Reflections of Love

Dr. Mila K. Marshall CNW Staff Writer

Relationships can be intimidating when you’re unsure of what the future holds. Fond feelings can turn a once warm embrace to a cold shoulder. Black Love Matters part three is all about love lessons from dating, married and divorced couples. Love binds and protects us emotionally, and yes men and women give and receive love differently. Maybe there are some relatable moments or reflections that will inspire you and your love to listen and share with care.

Peace of mind can be hard to come by in 2023. More often than not love seekers want to know what another is “bringing” to the proverbial table. While many would boldly discuss their financial soundness and light heartedness, less discussed is what we hide under the table….like our baggage, insecurities, childhood traumas and emotional unwellness. Dating should be fun and it should be purposeful. But dating also takes being able to adapt and go with the flow. One thing is for certain, dating isn’t for the weak but love is worth the religious effort

Speaking of effort….Mila and Javan share how they readied themselves for their loving relationship.

Mila: I think I began dating with a poor understanding of what I wanted. Most of my dating influences came from watching relationships on tv and R&B music. I put a lot of effort into protecting myself from an imaginary bad guy and not getting to know the really great guy who was interested in me.

Javan: I knew I wanted to date someone seriously so I first invested a lot of energy to just mentally prepare. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular…I was looking forward to the adventure of what dating entails with someone who is compassionate, intelligent and has a sense of humor.

For those who put in the work religiously, Black love may very well flourish into a union. If so, Chicago couples will add to the 25.8% population of married Black people in Illinois. The state has one of the lowest rates of marriage for Blacks in the nation. Overcoming the odds takes faith, strong beliefs in the value of Black love and seeing Black love lived out loud.

Vina and Paul found each other by happenstance and took it slow. As they fell in love they both realized the faithfulness of God’s love in each other and are going strong 5 years into their marriage.

Paul: “I saw my momma and daddy play fight, I saw the ups and the downs. My mom showed me how to be nurturing and my dad showed me how to be steadfast and hard work…purposeful. As a man I don’t show a lot of emotion and passion about stuff I’m learning but I love how my wife loves me. I want to be all she needs.”

Vina: “I don’t think I even knew what a wife was though but I knew I wanted to be led by God to find who is for me. I believe my husband and I are still working at being ourselves while learning the type of husband and wife we are with each other. It’s not easy to be Black and in love and married. How the world treats us as Black men and women doesn’t help us feel loved on a daily basis and it makes it hard to keep the connections in your marriage everyday. Black love is complicated and beautiful.”

Even with the effort, some Black couples will find more love in the space between them. Divorce is often frowned upon, yet the art of sunsetting a relationship doesn’t mean love disappears, it does however transform.