Life
Community Journal
March 17, 2010
B3
Five responses to question, ‘Why me?’
It’s not news to read that life doesn’t always happen as expected. When despite my best I lose out, can’t find a good job, watch a valuable relationship dissolve, discover I have an incurable disease, or encounter countless other major or minor tragedies – a question often arises, “Why me?” Here are five possible considerations among so many others.
1. An imagined “Contract with the Universe,” or, with God. Most of us live harboring a quid pro quo attitude. It’s as though we’ve made a contract with God or the Universe. Our imaginary contract says “If I’m good only good things will happen to me.” If I live an ordinary, honest, helpful-to-others life, things will go
well and no traumas or dramas will occur.” When adversity does arrive we feel betrayed. Father Lou We wonGuntzelman der, “Why Perspectives me?” O f course, there is no contract. Life in this world is unpredictable and unfair. Full justice, and even mercy, come later. 2. The expectation of exemption. Others die, not me; others get diseases, not me; others encounter all sorts of problems, but not me. When one of my sisters was lying on a hospital gurney awaiting an operation, a doctor
friend passed. Surprised to see her he asked, “What’s wrong? What are you doing here?” Somewhat teary-eyed she told him. Then she added, “Right now I’m lying here feeling a little sorry for myself and wondering, ‘Why me?’” Known for his humor rather than tact, he exclaimed, “Well, wouldn’t a better question be, ‘Why not?’” He was realistic but insensitive. His realistic response has led me many times to ask myself that question. When I feel undeservedly dumped on by life I often ask myself, “Why not?” I have never been able to come up with a convincing reason that should exempt me from the vicissitudes of life. 3. My own unconscious causality. “Why me?”
Because sometimes I set myself up for them by not recognizing my behavior or thoughts. E.g. Some people marry, find their spouse physically abusive, and eventually divorce. The abused person later marries again, and voila, the second spouse does the same. Is the conclusion then that all spouses abuse? Or, could I be part of the reason it occurs. Do I disrespect myself and passively permit mistreatment? Do I unconsciously seek it because as a child I saw it in my own family, and now I erroneously assume it’s something that happens in every marriage? Or, perhaps I blame myself for it or even perceive it, in a twisted way, as an expression of love? – Besides abuse, other problems may occur in my life
because I unknowingly set the stage for them. Perhaps knowing myself a lot better might help avoid some situations that just seem to “come to me.”
4. Ignorance of the ambiguity of life. Until the age of 25 or later we believe that we are gods. During midlife and thereafter the sad news is gradually conveyed – “You are not a god; you don’t always have control over what happens; your very life hangs by a thread and you must live without the answers to many questions.” The tolerance of ambiguity is one of the signs of human maturity. Amidst it all we must take responsibility for our physical, emotional and spiritual well-being, and grow up. In the midst of life’s ambiguous mysteries we become ripe for
discovering our true self, God, and the meaning of life.
5. Maintain a sense of greater purpose. “O God who made the lion and the lamb, you decreed I should be who I am, would it spoil some vast eternal plan, if I were a wealthy man?” sang Tevya in “Fiddler On the Roof.” Does the “vast eternal plan” for my life necessitate dealing with joys and sorrows and unfairness that are actually bringing about my growth, transformation, and eventually glory? Father Lou Guntzelman is a Catholic priest of the Archdiocese of Cincinnati. Contact him at columns@community press.com or P.O. Box 428541, Cincinnati, OH 45242.
Stuck with a timeshare? Consider charitable donation Timeshare sales are still big business, but many who bought them now say they it’s something they regret. It’s no wonder that timeshare re-sales are also big business, but trying to find a buyer can be very difficult. Cecilia Owens of Florence says one of the timeshares she owns is great – she’s used it a lot and has traded it for other properties. But she isn’t happy with her other timeshares. “We have three of them but two we want to get rid of. I took a company retirement and we really don’t use them,” Owens said. The key here is while timeshares can be of value, you have to know what you’re doing and how to use
them. Owens said her one good timeshare has been traded for lots of trips. Howard Ain “We’ve Hey Howard! gone to Hawaii three times. We’ve gone to Florida, Arizona – we’ve used it everywhere,” she said. Owens says her two other timeshares have turned out to be a drag on her. She has paid more than $14,000 for both, but the bills continue. “You may have them paid off but you’re still paying your maintenance fees and,
for the three of them together it is costing us $1,600 or $1,700 a year,” Owens said. Owens recently received a postcard from a company offering to take two of her timeshares off her hands. “They would have a deal where we could get rid of both of the timeshares. It would cost $2,400. It was guaranteed,” Owens said. The offer sounds tempting because it would get her out from under those yearly maintenance fees – fees she must pay for the rest of her life. But before doing that I suggested she consider donating the timeshares to charity. Several charities, including the American Kidney Fund, are offering to
take them. The American Kidney Fund says timeshares typically sell for from between $600 and $5,000. The sale is handled by an outside firm and when the sale is complete you’ll receive a receipt for your donation. I told Owens she won’t
have to pay anything and she liked the idea she would get a tax write off. Charities won’t automatically accept every timeshare, but they do take most. They’ll first determine the value of the property to make sure it can be sold quickly for a profit.
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One Web site, www.donateforacause.org., says it has raised $3.3 million for charities as a result of the timeshares it has sold. Howard Ain answers consumer complaints weekdays on WKRCTV Local 12. Write to him at 12 WKRC-TV, 1906 Highland Ave., Cincinnati 45219.
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