls himself the light of the world then tells his followers that they also are lights, created and called to shine. In a couple of the Gospels, Jesus mentions that sometimes lights are placed under beds or covered by bowls, thus reducing their brightness and effectiveness. This image of dulled lights is a vivid reminder of potential that is yet to shine. A Christian who wants their life to shine brightly will make a conscious effort to personally
18 Christian Woman Autumn 2012
Personal and Professional Potential
PERSONAL POTENTIAL 1. Desires not yet fulfilled 2. Adventures not yet experienced 3. Creativity not yet displayed 4. Gifts not yet utilized 5. Relationships not yet forged 6. Knowledge not yet learnt 7. Talents not yet revealed 8. Passions not yet expressed 9. Goals not yet achieved 10. Dreams not yet fulfilled PROFESSIONAL POTENTIAL 11. Career opportunities not yet explored 12. Promotions not yet attained 13. Leadership not yet matured 14. Ideas not yet imagined 15. Inventions not yet created 16. Actions not yet initiated 17. People not yet developed 18. Markets not yet explored 19. Profits not yet exceeded 20. Businesses not yet established Did you notice the word ‘yet’! It’s small but significant. It reflects the power of potential, the power of possibility and the power of decision. ‘Yet’… is the door which brings possibility into reality. ‘Yet’... is the bridge between
what is and what can be. ‘Yet’… is the challenge that demands us to grow and to reach our potential.
Three Keys to Reaching Your Potential
i. Identify and Focus Our potential can be sitting just beneath the surface or it can be deeply buried. The first key to personal growth is always self-awareness. It’s important to identify what possibility, capability or quality is waiting to be dug out and developed. Once the specific area of potential is identified, focus then comes from setting goals and taking action. For example, if you have creative potential in the arts then a practical step is to book yourself into a course such as painting or photography. ii. Courage to Start Often our potential has been hindered because of fear and negative selfbeliefs. When this is the case, courage will be required to see breakthrough and growth in these areas of our life. Courage is having a go...even when you are afraid. iii. Perseverance The words of Winston Churchill, prime minister of England during World War II, resound with wisdom; Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential. Anything worth achieving will always demand commitment and perseverance, and a willingness to push on despite challenges and obstacles.
Self-Actualisation versus Stewardship
Psychologist, Abraham Maslow theorised in his ‘Hierarchy of Needs’ that the top order need or motivation in peoples’ lives is Self-Actualisation. The fulfilment of this need is heightened
Potential.
when the lower order needs - Self Esteem, Love and Belonging, Safety and Physical Needs - have been met. SelfActualisation is focused on recognizing and realizing one’s potential. In Maslow’s own words, ‘what a man can be, he must be’. As Christians we need to recognize that the reaching of our potential does not become an all consuming, ambitious and self-absorbed pursuit. In first world countries it’s becoming increasingly common that people can get addicted to ‘self-advancement’ and ‘self-fulfilment’. This is when the quest for reaching one’s potential is skewed and out of balance because it is all about ‘self’. A healthy Christian perspective
of realizing your own potential is to see it as stewardship. That God has entrusted each of us with gifts, dreams and purpose, and it is our responsibility to utilise and increase these things for His purpose and His glory. As we focus on growing the different areas of our personal or professional lives, our potential will be progressively realized and the level of our influence increased. Reaching our potential is all about becoming everything God has designed us to do and to be. CW
The greatest crime in the world is not developing your potential. When you do what you do best, you are helping not only yourself, but the world. Roger Williams
Amanda Antcliff Amanda is a personal coach, mentor, pastor, trainer and speaker. She is also the author of the book ‘Women Rising’. www.amandaantcliff.com
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a different perspective.
3 Reasons Why Loving Your Man Can Be So Difficult And what you can do about 2 of them ‌
20 Christian Woman Autumn 2012
T
hey tell me that women can find it tough sometimes to love their man. As a bloke, I can’t imagine why … but there you go, that’s what they say. So in this issue I’m going to share with you the three most common reasons as to why that is, and what you can do about two of them. In my experience (as a bloke) the three most common reasons that we men are so difficult to love are these: 1. we’re confused, 2. we’re misunderstood, and 3. we’re incompetent! So let’s look at the first two of those in detail (the last one we’ll deal with next time) … and not just by way of understanding the problem. We’re also looking at the solutions. Is that okay … worthwhile you think? Tough, we’re doing it anyway! (CUE CARD – Self Deprecating Joke – chuckle now.) Problem # 1 – We’re Confused The role of men and women has changed a lot in the last 2,000 years. In fact, it’s changed dramatically just in the lifetimes of both your man and (just as importantly) his father. When I was growing up, there was a TV show called Father Knows Best. And as hard as it is to believe, they were serious. You can’t imagine them launching a series with a name like that today, unless it was a spoof, right? Your man watched his dad’s behavior as a husband and father, and most of what he knows, comes from his dad. Parental imprinting is one of the most powerful ways in which we learn. And if his dad followed a 1950’s model of being a husband and parent, or if his dad was a tyrant, or a lazy slob … or whatever, a lot of that (through no fault of his own) has rubbed off on him. Don’t believe me? It’s a fact that most adults who abuse children, were themselves abused in their childhood. Crazy, (you’d think
anyone who’s suffered the pain of abuse would run a million miles from it) but true. The point I’m making here is that parental behavioral imprinting is one of the most powerful forces known to humanity. So – there’s every likelihood that your man has at least in part, an outdated view of the male/female role, relationship, home duties and parenting job allocation thing – that’s been dropped into his skull. And can I tell you – dealing with that, and the totally new world in which we live (my mum didn’t work outside the home, my wife does) ain’t easy. It feels as though we’re torn between what we know to be right, what we believe to be right …what we thought was right, and the 21st century reality that we live in; a reality in which that old template, dad’s template, don’t fit no more! Can you see the struggle? Does that explain some of his behavior? (Note that I didn’t say ‘excuse it’, simply ‘explain it’ – I’m not defending bad behavior from men, just trying to help you deal with it). And then Scripture - written as it was in a patriarchal culture - seems to reinforce his thinking: Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Savior. Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands. (Ephesians 5:22–24) So let’s say you’re a committed, Bible believing Christian Woman. What do you make of that? What do you actually do with it in the 21st Century? Do you toss it out as irrelevant, or is it somehow meant to apply to us here and now? Solution # 1 – Live the Whole Truth God is an amazing God, and there are
BERNI DYMET gives some important and humorous insights into how your man may operate and how to continue loving him. It’s great to have the male point of view!
two sides to this coin - remembering that men and women are both made in His image. The reason we get this so wrong – so very wrong us blokes – is that we want to quote this Scripture out of context. Hey the devil does that. He takes a Scriptural half–truth and turns it into a lie. The overarching context of the text we’ve just read is the verse that immediately precedes it (verse 21) and that says: Be subject to one another … wives to your husbands … God’s truth in marriage is a truth of mutual submission. And as well as talking about the wife’s submission to her husband, God’s Word follows straight on here to talk about what’s involved in the husband’s submission to his wife: Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her … in the same way; husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (Ephesians 5:25–28) One coin, two sides. One flesh … two different parts to play in being one. And the happy marriage is the one where husband and wife talk openly about what this Scripture means in their lives. They nut it out, grapple with it … figure out how to live it right here in the 21st Century.
Join the conversation online: www.christianwomanmag.com 21
a different perspective.
In our marriage, Jacqui and I make decisions jointly. Every now and then, we disagree. Sometimes, I’ll yield to her … either because she’s right, or her solution is a good one albeit different to mine, and it’s good that I should submit to her. But other times (we’re talking about less than .01% of the time) I’ll feel strongly about the matter at hand and at that point - this being the exception rather than the rule, she submits to me as her husband. That’s how it works for us.
22 Christian Woman Autumn 2012
Have you and your husband discussed how it works for you? Problem # 2 – We’re Misunderstood The first time I read Ephesians Chapter 5, I thought it was so… 1950’s. Surely no one could believe that stuff now. But then, early on in our marriage, I read that classic book Men are from Mars Women are from Venus by John Gray. And whilst I don’t agree with all of his conclusions, what really surprised me was how closely contemporary psychology reflected this apparently anachronistic section in the Bible on marriage. Gray makes the point that in order for men to feel loved, in order for a man to experience the love of his wife (and children) he needs two things. (1) to feel respected, and
(2) to feel needed. Now to a woman, it may seem a little weird for those two things to be at the top of his list. Sure you want respect and you want to know that you’re needed. But mostly, the thing that comes way ahead of those two on your list, is feeling cherished and valued. Feeling special. Can I tell you something … as a bloke? Gray is absolutely right. The problem is that the immature man (and there are plenty of those) turns those top two needs for love into a perceived right to lord it over his wife and family, and not to take any criticism when he gets things wrong. That’s immaturity. Godly maturity comes when we men live a little (a lot) in Ephesians 5:25. I go to that verse often in our marriage, because the deep truth is that God’s
a different perspective.
calling me to lay down my life for my wife, in the same way that He laid down His life for me. So I’ve come to the conclusion that … Greater love has no man than to lay down his life for his wife! Solution # 2 – Understand Him As hard as it may be, the best thing you can do for yourself is to understand how God’s wired your man. In fact, can I encourage you to read Ephesians 5:31–33 again, through the prism of what I’ve just shared with you, and I guarantee that the contemporary reality of your man’s need to be respected and feel needed will leap out at you. Respect doesn’t mean kowtowing and genuflecting. It means… just simple respect. If he knows in his heart of hearts that you respect him by what you say
for example in front of the kids, by how you back him up and then talk about any disagreements later, by how you demonstrate your respect for your children’s father in front of them (this is but one example) everything … everything changes in his heart. Want the whole truth in one nutshell … in just one verse? Here it is: Each of you, however, should love his wife as himself, and a wife should respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:33) Problem # 3 – We’re Incompetent Now by this I don’t mean that your man is a blithering idiot - although there’s a distinct possibility that he could be, in which case you can console yourself in the statistic that the Lord is quite likely to give you some respite by calling him home before you. A bit irreverent you think? A bit
of humor never hurt – there’s nothing quite so healthy for me as to laugh at myself (and remember, I’m a bloke, so I am distinctly in the minority here in Christian Woman!) What I mean by ‘incompetence’ is that naturally, we men aren’t often that good at loving women the way you need to be loved. Some men are not good at cherishing their wives … and that’s the sort of love you need from your man. But … we’re out of time (or space, or both). So, I promise we’ll chat about that one … next time. CW
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Mind Spirit Sheralyn Bucknell knows what she’s talking about when discussing food, exercise and fitness. She has written a book detailing her earlier struggle with an obsession to keep thin and fit
24 Christian Woman Autumn 2012
health.
How did you discover the key to cultivating a healthy mind, body and spirit You can’t have a body battle without a mind battle! We are a three part being – mind, body and spirit. I struggled with managing my body in my teenage and young adult years, which is pretty normal, I think. I really embraced the health and fitness lifestyle. I became a fitness instructor and healthy eating was very important to me. It is a good thing to eat healthy and to exercise moderately, but because my motivation was out of sorts, I ended up becoming a slave to myself. Food and exercise was always on my mind – was I eating the right food: less of this, more of that, eat this, don’t eat that. I ended up being quite driven. I felt bad if I had eaten what I termed ‘bad’ food and then would make sure I exercised to keep it all under control and feel ‘good’. It took up a lot of mind space. I also began to eat when I was stressed or feeling low; emotionally eat. The battle in my mind began to intensify. I didn’t recognize it as a mind battle then.; I just thought it was about me being strong and disciplined or weak and without control. I didn’t feel like I had a major problem – I wasn’t bulimic or anorexic but I carried a constant selfawareness. I guess you could compare it to a bank balance - debit and credit with food and exercise. I would get control and then lose control. What made you search for a better way in dealing with health and diet? I became a Christian after a wonderful encounter with God at 24 years old (that’s a whole other story). My sense of wellbeing was much improved of course, but I knew I wasn’t really free and it was still on my mind. I remember feeling very weary at trying to keep all the plates spinning. One day I was reading the Bible and I came across a Scripture from John 8:36, which says, “Whomever the son sets free will be free indeed.” It really caught my attention and I thought, Wow, God really wants me to be free in every area of my life. I knew I didn’t have absolute freedom in this area of my
life. I was certainly an improved version since my Christian experience, but I still struggled to negotiate eating and exercising and feel good about myself – thinking I should be a little healthier or slimmer. That Scripture kept coming to mind and so I said to God, “I’ve read what your Word tells me and now I know that you really want me to be free. I really want to be free also and though I am better than I used to be, I know I am not completely free. Please show me what is blocking this freedom being mine.” The Lord spoke to me very clearly and told me that I had fear around that whole area of my life. I had a fear of food; a fear of being overweight; a fear of being rejected. This was a real shock to me because I had no idea that fear was involved. God said, “If you let go of your strict disciplines and efforts and stop trying to manage it all in your own strength and let me into this area of your life I will set you free and do something wonderful.” I was amazed that God wanted to get involved in this area of my life. Wasn’t he too busy managing the world and had more important problems to tend to rather than help me look after my body? Besides, if I had messed up and not been disciplined enough, wasn’t it my job to fix it? For some reason, we don’t think to involve God in our body management. Maybe because it is a ‘physical’ thing, we do not think to turn our eyes to the ‘spiritual’ realm for answers. Instead we truck on with our efforts of diets, disciplines and other temporary measures. Having God involved in every area of my life – mind, body and spirit – is the key to successful and victorious living. Fear is not from God – it’s not faith. Immediately I felt I had to repent and say sorry to God, for allowing fear to be my master, instead of him. Choosing to live in fear is sin, and the only way for sin to be dealt with is through repentance. Immediately, I felt something break off my mind – that stronghold of fear
just broke off me and I realised I had actually been held captive – my thinking had been held captive and therefore my behavior had been held captive by this motivation of fear. From then on I didn’t have that unbalanced thinking about food and my body and exercise. I know so many women have this battle going on in their minds 24/7 and if it isn’t dealt with, it can continue their whole lives and steal their joy, their hope and their ability to live in the fullness of life that Christ has for them. Thankfully I was freed in my early 20s and I have been completely free for over 25 years now. Free and free indeed. It’s just never on my mind. No good foods or bad food thinking. No good girl, or bad food behaviour. Haven’t weighed myself all those years. I have no need to because freedom keeps me the same. Free to make positive choices for my body and to love myself inside and out. People were envious of my strict disciplines and my ability to get up and exercise every single day, and eat super healthy. But whether someone is unmotivated, unfit and overweight, or whether they’re at the other end of the scale and driven or with a constant selfawareness – all need to come to that
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health.
place of freedom. What brought that fear about? Fear disguises itself well. I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for several years before I became a Christian and he had been consistently unfaithful and was into pornography. Ouch! My solution to that problem was to look good in order to feel good about myself because that situation certainly wasn’t helping my self-esteem. Rejection usually ushers in fear. Rejection and fear are often at the root of the body battle, although it may not be recognised as that initially. Often others have had words said to them along the journey of life that have gone into their heart and it’s like a hook and becomes a vehicle for the enemy to have a field-day with you and how you feel about yourself. God wants to take those hooks out and heal you and set you free. I have lived this message of freedom for over 25 years. Had a happy ending to the unfaithful boyfriend story! Sent him packing and am 24 years married to my wonderful husband, have had three children and am now in my fabulous 50’s! I have shared with many women to help them find truth and freedom in this area of their lives. Diets and strict rules and regulations are temporary measures – God has got a much better and lasting solution. Like any other area of our lives he waits for an invitation to be involved. He will empower you to eat well, to exercise moderately and to love your unique self. “Make food and exercise your friend not your foe. Discover your real conflict and the keys to fight strategically and win the war!” What do you mean by this statement? For so many people, food is their enemy. They can’t eat this and they can’t eat that and shouldn’t eat this and shouldn’t eat that and feel guilty if they eat certain foods. It’s their enemy rather than their friend. It’s as if they have invisible stickers on food –‘good, bad, can’t touch’. There are so many diets and
26 Christian Woman Autumn 2012
But whether someone is un-motivated, unfit and overweight, or whether they’re at the other end of the scale and driven or with a constant selfawareness – all need to come to that place of freedom eating plans around that say carbs are bad or protein is good and they should or shouldn’t be eaten at certain times of the day. God has given us food to eat for nutrition and for pleasure. It’s not meant to be a heavy burden our whole lives, managing how we eat or being bound by strict rules and regulations. Food is my friend – there’s no food that I can’t eat or that I think, ‘Oh my gosh, if I eat that I’ll get fat.’ I used to have that kind of thinking – if I eat that piece of chocolate cake I’ll get fat, put on weight and hate myself. So many people have constant self-loathing - they don’t like the body they are in. They are at odds with themselves their whole lives. God has got such a better way. Everything in moderation, including moderation! Uncover negative personal beliefs that prevent you from being healthy, fit and free – how are you doing this? Negative beliefs about yourself need to be firstly identified and then evicted. A lot of women don’t stop to unpack what it is they believe about themselves. When you stop and look at this it’s really quite confronting – when you discover what it is you believe about yourself. Many women believe they are unattractive, that
they don’t measure up and are not good enough and need to have more of this, or less of that to be loved by others and to love themselves. To apply a diet over the top of a negative self-belief system will only ever be a temporary solution. The Body Battle, the book I have written, has questions at the end of each chapter to help women explore their relationship with food and exercise and their body. Identifying personal beliefs and dealing with them is very important. It is the pathway to freedom. People need to get with God and talk about it and get some understanding about themselves and why they do what they do. For some reason, and this is part of the big lie, because it is our physical body that we’re dealing with, people do not think to involve God. He is the God who created the heavens and the earth but he is also the God who loves us intimately and cares about every area of our lives. To try and manage the whole thing in your own strength and not involve God is such a lie that we have been sold. God is saying to women, “I love you and you are valuable and I believe in you. I want to help you get this area of
your life under control and be all that I have created you to be.” How he does this will be different for every person but it is first about lifting our eyes to him for help. For some reason we think it’s just not his thing. Maybe because we think of him as male, we think this is a female thing and he wouldn’t be interested. Or maybe we think God is only interested in our spirituality and not our bodies. He wants us to love our uniqueness and celebrate ourselves. We are all so different – we have been sold a lie by believing only a certain body type, shape, or height is beautiful. We are all fearfully and wonderfully made and a product of his unique workmanship. What are your thoughts about the fashion and beauty industry? The fashion and beauty and music industry has got a lot to answer for. I feel for the young teenage girls and the pressure that is on them. They feel they have to conform to a certain image. We’re not to look to the standard of this world but instead to the blueprint God has for each and every one of us. He wants us to be our best, love the body we have been given and not conform to the expectations of others. Our value is not in what we look like, but instead in the knowledge that we are loved boldly and unconditionally by our God, and that he has a specific plan and purpose for each and every one of us to fulfill. When we really know his incredible love for us, and are doing what he has called us to do, those temporary things that sometimes seem so important will instead, take their right place – under our feet! How does the cross of Jesus help people to be healthier and help with diet? Ephesians 6 says, “Our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the rulers and powers of this dark world.” The body battle is way more spiritual than people give it credit. It is time to wake up to this fact. You can’t fix a spiritual problem with a physical solution. Christ offers us forgiveness and victory for our sins and shortcomings. By involving Jesus and the power of the cross to our body management, then we have access to His strength and power to overcome and live free, and really conquer it once and for all. No more diets, no more rules, no more lies. “Whomever the Son sets free will be free indeed.” John 8.36 It is an interesting fact that the first sin in the Garden of Eden was connected to food. We seem to have been struggling with it ever since. The cross leads us to freedom and victory – every time. CW
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Top and middle: Jasmine, Cameron and Max (not their real names) at the beach; Bottom left: Cameron 28 Christian Woman Autumn 2012
unconditional love.
LOVING is the HARDEST thing to do when
T
CECILY PATERSON relays her experiences with her autistic son and maintains that part of the therapy was going to be fixing herself
he day I realized that I didn’t really love my children was, to say the least, a bit of a shock. My happy normal life had been crumbling around me for at least a year and on this day, when my eyes were opened and my heart confirmed that what I had thought was love was really not, it felt like someone had taken a sledgehammer and smashed the last remaining part of my facade to pieces. Before that day I was a normal mum with a good marriage and three children. My six-year-old daughter, Jasmine, was a delight, and we were overjoyed to welcome our first little boy four years later, and another one two years after that. My dreams of a perfect family had been fulfilled and I was getting on with my job of being the perfect loving mother. It was all great except for one thing.: my second child, Cameron, was getting harder and harder to manage. “He just doesn’t seem to understand the things I tell him,” I told my friend when Cameron was about 18 months. “Maybe I’m wrong, but I think he’s way behind Jasmine when she was the same age.” “Well, he is just a boy,” said my friend, trying to make me feel better. “You know boys: always do things slower than girls.” “You’re right,” I said. “He’ll work it out at his own pace.” I dismissed it and tried to put it out of my mind, but as time went on it became more and more difficult to ignore the odd things that Cameron would do. He ran away all the time, he refused to wear certain clothes, he ignored people, he threw tantrums about the tiniest things, he insisted on watching all the credits of every single TV show he saw and he was nowhere near being toilet trained. By
the age of 2 1/2 he still had very little functional language, so I took him to a speech therapist. “He can speak,” the speech therapist told me. “He just doesn’t want to. You need to be tougher with him.” I felt bad. It had been so much easier to be a parent to Jasmine, who seemed to know instinctively what to do and how to do it and who was so much sweeter. She hadn’t thrown six or seven tantrums a day and she seemed to know how to play with other children. Cameron had no idea. I decided the fault was mine and became the ‘tough parent of the strongwilled child’ for a few months. We had warnings and naughty steps and all the tricks of the trade going on, but nothing worked. Cameron’s behavior got worse and his quirks seemed more and more eccentric. I still didn’t put it together or realize that I had a child with a developmental disability. I was too busy getting through each hour with a six-year-old, a new baby and this toddler who was constantly screaming, running away from me and pressing every single button in the entire house. Finally things came to a head and I made an appointment with a developmental paediatrician. “He will be able to tell me what’s going on,” I thought. “And then my problems will be over.” I was only half right. He was able to tell me what was going on. My son had autism. But my problems were not over. They were really only just beginning. I was feeling panicky and anxious and horrified all at once. “We have to do something,” I thought. “He can’t live like this.” The very expensive paediatrician wasn’t much help. He told us to get some
Join the conversation online: www.christianwomanmag.com 29
speech therapy for him and to look up the Autistic Association. “That’s it?” I thought. “That’s all there is?” I hit the net and began searching for something that would help our precious child. The research took all my time and energy. I felt fevered and distraught. I was running out of time. If we didn’t get this three-year-old help now I thought we would lose him. Every day it seemed that he was sinking deeper and deeper into his own bizarre little world, full of Thomas the Tank Engine and strange rituals that I had no part in. The diagnosis had made me feel like the walls were cracking around me and I needed something to plaster up the gaps. When I found our therapy program and the therapist who was providing it, I felt like I had found some hope. Here at last was someone who understood what autism was and what could be done. I turned up, fully prepared to pay the money, do the therapy and fix my child. I didn’t realize that part of the therapy was going to be fixing myself. The first few sessions were just my husband and I talking to our therapist. “We are wasting time,” I thought to myself. “Let’s get Cameron in quick.” But our therapist wasn’t in a rush. “I want you to think through how you communicate with your children,” she said. “What kind of language do you use? Do you give them time to process?” I thought about it. Most of my language was in the form of a command or a direct question. ‘Put on your shoes’; ‘Come on let’s go’; ‘Hurry up’; ‘I need you to tidy up your room’; and so on. I realized that I was always rushing, always wanting, always expecting and always moving. I rarely gave any of the children enough time to think and speak at their own pace. I was also always judging. I said to my daughter, who was perky and proud after one of her piano lessons, “You’re going to be quite good at piano one day.” Her shoulders slumped and she said to me with her face downcast, “Aren’t I good now?”
30 Christian Woman Autumn 2012
I felt embarrassed to say this to our therapist. But then she asked the kicker question: “What do you think your parenting is all about?” Immediately I knew the answer. I didn’t want to think the thoughts that had just entered my head, but I knew they were true and I couldn’t escape them. “I guess I want them to follow along behind me and not get in the way while I do all the important things that I want to do,” I said. I took a deep breath. “And I guess that the real truth is that I want my children to behave perfectly and to appear perfect so that I look like a great parent and so other people like me and admire me.” The sledgehammer hit and the house
But it’s because of his AUTISM that I have been given the gift of confronting my own LOVELESS NATURE and have been given grace to grow PATIENCE and KINDNESS and perseverance and self-control of cards that was my great family and my perfect parenting came falling down around my shoulders. I would have been horrified to think that I was not really a loving mother. But when I was confronted with a child who was difficult, unhappy and unmanageable, and when I thought about what love really was, I found that I was having an awful lot of trouble being
a loving parent. I was angry, unkind, impatient, judgemental and quick to give up – all things that are the opposite of the list of love’s virtues in 1 Corinthians 13. It had seemed like I loved my daughter. She was not only beautiful but good-tempered and fairly easy to get to obey me. I had moments with her where I was frustrated, of course, but by and large she had been easy to love because she cuddled me, she giggled and, most importantly, she made me look good when other people were around. The payoff for my efforts with her was the good feelings that I got from being around her. By contrast, it was hard to take Cameron out because inevitably his tantrums and screams would earn me some pretty filthy looks from passers-by. I knew what they were thinking because I had thought it myself before: “Can’t you do something with that child? You must be a terrible parent.” Cameron hardly ever responded positively to us. He certainly never said, “I love you,” and the payoff for my efforts with him were feelings of intense frustration and anger from his tantrums or screams. What I realized on that day was that I was more interested in ‘love’ that reflected well on me and that made me feel good than in love that was sacrificial and took everything I had, regardless of what I got back. My house had come down and my world had collapsed. The things I had thought were good about myself were shown up as being rubbish. I cried a lot and felt sad and beaten and demolished by not only autism but my own unloving nature, which was now on show for the whole world to see. But God needs to take away the old so that there is room to build the new. In our journey with autism and my son’s disability, I am learning to love people in the way that I believe God loves us. I say ‘am learning’ because I still feel like a novice and a beginner on the road. I don’t think that I will ever be able to say that I love others in the way
unconditional love.
that is spelt out in 1 Corinthians 13. But I am given heart by the grace of God and the fact that he loved me – and all of us – while we were still in sin. God loves us while we throw tantrums and while we run away and while we ignore Him and retreat into our own bizarre fantasy worlds. He loved us before we could respond to Him and He loves us still regardless of what other people think of us or Him. He loves us as we are, even before he ‘fixes’ us. I am learning to love my child by controlling my reactions to his tantrums and finding ways forward with him. I am learning to love him by changing the way I speak to him, by giving him more time to process and by being aware of what he can and can’t cope with. I am learning to love him by accepting the unusual things he says and does and by saying, “I love the person that you are today.” I cry with him when he’s sad, I fight for him when he needs help and I take lots of deep breaths because we are both in this for the long haul. Of course, I don’t want my son to have autism. I want him to have friends like other children and to find his way in the world as an adult and to be able to express love and appreciation like other people do. But it’s because of his autism that I have been given the gift of confronting my own loveless nature and have been given grace to grow patience and kindness and perseverance and selfcontrol. CW An Australian mother’s journey from heartbrea k to hope.
Cecily Paterson is the author of Love, Tears & Autism, which follows the first four years of her journey after her young son’s diagnosis with Autistic CECILY PATERSON Spectrum Disorder. She lives in regional New South Wales with her husband and (now) four children and tries to avoid cleaning the house so that she has more time to write her young teen fiction novel.
Autistic spectrum disorder FAQ What is ASD? ASD stands for autistic spectrum disorder which is a cognitive processing disorder. People who are affected all show impairment in social interaction, impaired communication and restricted and repetitive interests and behaviours. How does ASD affect a family? Life is pretty tough both for the child with ASD and for the family who looks after them. Managing behaviors takes patience, emotional energy and physical energy. Getting help takes money and time. And because the problem is chronic and lifelong, carers often suffer from depression. How many people are affected? There may be as many as one in 100 children with autism or Asperger’s Syndrome or some form of ASD. Typically, boys outnumber girls, but this may be because girls are more adept at masking their difficulties. What is the cause of autism? If there was one definitive answer, treating this condition would be much easier, but the jury is still out on the exact cause of ASD. Factors that may be involved include genetics, the environment and diet. Is autism on the increase? It certainly appears that there are more autistic children today than ever before. This may because there is a genuine increase in the condition or because it is more easily diagnosed. Is there a cure for ASD? Unfortunately no! There are some things which can aid children who are affected by ASD and some therapy programs have seen some amazing results but there is no hard and fast treatment and no known cure.
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God of the
32 Christian Woman Autumn 2012
trust.
T
KATHERINE SPACKMAN says that nothing is impossible for God when faced with a threat from the enemy
here are many stories in the Bible that show how God can do the impossible, but perhaps one of the most dramatic is when He intervened and saved Jerusalem from impending attack by the infamous Assyrians in approximately 701 BC and saved His people from doom and annihilation. The story is found in 2 Kings 18 and 19 when King Hezekiah of Judah refused to give into the Assyrian King Sennacherib’s intimidation and instead trusted in God to protect Jerusalem. About 21 years earlier in 722BC the nation of Israel to the north came to an epic and violent end when Hoshea, King of Israel, rebelled against the Assyrian King Shalmaneser. Israel aligned with Egypt, but it didn’t save the nation, and after a three year siege of Samaria, the Assyrians triumphed and the people were dispersed through the Assyrian empire (see 2 Kings 17:1-6). The Assyrian Empire was a brutal and terrorising regime as detailed in brothers Chris Stewart and Ted Stewart’s book 7 Tipping Points that Saved the World. Quoting the American historian and writer Will Durant, the book records that when Assyria captured a city, it was burnt to the ground, prisoners’ heads were beaten or cut off with cutlasses, soldiers were apportioned rewards according to the number of prisoners captured and killed. The captured nobles’ ears, noses, hands and feet were sliced off or they were thrown from high towers or the children were beheaded or flayed alive or roasted over a slow fire. A sculpture, known as a relief, in the Assyrian capital of Nineveh show men being impaled, flayed or having their tongues torn out. The Assyrians strategy of conquest was fairly simple: in order to weaken a nation’s major cities or capitals, smaller towns and lesser cities were assaulted first. After victory, an emissary would be sent to the capital with the Assyrian King’s demand for surrender. In the lead up to King Sennacherib demand for Jerusalem, the Bible says in 2 Kings 18:13 that the King of Assyria attacked all the fortified cities of Judah and captured them. The Stewart brothers state that Assyrian records show the empire conquered 46 surrounding cities, including Lachish where King Sennacherib’s boasts they captured more than 200,000 slaves. The situation was more than dire - Jerusalem was on its own. The surrounding cities had fallen to the powerful Assyrian Empire and it seemed inevitable that Jerusalem would follow suit. It would seem a hopeless situation and yet God gave the people a promise in 2 Kings 19:32 “He will not enter this city or shoot an arrow here” and in verse 34 “I will defend this city and save it, for my sake and for the sake of David my servant.” The Lord did save the city and that night sent an angel to destroy 185,000 soldiers. On awakening the next morning King Sennacherib broke camp and withdrew. The battle was over. What a powerful reminder to Christians and the church Join the conversation online: www.christianwomanmag.com 33
trust.
Just like King Sennacherib, the enemy will come to intimidate, mock, criticise, offer a compromise, claim to be God and then deride God’s power... prayed to God for help. Even though at first King Hezekiah tried to appease King Sennacherib (see 18:14-16) by paying him off with gold and silver, he would learn that he needed to rely on God for deliverance. What a relevant and timeless message for today. Just like King Sennacherib, the enemy will come to intimidate, mock, criticize, offer a compromise, claim to be God, and then deride God’s power. And our response should be like that of King Hezekiah and the people of Jerusalem: by not being drawn into the enemy’s strategies and instead remaining silent and turning our trust to God and praying. When faced with overwhelming and inevitable situations there is hope - is there anything too hard for the Lord?
at large that God is the God of the impossible. There are some powerful lessons to learn in the story that are applicable to the individuals and the church today. The Bible describes how King Sennacherib sent his field commander to Jerusalem, intimidated the people by mocking at their military strength, derided their dependence on God, then offered them help, claimed to be doing the will of God by marching against Judah, criticized their leader King Hezekiah, offered them a compromise, and then boasted that God would not be able to deliver them from Assyria (see 2 Kings 18:19-35). And yet King Hezekiah and the people of Jerusalem remained silent to the claims and instead
N APLA SC, N e as H 1 1 g Colle ent 20 Excell place the e area* s h t lt u in s re chool top S
The word of God should drown out the incessant cry of the enemy to abort, give up and compromise on the working out of our salvation with fear and trembling. Faith and hope should give the church a reason to stand against supposed inevitable societal changes that tread on the oppressed, poor and orphan. Who knows the what, when, where and how the Lord will answer the prayers of the church but our confidence is that nothing is impossible for Him. CW
Katherine Spackman is the media and communications officer at the Australian Christian Lobby.
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