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The movies can offer make you blub, and there's nothing more tear-jerking than a goodbye. A/ex McGregor got out his hanky and took a look at some of the best ... ' ' I 'm no good at be1ng noble" laments R1ck at the close of Casablanca, "but 1t doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans 1n this crazy world". Well R1ck's lack of nobility as1de he certamly knows how to say goodbye and such a th1ng should be g1ven more grav1tas than usually afforded to 1t. Goodbyes are the last taste of a person one w1l l have. lt can be b1tter, 1t can be sour and 1t can also wash away any 111 feeling accumulated from years of l)arbed qu1ps. In short goodbyes are a powerful, deeply personal emot1onal lever. As Frank Drebm from Police Squad so eloquently versed 111 The Naked Gun. "the problems of three little people don't amount to hill of beans but damm1t these are our beans and th1s 1s our hill ... Never underestimate the power of goodbye for 1t w111 make you the lead character in your own film. Tl1ere are many types of goodbye used 1n the wacky world of cmema and R1ck's takes pnde of place 1n one of these types - namely the noble goodbye. However 1n addition to th1s there are others to cons1der: the trag1c, deathbed goodbye, and of course the action hero k1ss-off line goodbye. But returning to the noble goodbye, 1t IS clear that Casablanca holds the key to the kmgdom on th1s matter. But there are a mynad of pretenders to the throne. First to ra1se h1s chiselled man-chest IS Arnold Schwarzenegger wl1o ach1eved the status of Creator of Noble Goodbye by hav1ng young John Connor lower h1m 1nto a pool of molten lead. All of wh1ch culmmated 111 a tear-jerkmg thumbs up, leaving all the under-aged kids who sneaked 111 to see the film pretendmg they would got something 111 their eye. In fact, molten lead IS a particular favounte to d1spose of yourself 1n the most hero1c and noble fash1on. Sigourney Weaver bowed out (temporari ly)
as Ellen R1pley at the cl1max of Alien 3 by leaping to a fiery death. As she plummeted, Chnst-like and open armed 1nto the orange pit, she earned with her the last Ali en, a Queen no less. Thus she saved all of human1ty by giving her own life . And although more people saw B1g Arn1e go the way of the dodo, ol· S1ggy ranks h1gher on a top trumps style tally for the aforementioned B1bl1cal affiliation. Another goodbye wh1ch blends nobility w1th b1bl1cal 1magery 1s Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. The scene 1n wh1ch lndy says goodbye to the Holy Gra11 1s JUSt as noble as saymg goodbye to a human be1ng. If you remember, lndy 1S hangmg over a p1t, just out of reach of the Gra11. "I can almost reach 1t, Dad", lndy cnes to h1s, er, dad, obviously. "Indiana, let it go" Pa replies and, realis1ng that although he w1ll be wav1ng toodle-oo to h1s fortune and glory. lndy knows it's the nght thmg to do and does mdeed let 1t go. There are. of course, a thousand other examples from a t11ousand films lost 1n the crev1ces of d1ngy, dank unne-st1nk1ng l1ell hole VIdeo rental stores. and at the risk of reducing th1s length of prose into not11mg more than a meek list, here are some of the others that didn't quite make the cut. Bruce W1ll1s savmg the world in Armageddon, and let's not forget Butch and Sundance's herOIC charge, hopelessly outnumbered by the Bolivian army, into a ha11 of bullets. The clos1ng lme of the film bemg Newman's Butch saymg "Phew, I thought for a m1nute there we were 1n trouble". Mov1ng on, like M1ck Hucknall moves on after depositing a thimble fu ll of his man-paste 1nto a supermodel, the next category to dissect IS the Tragic Goodbye. Th1s can often prove to be a s1ckly as 1t 1s heartbreaking. Remember Stepmom w1th Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon, wl1o bows out in a
Wednesday, 20 September 2000
hornbly explOitative deathbed scene, as she succumbs to cancer? This was a masterly display of button-pressing cmema - by wh1ch I mean that the d1rector Chns Columbus knew exactly what to do and at what po1nt to elicit tears from the aud1ence. But for every Stepmom there's a Quiz Show, the scene 111 wh1ch Ralph F1ennes' Charles Van Doren adm1ts to the Grand Jury that he cheated and lied h1s way to a fortune IS a moment that presents at once a proud man broken and a broken man proud. Another superb trag1c goodbye can be fouFld 1n Gu1llermo Del Toro's Oscar w1nnmg Mex1can vampire film Cronos. At the end of the film our hero Jesus Gns lies wheezmg upon h1s bed as h1s w1fe and granddaughter stand bes1de h1m able to do nothmg but mourn h1s inevitable leav1ng. What makes th1s as trag1c as 1t 1s, 1s that Jesus knows his t1me IS up and tnes noth1ng to fight aga1nst 1t. Recogn1s1ng as he does. that by attempt1ng to cheat death before h1s number was even up (as 11e 11as done t11rough out the f1lm), h1s punishment w1ll be an early death. And of course, let's not forget M1chael Coleone·s goodbye to h1s brother Fredo, 1n the Godfather Part 2. Cementing M1chael's fate desp1te h1s des1re to do nothmg but protect his family, he orders his brother's death. The moment was sealed w1th the Immortal l1ne ''You broke my heart, Fredo. You broke my heart". d from swelling tears to enthused cheers we move, my fnends, from tragic goodbyes to the ct1on hero k1ss-off lines. Agam we see the moulded six-pack of Arno ld "the only man who's head looks better on the verge of explodmg than it does normally" Schwarzenegger nse to the occasion. In the Running Man Arn1e offers this one up: after k1ll1ng Buzzsaw by sevenng his pha llus w1th a chainsaw, Arn1e says "he had to split".
But can a k1ss-off line poss1bly sound any better than when it's be1ng uttered 111 a broad Austnan accent? Perhaps, 1f 1t's be1ng uttered by N1colas Cage. And it IS Nic who gets to say qu1te poss1bly the greatest kiss-off l1ne of all t1me. In Con Air evil mass murderer B1lly Bedlam has found out that Nic IS a good guy pfter all. "You've Men playing us all along" B1lly h1sses holding in h1s evil hands N1c's present for h1s daughter. The present? A pink bunny rabbit. N1c does not care about the pred1cament he finds h1mself 1n but does care about his daughter's birthday g1ft. Straightfaced and w1th paternal rage, N1c replies to B1lly w1th the now Immortal lme "Put t11e bunny back 1n the box". Billy doesn't, Nic asks once more, and aga1n Billy doesn·t. They fight, and N1c kills Billy. Staring at Billy as the last of h1s breath flows from h1s body N1c asks gravely, "Why couldn't you pu t the bunny back 111 the box?" But N1c 1s not alone. When he needs to Hamson Ford can still del1ver the goods - although not literal ly, ObVIOUSly. I think it'S highly Ull lll\ely tllat Hamson would be seen dead delivenng m1lk, for example. But I d1gress. At the end of Air Force One, Harrison says as he kills ev1l comm1e terronst Gary Oldman, "Get off my plane". lt may not read so wel l but 1f he told me to get off h1s plane. l'ci get off h1s plane. Wouldn't you? Well, the word lim1t is upon me ancl t11ere 1s no room to Illustrate the vast Jungle that IS all tl1ose other great goodbyes 1n the categones discussed, and many others that I haven't been able to. From "Frankly my dear I don't g1ve a damn". to Brooks Hatlen's su1c1de 1n the Shawshank Redemption after be1ng unable to re-adjust to a world unlike the one he left so many years ago, the goodbye can say so much to so many - unl1ke any other moment 1n a film . And as I depart myself, I leave you with my favounte wh1ch can be found 1n The Crow: "If those we love are taken from us, the way to keep them al1ve IS to never stop loving them. Buildings burn and people die but real love IS forever".