HOW TO TAKE CONTROL OVER COMPARISON AND CONNECT LIKE A PRO

HOW TO TAKE CONTROL OVER COMPARISON AND CONNECT LIKE A PRO by: Renee Vidor

Why the heck am I here?!”

The question echoed loudly in my mind with every hand I awkwardly shook in the crowded room feeling like a loser. A friend had talked me into going to a networking event so I could meet new people and grow my business but I wanted nothing more than to shrink into a corner and say nothing at all. Or, better yet, leave.

At the time, I was an independent contractor for a health and wellness direct sales company. Even though I had confidence in the products I sold, I lacked confidence in myself.

Everywhere I turned I saw people who looked successful, sounded professional, and who I just knew were making great money and appeared to have it all together.

Then there was me: A young mom who had no clue how to dress for success (what does ‘business casual’ mean, anyway?), who sounded like an idiot with each elevator pitch I attempted to deliver, and who barely made any sense at all, let alone dollars. There’s no way I could measure up to these confident professionals, so why even try?

That evening I left without any great connections. While I’d love to blame it on everyone else for being ‘so much better than me’, the truth is, I was so self-absorbed and busy comparing myself to others that there was no way for me to create space for genuine connection.

I wasn’t alone. Ironically, I later learned that some people I was comparing myself to at that event were actually uncomfortable as well and were comparing themselves with me, too! It’s natural for humans to allow Comparison to take control over their minds, but we can change!

I eventually learned how to take back control over comparison in my life so I could connect like a pro and you can, too, with this simple 3- step process that I call the ‘WIN Method”:

#1. “W” - Weigh Your Cost.

Ask yourself what it’s costing you when you allow Comparison to put your focus on yourself. Most likely it’s costing you potential relationships like friendships and business clients, which means it’s also costing you joy and even chances for financial increase. It also is giving you the negative outcome of stress and anxiety (we get enough of this already!). As you continue to weigh the cost, you’ll find there are not really any positive outcomes that could come from handing Comparison control over your mind.

#2. “I” - Innovate Your Identity.

When your goal is to establish and cultivate a genuine connection with other people, in order to be successful, you first need to know who you really are. You see, no one can connect with a fake person wearing a mask of accolades, job titles, or roles. They want to see that you’re a real human being that is imperfect and relatable.

They also will be attracted to the ways that you’ve been gifted to serve others. Though these gifts are part of your unique personality, most people fail to truly get to know themselves well enough to take inventory of the amazing person they were created to be because they’re too busy looking around at everyone else. Perhaps consider investing in yourself through a coach who can help you determine the truth about who you really are and what you have to offer others as you seek out authentic connections.

#3. “N” - Navigate Your Journey.

Once you know who you are and your Innovated Identity, you’ll have a better understanding of what you’re looking for and the kinds of connections that make sense to pursue (not only for your benefit but the benefit you’ll be able to bring to others as well). One way to navigate with these people is to learn about them and find common ground. Ask questions or conversation starters such as, “What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?”, “Tell me more about the important people in your life”, and, “What are some of the struggles you’ve been encountering recently?” (and then see how you might be able to add value or serve them.

Another simple navigation step is to offer genuine compliments. In fact, if you sense that icky feeling of comparison or competition, you can lessen the intimidation by genuinely (and appropriately) complimenting them about the very aspect that makes you feel threatened.

This tip can result in a sense of freedom for you and encouragement for your new connection.

Remember when doing this to always lift others up yet never put yourself or someone else down.

Comparison cannot be eradicated. It will continue to attempt to take control of your thoughts and it’s inevitable that you will not win every single battle for control. But take it from me, a recovering Comparaholic: The more you practice this 3-step WIN Method while being who you were created to be and get to know and serve the individuals you are designed to have an authentic connection with, you’ll naturally begin connecting like a pro in whatever situation you find yourself in.

That voice still reverberates in my head to this day, but it asks a different question:

“Who can I connect with and serve?”

Renee Vidor