ThatOld This

Old This and That Dave Iszard

This article was first published in TUG in July 2011. Dave’s periodic ‘This and That’ articles were a much appreciated feature of the magazine. We miss them!

My thoughts turned to Chris Johnson who on a group ride about two years discovered that his tail pack was unzipped and the contents had blown away. The contents being the documentation of the whole of his life strewn over a distance of about thirty miles. He back tracked but found nothing. Things like driving licence, insurance, Mot, all gone. When he returned home he found that Rumanian gypsies had stolen his identity and moved into his house. Undeterred he entertained them with a game of Bingo Quiz. Not being able to answer any of the questions, demoralised, they moved out that evening. The moral of the story zip up your tail pack.

At a recent committee meeting it was discussed whether we should carry first aid kits with us. A serious debate followed about what the kit would contain. More debate followed about what outlet, Halfords or Boots, would be best to buy such a kit from. More debate about how big it would be and where would you stow it on the bike. It was then concluded that a first aid kit would be totally inadequate in the event of a motor cycle accident, you would have trouble mending a broken collar bone with a sticky plaster. So the idea was dropped but Lyn and Madeleine had their own discussion about the matter and decided that as long as they had lip stick and lip seal everything was covered in the event of an accident. I thought no more about it until a few nights ago when I had a dream. We were out on a group ride when a dog ran into the road and straight under the wheels of my bike. I braked as hard as I could but hit the dog and down I went. Knocked unconscious, I ‘came to’ to find Lyn and Madeleine applying lip stick to me. I gazed over to my right to see the dog already had lip stick on

and was about to have its eyelashes curled. Chris Johnson arrived and someone said to him give us your first aid kit. He went to his tail pack to find it unzipped and everything gone. Chris said I’ll go back and find it and rode away. I’m really going to be careful on group rides from now on.

My Nephew Phil Reader bought a new Triumph Tiger a few weeks back and I invited myself along to share the excitement of receiving it. The excitement was all mine as Phil didn’t seem that bothered. A bit of a briefing by the salesman on running in and other things to know and we were off. The running in was adhered to for about ten miles and then apparently it was ‘run in’. Phil must have a low boredom threshold or a short memory for the next twenty miles were covered in a good ‘spirited’ ride. I’ve never seen so many hairy bit’s on new tyres before but by the time we got to Finchingfield they were all gone all the way round to the writing on the tyre walls. I gave him space as I couldn’t believe unscrubbed tyres would grip that well, that soon. My excitement soon waned when I realised that Phil’s Tiger has metallic white paint and mine has ‘just’ white paint. He also has the updated computer, you can go off people!

Thoroughly enjoyed the Super Sausage run in the most amazing weather but on the return journey Stuart Daniels said to Nicki and I, drop in at my house for a cuppa on your way home. We thought that would be nice but Stu left the filling station in a hurry and I didn’t catch up with him for many a mile. As I don’t know where he lives it was important to follow him. Having caught him up he did a sudden and unexpected exit at a round-about and all was lost!

One for the Road