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Rabbi from New York shared with me the following story which took place in a New York City public school: It was a backto-school night at a high school to introduce the parents to their children’s new teachers. One of the parents went up to the teacher after the brief presentation. “How’s my son Ron Smith doing?” While it was only the second week of the school year, this teacher already knew Ron Smith as one of the best students in his fourth period class. The teacher told the parent how Ron was quick to volunteer answers. He seemed very bright. The next day, in second period, a boy came up to the teacher and said, “Thank you so much for what you said to my mother last night. The teacher asked, and what is your name? The student responded, “Ron Smith. No teacher has ever said anything nice about me. I am going to do my best to show you that I can be a good student like you said.” The teacher had not realized that he had had two “Ron Smiths”. But the Ron Smith who had been complimented stopped getting in trouble and did his very best, ending up the semester on the honor roll. We all respond well to positive comments and positive feedback. As is shown in the story, even unintentional positive comments can cause great things to happen. I am not for advocating giving positive comments and compliments to everyone, whether they have earned the praise or not. Pretty soon, those compliments won’t make a difference. No one will take the comments seriously. But I do advocate taking extra time and effort to congratulate students and others when they do something special. Taking the time to note unusually special effort or progress can yield great results. Children who are praised or rewarded for their outstanding work will be more likely to try to do outstanding work
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again in the future. When I was in Little League, the champion team of each division, the Farm League, the Minors, and the Majors, received trophies for ending up in first place. We worked so hard to end up in first. I have two trophies from my four years in Little League, a pretty good accomplishment. By the time my oldest daughter was on a basketball team with Elias Elitzur sports at the Jewish Community Center some 30 years after my own youth sports exploits, everyone who played got the same award. There was no recognition for special play, by an individual or by a team. We now have a culture where no one seems to recognize special work or accomplishments. Some teachers never really praise special work. They purposely withhold “A” grades to somehow prove they are in charge in a class. Creativity is downplayed as students must each do their work in the same way, with little innovation. Some rewards and awards have remained. Schools still name valedictorians, for example. However, a recent article indicated that there are high schools who actually name 100 valedictorians! The awards that are given out have come to have much less meaning. Even with the recognition which is sometimes provided, there remains little recognition for trying harder, for doing a special task or assignment. Nine of the best years of my life were spent in the U.S. Navy, on active duty for three years and in the reserves for the other six years. Serving with the Marines, I became a great admirer of the Marine Corps culture in which noteworthy acts are acknowledged. If someone did an outstanding job, they would be commended at the Commanding General’s formation in the morning. If someone helped a local charity in a note-
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