10
| Aug 28, 2013
Rear End
The Saber | Columbus State University
Horoscopes
Pre-destined by Elaine Hoffmeister
Cancer: One would say that the best things in life are free, but are they really? The next time someone gives you a freebie, watch out because one can never know when a present turns foul. The last freebie I got still makes me shudder. Honey glazed pineapple broccoli anyone? Aries: Two wrongs don’t make a right unless it’s math. They can say that 2+2=4 all they want, but when it comes to arithmetic I still don’t know what’s going on. If you can handle horrible things like numbers mixed with letters then you can face anything this week. Taurus: If you ever encounter my cousin the genie and get your three wishes, I certainly hope you’ll do the right thing and make the noble wish. No, not world peace. I’m talking about equal parking for all. Thanks, and tell Barty I said hi. Gemini: Japan will have a strong influence on your life in the upcoming months, so keep in mind that the unluckiest number in Japan is 4. Avoid the number four at all costs and you will be safe from bad sushi all year. Arigato. Leo:Your lucky number this week is 5. Five is the number of appendages on a starfish and classical elements described by Aristotle. Five is also the number in the best combo in a smartphone app called Candy Crush. Do not play that game. Never play that game. It ruins your life. Virgo: In traditional Indian medicine called Ayurveda there are 6 tastes: sour, sweet, bitter, salty, pungent, and astringent. I think this is a valid reason to go out and reexperience your favorite foods. Seriously, go crazy.
Must do’s for college students
Libra: Your fortune on the great pH scale of life is a neutral 7 – neither great nor gruesome. This lukewarm situation could turn to your advantage, though. Simply don’t plan any important work, school or social events whatsoever for the next 7 weeks. Scorpio: Try to get in touch with New Age spirituality this week. Consult the Buddha and the Noble Eightfold Path. While you’re doing this, if you happen to find out why the jewel-encrusted parasol is one of the eight auspicious symbols please let me know. Sagittarius:It was a global blow to astronomy when it was decided that there were no longer 9 planets. But while Pluto no longer has the impact on your life it once had, I assure you there’s enough bad luck from the other planets to keep you busy for a while. Capricorn: It looks like you’re going to be embroiled in a pretty embarrassing situation soon, but don’t worry. There are ten Canadian provinces you can run to if worst comes to worst. I hear Saskatchewan is nice this time of year. Aquarius: Let me fill you in on a little secret. My personal lucky number is eleven, and I want to share its power with you this week. Watch eleven episodes of your favorite television program for maximum luck. If you don’t have a TV, then I’m sorry and I just can’t help you. Pisces: As the 12th zodiac sign in the cycle, I was disappointed to learn that your birthday does not fall in the 12th month of the year. I mean, whoever designed this system needs to make a few adjustments, am I right? You should also try to be more assertive with your opinions. Just roll with it.
Round Three: To save money (Again, you say? Yes, because you never seem to do it quite right)
Danielle Davis Office Manager
1. Stop going out all the damn time. Simple enough, right? Try it, and I promise it will work wonders for whatever it is you carry your money around in. 2. Get a job. Remember that last issue? Check it out and read some of my tips on how to get a job. If anything, I’m helpful. 3. Find fun things to do with your significant other that don’t require loads of money. After all, quality time spent together is more valuable than anything you could waste your money on. 4. Walk, bike, skateboard... hell, do anything but drive. Ttrust me, nothing depletes your bank account like that gas tank. 5. Last, but certainly not least: DON’T BLOW YOUR REFUND. Have a little self-control, people. Get what you need first and save some of that other stuff for later.