news & Opinion JAN 19 - JAN 25, 2011 | WWW.CONNECTSAVANNAH.COM
12
news of the weird Lead Story
Two hundred boredom “activists” gathered in London in December at James Ward’s annual banal-apalooza conference, “Boring 2010,” to listen to ennuistricken speakers glorify all things dreary, including a demonstration of milk-tasting (in wine glasses, describing flavor and smoothness), charts breaking down the characteristics of a man’s sneezes for three years, and a PowerPoint presentation on the color distribution and materials of a man’s necktie collection from one year to the next. Another speaker’s “My Relationship With Bus Routes” seemed well-received, also. Observed one attendee, to a Wall Street Journal reporter: “We’re all overstimulated. I think it’s important to stop all that for a while and see what several hours of being bored really feels like.”
The Redneck Chronicles
(1) The Key Underwood Memorial Graveyard near Cherokee, Ala., is reserved as hallowed ground for burial of genuine coon dogs, which must be judged authentic before their carcasses can be accepted, according to a December report in The Birmingham News. The Tennessee Valley Coon Hunters Association must attest to the dog’s having had the ability “to tree a raccoon.” (In March, a funeral for one coon dog at Key Underwood drew 200 mourners.) (2) Safety Harbor, Fla., trailer-park neighbors Joe Capes and Ronald Richards fought in December, with sheriff ’s deputies called and Capes arrested for assaulting Richards. The two were arguing over whether the late country singer Conway Twitty was gay.
Ironies
only take so much.” • Katrina Camp, 30, was picked up by • A sculpture on display at Normandeputies in September on a Forest Service dale Community College in Bloomingroad near Nederland, Colo., having ton, Minn., was stolen in December. The earlier walked away from her unclothed piece, by artist John Ilg, consisted of wire 2-year-old daughter, whom she had left to mesh over a frame, with 316 rolled-up fend for herself in a pickup truck. Camp, dollar bills stuffed in the mesh. The piece however, was candid about the problem: was titled, “Honesty.” (Attitudes have “I suck.” (“You’re a parent,” she told a changed in the two years since the piece deputy. “(Y)ou know how it is. Somewas first presented, at the Minnesota State times you just need a break.”) Fair, when visitors liked it so much that they added rolled bills to the display.) Latest “Rights” • Elected officials caught violating By his own testimony, John the very laws they have sanctimoDitullio is a hateful neo-Nazi Stop the niously championed are so numerCity Manager who despised his next-door ous as to be No Longer Weird, but who can’t get neighbors in New Port Richey, the alleged behavior of Colorado bonded Fla. (a white woman with an state Sen. Suzanne Williams folAfrican-American friend lowing her December car crash and a son who was openly seems over-the-top. Though gay), but when the son was a strong seat belt and child-seat murdered and the mother atadvocate, Williams was driving tacked in 2006, Ditullio denied near Amarillo, Texas, with her two involvement, and though he unbelted grandchildren when her earned a hung jury in his first SUV drifted over the center line and trial, his retrial was scheduled for hit another vehicle head-on, killing November 2010. For each day that driver and ejecting Williams’ of the trial, a makeup artist was 3-year-old grandchild, who survived hired (paid for by the government at $135 with injuries. A Texas Department of a day) to cover up Ditullio’s swastika neck Public Safety report noted that Williams tattoo and crude-phrase cheek tattoo was seen scooping up the child, returning so as to keep jurors from being unfairly him to the SUV and belting him in. prejudiced. (Nonetheless, Ditullio was convicted in December and sentenced to Compelling Explanations death.) • Unclear on the Concept: A 41-yearold woman, arrested in Callaway, Fla., in December for beating her husband with a rock, explained that she was angry that he was endangering his health by smoking despite being ill. Said she, “A woman can
Names in the News
Suspected of stealing scraps of copper in Riverside, Ohio, in December: Jesus Christ Superstar Oloff, 33. Arrested
for sex abuse against a 6-year-old boy in Oklahoma City in October: Lucifer Hawkins, 30. On trial in December for extortion in Britain’s Southwark Crown Court (threatening to reveal a sexual affair): Ms. Fuk Wu. Sought as a suspect in a convenience store killing in Largo, Fla., in December (and an example of the highly revealing “Three First Names” theory of criminal liability), Mr. Larry Joe Jerry -- who actually has four first names (Larry Joe Jerry Jr.).
Bright Ideas
• The Toronto Public Library began its “Human Library” project in November with about 200 users registering to “check out” interesting persons from the community who would sit and converse with patrons who might not otherwise have the opportunity to mingle with people like them. The first day’s lend-outs, for a half-hour at a time, included a police officer, a comedian, a former sex worker, a model, and a person who had survived cancer, homelessness and poverty. The Human Library actually harkens back to olden times, said a TPL official, where “storytelling from person to person” “was the only way to learn.” • If Life Gives You a Lemon, Make Lemonade: (1) When Bernie Ecclestone, CEO of the Formula One racing circuit, was mugged in November and had his jewelry stolen, he sent a photograph of his battered face to the Hublot watch company and convinced its chief executive to By chuck shepherd UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE