UISINE ES
S NLY
ut
RD
14 Thursday, August 18, 2016
Coastal View News • Carpinteria, California
Cold-feet grooms, making amends and a mentoring mess Cvn
life, love & manners donnie nair Dear readers, Please send your questions about life, love or manners to Donnie@coastalview.com. This column is printed on the third Thursday, and the deadline for questions is the Friday before. Thank you for your interest. Sincerely, Donnie
Dear Donnie, My fiancé and I have been together four years. We’ve been planning our wedding for six months, and everything is set. My problem is that my future husband is now refusing to go through with the wedding. He says he wants to marry me but doesn’t want a big spectacle. It’s only 100 guests. I’ve looked forward to this my whole life, and our date is only six weeks away. I love him but want the wedding we’ve planned and paid for. Sincerely, Stuck at the Altar
Dear Donnie, I am in my late 80s and my daughter still resents significant events of her childhood, which I had no control over. I did the best I could but that is not how a child sees things. I want to die in peace and resolution with my daughter. She is willing, but I don’t know how to tackle this topic. NEW ADDITIONS FOR NOODLE LOVERS Sincerely, CHICKEN UDON NOODLE SOUP Nearing the End
Dear Stuck at the Altar, I hardly know where to start. He has had six months to express his reluctance for what has been planned. I’d love to know more. Is he an introvert and awkward in social situations? Are you an extrovert and can handle being the center of attention? How have you handled these differences over the first four years? Surely he knows that waiting until the last minute to tell you is cowardly and outrageously inconsiderate. Many men get cold feet at the last minute but are decent enough to man up and do their duty. Can you talk to his best friend, his pastor or even a therapist? Maybe he just needs reassurance that you really love him and think he will look great and do great on this important day. If that doesn’t work, I think you have serious problems as a couple.
there were significant events that you had no control over. All mothers do the best they can, but sometimes that is not good enough. Since your daughter is willing to work on this don’t waste a minute getting help.
so he can develop a work ethic. I was reluctant at first because I couldn’t see how this young man would fit in with my business, but I value my relationship with this investor so I agreed. The son showed up the first day late and sloppily dressed.
I gave him a thorough briefing before he started, but he is slow to catch on and never finishes his assigned job. I’m going crazy. What shall I do? Sincerely, Over a Barrel Dear Over a Barrel, You took this on to please or impress your investor. He trusted you to straighten out this kid. So use your best management skills to turn this kid around. Catch him doing something right and praise him. Be sure all instructions are clear and easy to follow. If your business deals with the public, show him how to act and how to dress. When he starts catching on, praise him in front of his co-workers. You may want to assign someone to be his mentor. It sounds like a tough job but it will be worth it in the end. Hope your business thrives.
list so each party can see who is coming. I would ask your friend how she wants her friends to handle the divorce. If there is a new person in the mix then you may have to pick your guests from either the friend and the new person or the one left behind. This has now become a common social dilemma and each situation is different. Don’t take sides and don’t pass on any confidences. It can backfire. They may work it out and get back together. Marriages are not always as happy as they appear, but some people make it work. Donnie Nair, a native Californian and well known local activist has lived in Carpinteria twice—1967 to 1970 and 1990 to now. She spent 18 years in Boulder, Colo. where she saw her first snowflake. In Boulder she became an award winning real estate broker and national speaker. Locally she leads the Alzheimer’s Caregiver Support Group and the annual Carpinteria Beautiful Home and Garden tour. Her column appears the third Thursday of the month. Questions are subject to editing, and not all will be answered.
taste of the town Dear Donnie, We have been friends with another couple for over 10 years. We spend lots of time together and have all kinds of fun. About a week ago the wife told us they were getting a divorce. I was blindsided. How could I have missed the signs? We have so many friends in common and no one else seemed to know either. How does my husband remain friends with someone he really enjoys while I remain friends 5:30 aAM with a woman I consider close friend? DAILYDay potluck. We’re hosting a Labor FRESH What is the right way to handle invitations TO GO to this not-a-couple-anymore? Breakast Sincerely, Burritos by Divorce Blindsided
LUNCH BOX TO GO $8.95 SPECIALTIES CELEBRATING 50 YEARS For your daughter’s sake as well as & GLUTEN FREE OPTIONS Delivery & Take Out yours, try to help her with this. Call in CASITAS RDDelivery & Take OutOF CARPINTERIA & an 1025 impartial third party PASS to negotiate the conversation. Look for a local marriage 566-3334 1025 CASITAS PASS RD THE AVOFEST, and family therapist. Most are skilled at Dear Donnie, COME BY & CHECK healing old wounds. If you go to church 566-3334 I own a small local business and one OUT your pastor could help. It is troubling that of my investors asked me to hireOUR his son SPECIALS SINGAPORE RICE NOODLES & KOREAN VEGETARIAN SEAFOOD NOODLE SOUP DearSPICY Nearing the End,
CVN
FOOD
Donuts & Pastries Persons must pray the prayer 3 consecutive Dear Blindsided, Premium days without asking the wish. After 3 day the 684-4981 There is no “right way” in this modern wish will be granted no matter how difficult it Coffees LINDEN AVE AT 9TH ST rd
world. Extend an invite to each one and let them work it out. A lot of the invitations I get are evites. Those include the guest
COURT SANDWICH
$5.50/SM $6.50/LG
PRAYER TO THE HOLY SPIRIT
Holy spirit, you who made me see everything and showed me the way to reach my ideals. You who gave me the divine gift to forgive and forget the wrong that is done to me and who are in all instances of my life with me. I thank you for everything and confirm once more that I never want to be separated from you no matter how great the material desires may be. I want to be with you and my loved ones in your perpetual glory. Thank you for your love towards me and my loved ones. Amen
The Palms Good Times since 1912
TRY US ON A WEEK NIGHT!
may be. Promise to publish this dialogue as soon as favor is granted. Thank you. Advertisement
Uncle Chen
c a r p i n t e r i a， c a l i f o r n i a 我 愛 吃 飯
LUNCH BUFFET $9.95 LUNCH BOX $8.95 MONDAY- FRIDAY
Delivery & Take Out
1025 CASITAS PASS RD
566-3334
STEAKS • SEAFOOD • LOBSTER SALAD BAR & KID’S PLATE, TOO!
PASTRAMI • MEAT BALL • TORPEDO CHICKEN PARMA • EGGPLANT PARMA
CHEESE SLICE & SALAD $5.45 TO GO 684-8288
FREE DELIVERY
CORNER OF CARPINTERIA & LINDEN
BORRELLO’S
WEEKDAY HAPPY HOUR 3-6PM
**
LIVE MUSIC
**
THURS: DUSTY JUGZ FRI: RED HEADED STEP-CHILD SAT: SEAN WIGGINS 684-3811 • 701 Linden Ave.
GOIN’ STRONG SINCE 1965
FAMOUS FAMILY DINING
PIZZA & PASTARIA EXPRESS LUNCH SPECIAL
ONE TRIP TO THE SALAD BAR & HALF SANDWICH OR SLICE OF 1 TOPPING PIZZA 3807 Santa Claus Ln Carpinteria 805-684-2209
5:30 AM DAILY FRESH TO GO Breakast Burritos Donuts & Pastries Premium Coffees LUNCH TO GO 684-4981 LINDEN AVE AT 9TH ST
RESERVE A SINGLE OR DOUBLE AD FOR YOUR RESTAURANT
LOWEST PRICE COLOR AD IN CVN
Call Dan at 684.4428 or email dan@coastalview.com
ING CATER LL A R O F SIONS OCCA