Life
Tri-County Press
February 9, 2011
B3
The type of love that shines the brightest Valentine’s Day was fast approaching. A handsome young man stood at a jewelry store counter. In front of him, on a black velvet cloth, were three glittering stones. All were cut with precision and to the uneducated eye all three looked like diamonds. Actually however, one was glass, one was zircon, and one was an elegant diamond. The price range went from $75 to several thousand. Only a professional gemologist could immediate tell them apart. They looked stunning but needed to be carefully distinguished – just as types of love need to be carefully distinguished as regards their value. In fact, we can use the three stones before the young man to symbolize three possible kinds of love. The faceted glass stone could represent a particular kind of love called “if-love.” It’s the most common type of
love. Of course, it glitters and glistens but it’s not very valuable and easily scratched. It has strings attached. If-love is not love at all. It’s self-centered and offered only in exchange for something our alleged lover wants from us. “If you put me first, meet my expectations and be what I want you to be; if you’re sexually fulfilling; if you overlook any kind of treatment from me, I’ll love you.” So many ifs. So many strings attached. So much self-centeredness. Many such fragile relationships crack and break apart after awhile. Expectations eventually are not met, disillusionment sets in, and whatever we bartered away to get this if-only love wasn’t enough. What was thought to be genuine love turns into disinterest or hate. Sometimes even parental love can be tainted by the “if” kind of love.
Whether its expectations are the too-strict demands of Tiger Mom, or the absence of needed discipline from Too Soft Moms, young children can become confused over whether they are truly loved at all. The second stone, representing the second kind of love, could be called the “because” kind of love. A person is still not loved for themselves but because of some quality they possess, something they have, or something they do. “I love you because you have such a beautiful body; because you’re rich, powerful, popular or well-known.” This kind of love gave birth to the belief that “power, money and position are the greatest aphrodisiacs!” Of course, if we’re loved because of some thing or quality we have, what will happen if we lose it or someone else comes along with more of the lovable quality? What happens when age takes
away the quality, poor economic times deplete our resources, or an accident deforms our body? If we can have an inkling that we are loved with a because-kindof-love, insecurity results. We stay on guard lest it appear we have lost the tenuous quality which endear us. We worry: “If the quality goes, will love go, too?” The third stone, the brilliant diamond, symbolizes unconditional love. Colloquially we could call it “in spite of” kind of love. There are no strings attached, no list of expectations, we do not deserve it or earn it – we just mysteriously receive it from the one loving us. We are loved just because the one loving us sees some great worth in us as a person. We probably don’t even see it ourselves. We are irreplaceable to the one who loves us. This is also the kind of love with which God loves us. It’s not
because we’ve done everything right and earn it, Father Lou but it comes from the heart of Guntzelman the one loving Perspectives us. This unconditional love is rare among humans. Yet, this is the kind of love for which our hearts are desperately hunger. It is a very rare gem to find. Fortunate are those who experience it. Victor Hugo stated well its importance: “The supreme happiness in life is the conviction of being loved for oneself, or, more correctly, being loved in spite of oneself.” Father Lou Guntzelman is a Catholic priest of the Archdiocese of Cincinnati. Contact him at columns@community press.com or P.O. Box 428541, Cincinnati, OH 45242.
Program directs Jews toward a meaningful life The Goldstein Family Learning Academy will present JLI’s “Toward a Meaningful Life: A SoulSearching Journey for Every Jew.” Rabbi Yisroel Mangel of Chabad Jewish Center will conduct the six course sessions. Morning classes (six Thursdays) will begin 9:30 a.m. to 11 a.m. Thursday, Feb. 10. Evening Classes (six Mondays) will begin 7:30 p.m. to 9 p.m. Monday, Feb. 14. “The objective of this course is to teach and empower individuals of all backgrounds with new life skills based on traditional Torah thought, thereby enabling them to transform the way they view their daily lives,” said Rabbi Yisroel Mangel.
“The course offers an antidote to the monotony and grind of unchanging routines. It provides newfound energy and exhilaration in taking on challenges, and it offers practical strategies for developing a deeper sense of joy and satisfaction,” said Mangel Through the examination of the spectrum of life, personal growth, relationships, home, work, special challenges, and the role of God and faith in daily existence, each session will also examine the Torah’s perspective, and students will be invited to challenge their current views and consider more meaningful approaches to these topical subjects. In addition, each lesson will conclude with a toolbox of exercises and guidelines
to help students make full use of the ideas and strategies that will be discussed. Although the course is prepared by Rabbi Simon Jacobson, head of the Meaningful Life Center in New York City and author of the best-selling book “Toward a Meaningful Life,” the sessions are freestanding and no prior familiarity with the book is assumed. “Day after day, life can be a treadmill, as we go through the motions without asking why or seeking what really matters to us,” Mangel said. “This course offers recipes, tips, and techniques for not only discovering where your true meaning lies, but in actually making it a part of your daily existence. These sessions will
Evendale hosts Playhouse show The Cincinnati Playhouse in the Park’s regional premiere production of “DIS/TROY” by Yokanaan Kearns will be performed at the Evendale Recreation Center and is sponsored by the Evendale Cultural Arts Center. The show is free and open to the public and will take place at 7:30 p.m. Friday, Feb. 11. Members of Phi Lambda Pi, Evendale’s youth service organization, will be on hand to usher and offer refreshments. The play is recommended for children
ages 10 and older. “DIS/TROY” is an extraordinary theatrical adaptation of Homer’s “The Iliad.” Set during the Trojan War, the play cuts to the core issues of the classic epic – glory, fate, revenge and homecoming. The Greek warrior hero Achilles refuses to fight, leading to disastrous results for both the Greeks and their enemy. Dramatic scenes in the mortal world alternate with comic scenes on Mount Olympus, where the gods are fighting their own, often
ridiculous “war” to see which side will win. Funny, nimble and accessible, “DIS/TROY” retains the eloquence and complexity of Homer’s wellknown classic. “DIS/TROY” will tour to 15 different communitybased arts centers as well area middle and high schools this winter. For more information about the Playhouse’s education and outreach programs, contact the Education Department at 3452242 or visit www.cincyplay.com.
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help you see life as the mysterious, challenging, and satisfying wonder that it really is.” Like all previous JLI programs, “Toward a Meaningful Life” is designed to appeal to people at all levels
of Jewish knowledge, including those without any prior experience or background in Jewish learning. All JLI courses are open to the public, and attendees need not be affiliated with a particular synagogue, tem-
ple, or other house of worship. Interested students may call 793-5200 or visit www.myJLI.com for registration and other courserelated information.
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