Communication | Embracing

EMBRACING CONVERSATION In the Digital Age

by Carolie Coffey, M.A. SOCIOLOGIST

Conversation has always been a taken-for-granted feast of enjoyment for me. When I was a youngster, I used to love listening to family conversations around the dinner table. When adult company would come to our home for an evening of visiting, I would sit at the top of the stairwell and listen to all their talk. I especially enjoyed hearing my father tell true and often funny stories about his life. I never seemed to tire of listening to the same stories over and over again.

Language is undoubtedly the most significant and unique aspect of being a human being. As such, it makes sense that language used in the context of face-to-face conversation, whereby people are talking with one another, is the other most significant and unique characteristic of being human. When conversation takes place among people who are in physical proximity of one another, each person engaged in that conversation has access to seeing the non-verbal facial and other physical expressions that reinforce the full meanings, both intellectual and emotional, that frequently accompany verbal conversation.

In addition to the fact that we human beings acquire language and conversational skills from birth on, we must also develop our listening skills for conversations to become meaningfully complete. Language, conversation, and listening skills are all things that we human beings have taken for granted for most all of the thousands of years we have lived on our planet.

It is perhaps only within the past twenty years or so that face-to-face conversations and even phone conversations have begun to disappear. Digital technology has given us faster ways to communicate...ways such as text messages, e-mail, and all the other digital modalities with which to impart a message quickly, without having to hear a human voice, or see the human emotions that people might naturally express as their reactions to the impersonal, digital message.

Social scientists are currently engaged in research as to the social impact of digital technology. This technology has developed to a point where the face-to-face conversation has significantly diminished. Human forms of communication are rapidly changing from interpersonal conversational strategies to impersonal ways of quickly imparting information. Lacking is the warmth of seeing a human face and hearing a human voice. According to these scientists, diminishing conversation has negatively impacted several very important processes that have, to date, filled our lives with profound, yet often unacknowledged, meaning.

These processes include phenomena such as empathy, intimacy, identity, and community building, all of which require face-toface conversation in order to become fully actualized.

Empathy occurs when one person can imagine how another person may feel in a given situation. Empathy is learned through the process of conversations whereby the words we are speaking and the non-verbal ways we are expressing ourselves reveal what we might be feeling at a given time. Sociologists and psychologists are telling us that their research shows that empathy is measurably declining as members of society engage less and less in conversation. It is conversation that can ultimately bring about our sense of empathy and compassion for one another. The same may be said about intimacy.

Intimacy is fostered through face-to-face interaction and conversation. In fact, these two things are virtually a requirement for true intimacy.

Identity is established, maintained, changed over time as the consequence of face-to-face interaction and conversation with significant others. We are largely defined by the words, gestures, and responses of these others. The absence of face-to-face interaction and conversation over time and throughout our lives threatens to leave a void as to who we see ourselves to be.

Community building quite obviously takes place as a consequence of people interacting and having conversations with one another.

Last but not least, according to MIT Professor of Sociology and Psychology Sherry Turkle, many people who have grown up in the digital age report having feelings of vulnerability when engaging in conversation. They may feel they have less control over the way they want to “present” themselves to others. Research indicates that people today seem to feel less vulnerable when their interactions are mediated through the electronics of the computer and smartphone, along with social media platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Messenger, and text messages. In short, people seem to prefer digital communication at the expense of face-to-face contact and conversation.

If, in fact, people today feel vulnerable when interacting and conversing with each other face-to-face, individuals might strive to overcome these feelings of vulnerability through the process of self-empowerment. This is likely to occur as individuals become more willing to reveal their authentic selves.

Authenticity requires of us a willingness to be open, transparent, and real about who we are. People may become increasingly authentic if we have developed a strong sense of personal integrity. This would include honesty, trustworthiness, keeping one’s agreements with others, and a willingness to take personal responsibility for what one does and who one is.

These three traits—authenticity, personal integrity, and a willingness to take personal responsibility—are all interrelated. If an individual strives to acquire these three personal characteristics, it is more likely that engaging with others in face-to-face conversation will not leave that person feeling vulnerable. Instead, it is likely that the person will experience joy in sharing the exchange of conversation with others. Perhaps the most important part of human living is the gift of genuine friendship and love of fellow human beings … accompanied by one’s own kindness and compassion to all creatures, human and otherwise. Faceto-face interaction and conversation are required in order to manifest one’s true and full humanity. 