As

Father’s Day approaches, just days aways, Sunday, June 18th, you may very well be seeking a special gift for your dad.

And because you’ve waited, unfortunately it’s the last minute, so you might have to scramble a bit to get what you had in mind, or you may have to settle with what’s left to choose from.

But the truth is, Father’s Day and all other Hallmark holidays that require gift-giving as a way to say, ‘thank you for who you’ve been in my life’ or “I love you,” can be considered more commercial than demonstrative of how you feel about your dad. Well, those big ticket items or that one special thing he’s been pining over for a while can really say a lot. It’s all about the intention.

So, what’s your intention? I think that as we grow older it’s really, about looking at our fathers and their contribution to us outside of what is designated as their responsibility or their daddy duty.

I was thinking about the bad rap that Black men get, and it breaks my heart. We have great fathers and deadbeats like every other racial group so don’t accept that as a Black’ phenomenon. Listen, I’ve always known that, because when we’re good, we are very, good and when we’re bad, we’re very bad. We just seem to operate in extremes. That ‘intensity’ of how we do what we do is not side stepped when it comes to parenting.

As a grown woman I can say that my father was there for me in every way he knew how to be, and I am a better person for it. So as a young woman, I was not surprised when several of my male friends became single parents and were good at it. Each took on the responsibility for different reasons, but the point is that they did so without question. Robert had a son and a daughter, Kamau had two sons, Runako had two sons and Greg had two sons and a daughter.

Each of the men were professional across various professional disciplines from attorney to entrepreneur to artist, to educator respectively. Each man accepted the hard work of taking care of their children emotionally, mentally, and physically in preparing them for maturity and adulthood. I can still recall the images of Kamau carrying a diaper bag for his infant son and another bag for his 2-year old brother. Runako had to master managing schedules because he was often in rehearsals when the boys had dinner and homework. Robert was addressing the growth spurts and raging hormones of a young adolescent boy and girl. Making sure that their time was spent proactively engaged in activities academically or culturally inclined, was his focus and Greg’s teenage children were encouraged to read, write and read some more.

Each father took their fathering very seriously and integrated time spent with their children directly to get in that most important nurturing time. Each of the children of these four men mentioned, were well mannered and behaved, cultured, articulate and seemingly well balanced intelligent young boys and girls.

That type of poised individual didn’t happen by accident. It took caring and being involved with their children’s lives, often considered what mothers do. But parenting is about both parents’ contribution, requiring that they bring their ‘whole selves’ to the table. And when one parent is absent on a daily basis, the parent who is the guardian/caretaker becomes the sole person that manages the growth and development of their children so that they evolve into healthy responsible adults.

That commitment requires a consciousness that men often do not have to take on in the same way as the mother. And yet as the sole hands on parent providing for their children’s emotional and social growth, they make the rule of law within their family thus they must enforce it. They must teach and be an example of integrity, demonstrate responsibility and being one’s word.

This often requires sacrifice and the willingness to put their children’s welfare first.

I observed these men do that and I can say that it paid off. Their children received the spectrum of love, whole real and challenging, but each became adults capable of making their own decisions independent of their fathers’ thinking and are responsible adults.

That’s because those four Black men accepted the challenge that life honored them with. They are better men for it and their children are better for the men their fathers rose to be for them.

Black men are good fathers, they are great fathers, they are exceptional fathers. The greatest gift you can give them is to be good, great and exceptional parents and leaders.