Fancy a cuppa? Tea & consent

Plum Bristow Comment Writer

I grew up with very confusing messages about sexual consent, there were strange rules about saying yes or no – say yes and you are “easy”, say no and you’re a prude. So when I watched the “cup of tea” video, I was so happy! This video clarifies sexual consent by using the analogy of being offered a cup of tea. It describes how people have the right to say yes or no to a cup of tea, the right to change their mind about drinking the tea and most importantly, how it’s never okay to force someone to drink a cup of tea.

This is a clear enough message, but with the fuzzy boundaries I was raised with,

I felt like there was more that needed to be said.

My first sexual relationship was not consensual, and it took me many years to understand the damage this caused. The word “No” was seen as an opportunity to persuade, to keep trying until I gave in. There was a feeling of entitlement, like he had a need he could not control and by denying said need, I was the one being cruel. Even worse, I was expected to perform and provide, and if I did not meet this standard, I was made to feel guilty and inadequate. This influenced my sex life for many years. I didn’t see myself as someone who had the right to say no. I felt the need to perform to be “good enough” , to try and get things finished as quickly as possible; rushing through and never being present. This meant I couldn’t connect with my sexuality. I never really connected with a lover, even good men, kind men, who would have never hurt me in that way. There was a barrier that no one could get past. The tea analogy covered the person making the tea, but what I needed was an analogy to cover the drinker. I needed to be educated about my power to choose. I spent too many years having sex that I didn’t really want, not knowing I had the choice apply? I mean, who ever felt guilty enjoying a cup of tea? Whoever worried that they were not good enough at drinking tea? And the idea of drinking tea you don’t want to please someone else, is quite frankly ridiculous. to say no, even if it didn’t please others. Am I using the tea analogy because I feel shy about talking about sex, or is it because it gives a context in which guilt, shame and fear do not

Since then I have discovered that not all tea makers, or sexual partners, are the same. That sexual partners can be kind, respectful, and listen carefully to your likes and dislikes. So if you find yourself having sex you don’t actually want or enjoy, I want to empower you to say stop. Sex with the right person done in a safe way is one of life’s most amazing pleasures, and in this modern world, there is nothing stopping you enjoying sex alone too!

Leo Henry Comments Writer

Many years ago, back during the time my wife and I embarked on our Carnival Cruise of the Caribbean, people believed in something many of the younger generations are more than happy to spit on –National Pride. Once, we Britons – at least the civilised ones south of Cambridge – had pride in our country. This is a phrase which has become all but tantamount to treason admit this craze of woke culture (at least I assume so – I haven’t had a conversation with a young person for more than five seconds since 1996, so naturally I am well equipped to dismiss their grievances).

Returning from Benidorm to see honest energy providers having no choice but resorting to breaking and entering to fit prepayment meters to make ends meet breaks my heart. If common British folk had advanced degrees in macroeconomics, they’d understand the importance of handing over one of the necessities of life to price-gougers on the free market. When a former Prime Minister warns us of an international anti-British economic syndicate which scuppered her economic genus (I ask you, whatever happened to Audentes fortuna iuvat?), her very reasonable explanation that her downfall was precipitated by the communist-controlled financial markets is somehow mocked.

Clearly, this country needs a reality check if they’re willing to take the word of the International Monetary Fund, the Bank of England, Goldman Sachs, and the OECD over Mrs Truss and her former chancellor who did his PhD in hazing and the recoinage crisis of 1695. Regardless of what anyone smarter than me says, I believe the anti-growth coalition, the left-wing economic establishment, and the Guardianreading-tofu-eating wokerati will be the downfall of the nation. These are far more likely to contribute to the country’s downfall than the UK plunging to its lowest-ever position on the Corruption Perception Index, and forecasts predicting our economy will stagnate even more than Russia’s.

As for this whole cost-of-living crisis, whilst I do my best to sympathise with those who seem unable to put a jumper on, with all these strikes no one seems to take my views into account, the hardworking retired British taxpayer. I remember I had to wait three hours in the ER a couple of years ago when I tried to burn down one of those 5G towers and ended up in the hospital with second-degree burns. These essential workers: nurses, ambulance drivers, firefighters and the like, are nothing short of sociopaths who should be locked up for treason. Should the nightmarish hours, stagnating wages and inadequate support warrant their right to strike every fortnight?

Thankfully, the government is smart enough to scrap any attempt at negotiation and kneecap the longsuffering public sector with this new anti-strike regulation, which in my humble opinion, is the best thing to come out of Westminster since good old Boris. Yes, Boris Johnson – the same Prime Minister who solicited a secret £800,000 loan from, among others, the head of the BBC.

In conclusion, dear reader, I would like to say I still remember the glory days when we triumphed in World War Two. Where is that version of Great Britain now? And despite what the Home Secretary may feel on that particular front, I trust I have made my own feelings clear: Britain is broken, but we all know who really is to blame.

Yours Sincerely,

Martin A. Brexit.