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t is time to start a global movement for men and boys that empowers them to find a healthy identity. The #MeToo movement for women has opened the door for men to start talking about their own experiences with sexual abuse and harassment. There are many factors that contribute to how a man is now defined. There is confusion around it. The dialogues that need to take place can be scary for some men. Men typically don’t want to discuss their feelings because they might be considered less than a man for it – in today’s society, sensitive can equal sissy. They can be categorized and labeled for their experiences in a disparaging way. When it comes to the topic of sexual abuse and harassment, there is a considerable amount of fear that men face. The reality is that they are in fear of being rejected and not honored for their experience. How can men find a healthy identity with these challenges? “I’ve always been a big proponent about education and starting young,” says David Christel, ghostwriter and Special Advisor to CODE M Magazine. He continues, “People have their ideas about what is and isn’t appropriate and how to deal with something. Like in my family, you did not talk about anything. Period. And now I think that for millennials there’s a great deal of confusion for them as to which way to go. How does one communicate anymore? Now technology has gotten to the point where we can divorce ourselves from face-toface interaction with people by just texting. People feel they can say and do anything via technology and there are no consequences. How does one get a dialogue going with boys and men of all ages to take a step back and look at the entire puzzle piece of society in which men are supposed to somehow navigate in a successful way?”
For men and boys, it can be difficult to be vulnerable and talk about their feelings. It’s a scary thing because of the unknown outcome. Toxic masculinity is defined by adherence to traditional male gender roles that restrict the kinds of emotions allowable for boys and men to express, including social expectations that men seek to be dominant (the “alpha male”) and limit their emotional range primarily to expressions of anger. Strong and silent is the example that has been set for them and to deviate from that expectation creates fear. Fear of being emasculated, rejected, or labeled. That label can sometimes be permanent, especially when combined with bullying. There are so many platforms now for someone to bully another person that it can become a global phenomenon. The embarrassment and humiliation that accompanies it is overpowering. In young boys, if an adult bullies them, their self-esteem plummets. Not only is a lack of trust established with adults, but a child thinks that this behavior is acceptable. There is a way to break the cycle but they have to be exposed to a better example – one that is safe and free of fear. Boys and men are taught not to appear vulnerable so they hold in their truths out of self-protection. If they divulge what they think to be damaging information, they are facing unspeakable retaliation from their family and peers. David Christel describes when he was raped by two men and he couldn’t tell anyone. If he spoke about it, he would relive it constantly by the looks he was given by fellow students, teachers, neighbors, etc. “It was devastating to me in the 1960s. Imagine what it’s like now. It’s why people consider suicide as the only option. We need to discuss the issues that men shy away from. In education, young people need to feel that it is safe to explore their feelings and to continued on page 30
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