Tableau
The unsung warrior By Tiffany (Drewniak) Cloud Olson ’90
For the year that my husband, SSG Erik Olson, was deployed, I never slept. Not a full night, anyway. On lucky occasions, my emotional exhaustion was so profound that I would easily fall into a deep sleep, but it never lasted. Inevitably, around 1 a.m., a sense of urgency and dread would overwhelm my restless mind. I’d shoot awake, heart pounding, wringing-wet from head to toe, knowing it was early morning in Afghanistan and Erik was being rocketed by the enemy on his remote combat outpost. This was not his first tour of duty. A seasoned combat veteran, he had served two tours of duty in Iraq and was highly decorated: three bronze stars, including one for valor, among other commendations. He had sustained four traumatic hits in combat. What he did in the military… scary stuff. My second husband and the love of my life, Erik and I married when I was 42, old enough to bring a lifetime of experiences to the table. Yet when it came to being a military wife, I was naïve. He warned me it would be harder than I expected… He was right. During his tour in Afghanistan (my first as his wife), I learned that the military wife goes to war in a way, too — but the enemy is invisible: fear, doubt, worry, and lack of control. A business executive (and, OK, control freak), I was used to setting the course, steering strategy to achieve a desired outcome. But when he was down range in combat, I quickly came to realize that, in this new life — as a military wife — I had absolutely no control over whether he would hit an IED or be bedded alongside an Afghan National Army soldier who was really a jihadist awaiting the moment to strike. So, I controlled the little I could. I sent care packages (he loved Gummi Bears, which I found endearing, because they’re not exactly “tough guy eats”).
I followed all the news reports I could find on the war (ignoring his advice to shun the news for my own sanity). Whenever he could tell me he was heading out on a mission, I checked the online casualty reports several times a day, as if checking them could somehow change the outcome. And I opened my front door repeatedly, to beat the uniformed messengers of death to the punch. I found part-time work hosting a political talk show at a local TV station. Storm Politics focused primarily on interviews with politicians and candidates. But one of the things that bothers me most as a military spouse is how oblivious most Americans seem to be about the fact that we are at war — that brave warriors are fighting and dying each day for our country. Most Americans’ interests seem to be reality television and sporting events. So, I infused interviews related to the military on occasion. My first guest was Amy Crego, founder of The Rolling Angels for Armed Forces, a motorcycle group supporting soldiers and their families. I also turned to writing. (The strokes of the keyboard were something I could control and, admittedly, it became a source of personal therapy.) But, despite my attempts at control, I quickly learned that all my actions on the home front had no influence over what was going on over there. A mere six weeks in, just as the news broke that Osama bin Laden had been killed, Erik was on a medevac chopper en route to a hospital in Germany, in critical condition. After a difficult recovery, the doctors cleared him to go back down range (fine by him — like most military men, he was addicted to war — not fine by me). And then, a few months later, after surviving the summer fighting season (barely), he was hit in September 2011, the day after my 43rd birthday. As we spoke over Skype on the day after the hit, he joked that my birthday present that year was his purple heart. I would have preferred flowers. While there are many books written about war from the perspective of the veteran, few come from the one manning the home front. All those sleepless nights, I poured my thoughts, worries, fears, dreams, and hopes onto paper. Eventually, I had a memoir, Sleeping with Dog Tags, which was released in September 2012. I wanted to provide a window into what I felt and experienced — love, longing, anger, fear, terror, frustration, sadness, anxiety, and hope. All of my insecurities, coping mechanisms — out there for the world. As I’m sure most authors do, I had a moment of panic after the book was published, fearing judgment for something I could not change — my own life story! But I got over that quickly after receiving so many messages from military spouses all over the nation about how the book resonated with them; how they cried and laughed through the whole thing, how it helped them prepare for their own spouse’s deployment. One even thanked me for “…being so openly pathetic in the book; it helped me feel less insane during my own fiancé’s deployment.” Uh, you’re welcome. One tour of duty as a military spouse hardly makes me an expert. But through my writing, I’ve found a platform to share a bit about the world of the unsung heroes of our country: America’s military spouses. Tiffany Cloud Olson’s memoir Sleeping With Dog Tags was Amazon. com’s #3 Hot New Release in the military biography category and hit its bestseller list in that category last fall. She has written about issues relevant to veterans and military families for ThoughtfulWomen.org and was selected to give the keynote address at the Wayne County (Pa.) Republican Committee Lincoln Day Dinner in February. Visit her on Facebook.
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scene: Spring 2013