INDEPENDENT SINCE 1880
The Corenll Daily Sun
161
Vol. 69, No. 420
Don't ask us what our GPA’s are
This is a joke
Cornell is a big place. There’s a lot to do. Sometimes too much to do. Here’s a list of 161 things that every Cornellian — or at least every Sun editor — is not looking forward to this week. It was compiled as we reached our last bout of creativity this semester. 1. Listening to another kid in lecture say, “Given our current political climate . . . ” 2. Listening to another professor say, “Given our current political climate ...” 3. Finding out your crush is “socially liberal but fiscally conservative” 4. Telling your mom you can't talk because you’re in the library when really you just don’t want to tell her you’re no longer pre-med 5. Picking up a copy of The Sun to clean up your spill 6. Try to pre-enroll, run into two-step login, decide you'll just enroll in classes in the fall 7. Downgrading from a Trillium burrito to a Libe hummus package because you have no BRBs 8. Avoiding Temple of Zeus because your outfit is not on-brand enough 9. Telling your friend to meet you in Olin basement — but this time will be different because you actually have to be productive 10. Texting your friend that you’re too busy to grab lunch but really you skipped your morning lectures and are still in bed 11. Asking a professor for an extension, citing a “very busy week” 12. Yet another Foucault reading
The Sun to Host Town Hall With Cornellians; Students Don’t Really Give a Shit Page 2
13. Yet another Descartes reading 14. Yet another Defoe reading 15. Trying to gauge whether the TCAT driver this morning is in a smileand-say-good-morning mood or a just-move-to-the-back mood 16. Dropping money on iced coffee when all you needed was water 17. Buying coffee out of boredom 18. Being sweaty at all times even though you engaged in no physical activity 19. Going to the library to scroll through Instagram, then Facebook, then Instagram again 20. Marking yourself as “Interested” in an event on Facebook 21. Actually going to the event when you want to delay work, saying that you need to take advantage of everything Cornell has to offer 22. Finding an old, mushy banana leaking through your backpack 23. Pretending you're asleep when you hear your roomie come in because you're too drained for small talk 24. Professors virtue-signalling at 8 a.m. 25. Professors virtue-signalling at 7:30 p.m. 26. Professors virtue-signalling 27. Getting hit in the face with a frisbee while walking through the Arts Quad and trying to keep yourself
Cornell Democrats Endorse Goldfish; Cornell Republicans Prefer Cheez-Its Page 2
28. 29. 30. 31.
32. 33.
34.
35. 36. 37.
from asking the person how they have free time Listening to amateur cyclists fight for breath as they struggle up the slightest hill Cars rolling at stop signs but still waving for you to walk Typing the URL to Blackboard and then wondering why you needed to go on Blackboard Going through the major requirements for a field you've never considered because you're feeling spontaneous Wondering how you can attain as much peace in life as the person hammocking on the Arts Quad Going on an online shopping spree after your prelim because you “deserve it” after a whole 10 minutes of studying Listening to someone complain about climbing the slope even though they’ve lived on West Campus all year Seeing your professor at Wegmans in a tank top and making awkward eye contact Wondering why you still maintain Snapchat streaks to pretend you have an active social life The editors of this edition exhausted the last bout of their creativity here
Pollack on Why She Didn’t Send CNN Op-Ed to The Sun: “I Wanted a Bigger Audience”
Traces of CBD Found in Okenshields Pad Thai; Explains Why Happy Dave So Happy
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