1. The family that coaching belongs to: project support A case study: Wear a yellow T-shirt
Mary decides to do something about her situation. She has been complaining about her boss for a long time and dreaming about working for herself. At work she has the feeling she is just a hardworking nobody. She takes no pleasure in her life any more, although she used to enjoy it so much. Nobody seems to notice her or value her. She is approaching forty and she thinks, “It is about time to make a decision. If I wait any longer, maybe it will never happen.” Time slips by, but still she hesitates. So she goes to an advice bureau to get information on starting up her own business. They give her the information, but in the months afterwards she still does not come to a decision, because the information she receives is not what she needs to help her make a decision. Therefore she goes back to the bureau and asks if they can assist her further. No problem – they can call an expert who will work out a plan in minute detail. Still Mary hesitates. So she talks about it with her best friend, who pushes her and says, “Mary, you are not the sort of person who can work for somebody else, you should work for yourself.” Her friend is patient, but still it takes a long time. Mary continues to dream and remains dissatisfied. Nothing comes of it. Neither the bureau with all their advice and planning nor her motivating friend are able to help her. But because of her lack of motivation at work, she starts to get problems there, and so she ends up one day with a coach. Initially the coach was brought in to talk to Mary about her poor performance at work, but by looking a bit further, the coach discovers that her lack of motivation at work is to do with the unresolved issue of her wish to work for herself. The coach decides that it will be difficult to solve her lack of motivation at work if Mary does not get clearer in herself about how she stands with regard to her dream. In the session the coach discovers that Mary is afraid to lose her secure income, but on the other hand she expected more from herself in her life than what she has achieved up to now. Mary realises now that at this moment it is important for her to get more out of life. She thought that this would happen mostly through working for herself, but maybe there are other ways. This realisation in itself is quite something for Mary. The session gives her the insight that the problem is actually not about the conflict between being an employee or working for herself, but has more to do with what she wants to get out of life and what to do with her dormant talents. Nothing is decided, but Mary goes home with the question: “What can I do with my talents and what do I want to do with them?” Two months later the coach has another session with Mary. He is curious. And indeed, most unexpectedly Mary has taken up an old hobby again and made all sorts of new and interesting contacts. She says that she thought a lot about her youth, how she used to be and what she enjoyed doing. At work she tried out an experiment – one day she wore a bright yellow T-shirt and suddenly all her colleagues noticed her. She got a childlike enjoyment out of their reactions and is planning to do more things that bring her joy. It is not yet clear if she is going to start working for herself, but one thing is certain: she has got back her zest for life. Her life and her pleasure are once again under her control. Moreover Mary is busier than ever with the question of what is important in her life. 14