Random Musings from Gerry Mandel

Random Musings

FROM GERRY MANDEL

GERRY MANDEL writes life stories, plays, short stories, essays, blogs, and the occasional novel. He enjoys sharing his writings, and would appreciate your comments.

When everything goes. Even the kitchen sink. A gut reaction to a gut rehab.

don’t know what caused me

Ito destroy a perfectly good kitchen. The range cooked, the table-top microwave nuked, the faucets flowed, both hot and cold; the refrigerator stayed cold (it was only three years old); all the doors and drawers opened and closed, some more reluctantly than others. The only problem - if there were a problem - was that the house was built in 1985. That’s only 37 years ago. Same kitchen. At least I didn’t have a wood-burning stove. Granted, it wasn’t a perfect kitchen any longer. The white countertop showed stains and scratches. The drawers were slightly soiled, even chipped, due to their imperfect design. The gas range, I learned, was neither healthy nor environmentally friendly. I’d rather not go into the “why” I did this, only to say Betsey moved in with me. A late-in-life romance. She’s a terrific cook, was used to a fully-functional and attractive kitchen, and has good ideas for improving the meal experience. What I did not know - never having been through a total remake of a kitchen - was how long it would take, how much it would cost, and how turbulent my life would become. Example of that last point: Breakfast used to be a simple operation. Coffee, fruit, cereal, milk, all within arm’s reach. Not anymore. Now, I brew a cup of coffee at the bar on the far side of my living room. I like a morning orange or banana. That’s in the fruit bowl on a shelf in another part of the living room. For my cereal, I get a bowl in the music room, where the dishes are kept, and a box of Whole-Grain Cheerios. That’s on the dining room table with the other boxes. I get the milk in the refrigerator, of course. Then back to the bar to get a spoon, hoping I get a clean one. Finally I sit at the dining room table with my cereal and coffee - it’s close to noon by now - where I’m surrounded by the contents of drawers and cabinets that no longer exist. Don’t ask about lunch and dinner. Those are other challenges I meet on a daily basis, unless we go out. The first step in remodeling is known as Demolition. That word should have given me some clue about what lay ahead. It could rightfully be called Destruction, Annihilation, or Leveling. Bulldozing wouldn’t be far off the mark either. So, two guys showed up on a Monday morning at 8:00. I was not expecting them until Tuesday. No early warning here. I guess they had nothing better to destroy and thought, “Let’s have some laughs.” A good way to start their week, right? Watch an old guy try to clear out every drawer and cabinet in five minutes and find someplace to put it all. By Wednesday, after their crowbars, hammers, pliers and saw had finished their part of the job, they left. Leaving me with no place to cook or wash dishes or even sit down to a bowl of cereal. Demolition was complete. The worst was over, I thought. But I was unaware of the storm clouds gathering over IKEA, as they prepared to deliver ten thousand cartons and boxes of parts that turned my two-car garage into a one-car garage.

I went into this reconstruction with a minimum of information and no experience. I thought it’d be a fairly straightforward process: take out the old, stick in the new, hook up the water and new garbage disposal, and be slicing, dicing, sautéing and scrambling in no time. Boy, was I in for a surprise. But a sliver of salvation arrived. A phone call the other day: “Your quartz countertops are ready and will be installed next week.” This is known as a Hallelujah moment. My spirits lifted. Then Ed (the kind of guy who knows how everything works) will hook up the new dishwasher, the garbage disposal, and the water. By the time you read this, Betsey and I will hopefully be enjoying a fully-functional kitchen, more beautiful than the one before, and a source of great pride and many exquisite meals. Was it worth it? I’ll find out, but am optimistic. Gerry’s new book, “Selected Writings,” is now available from the author. Email huevista@gmail.com. “…writes with a wit, charm, and irony that walks us through the outer layers of our sensibilities before it opens the door to the spirit of the human heart. An authentic voice.” – Dennis Fleming, author of “The Girl Who Had No Enemies.”