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COMMENTARY By Rachael Noble So you’ve given it your all: brought her favorite bagel to her at work, fixed her flat tire, made sure she was taken care of at all times. But the relationship still failed. You put in 100 percent, so what went wrong? If you haven’t read the book, “The Five Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman, get off your duff and go buy it right now, because it could turn your relationship around! According to his theory, Dr. Chapman states that everyone has a “love language” that they “speak” to show love and that when it is also “spoken” to them, it makes them feel loved. For instance, in the example above, this dude was doing special things for his girlfriend, but were these things HER love language? His love language seemed to be “acts of service” – doing things for her to make her feel taken care of, like bringing her her favorite bagel. But if her love language is “quality time” (spending special time with her), these acts are nice, but she will truly feel loved if he spends time with her, considering that is her way of feeling cared for. The five languages mentioned in the book are “acts of service,” “quality time,” “receiving gifts,” “physical touch” and “words of affirmation.” If
you figure out which of these makes your partner feel most loved and you start to act out that language to him/her, I would bet my next paycheck your mate is going to feel more appreciated and loved than ever. And if you know your partner’s language and they’re, say, spending time with you, even if that’s not your love language, it will make you feel good to know she is, in her own way, trying to show you she cares. Now I have to clarify the physical touch language. We all know what our first thought is when we hear this phrase, but this refers more to the general act of touching – holding hands, sitting closely together, etc. So how do you know what another’s love language is? Watch closely the things they do for you. Does she buy you little gifts (receiving gifts)? Does he long for you to tell him that he rocks your world (words of affirmation)? That’s his love language! So start to rethink the way you show your love – he’ll feel it so much more when you’re speaking his love language. Rachael Noble is a single Carmel resident and contributing columnist. She can be reached at nobleadvice@yahoo.com.
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