Forward “I’m fundamentally an optimist, whether that came from nature or nurture I cannot say. Part of being optimistic is keeping one’s head pointed toward the sun, one’s feet moving forward. There were many dark moments when my faith in humanity was solely tested but I would not give myself up to despair- that way lays death and defeat.”-Nelson Mandela. Thinking of the 27 years Madiba spent in jail I wonder what kind of fathers, brothers and sons we would be if we made the same kinds of sacrifices for our families, friends, enemies and communities at large- conclusively unstoppable. In this motto, MM seed will spring its voice and be heard in every corner of eKasi, I find the desire for a lifestyle magazine which is neither exclusive nor simplistic, whose sophistication rises from reality, not from those boardrooms who render opinions as to what is good and not. The moment I flip through local magazines, I see an urge for this simplistic African expression in lifestyle publication with the defined market being the average “Sbu” on the street to “Ma boet ”on the 10th floor, the move and desire to pull and shove the right words that every local and aspiring South African can relate to. MM will hear our local Amajitas’ and will be heard by them, we’ll listen to the local gossip and be listened to. It is a voice which will be equally cautious of obsequious flatter and vindictive critiques. As you peruse our pre-distribution issue you get a clear understanding on where we are, our purpose and who our target market is. Stay updated on what our local celebs are up to with our Trendsetting column, learn about it all from our ultimate adviser Lady Gogo and get to know what the ladies say from the Ladies Confession (just when you thought you knew it all !!!),learn who’s going BIG or going HOME and if that’s not enough drop by at www.mzansimen.com . MM is here to revolutionise South African print media with 20,000 bi-monthly issues we guarantee to keep our readers glued to every single one of our 84 pages. With Incarnation (To be publicly released in October 2013) we aim to encourage the debonair male, the trendsetter and the go getter to have the same kind of vision that uTata Mandela had. I am not asking anyone to be Mandela but I am urging all of you, as you enjoy this edition of things yet to come, take a piece from the pie that is Mandela’s life and develop ourselves and our country further. Chris B.
EDITORS DESK EDITOR IN CHIEF CHRIS BERNARD ACHOLA EDITORIAL SIPHIWO NKOKI MARTINE HENDRICKS MAGGIE FOLLETT BULELWA PANGO ANCILLAR MANGENA SOLOMON MUTASA STUART REICHARDT PERINA SCOTCH PETA DANIEL DULCIE BALENI CONTRIBUTERS RODGER NICHOLSON THOBEKA NGEMA THERESA NDLOMOZA TINO MAARMAN DESK-TOP PUBLISHER NATALIE SCORDILIS WEB-ADMINISTRATOR CHRIS BERNARD ACHOLA achola@mzansimen.com PHOTOGRAPHY TRACY MAARMAN GEORGE SIVUYILE MARK MALIMA COBUS EKSTEEN (RETOUCHING) STYLIST AND MAKE UP ARTIST THERESA BROWN ELIZNA THERON STOCK IMAGES 123RF.COM MAYIBUYE ARCHIVES
(Eli Weinberg,UWC Robben-Island Museum)
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MM HEAD OFFICE 021 828 2563 SALES WESTERN CAPE AND OTHER PROVINCES 021 828 2563 CHRIS BERNARD ACHOLA achola@mzansimen.com 081 477 3844 TELE-SALES RAG PUBLISHING (PTY) LTD rodger@ragpublishing.co.za gavin@ragpublishing.co.za KWA-ZULU NATAL AND GAUTENG CHERYL 082 731 9378 cheryl@mzansimen.com ONLINE ADVERTISING achola@mzansimen.com PRINTERS PAARL MEDIA PUBLISHERS POZNETWORKS CC Nothing in this magazine may be reproduced in whole or in part without permission of the publisher. We can not be held responsible for unsolicited manuscript, photographs, or materials lost or damaged in the post. ISSN 2308-5215 is Published Bi-Monthly and is licensed to Poznetworks CC WEBSITE www.mzansimen.com
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INSIDE 6 8 12 16 18 24 26 30 32 33 36 38 40 42 46 48 50 51 58 60 64
Know your language: Tsotsi slang explored Cover Story: The art of forgiveness Auto Review: 9 Cars that drive chikitas wild Iyo uFamous: The upcoming talent ATM: African Trademark Mzansi Fashion: When you look good! You feel good. Last Number: The talented man Gadget Review: Go big or go home Haibo Wena: CV errors that got us tongue tied Bosso Ke Mang: Who is who Music/DVDs/Movie Review Mzansi Essentials: A must have Ex’se Chief: What they truly want Amajita corner: The tavern gossip Randelas: The money talk Lady Gogo: Agony Aunt Get Facts: You got no idea Sports: The numbers Techno Review: Our own Guru Night Life: EKasi lifestyle Get Social: The tweet masters, who’s your Daddy!!!
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e g a u g n a L r u o y w Kno l a a t i s t o T o t n o i t c u d Intro H Gosha: Meaning fast is the EKasi name of BMW 325is box shape H Ucishile: Meaning you have switched is a word used for someone who has passed on H Ibkhakabhaka: A reference to Orlando Pirates is widely used for Black Label beer in EKasi H See you later: Ngizokubona jumpas (Jumpas means later) H E’jive: This word means trouble
nverse Names for All Star Co • 3/5 • Conjenje • Gusheshe
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H Usifake e'jivini: Put us in trouble. H E'jive yini?: What's the problem? H Dinangwe: (Gentlemens Club) When the ratio of Men to women is over 2:1 in a party. H Dancing with your father: Is when someone is drunk and stumbling. H When a guy is dating an ugly girl: Bakuxhophe nge'garlic e'expensive (You've got expensive garlic in your eyes).
Different forms of transportation
H Gardo manyambula - Train H E'airy - Plane H E'boni - Bicycle H Inyandi - By foot H E'kara - Car H uku'frayfer ngeynyawo - Roller blades
H If you have a hot girlfriend: Umkhatho wakho ntwana (she’s the right cut for you in reference to fitted suit) H Paying for Sex: Ukuvota or ukuthenga ama'take away or ukubaya umagosha. Next time you hear amajita’s talking about voting at the street corner don't be fooled. H Marikana meaning: Trouble, How to incorporate "Eh mfana.. ngizo kwenzela iMarikana" H Cop: Abo Babaor H Church in Tsotsi Taal Is "umchejana" or kerk. H Ukugereza is used for hustling, asingene emgerezweni H When someone is a coward he is called "isidumbu" which is the Zulu word for a corpse. H Jails are called istubu which translates to stoep in Afrikaans. H End of the month: Bodasmandane H Friday: Fringas
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FORGIVENESS: THE MANDELA PRINCIPLE “Mandela has been able to forgive that injustice which victimized him; what does it take to forgive the injustices by which we are made victims? To forgive is to say to the person by whom you have been wronged, “You have done me wrong! You have done something that is hurtful to me, and because of what you have done, my personal pride tells me that I should turn my back on you. I will carry the memory of what you have done with me. I will not forget it but I refuse to let what you have done stand between us. I refuse to allow it to create a permanent barrier between us. I still want you in my life.” Speech by the Rev. Victor H. Carpenter of The First Church in Belmont, Massachusetts, at the Harvard convocation honouring Nelson Mandela, attended by a crowd of 25 000.
THE TROUBLEMAKER AND THE ART OF FORGIVENESS
“If there are dreams about a beautiful South Africa, there are also roads that lead to their goal. Two of these roads could be named Goodness and Forgiveness.” Nelson Mandela As the Father of the Nation we affectionately call “Madiba” marks the milestone of his 95th birthday, attempting to find a fresh perspective on the world’s most famous man has proved to be the most daunting assignment of this journalist’s career. What does one say about someone who, having been liberated from his shackles at an age where most people have already completed their allotted lifespan of “three-score-years-andten”, brought us redemption, arming us with a quiver of hope, when - as a nation - we had literally reached the end of our rainbow? Courtesy of benevolent fates, this beloved statesman was granted another lifetime, enabling him to enjoy the fruits of his hard-earned labours, while continuing to bestow on us a comforting, omnipresent moral compass.
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Over the years, however, our National Treasure has evolved into a cult figure, whose status – in the minds of multitudes – has been elevated far above any mere mortal, transforming him into a virtual demi-God; the “Universal Tata”, wheeled out for nation-building photo ops in the guise of a loving, perennially cheerful (but slightly vacuous) New World Father Christmas, whose amiable, funky-shirt-wearing visage adorns fridge-magnets, cushions and hand-bags! Thus has one of the world’s greatest leaders been simultaneously glorified into a quasi-religious pastiche, and reduced to namby-pamby, faintly nauseating, Afro-kitsch pop fiction! The image of a beaming, avuncular, Michael Jackson/Oprah Winfrey/Naomi Campbellhugging, goodie-two-shoes is a disturbingly soft-focus, coldly-calculated PR strategy which
– though superficially charming – is not only inappropriately comical, but also downright demeaning, and starkly at variance with the true nature of the razor-sharp intellectual, astute lawyer, skilled orator and canny politician who was Nelson Mandela! So just how – looking back from the fading afterglow of his twilight years – did a barefoot chief’s son named “Troublemaker” (for that is what Rolihlahla means) become a global “Prince of Peace”, whose impending demise is viewed with such an acute sense of horror and loss? In the immortal words of Malvolio, from Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night: “Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.” In order to analyse what has set Mandela apart,
and placed him on this lofty Olympian pedestal, perhaps we should look at a thumbnail sketch of his life, for it seems that – from his earliest days –this remarkable man was blessed with all three indicators for potential greatness. Born into the Madiba clan, on July 18th, 1918, in the tiny Transkei hamlet of Mvezo, Rolihlahla Dalibhunga Mandela later moved with his family to the nearby village of Qunu. Scion of an ancient Thembu royal line, he was the son of local chief, Nkosi Mphakanyiswa Gadla Mandela, a principal counsellor to the prince regent, or acting king. Mandela’s mother (Mphakanyiswa’s third wife) Noqaphi Nosekeni was a devout Methodist, and he attended a missionary school in Qunu, acquiring the Christian name, Nelson. On Mandela’s father’s death in 1927, Regent Jongintaba Dalindyebo repaid a debt of gratitude to him for “wise counsel”, by becoming the boy’s guardian, and the nine-year-old joined the royal household at Mqhekezweni, “The Great Place”. This upbringing and association had a profound effect on the man he was to become. During his formative years, he was privileged to be able to sit and listen to the rich history of his people, and absorb traditional wisdom imparted by tribal elders. The proud, high-spirited youngster also began to shape his future philosophy. Describing an embarrassing childhood escapade in Long Walk to Freedom, he says: “Like the people of the East, Africans have a highly developed sense of dignity, or what the Chinese call “face.” I had lost face among my friends. Even though it was a donkey that unseated me, I learned that to humiliate another person is to make him suffer an unnecessarily cruel fate. Even as a boy, I defeated my opponents without dishonoring them.” He also learnt another significant lesson, which was to remain with him always: that excessive displays of emotion were unseemly and not fitting for those of noble birth. In 1934 he received his Junior Certificate from Clarkebury (a Methodist boarding school), matriculating four years later from Healdtown College. Aged 21, he began studying for a BA Degree at the University of Fort Hare, where he met Oliver Tambo, and made his first foray into political activism. As a result of student protests, he was expelled in 1940, much to the rage of his guardian, who threatened Mandela with an arranged marriage. Having fled to Alexandra Township in Johannesburg, he met Walter Sisulu and his future wife, Albertina, working as a night-watchman on a mine, while doing his articles through the firm of attorneys Witkin, Eidelman and Sidelsky. He began studying for an LLB at the University of the Witwatersrand, but – by his own admission “a poor student” – left Wits in 1948 without graduating, opting instead for a two-year diploma course, which would permit him to practice as an attorney. (In 1989, during the last months of his imprisonment, he obtained an LLB through UNISA.)
In 1944 Mandela married Evelyn Ntoko Mase, a nurse, and cousin of Sisulu’s, with whom he had two sons, Madiba Thembekile, Makgatho Lewanika, and two daughters. (Of the four children, only their daughter, Dr Makaziwe Mandela, survives.) Bright and ambitious, Mandela embarked on his political career by joining the African National Congress, subsequently founding the ANC Youth League (along with Tambo and Sisulu), and becoming Secretary of the ANCYL, as well as a member of the Transvaal ANC executive in 1947. In 1948, DF Malan’s Herenigde Nationale Party (HNP) won the elections, and Mandela, Tambo and Sisulu proposed a formal “Programme of Action”, which was adopted by the ANC. In 1961, Mandela became President of the ANC Youth League, and in 1952, he and Oliver Tambo founded the first black legal practice in South Africa. He was elected President of the Transvaal ANC, but banned from holding office or attending meetings, and restricted to the Johannesburg area, under the Suppression of Communism Act . In June of 1955, while still under banning orders, Mandela drove in secret to Kliptown, to watch the Freedom Charter being adopted by the Congress of the People. Unfortunately, slavish commitment to the antiApartheid struggle eroded his marriage, and he and Evelyn, separated in 1955, divorcing in 1958. On December 5th, 1955, 156 people, including Mandela, were arrested in a countrywide crackdown on anti-government activities. This led to the 1956 Treason Trial, which continued until March of 1961, when the last 30 accused (including Mandela) escaped the noose, and were finally acquitted. During this period that Mandela met and married social worker Nomzamo Winifred (“Winnie”) Madikizela. The couple had two children, Zenani and Zindzi, divorcing in 1996. On March 21st, 1960, the tragic national turning point that was Sharpeville took place. During mass protests against pass laws, police opened fire on unarmed demonstrators, killing 69 people and injuring some 180 others. The country’s first State of Emergency was declared, and the following year, the ANC instituted a policy of “armed struggle”, with Nelson Mandela as the first commander of its military wing, Umkhonto we Sizwe (“MK”, The Spear of the Nation). Sabotage campaigns followed the banning of the ANC and PAC, that same year. In January of 1962, Mandela left South Africa under an assumed name, travelling to Ethiopia to address a conference of African leaders, and visiting England to muster support for the armed struggle. After receiving guerrilla training in Morocco, he returned to South Africa in July that same year. On August 5th, after talks with ANC President Chief Albert Luthuli, he was arrested in a roadblock outside Howick, in the then Natal. Convicted of inciting strikes and leaving the country illegally, he was sentenced to five years in prison. On May 27th, 1963, he was transferred from Pretoria Local Prison to Robben Island, but
returned to Pretoria on June 12th. Little more than a month later (July 11th, 1963) police raided Lilieslief Farm in Rivonia (a hideout for ANC and Communist Party activists, which also served as MK headquarters), arresting several of Mandela’s comrades. In October of 1963, what later became known as the “Rivonia Trial” began. Nelson Mandela (along with nine other defendants) was charged with more than 200 counts of sabotage and guerrilla warfare. Though facing the death penalty for treason, Mandela conducted his own defence, stating, inter alia: “I hoped and vowed then that, among the treasures that life might offer me, would be the opportunity to serve my people and make my own humble contribution to their freedom struggles … if I had my time over I would do the same again, so would any man who dares call himself a man … I have done my duty to my people and to South Africa.” On June 11th, 1964, Nelson Mandela, Walter Sisulu, Govan Mbeki, Raymond Mhlaba, Ahmed Kathrada, Elias Motsoaledi, Andrew Mlangeni and Denis Goldberg were convicted and sentenced to life imprisonment. (Goldberg was sent to Pretoria Prison, while the others were incarcerated on Robben Island.) In 1976, with black South Africans bucking violently beneath the oppressive yoke of Prime Minister BJ Vorster, which led to the Soweto Uprising of June 16th (and the deaths of 100’s of schoolchildren), Mandela was approached to abandon the struggle and settle in the Transkei. He gladly refused.
Madiba 9 You could buy a pair of shoes (size 9), That would fit the feet of this man, But you will not walk in them. You will not smooth the quarry stones Into the long road of forgiveness, Or write in blood words of love. This man’s foot shifted the dying dust, Lifted from lost, tired tattered Hope, This man unravelled the blackness To free the barbed-bound wounded rainbow, Held it high and wonder-wide for all to see. If you would dare to walk in this man’s shoes, You must stride alone towards your Truth, Believing that perhaps, just perhaps, One Other will come to walk at your side. Ruth Everson
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By 1982, against a backdrop of mounting national instability and international pressure to release Mandela and other political prisoners, Prime Minister PW Botha arranged for him to be transferred to Pollsmoor Prison, Cape Town. In August 1985, shortly after the declaration of another State of Emergency, Mandela was hospitalised for prostate surgery, and thereafter allocated an entire wing of the jail to himself. In 1986, Mandela was again asked to renounce violence, in exchange for freedom. He replied, “Only free men can negotiate. Prisoners cannot enter into contracts.” Despite his refusal, several restrictions were lifted. In May 1988, Mandela was diagnosed with tuberculosis. After being treated at Tygerberg Hospital, he was moved to spacious but secure accommodation, on the grounds of Victor Verster Prison, near Paarl. The following year, amidst the death throes of the Apartheid regime, PW Botha had a stroke, resigning shortly after a private meeting with Mandela at his Cape Town residence. His successor, FW de Klerk, subsequently also met with the world’s most famous political prisoner, in December of 1989. At the Opening of Parliament, on February 2nd, 1990, De Klerk announced the unbanning of all political parties and the release of political prisoners (except those guilty of violent crimes). On February 11th, 1990, Nelson Mandela emerged from Victor Verster prison a free man, to make his first public address in 27 years, at Cape Town’s Grand Parade. In 1991, following official talks regarding constitutional changes and ending white minority rule, Mandela replaced Oliver Tambo as ANC President. In December of 1993, Mandela and De Klerk were jointly awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. On April 27th, 1994, Rolihlahla Nelson Mandela cast his vote at South Africa’s first democratic elections. The ANC won with a 62% majority, and on May 10th, 1994, President Mandela made his legendary inaugural speech, from Pretoria’s Union Buildings. Shortly thereafter, he published his autobiography, Long Walk to Freedom. In 1997, after serving one term, Mandela stepped down as ANC leader in favour of Thabo Mbeki, relinquishing the post of president to him two years later. On July 18th, 1998, coinciding with his eightieth birthday, he married Graça Machel, widow of Mozambique’s former president. Officially retiring from public life in 2004, Mandela continued to make regular appearances on significant occasions for many years, until age and ill-health forced him to adopt a more sedentary lifestyle. He is reputed to have 17 grandchildren and 14 surviving great-grandchildren. These are the bare facts we know about Rolihlahla Dalibhunga Nelson Mandela, the man. But what was it that caused this proud, defiant, fiercely patriotic prince of Qunu (a rebellious, unrepentant firebrand, whose pugilistic stance in old photographs was later echoed in his role as a freedom fighter) to metamorphose into one of the world’s most inspiring leaders; not just the Saviour of our Nation, but a Christ-like champion of the
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world’s oppressed, and a universal symbol of redemption and liberation? Perhaps the simplest answer lies in his almost superhuman capacity for forgiveness. After 27 years of incarceration for his beliefs and deeds, the man widely feared by white South Africans as a cold-blooded “master terrorist” emerged from jail, not angry or embittered at being deprived of his family and the best part of his life, but – incredibly – filled with a benevolent spirit of respect and reconciliation! In private meetings, Mandela overwhelmed with courtesy and kindness several former arch-enemies who were prominent figures in the Apartheid regime, including an awe-struck Chief of Intelligence, Dr Niel Barnard, and Minister of Justice, Kobie Coetsee, who is said to have described Mandela as “The incarnation of the great Roman virtues: gravitas, honestas, dignitas.” He invited the right-wing Freedom Front leader, General Constant Viljoen, to tea, persuading him to call off the “armed struggle” and take part in the April ’94 elections, even breaking protocol by crossing the floor to shake hands, at the inaugural parliamentary event.
On May 10th, 1994, he invited former Pollsmoor and Victor Verster prison warder, Warrant Officer James Gregory, to his presidential inauguration, as a VIP guest. The following year, he treated Rivonia Trial State Prosecutor, Dr Percy Yutar, (who had argued for the death sentence to be imposed) to a Kosher lunch, explaining that he “had simply done his job”. Apart from changing the name of his official Cape Town residence from Westbrook to Genadendal (“Valley of Mercy”), Mandela regularly made a point of speaking Afrikaans, and even attended services at the Dutch Reformed Church, in Pretoria. Furthermore, he arranged a special dinner, to bring together the widows of former comrades and adversaries, including Ntsiki Biko and Tienie Vorster. As Betsy Verwoerd (wife of late “Apart-
heid Architect”, Hendrik Verwoerd) was unable to attend, Mandela personally visited her in the Afrikaner homeland of Orania, to share tea and koeksusters. Against vehement opposition from the ANC national executive committee, he refused to replace “Die Stem” with “Nkosi Sikelel’ iAfrika” as the country’s national anthem, instead prudently combining them into a harmonious praise song, of which all South Africans could be proud. At the 1995 Rugby World Cup, he donned the gold and green sporting colours associated with white oppression, spurring the Springboks on to victory, and endearing him to millions of would-be detractors. Finally, in 1995, so as to help bridge former divides and heal the pain of the Apartheid years in the interest of national unity, he created a model (and much-emulated) structure that represented the epitome of what he stood for: the Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC). Mandela’s generosity, coupled with innumerable acts of kindness and forgiveness both large and small, helped unite a seething, bitterly-divided country, and prevent a bloody civil war. Facilitating the peaceful transition of South Africa from despotism to democracy was a truly extraordinary feat, ultimately achieved – not through force of arms – but by appealing to the common humanity inherent in everyone. Mandela chose the path of conciliation and respect towards his enemies, not simply because forgiveness is regarded as one of the greatest of all Christian virtues (“To err is human; to forgive, divine”), but as he believed it to be a weapon more persuasive than any gun. “Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon,” is one of his best-known quotes. Who knows what vengeful thoughts the former MK Commander may have harboured, during those initial years behind bars? Regardless, he eschewed the showy lustre of martyrdom, learning to sublimate his anger and aggression, and patiently bide his time, until he could lead his people to freedom, in the country for which he had been prepared to die. Mindful of his childhood lessons, he vanquished his enemies with discretion and charm, instead of needlessly inflicting the pain of dishonour. He chose peaceful negotiation as the logical route towards positive transformation, not merely because he espoused and exemplified the virtues of bravery, humility and selflessness, but because he was, above all (despite his anodyne latter-day image), a shrewd, cunning and manipulative politician, who used the art of forgiveness, to save a nation. In the words of John Carlin, author of Playing the Enemy (later made into the blockbuster movie, Invictus) “He did so not primarily out of a desire to win a place in heaven, or to be well-liked. Mandela was the quintessential political an imal: he did everything he did with a clear political purpose. Not to understand this – to insist only on his admirable ‘lack of bitterness’ and his spirit of forgiveness – is to miss the bigger point that Mandela’s widely applauded saintliness was the instrument he judged to be most effective in the achievement of his political goals.
Had he calculated, as he once did, that violence was the way to liberate his people, he would not have hesitated to pursue that route. Luckily for South Africa, he reached the conclusion that there could be no democracy without reconciliation, no justice without peace.” “He acted wholeheartedly on this understanding, investing every last drop of his boundless charm, his political cunning, and his farsightedness in achieving his life’s goal by following the only strategy he knew could realistically work.” “Mandela’s legacy, the imperishable lesson he holds for the ages, and the reason why he stands head and shoulders above every leader of his generation, or practically every leader there has ever been, is that he showed it is possible to be a great human being and a great politician at the same time; that showing respect to friends and enemies alike can get you a long, long way; and that nothing beats the combination – in Mandela’s case, the seamless convergence – of magnanimity and power.” Political acuity aside, Mandela firmly believed that treating people with kindness, and making even the lowliest amongst us feel worthy, would inspire reciprocal acts of generosity and beneficence.
No one could resist the charms of this “Madiba Magic”, and consequently, the arch spellweaver remains an imposing, larger-than-life figure, who will hold a justifiably special place in our hearts, forever. It has often been said all heroes have an Achilles heel … and feet of clay. As South Africa’s greatest superhero, this must also be true of Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela. For although the public image projected by Madiba was flawless – a warm-hearted, humane, powerfully charismatic figure, and a consummate ambassador for his country (who changed the world’s view of us, and our perceptions of ourselves as a nation) – the private man was assuredly just a man, with all the frailties of one; a traditional patriarch: stern, aloof, cool, remote, and perhaps more preoccupied with being the Father of a Nation, than a real husband and father. Today, this international icon of peace and goodwill is withered, frail and ill; his mind wanders, and he frequently repeats the same tales of his youth, in the manner of old people. Nevertheless, it will take a human being of giant stature to fill the shoes of Nelson Mandela, and to walk that long walk with the same dignity, grace and magnanimity of spirit.
So, rather than indulging in lip-service and shallow idolatry, let us honour this great man by living his legacy … and leaving him to live out his last days, in peace. Nevertheless, it will take a human being of giant stature to fill the shoes of Nelson Mandela, and to walk that long walk with the same dignity, grace and magnanimity of spirit. On the spur of the moment, I asked my teenage daughter what she would remember Madiba for. “His smile and outstretched hand”, was her reply. (Again that hackneyed image of saintly benediction!) Then, almost as an afterthought, she added, “I’ll never forget that, without him forgiving my father’s people, I would not have the friends I have today.” This sentiment, expressed in the artless words of a child who – through the efforts of one man, has flourished unblighted by the shadow of Apartheid – is gift enough for me! Rule of law, democratic elections and freedom of speech are just a few of Madiba’s other bequests. So, rather than indulging in lip-service and shallow idolatry, let us honour this great man by living his legacy … and leaving him to live out his last days, in peace.
SPIRITUALITY & PRACTICE “Mandela's spirituality was built around the ideal of forgiveness, the practice of reconciliation, and everyday kindness and courtesy. The challenge facing him was to find a way to unify the country's white and black citizens without slighting either group. But the most stirring message of Invictus is its affirmation of the power of forgiveness. Mandela says that it liberates the soul and removes fear. By his constant actions to bring about reconciliation between the races, he shows how forgiveness releases us from the rigid restrictions of revenge and opens our hearts to those who have wronged us. In a time when the ancient and futile battle between "us" and "them" still holds sway over so many leaders and ordinary citizens, Invictus stands out as a beacon of light calling us to a more compassionate and loving path.” Review of Invictus, by Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat Image credit: Nelson Mandela Centre of Memory/ Matthew Willman
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9 Cars that attract women Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG
AUTO REVIEW
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One of the most remarkable feature of the SLS is its gull wing, In France they call it portes papillon (butterfly doors), in Germany they’re called flügeltüren (folding doors). This sleek Merc is the best thing you can have in eKasi, It separates small talk boys from the real Amajitas’ aka the “Bosso ke Mang” and is almost two metres (2m) wide. It epitomises the enduring innovative flair of Mercedes-AMG. The show of men who’ve made it.
Engine and performance (AMG SPEEDSHIFT DCT 7-Speed sports transmission) Number of Cylinders: V8 Acceleration 0-100 km/h in 3.8 sec Top Speed 317 km/h Drive: Rear-Wheel drive Transmission: AMG SPEEDSHIFT DCT 7-Speed sports transmission Fuel Consumption: 19.9 L per 100 Km
Make Model Variation Release Date Performance 100 to 0 Seconds 0-100 Gearbox Details Top Speed
: Honda : S2000 :2 : 2006 - 5
Make Bodystyle Specifications Configuration Engine Transmission 0-100 kmph Top Speed
: Audi R8 : Coupes, Convertibles
Make Model Variation Release Date Performance 0-100 Top Speed
: BMW : Z4 : Sdrive35is roaster design steptronic : 2010 - 2
: 2.56 sec : 6.2 sec : 6-speed manual : 240 km/h
: Mid engine, rear drive : V-10 : Automated sequential dual-clutch 7-speed : 3.6 sec (V-10 S tronic coupe) : 320 km/h (V-10 plus manual)
: 4.8 : 250 km/h
Make : Lexus Model : LS 460 Release Date : 2013 Performance 0-100 : 6.0 sec Gearbox Details : Eight-speed sequential-shift automatic Electronically Controlled Transmission (ECT-i) Drive Wheels : Full-time all-wheel drive (AWD) Top Speed : 210 km/h
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Make Model
: Range Rover Sport : SE
Interior Features Range Rover Sport is the definitive luxury sports tourer. With its superbly appointed interior and elevated cockpit, it’s designed to cosset and cocoon every passenger. The ergonomically designed centre console and controls place the emphasis on the driving experience, whilst the interior mood lighting brilliantly enhances the experience of night-time driving. As Standard with this model of Range Rover Sport SE • Command driving position • Cup holders • Start push button • Stainless steel tread strips • Front centre Console – Cubby box • Climate control including air conditioning • Premium leather steering wheel • Illuminated front vanity mirrors • Front dome lamps and map lights • Waterfall lighting • Footwell lamps • Auto dimming rear view mirror • Automatic climate control • Electric driver and passenger front seats with manual lumbar Eight way) • Rear seats folding (65:35) • Map pockets • Loadspace cover • Permanent 4x4 • Six speed adaptive automatic gearbox Performance Top speed : 193 kph Acceleration : 0-100 kph
9.3s
Make : Porsche Model : Cayenne GTS Engine : V8 Performance 0-100 : 5.7secs Top Speed : 260 km/h Comes with active suspension management (PASM) fitted as standard.
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Make Model Engine Performance Top speed 0-100 Transmission type
: Toyota : FJ Cruiser : 6-Cyinders, V-type : 175 km/h : 7.6s : 5-speed automatic
Make Model Release Date Performance 0-100 Top Speed Gearbox Details
: BMW : X6 : 2010 - 4 : 6.7 : 240 : 8-speed steptronic
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IYO uFAMOUS
A warm HOLA! to Soweto’s Finest: Amajita eSbhujwa
Setting the scene For a while, the retro 50s pantsula revival revved eKasi, but now, a new craze is sweeping the country, spearheaded by ‘Soweto’s Finest’: a streetdance troupe on the rise, whose name is virtually synonymous with the exciting ‘isbhujwa’ genre. Isbhujwa: Well, like many colloquial terms that zoom into the vernacular, it means exactly what it sounds like: “is bourgeois”, from the (originally pisstaking) French term for ‘aspiring middle class folks’. This mutated - in true ekasi-style - into a sartorial inclination for cool, trendy ‘hipster’ outfits, comprising skinny jeans, ‘preppy’ shirts, cardigans and ties, which differentiated the ‘more cultured’ wearers from the township hip-hopsters, Pantsula and show-off Skhotane cliques. The echoes of a separate identity then began to manifest in the highly-individualistic blend of dance-styles that is Isbhujwa. Soweto’s Finest picked it up, grooved into the moves … and made it their own. ‘Soweto’s Finest’ consists of Thomas Gumede (‘Tom London’), Thabang Mabiletsa (‘Fistoz Finest’), Njabulo Mahlaba (‘Njabz’), Kagiso Mshiane (‘Kaygee’) and Neo Chokoe (‘Brown’).
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The group was created in 2006 by Tom London, an intensely spiritual, highly-motivated young man (now 24), who grew up in an orphanage, after the horrific loss of his parents at a young age. Nurtured by a firm belief in Christ, backed by support from the orphanage and sheer personal determination, London landed on his feet, and has been flying ever since. Initially, he taught inja ya khe yase kasi enye qha. “We would dance on the street around the house, just the two of us (Thabang), with the future unknown,” London related. Through dance, the young man found his bliss, ngokujaiva. “I am a very emotionally troubled person and these dance moves come from that place: the place of sadness and zeal to fight and be something better,” says this humble, impressively-talented guy. According to Tom London, the group (who regard themselves as a family, sharing the same dream) claim inspiration from diverse sources, including the US hip-hop dance derivative ‘Krumping’, Michael Jackson, and super-camp socialite/ celebrity choreographer, Somizi Mhlongo.
“Our mission is to always make sure that each performance is better than the last,” states London. After meeting the performers, you might wonder ukuthi lesi sbhujwa engiringa ngaso yini. Well, to describe this dynamic dance form in words really cannot do it justice, but essentially, it’s a mixture of different genres, inspired by the indigenous is’pantsula, seamlessly combined with contemporary dance, ballet and mbaqanga moves. London worries, though, that isbujwa is being portrayed in an inaccurate manner. “There is a trend in which ‘sbhujwa dancers are starting to seem like B-Boy dancers, and people who dance ikwasakwasa now claim to be dancing isbhujwa; in fact, almost anyone who dances has now decided to say they dance isbhujwa,” he exclaims. This misrepresentation annoys him, because Isbhujwa originates from Mzansi culture, and he feels that Soweto’s finest choreography and routines embody and represent pure, modern South African dance. Apparently, dancing in Soweto can be a daunting experience, because kuyajaivwa pha.
Brown
Fistoz
In the words of these fine ekasi boys: “Every dance group thought that they are the “s**t”, and after numerous street battles, the kings of dancers became known.” As a result, London and his ‘homies’ were known as “Soweto’s finest dancers” .. and they are busy living up to their name. “I used to be called the street bully, because I never lost a battle - like never - because I danced from within. I would sit down and create new dancing moves and make sure that I bring something nice and creative to the street,” admits London, with a shy smile. At various stages in their evolution, the group tried to perform individually, while simultaneously enjoying the experience of travel. However, their individual careers did not give them the same fulfilment that being part of the group did. In their own words, they “decided to stay together, put their heads down, and come charging into the industry like an angry bull, demolishing every milestone, and fighting for what they believe in.” Today, they are still fighting and, since 2010, the crew has been enjoying the fruits of their labours.
Njabz
Tom
Amajita la ababayo have performed in the presence of (as well as choreographed, and done music videos for) so many luminary people, that when I asked what they had done and where they had been, the list was so endless, they had even forgotten some of the people. They have performed in the presence of Alicia Keys, done music videos for Dj Cleo,Limpopo funk, TLX, Pro Kid, Dj Ganyana and Micasa’s ,just to mention but a few. Coming from Soweto the group makes sure to give back, by attempting to change the lives of street-kids. Being locals, who grew up in that environment, they (London) explained: “It is very difficult growing up in Soweto, because the statistics show that people here lose hope and they do not want to do anything for themselves.” Amajita la hosts free shows, and gives advice to the community. Unlike many others in the streetdance culture, Soweto’s Finest live by example: they don’t smoke or drink, and have respect for umphakathi. Vele majita asibafuni oSpinach no popaye ababa ngo TaMgobhozi. “Do something with your life.”
KG
The guys aim to open their own arts academy, focusing on “anything creative, from dance to music, drama, etc.” Ultimately, though, these gifted young move-meisters want to put Isbhujwa on the map, and show the world something proudly South African. Haike, if these guys go far, the Americans can start emulating us and not the other way round. Now that will be Ayoba!
Ayeye, majita ayeye! ‘Isbhujwa’ is topping the townships and the dance scenes like there’s no tomorrow. This uniquely South African dance phenomenon is poised to take the world by storm!
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THE AFRICAN TRADEMARK - It’s all in the Jeans 18 ISSUE 1 MZANSIMEN
The perennial debate over big, bouncy babes verses itsy-bitsy, skinny chicks rears its head once again, as we try to get to the ample (or somewhat less substantial) bottom of what is – for many – a highly senstive topic. Do men prefer well-rounded women, or those with slender shapes? It seems that the pros and cons surrounding this contentious issue are moulded around personal taste, and little else. I remain resolute in my preference, which is ‘more bang for my butt...’ I mean ‘buck’. I love the feel of the fuller figure, which comes with those soft, tangible bits that are so deliciously pliable in one’s hands, but there are others who like the exact opposite, which includes smaller, firmer, perter parts. I lean towards the beautifully voluptuous woman, who carries her curvaceous sensuality with pride, and exudes that warmth so often associated with bountiful builds. On the other hand, there are those men who (in the sprit of ‘more than a handful’s a waste’) are more partial to the a woman that keeps a firm eye on her scale as favoured by catwalk models. No one can criticise a woman who is curvier, any more than one can level accusations at those whose higher metabolic rates lead to
ironing-board bods, however, researchers at the Institute of Preventative Medicine in Copenhagen have found that plumper, pearshaped women are more likely to outlive their slimmer, apple-shaped counterparts. Hip fat apparently contains a natural anti-inflammatory, and those with wider hips appeared to be better protected against cardio-vascular conditions, as well as diabetes and gall bladder diseases.Furthermore, a recent survey undertaken by the Pittsburgh University concludes that women with the classic ‘hourglass shape’ will produce offspring that have higher IQs than their skinnier counterparts. (Apparently the ‘bigger booty’ contains Omega-3 fatty acids, which have a bearing on improving the IQ of children born to these women.) From my perspective, the more abundant form has dramatically improved my own IQ, as there are so many more expansive bits to fantasise and hypothesise about. Amongst an impressive list of statistics proving that, in many ways, ‘bigger is better’, the above study concludes that a waist-hip ratio of between 0.6 – 0.7 is ideal. This means little to me, and I assume that is the case with most other men. We prefer not to get bogged down by boring, use-
less facts, unless we are discussing soccer scores in single digit numbers. We are visual beings and hunters by nature, which requires a highly-developed skill-set of sensitive and carefully-honed observational traits; a complex understanding of physiological properties; some serious wining and dining; gentle, caring caresses, and – most importantly – communication, to have a shot at wooing the comely, well-rounded, or tantalisingly svelte woman of our dreams. Although the extensive research goes on to tell us what most of us already know: that the male species seems to inherently prefer women who have fuller figures (and I proudly reinforce those findings), whether you are part of the ‘trim is tremendous’, or ‘curvaceous is cool’ camp, both satisfy the desires of all (straight) men. Ultimately, we seek the same things women do: humour, intelligence, friendship and someone to willingly share our most intimate desires. Interestingly, according to research from the London Business School and the University of Florida, women with slender builds have a much greater chance of attaining higher salaries in the workplace, than their curvaceous colleagues.
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Fortunately, this particular study is not conclusive or exhaustive, as I have never been in the employment business. Had I been blessed with the opportunity of hiring staff, my employee selection would definitely have been from the more well-upholstered segment of the population, as they seem to have been unfairly marginalised. Another study posits that having a svelte woman on your arm at a function or social event improves the mood around you. I simply cannot concur. A buxom beauty is – to me – not only a much better bet in terms of company, but also likely to be handier as a backup fighter in a brawl. In my opinion (again, use it if you want to), a larger frame equates to bigger muscles, which can result in the sexy seductress on your arm having a distinctive left hook. (Yep, when it comes to our shapely, curvy sisters, it’s all big-hearted bonhomie... just ask any doorman!) Women have unfortunately been conditioned by the media to attain the minuscule weights popularised by many of today’s top models, and this has led to an alarming increase in anorexia and bulimia. If women just realised that we men do not want stick-figure partners who are constantly abusing their bodies with harmful starvation diets – and that we would much prefer a happier, more confident woman with a fuller figure – they would not put their bodies through the trauma they do! After much reflection, I have come to the undeniable conclusion that curbing harmful diets requires the simple act of removing one day of the week. Monday!
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I can gently rest my hand on her full-bodied hip as she stirs happily to my touch. I can run my hands over her lovely, generously-proportioned body, enjoy the warm comfort of her embrace.
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I think one of the keys to every woman’s positive perception of her body image should be based on the fact that no two bodies are alike. We humans come in a variety of shapes, sizes, heights, dimensions and colours. There is a match for every woman out there, and that ideal ‘other’ will appear when the love intent and focus is clear and unwavering. Men like women, fullstop. It’s the compatibility that counts, not the dimensions. So, what have we addressed in this article? Men like pleasingly plump women. (Tick.) Men like slender women. (Tick.) Men like a compatible partner on an intellectual level. (Tick.) Men like sport. (Tick.) Men like all kinds of women. (Double-tick.)
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On a personal level – and this in no way discounts the allure of thinner women – I prefer a chubby charmer, with whom I can snuggle up to in bed and feel her warm flesh pressed softly against me. I can gently rest my hand on her full-bodied hip as she stirs happily to my touch. I can run my hands over her lovely, generouslyproportioned body, enjoy the warm comfort of her embrace…. and let the good times roll In conclusion, let it be known that I’m a fullbodied kind of guy myself, who also has bulges in all the ‘wrong places’, and my girlfriend has yet to complain. We fit like hand and glove, curve to curve, hump to bump. Give me a sensual, statuesque woman with generous proportions every time, and from now on the working week will always start on Tuesday.
I LIKE BUMS - MC Hammer I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist And a round thing in your face You get sprung Wanna pull up tough Coz you notice that butt was stuffed Deep in the jeans she's wearing I'm hooked and I can't stop staring Oh, baby I wanna get with ya And take your picture My homeboys tried to warn me But that butt you got Make me so horny Ooh, rump of smooth skin You say you wanna get in my Benz Well use me, use me cuz, you ain’t that average groupie… …I'm tired of magazines Saying flat butts are the thing Take the average black man and ask him that She gotta pack much back So Fellas (yeah) Fellas(yeah) Has your girlfriend got the butt (hell yeah) Well shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake that healthy butt Baby got back
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1. Alwen dressed by Dream K 2. Evan dressed by Young designers 3. Chris dressed by Soweto wired 4. Derrick dressed by Juju designers 5. Joe dressed by Black boys 6. Chris dressed by All Africa Finest
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THE LAST NUMBER SIMTHEMBILE KEWUTI – OUR FALLEN HERO
In 2004, fresh from the Eastern Cape, armed only with hope and a handful of sketches, a hungry young man paced the streets of the Cape Winelands town of Wellington, in desperate search of a likely place to sell his work. Arriving at a tiny, exclusive gallery in Church Street, he peered through the windows, marvelling at the framed artworks on display … and the hefty pricetags they carried. Overawed, he hesitated at the doorway. Die Steeg seemed dauntingly posh to a penniless, unsophisticated black boy, with no artistic training. Swallowing his pride, he nervously pressed the door-buzzer and entered; an audacious step that would irrevocably alter his destiny. For, as the youngster timidly revealed his rough, travel-worn sketches, gallery curator Lorraine van den Berg was immediately struck
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by his extraordinary raw talent and acute powers of observation. Encouraged by her positive response, Simthembile Kewuti related his story. He and his identical twin brother, Simthemba, had been born and raised, along with five other siblings, near King William’s Town in the Eastern Cape. From an early age, he had loved drawing, depicting objects from his rural surroundings with amazing aptitude. Although art was not offered as a school subject, nothing could quell his creative ambition. Having matriculated in 2003, he yearned to broaden his horizons and – heedless of his family’s misgivings – had moved to Mbekweni Township (between Paarl and Wellington), to stay with his older sister, Julia.
Knowing that the boy’s extraordinary potential would never be realised unless he received help, Lorraine (mother of gallery owner, Henry van den Berg) immediately offered to accommodate him in her own home, and enrolled him for classes with veteran Wellington artist Mariette van Velden. The year spent guided and encouraged by Mariette’s gentle hand allowed Sim to hone his skills, and it was under her tuition that he painted his first nature study: an autumn leaf. So fine and delicate was his rendering of this simple subject-matter that she sent the picture, along with two others, to a gallery in Somerset West, where – to Sim’s incredulity – they were swiftly snapped up.
It was beyond his wildest dreams. One day, a man who was to play a major role in Simthembile’s life chanced to visit Mariette at her studio. Having been introduced to Sim and his work, prominent art dealer and former gallery owner, Jansen Zandberg, selected him to mentor and promote. From the outset, Zandberg realised that – despite his evident gift – Sim was directionless, in terms of finding his own special niche. He began by showing his protégé botanical books, which made a tremendous impact on the nature-loving youngster, but for Sim, it was a single incident that instantly decided his future vocation. “One day the old man brought me an aloe to paint,” he recalled fondly. “Straight away I fell in love, and from that moment, I knew what I wanted to do with the rest of my life!” Through Zandberg, Sim took his first steps as a fledgling botanical artist, undertaking several projects for Kirstenbosch Gardens in Cape Town. Anticipating a bright future, he flourished, adding polish to his craft. Then, in early 2006, while visiting his family up-country, Sim received the devastating news that Jansen Zandberg had died. He had been a significant paternal role-model and major stabilising force in Sim’s life. His unexpected death had – literally overnight – deprived the young man, not only of a beloved father figure and life-guide, but also of a reliable source of income, and Sim was left floundering and directionless. Fortuitously, art patrons David and Sue Sonnenberg of Diemersfontein Wine Estate had just established an initiative to provide promising disadvantaged artists with housing, studio space, and an outlet for their work, via the Thokozani Gallery. Sim seemed an ideal candidate, but – in spite of the tranquil, aesthetic setting, and kindness of his benefactors – he struggled to adjust to his elite environment.
“God gave me this special talent, and it would be an insult to Him, if I wasted it!” Gregarious by nature, he was a keen participant in traditional Xhosa cultural activities, especially dancing and singing. At Diemersfontein – cut off from social interaction in the vibrant nearby township – he felt alienated and alone. Furthermore, to his own detriment, Sim was possessed of what Mariette van Velden called “a typical artistic temperament”. Plagued by low self-esteem and tormented by fear of failure and letting people down, he could not face the constant pressure of having to “produce”. Despite the best of intentions from all parties involved, his tenancy at Diemersfontein was terminated. Again, fate stepped in to assist. Hearing of Simthembile’s plight, a local branch of the philanthropic Rapportryers organisation supplied funding to cover basic needs and art materials, for a year. To Sim’s everlasting gratitude, he was also able to attend a two-week specialist course in botanical illustration at the University of Cape Town, under the auspices of master-artist Vicky Thomas. He was subsequently offered studio space at Wellington’s Breytenbach Art and Cultural Centre and appointed resident artist, working there by day, and returning to Mbekweni at night. Word of Simthembile Kewuti’s reputation spread and painting commissions trickled in, but this income was barely sufficient to keep body and soul together. In addition, constantly having to juggle two opposing worlds – the privileged atmosphere of his working environment, compared with life in the township – became increasingly stressful.
It was during this period that I first encountered Sim’s illustrations, and was astounded to learn that these exquisitely delicate, faithfullyreproduced studies of plants and flowers were the work of a self-confessed, “simple Xhosa country boy”, who lacked the benefit of formal training, possessing only an innate talent, and an extraordinary eye for detail. Shortly thereafter, I was fortunate to spend some quality time with Simthembile Kewuti. Over a few beers (consumed well out of sight of what he called his “watchdogs”), we talked at length about his life, and the evolution of his art. I was taken with Sim’s honesty, humility and self-effacing sense of humour. Responding to my suggestion that his background and colour made him (to put it mildly) something of a rarity in botanical art circles, he stated, with a wry grin, “Let’s just say I’m definitely the only young black artist in Wellington who paints plants!” He explained that, unlike many artists, he had no interest in pretentious symbolism, nor the desire to make statements through his work, preferring the exacting confines of rendering plants and flowers with precision and fidelity. To my amusement (his state of penury aside), Sim was extremely particular about the commissions he undertook, and was openly disdainful of requests to paint what he referred to as “fussy, shapeless plants – like Lavender”, his passion being for indigenous flora; especially the bold, graphic forms of the succulent family. He also expressed frustration with the complex balancing act that his life had become. His was a restless spirit, in the true creative mould. Having achieved what he felt was an adequate degree of mastery in his work, Sim was hampered by his own ignorance. As he declared with artistic pique, “I can go on painting plants forever, but how can I move forward, when I don’t even know their names!” Ultimately, Sim’s aspirations went far beyond the reach afforded by his circumstances. He bore the mark of greatness, but the sad reality was that – like so many talented artists throughout the ages – he could hardly afford public transport and rent, let alone further studies. In early 2007, Sim discovered that his girlfriend was pregnant, and in November that year, she gave birth to a baby girl, but shouldering the financial responsibility of providing for his family sounded the death knell for Sim’s career. A man of honour, he reluctantly abandoned his Wellington studio – along with his artistic pursuits – in exchange for a meagre wage, earned by chopping vegetables at a retail chain depot. Painting in a cramped, dingy shack became a luxury reserved for occasional weekends. For an artist of his sensitivity and calibre, who once said, “I love quiet places. I go walking,
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God Bless Simthembile - Nkosi kusikeleleIn this dark time Will there also Be singing? Yes, there will also be singing about this dark Time – a song of gratitude and celebration for a brother, father, son But also a special artist who tried to capture nature’s beauty and succeeded. PHUMULA NGOXOLO SIMTHEMBILE Sue Sonnenberg, Wellington, April 2008
looking for plants and flowers to paint. It’s so hard to find quiet places to work in the township,” this must have been a painful indignity. After his departure from the Breytenbach Centre, I lost touch with Simthembile. Then, in mid-April of 2008, I received the shocking news that he was dead. In the early hours of Friday, April 11th, 2008, at an Mbekweni tavern, his life had come to a sudden, brutal end, from a single, fatal stab-wound to the heart. We will never know what triggered the murder of this sweet-natured, fun-loving young man, for he was already dead by the time his sister and brother were delivered the grim news by the police. The senseless tragedy of his untimely demise left family, friends and supporters reeling, for Sim had the makings of a genius in his field, and a long, successful career had seemed assured. Sadly, this was not to be.
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By coincidence, just four days after his death, the Breytenbach Centre held an exhibition of Mariette van Velden’s work. She dedicated a corner of the gallery to her late pupil’s paintings, and an emotional Sue Sonnenberg paid a heartfelt, selfpenned tribute. “He had an incredibly gifted eye for detail, and the gentlest touch. His death is an enormous loss,” said Mariette of the young man she had nurtured, and for whom she (and so many others) had held such high hopes. One day, observing Sim at work, I remember complimenting him on the uncanny accuracy of a plant he had just painted. He responded simply: “God gave me this special talent, and it would be an insult to Him, if I wasted it!” Sim’s reverence for the divine in nature was revealed through deft brushstrokes and a subtle use of colour, which imbued extraordinary vitality to his minutely-observed watercolour and acrylic studies.
Despite his youth and rudimentary training, they are clearly the work of a budding master, who could have attained tremendous heights, had he but been graced with a longer lifespan. Today, Simthembile Kewuti lies buried in his Eastern Cape home-town. His daughter lives nearby, with her mother. In 2008, at the instigation of Mariette van Velden, a trust-fund was established, so that they might benefit from the posthumous sale of his (limited) portfolio of work. For many famous artists, true recognition and fame has only come after death, and this may well be true of Simthembile Kewuti … but it is hoped that, one day, his child will know of her father’s unique gift, and that his creative legacy will inspire her – and a new generation – to follow in his footsteps.
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FOUR AWESOME MODES. ONE INCREDIBLE MACHINE.
Yoga 13 combines the productivity of an Ultra book with the touch experience of a tablet, taking full advantage of the Windows 8 functionality. The screen flips a full 360 degrees into four modes that make it easy to create, share, or consume content. Combine those with its long battery life, and the Yoga 13 provides ultimate versatility.
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HP401 CUSH Urban-Style Headphones
For ultimate sound quality, comfort and style. Featuring an ultra-lightweight design and thick over-the-ear cushions, Cush Headphones allow long-lasting comfort and remarkably detailed acoustics with a lavish fit. With 54-millimeter speakers and a max output of 118 decibels, these headphones are sure to provide the legendary bass response and tonal accuracy for which KICKERÂŽ is known.
The new IK501 now certifiably works with iPhone 3G and all 4th-generation or newer iPod media players. Features the outrageous, square-shaped reflex subwoofer on the back of the unit, along with a pair of five-inch woofers and silk-dome tweeters. It’s all juiced by a powerful internal amplifier with digital signal processing for the richest, best-sounding docking system available.
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HAAI BO BANTU BAMI Dear Director, After browsing through your online advert I would love to apply for the PA’s position. I holder a Masters Degree in Private Communications obtained last year from a back door University in KwaZulu Natal. I can whatsapp the name as a token of gratuity. Am immediately available on request.
Got anything funny to share? Drop us a mail on haaibo@mzansimen.com and stand a chance to win R500
GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT
As a recovering alcoholic one of my greatest achievements was being sober on a Monday and resorting to light beers Reason for leaving
One major reason for quitting my 3 previous jobs is the mere fact my superiors had a different mentality to mine and the Jobs were really annoying Motivation note
I am a handy work with eyes for instructed, my English is good and my Zulu is goodest, I have bettered my Afrikaners the past few months. What missing a T might sound like
SKILLS – “Fantastic ability in muti-tasking”. Reference
“References: None took all to CCMA, and I hope the last one is the final CCMA case attended. I lost badly and chances are they will give me bad reference, allegation of being lazy and many more. You can see am a very honest guy.
Résumé and Cover letter sent without deleting someone else’s editing, including such comments as “exaggerate and try sell yourself, being too honest is the last thing you need” Belief and Faith
Am a strong believer that ANC is incorruptible a part from tender irregularities and common bribery as a result of direct poverty. "Qualifications: No education or experience." Reason for Leaving
"I had an affair with my boss which went horribly wrong, so I had to leave my current job!"
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South Africa produces some of the planet’s smartest, most competent, professional male achievers. Sadly, due to poverty, the lack of positive role models, and other disadvantageous circumstances, the majority of our promising youngsters never get the opportunity to realise their potential. Corporate hero, Sbusiso Kumalo, is living proof that one can rise from rags to riches, and be upwardly mobile - in style!
BOSSO KE MANG
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A Man on a Mission: Corporate superstar Sbusiso Kumalo Born in the Cape township of Gugulethu, 35-year-old Sbusiso Kumalo’s childhood dreams of one day attending university seemed unlikely to come to fruition, because his family – like so many others – lacked the funds, but, when he finished high school in 1998, he put his back into working as hard as possible, determined that his efforts would one day result in the opportunity to study, and earn a degree. Grit and ambition paid off, as this dynamic self-starter has just completed his EMBA (Executive Master of Business Administration) through the University of Cape Town Graduate School of Business, and is currently Head of Corporate Affairs at Capitec Bank. Sbusiso grew up all over, moving from place to place and country to country, with his parents and five siblings.. He lived in Cape Town, Johannesburg, KZN, Port Elizabeth, Zambia, Zimbabwe and even the UK. Unfortunately, his father wasn’t around much, due to his involvement in business and politics. “I never got to really build a father-son relationship with him,” admits Sbusiso. “It is difficult to relate to him now, or to have a heart-to-heart conversation, but I don’t think it’s changed the person that I could have become.” Sbusiso attributes much of his success to his mother. Although she “had her hands full, raising six children”, to him, she embodied the strength and nurturing power that African women are capable of wielding, by giving her all to her large brood. “She instilled personal and family values in us, as well as motivation and drive,” says Sbusiso.
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Without this feisty woman behind him, Sbusiso might not be the self-made ‘mover and shaker’ he has become. His mother also fostered in him the strong religious convictions Sbusiso still espouses today. “I am a Christian and my family and I regularly go to church. My spirituality has grounded me and taught me values, but it is just one part of my personality; merely one part of the wheel of life.” For over six years after high school, Sbusiso threw himself into working hard at a range of different jobs, and was fortunate to discover one of his personal passions early on: using marketing to aid youth development and encourage social change. His philanthropic dedication was evident to those he worked with, and he has been the worthy recipient of several awards, including finalist in the Black Management Forum Manager of the Year Award in 2008 and the Apex Marketing Award in 2010. The secret to his success? “Commitment,” smiles Sbusiso. “I could write a book on it!” In 2005, Pres Les (his employer at the time), offered to pay for his studies, and Sbusiso grabbed the opportunity with both hands. “My first real stab at education was at the University of Cape Town.. Adjusting to academic life after all those years of working was quite an experience,” says Sbusiso “No university can ever prepare you for real life.” Regardless, Sbusiso’s efforts were rewarded, and he graduated with a Associate in Management Degree.. Due to his hard work, Capitec Bank financed his EMBA in 2011.
Since leaving school 15 years ago, Sbusiso has worked his way up the marketing ladder, in addition to starting two small businesses … and a family. He and his wife, Nwabisa, were married in 2009, and have two children: Thando, a nine-year-old boy and Sihle, a 12-monthold girl. “They have inspired me to be the most committed and involved father I can be,” he says proudly. “If I can give them a quality education, hopefully one day they can contribute to making South Africa a better place.” Nwabisa is also a business professional in her own right, with extensive experience in the financial services industry (and insurance in particular), but when she fell pregnant with Sihle, she took on the role of running small projects, as well as a being home executive, who “heads up household affairs” at the Kumalo home. With two astute business minds under one roof, the couple “operate efficiently as a team most of the time. We are not traditional in terms of gender roles,” says Sbusiso. “There are certain specific things that each of us do, but we share the overall responsibility. However, we both still believe in our cultural traditions.” While he has been very successful business-wise, and boasts a contented family life, Sbusiso admits that building his career straight out of school, while simultaneously trying to be a well-rounded individual, has been challenging.
“I missed out on a lot of the fun stuff,” he states, somewhat ruefully. “I never got to party and be irresponsible. In one of my very first jobs, I worked with people who had children and families … and yet I was only 20! I don’t even know what it’s like to live alone,” he confesses. “Married life is not easy. If I had said some of the things I really felt at times, maybe I wouldn’t be married right now! All I’m saying is, everything has its challenges.” Sbusiso doesn’t plan on relaxing his pace any time soon, though. “Now that I’ve finished two-and-a- half years of torture at the GSB (Graduate School of Business), I want to spend my time well,” he says. “My plan is to write two books: one on entrepreneurship, in which I’ll share what I’ve learnt about running a business, and the other on ‘the first 1000 days in office’.” The second book will take a look at the first few years of any young professional’s career in a corporate situation. Many young people I come across expect to get promoted and earn lots of money quickly and employers expect new staff to make magic. They both find themselves disappointed after a year,” explains Sbusiso, describing the pitfalls of starry-eyed job-starters, versus the harsh realities of working life. “This book will hopefully benefit both the young professional, as well as the employer.” With youth development comprising a significant part of his ongoing mission, Sbusiso has founded an NGO, aimed at mentoring young professionals. The vision of Executives At Work is to fast-track the career development of young professionals, by providing a mentorship platform for senior executives to share their experience and offer guidance.
The NGO is working on a development programme, The Moses Generation Leadership Programme, which aims to address confidence levels of employees and help them “engage on a personal transformation journey, to ensure that they become effective agents of change”. The programme will include recognising individuals through awards, assisting in coaching, mentoring and teamwork.. Despite having several irons in the fire, Sbusiso is equally passionate about his ‘day-job’. “I deal with stakeholders, industry bodies and the government,” says Sbusiso. “I also look after the CSI (Corporate Social Investment) department.” The CSI projects (which Sbusiso treasures), focus on education, especially high school maths. “We try to make a difference by arming the youth with the necessary maths skills they need to get into university,” he explains. Believing that action speaks louder than words, Sbusiso’s most ardent wish for our country is that more people will start ‘doing’ instead of just talking. “People see things that are wrong all the time and don’t do anything about them,” he declares. “We have become so accustomed to living with things that are not acceptable. We all need to adopt a culture of action, by becoming involved and committed!” Sbusiso offers the following advice for those who aspire to be super-achievers: “You will never know who you truly ought to be, until you commit your whole self to what you are doing.”
Q & A with Sbusiso Kumalo What inspires you? I’m inspired by so many things, for different reasons. My kids inspire me to be a great dad; to be involved and to be committed. The world inspires me to work hard, so I can travel, explore, meet new people and learn. Change inspires me to keep dreaming and reaching for new heights; to go to places no one else wants to go, and leaving a mark. What do you drive? A BMW 650 convertible What is your dream car? The one I’m driving. Which businessperson, alive or dead, would you most like to have dinner with? Donald Trump If you were president for a day, what would your first law be? An eye for an eye. What is your most embarrassing memory? In 2006, I invited my family to my graduation at UCT. Unfortunately, I got the times mixed up, and I missed it. There I was, all dressed up in my robes, with my family all around me, and nowhere to go! What is your star sign? Leo In my ideal South Africa… There’s real opportunity for everybody, regardless of who they are.
Sbusiso’s thoughts on: Gay marriage – “The beauty of South Africa is that we all have the freedom and the right to express who we are.” Women in the workplace – “We’re doing better in this area, but we do need more acceptance. Men need to realise that women are of equal thought and contribution.” Unemployment – “We need to develop entrepreneurial skills in high school, so that more young South Africans will opt to be employers, rather than employees.
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JIVA WENA!! A must have Kalawa Jazmee Uhuru Dance
When the Kalawa Jazmee crew is in the studio there’s no doubt about it, zizosha! Introducing their new members taking SA house by storm; Maphorisa, DJ Clap and Celimpilo make up Uhuru. Dj’s/producers these three are a great gift to house music lovers. Uhuru is one of the best dance albums yet. The album has 13 tracks, the introduction track is a remix of Letta Mbuli’s, Not yet uhuru. In this album the group feature talented lyricists, Dj’s and producers. One of the tracks that blew me away is track #3,‘On my own’ featuring Relo. There’s a bit of deep house, track #4 featuring Boddhi Satva vart which is also a very nice track. If you’re a fan of African house and incanywa ibhenga this album is for you, iyababa boss! Our rating 4/5
Zonke Ina Ethe - Jazz Classic
2010 was the year where Zonke got to shine and prove herself as one of Mzansi’s finest. Ina Ethe meaning ‘Give and take’ was the album that put Zonke Dikana on international maps, magazine covers and radio plus television interviews, scooping four SAMA awards. The album was solely written and produced by the songstress hailing from Port Elizabeth, it got everyone applauding her talent. Ina ethe is a soulful jazz classic; Zonke gives her all in this one and we really get to appreciate her passion for quality, harmonious and soulful music. ‘Songs that were received very well include; Feelings (track 5), Jikizinto (track 6) and Nameless (track 7). Track number 3, Viva the legend is dedicated to her late father Vuyisile Viva Dikana who was her music icon. This album has done exceptionally well in 2012. Hence we’ve rated it as our jazz class, with a rating of 4/5.
Ska Ba Dom!!
A Must Read, Then & Now Chasing the Devil – Tim Butcher
Retracing Graham Greene’s trek through Sierra Leone and Liberia, not knowing whether he will be served on a platter as a meal or of what he will discover, Tim Butcher takes his chances as an explorer and journalist. Butcher took this journey to try and understand the pure evil which is depicted in these African countries and uncovers the ‘Poro’ – one of many secret societies throughout Liberia, Sierra Leone and Guinea. He refers to this evil and a ‘Modern War’ where civilians are raped and killed for the sake of rituals carried out as well as public displays of cannibalism. This book sees Butcher engaging with civilians and getting their personal accounts on the happenings.
The Godfather – Mario Puzo 1969
Covers the years between 1945 – 1955 with the Mafia then headed by Don Vito Corleone and the novel takes a look at his early childhood right up to adulthood. Based on the Mafia underworld in New York City. Power is the focal point carried through a legacy from father to son. The themes are set around tradition blood and honor, which is highly revered with Italian Americans. This book is one of those reads you will always use as a comparison to other crime dramas, old or new. Most of the time the novel compared, will not be able to hold its own against this piece which is authentic, passionate and filled with greed.
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The Runaway Jury John Grisham 1996
The story takes place in Southern Biloxi, Mississippi, seeing a widow take on a rich tobacco company as she blames their product for the cause of her husband’s death. Millions of dollars are at stake and this tobacco company has to make sure that they do not lose this case. The plot is based around a set of jurors who one by one, start to act very strangely but the question is who, what or why? Thrilling and intriguing, John Grisham gets it right every time. Cry, the beloved country Alan Paton
Cry, the beloved country is the story of a black South African Anglican preacher, Stephen Khumalo who goes to Johannesburg to look for Absalom his son who has committed a crime. It looks at the racial inequalities in South Africa during apartheid as well as hardships faced by the black people then. Coming from rural Natal, Khumalo is surprised by the way of life in the city – it’s a dog-eat-dog world and morality is gone. This is the same South Africa we live in today, where young black men have left home in search of greener pastures and get caught up in the craziness of the commercial world. Black people can relate to the book at both an emotional and practical level. Limited opportunities due to lack of education have also led many black people to look for ways to make a quick buck and risk jail just like Absalom. It shows that the older generation is against change which has left households in the care of older children as parents and guardians leave for the city.
Running for my life – Lopez Lomong 2012 Best Non-Fiction Story
A young boys journey through from the killing fields of Sudan through Kenya and living his Olympic dream in America. Amongst the civil war in Sudan, stems the courageous journey of a young boy who through extreme circumstances, achieves his dream of competing as a US Olympic athlete. Abducted from his village by rebel soldiers at the tender age of 6; he escapes their clutches and runs for his life through the desert and ends up in Kenya where he endures the next ten years of his life in a refugee camp. From the harshest circumstances, which made everything seem impossible, Lopez’s will to survive and faith kept him hoping and believing that he could change the entire dynamic of his life and those around him. The lost boys stories have been of the most inspirational from Africa to the US and Lopez Lomong’s experiences makes for an excellent read.
Rihanna Unapologetic
‘Shine bright like a diamond’ is Riri’s message in her seventh installation. Talented and incredibly sexy singer Rihanna released another album titled, ‘Unapologetic’ late 2012. Since 2005 Rihanna has never failed to blow away the world with her unique music, Unapologetic is no exception. Her first single, ‘Diamonds’ is sitting right on top of international charts and banging every city club and street. The album has fourteen tracks and is very versatile, there’s a mix of everything in this one including RnB, hip hop, dance/ electro funk and reggae. She features a lot of other artists including; David Guetta, Eminen, future, Mikky Ekko and her Ex Chris Brown. Their duet is titled, ‘Nobody’s business’ and has everyone wondering ukuthi zishaphi? Other songs we think you’ll like include, track #4 Pour it up- a laid back track, track #5 Loveeee song featuring Future and track #14 Get it over with. This album is a great buy for someone who appreciates a variety of music, it’s for the young and mature. Our rating 3/5. Music Lucky Dube (Slave/Remember me)
Many people today still relate to the late Lucky Dube’s music which focuses on the socio-political situation in the 80s and 90s – a time when they were under white government oppression. As long as black people recall the struggle Dube’s music will always be relevant to them. Songs such as “Slave” tell how much people suffered and those who were affected relate very strongly to it. ”Remember me” is about a father who leaves home to go to the city but never comes back, which has become a norm in the community today therefore even though his music is from a different time it is still and always will be relevant to the community. 4/5
STARRING !! A MUST WATCH
The cold days are here and that means a lot more days to spend indoors and most probably lazing around and watching TV or a hell of a lot of movies. There are a whole lot of movies that you can see but here are a few that you have to watch come rainfall, come sunshine.
DVD: White Wedding (4/5)
Inglorious Basterds (5/5)
If you have ever seen a Quentin Tarantino movie, then you know to expect a lot of blood and bad language and bizarre graphics and a crazy yet plausible storyline. This movie is set in Europe during World War Two. A group of American Jews are going around Europe brutally killing Germans. While this is happening, there is also a plot to assassinate Adolf Hitler. This movie has its funny moments but if you are squeamish, then you might not enjoy all the bloody bits in between. Starring Brad Pitt, who totally exemplifies the character of the leader of the American Jews; Christophe Waltz, who plays the villain that you cannot help liking for his wit and his charm. The Departed (5/5) Legendary film director, Michael Scorsese, is just master when it comes to movies. This movie is set in Boston and it involves the Irish Mafia, a dirty cops and an undercover cop who goes in way over his head on his mission. The plot thickens when the undercover cop (played by Leonardo DiCaprio) and the dirty cop (played by Matt Damon) try to uncover each other’s identities.There is a twist right at the end which will leave you dumb founded. You will probably want to watch it again. 300 (5/5) This one will probably have your testosterone levels rising because of just how amazing this movie is. It is action packed and you will likely want to go to gym to be as ripped as the characters in the movie. It is about the war of the Spartans against the Persians, where King Leonidas took 300 men go fight against an army of thousands upon thousands. Starring Gerard Butler (Law Abiding Citizen) as the brave and fearless King Leonidas. It is one of those that you can’t get enough of.
Snatch (5/5) Directed by Guy Ritchie, you might know him as ex Mr. Madonna. This movie features a host of familiar faces including Brad Pitt, Benicio Del Toro and Jason Statham. Set in the dodgy backdrop of England, a group of crooks are all connected in pursuit of a diamond. You can expect to find quite a bit of violence but there is also some of that dry British humor, which is actually funny once you get it. This is one of those movies you have to watch closely so that you don’t get lost in what is happening.
Produced by Jann Turner, Kenneth Nkosi, Ken Follet and Raphulana Seiphemo, the comedy shows how Elvis (Nkosi) and his best men Tumi (Seiphemo) struggle to get to Cape Town for his wedding to Ayanda (Zandile Msutwuma.) It looks at how young South Africans are now into Western ideologies such as white weddings instead of traditional ones. Ayanda and her wedding planner are in charge of everything whereas in a traditional wedding the bride’s family handle all the preparations. It also looks at black men today who have had a chance to a decent education and have made their fortune abroad as Tony comes back to the township successful. Tony however comes to find that his ex-girlfriend is now engaged, many young men who have left the country to work or study have also experienced the same thing. White wedding looks at promiscuous young men in the persona of Tumi who is not serious about any relationship and is a player. Many young black men have turned to players as they have become wealthy and successful in the commercial world.
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Cognac and Brandy Warmer by DDO WWW.MZANSIMEN.COM ISSUE 1 39
EX’SE CHIEF It’s a Friday night; an evening where my girls and I catch up with sexy cocktails and mature wine, a night of giggles and kinky chats. Izigcebezana, ama high heels ne Brazilian weaves is the attire. My girls and I are quite a lively bunch, independent ladiesayaziyo into ayifunayo. Lentlobo that can attract any guy. Tonight the topic is about ATM guys, obhuti abanomkhaba (the beer belly guys). We know what ATM ladies are, the incredible assets they are blessed with, the right amount of meat- at the right places. A black guy’s ATM is his Mkhaba (belly button). For a black guy umkhaba (belly) epitomizes wealth, status and class. These guys are abo Juju; amadoda adl’imali, amadoda aqotho, aqhuba imoto ezinzima and can take good care (financially) of a lady. The thing that we discovered about some of these guys is the little effort they put in bed; shockingly disappointing, pathetic! Ok, I get the fact that men won’t be gifted equally with their Pump Guns but I cannot stand a guy who can’t use umachine wakhe. Then I would rather get myself a sex toy than umntu ozo hiker on top of me and just as I’m still waiting or listening; bang! The poor thing is moaning and groaning with pleasure; and I left hanging. While he’s drizzling sweat as if he was running a marathon. This one is for you Mr Tender guy, take note and listen carefully. I am a woman, a real woman with needs. It is not the opulent suits you wear and fancy hotels you take me out to that impress me. Andithelanga nqa zi possessions zakho, I’ve got my own money. When I’m with someone I want to be enticed, I want to have fun. Give me steaming sex. Give me game; challenge me, excite me, give me endless orgasms’. The lesson is, don’t be selfish and stop being damn lazy! Slow down on that beer and meat if they’re the ones affecting your libido. Take energy supplements or follow a sexy friendly diet if you need to. Let’s take it step by step, one fulfilling round at a time, until we get to a full night’s play. Get me….
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UKUKHOTHANA KIDS
There’s a controversial new cult in Ekasi. It swaggers at the after-dark altar of big bucks, designer labels and bling-bling, fuelled by hard drugs, under-age boozing and sex, but is ‘ukukhothana’ really that cool? Hollywood stars and famous wealth-inheritors, eat your hearts out! In Soweto, a subculture of aspirational youngsters are living the kind of lavish lifestyle most people – of any age – can only dream of! Right now, right here in the Jozie suburbs, school-going kids are imitating the high life typically associated with celebrity big spenders and millionaires, to the dismay of their parents! In normal African society, across the continent, children are not expected to compete in terms of assets or monetary power, but this group of brash youngsters’ expenditure on branded trappings and parties often far outweighs the paltry earnings of their parents. Needless to say, after leaving high school, these kids are confronted by the reality of life, which is possibly why they revel in the philosophy of “seizing the day”, while they still can. Some remain determined to continue with their extravagant lifestyles after matriculating (despite not finding jobs), because they believe that – come night-time – success is all about the flagrant exhibition of wealth. These underworld amajita (young men) and their ‘groupies’ call themselves ‘Skhothane’. Their credo is to embrace a flamboyant, luxurious, high-profile lifestyle that makes them ‘stand out amongst the crowd’, and their elevated status is affirmed by countless adoring supporters, via electronic media. Despite not being in the Skhothane league, I managed to interview some of the main roleplayers in this fascinating urban subculture. One of these was “Gugu” (not her real name); a bling-festooned, tattooed, chain-smoking, 16-year-old, clad in a micro-mini that left little to the imagination, who revealed a precocity far beyond her tender years. “’Skhothane’” means ‘a person who wears expensive clothes’,” said “Gugu” , who belongs to a 12-member gang, comprising seven boys and five girls, based in Protea Glen, adding, “Mina, amadoda vangithi Chikitas (‘boys call me ‘Chikitas’).” According to Gugu, “The whole thing started in the East Rand years back, but later came this side. Let me say it began long before we were even born, and the name is now different to what they used to call it. We grouped together to become a formidable team, and named ourselves ‘iSIsikhothane’, to carry on the legacy of our elders.”
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Gugu continued: “On a weekend, we hire a Toyota Quantum and go to flashy parties. Last week we went to a party that another group hosted, and we did not like the group, so we went to buy new clothes, just to go to another party and get recognised. We love it when we arrive; people scream for us and take pictures, and that’s how the battle begins,” Gugu, the eldest in the group (who claims to be “from a rich family”), says their respective parents fund all expenses, but a detailed investigation revealed that most parents are vehemently opposed to their offspring’s opulent way of life, as such activities “do not put bread and butter on the table”, and in fact present numerous problems. One parent accused such groups of crime, although some of the children apparently clean cars and waste bins, in order to fuel their spending sprees, instead of putting the money to good use. As a result, many feel that this kind of behavior is unacceptable in African society. “Abatwana esikholo (school children) try to copy what they see on television the “So What Lifestyle”?. They buy clothes costing R3 000, but as a parent, I cannot manage to spend such an amount on clothes alone,” complained a concerned parent. “Most parents do not know that their children are living the high life every night, stealing and robbing from other people, in order to keep up with other children. It’s sad, bhuthi wami (my brother),” he added. Some parents, who were prepared to speak only on condition that their anonymity was preserved, suggested that certain groups might be linked to drugs and other illicit activities, as the girls involved often come back home crying rape. Online social networking is an integral adjunct to the success of the Skhotane subculture, and the Facebook page of one group recently notched up 9 000 followers, which highlights their influence on township youth. “There are many ‘fake’ Skhothane who want to follow us, but they cannot afford to keep up with the game,” said Gugu. “We like it when we all wear the same expensive clothes and people scream for us, but the bad thing about it is that not all of us can qualify to be a Skhothane. There are lots of people who are pressurised by this thing, and end up doing jail time. They also do drugs, just so they can survive, and even end up hanging themselves,” she admitted, frankly.
Some of the iSikhothane gatherings result in fatalities. One such incident saw an 18-year-old boy being stabbed to death in Pimville, Soweto, earlier this year, after a ‘ dissing match’ took a tragic turn, indicating the likelihood that many group members are highly intoxicated, when they ‘perform their moves’. Apparently this kind of lifestyle is nothing new in the townships. It originally took shape back in the 1950s, but involved adults, not school-kids. Back in time, a similar trend arose amongst migrant workers and mine labourers, as a form of release from the cramped and confined conditions of hostel living. “We were separated from our families and forced into isolation, so we would hold contests, trading our old overalls for the finest flashy suits. It was called ‘oSwenka’ during our time, and the winners would receive a goat, or blankets, and maybe some extra money to send home to their families in the Bantustans,” recalled Thabo Ndou, a former member of these groups of old. “For the iSikhothane, there is no tangible prize, but the admiring glances from girls in the crowd seem to be sufficient reward for them, these days,” he added.
A blind visit to one of the notorious Skhotane parties bore witness to an extravaganza that could only be equalled by a Hollywood celebrity, such as rapper and party animal, Jay-Z.
“I don’t care if my family struggles. I do what I love, and girls go wild when they see us, because we spend R1000 on pants alone, R2000 for jackets, R800 for shirts and R2 500 just on shoes!” I watched as the youngsters dissed each other, insulting each other’s apparel with the dreaded appellation, ‘fong Kong’ (fake). They accused one participant of having faded garments and - stating that they would buy new clothes “for him and for his mother too” - they doused him with French champagne, and ripped apart the expensive garments, bought with his parents’ hard-earned cash. The wanton destructi on of costly goods that takes place between rival groups during street face-offs is all the more astonishing, when one discovers that the majority of Skhotane are not born into wealth and privilege, but come from impoverished families, and the lowest echelons of society… so what motivates teenagers from humble backgrounds to indulge in such shamelessly ostentatious displays of shallow materialism? Again Gugu elucidated:“Kenny Kunene is our inspirational figure who keeps us going,” (For those readers who are unfamiliar with the notorious Jo’burg socialite and self-proclaimed ‘Sushi King’, former jailbird Kunene is a club-owning entrepreneur, who revels in living large.
A public outcry followed his recent radio broadcast, in which he boasted that he had a private harem of 15 girlfriends, and enjoyed “getting gang-raped by women.” Check our social page on Kenny’s twitts) It is the opulent lifestyles of South Africa’s ‘rich and shameless’ that these kids are attempting to emulate. ‘Ama spoiled brats’ is the aptly aspirational nickname for the ‘African Nike Champions’, who also cite affluent businessman, Kunene, as their role model, and whose members go by monikers such as ‘King Mosha’ and ‘Queen Mosha’. “Wabona fethu (‘you see my friend’), people don’t like us, because we live a high life and they are jealous,” bragged King Mosha.“Most of the girls date Skhothane, because they wear labels and expensive brands, and they seduce each other. I don’t care if my family struggles. I do what I love, and girls go wild when they see us, because we spend R1000 on pants alone, R2000 for jackets, R800 for shirts and R2 500 just on shoes!” These sentiments (from a boy who is still at school) characterise the superficial, consumerist attitudes of the iSikhothane. Then, unexpectedly, King Mosha added, “Being a Skhothane does not mean it’s our life forever. We only do it as teenagers. We are at school studying, and we want to be something else in the future … maybe even going to tertiary institutions to study.” Sadly, for many of his ilk, it is unlikely that this current champagne lifestyle can be maintained on the inevitable beer budget that looms in their ghettolocked futures.
So, how does one qualify to be a Skhothane? Gugu proudly divulged that anyone who desires to be one of them “must first buy lots of booze, to make the ‘holy water’ rain all over the place, like the day Noah built the Ark.” “It is easy. You buy us drink and you’ll be welcomed; then we will see if you will be able to buy what we can afford,” she said. Wannabe Skhothanes be warned though; the expensive liquor consumed by these heedless youngsters can run up a tab amounting to thousands of Randelas! “If you can’t beat us, join us, but if you don’t have money, you can’t join!” shouted one insouciant scholar, affirming their mercenary motto, as the iSikhothane sped off to their next jol, to live – if only for a few hours – the make-believe life of the idle rich.
Skhothane Prayer “Lets pray…… OUR KURT GEIGER WHO ART IN SPITZ, HALLOWED BE THY CAVERLLA, THY LACOSTE COME, THY WILL BE WORN IN TOWNSHIP, AS IT IS IN SANDTON, GIVE US VERSAGE OUR DAILY WEAR & 4 GIVE US FOR BUYING PRO-ACTIONS, AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO BUY NO- NAME, LEAD US NOT INTO BUYING FONG-KONGS, BUT DELIVER US FROM PEP, FOR THY IS THE Levi’s THE DIESEL AND THE NIKE FOR EVER AND EVER BLACKLISTED. AMEN…” ‘iZikhothana’ is said to stem from the Zulu word ‘khota’, meaning “lick”; hence ‘ukukuthana’ means “to lick one another”, perhaps referring to a common practice of Skhothane groups, which involves public ‘dissing’ competitions, in which a rival’s wealth is demeaned.
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LADIES CONFESS
The best confession wins R500
ONLY IN EKASSI. Confessions that left us gob smacked. Summer fling (Best confession )
‘For months my boyfriend of two years and I had been in a long distance relationship. Because of work he had to relocate to Jozi, promising to visit almost every weekend but because of work and financial issues he ended up coming home ones every three months. After months of loneliness; I finally gave in my sexual craves to one of my bosses (a nice catch for his age) at our end of year function. I knew he was married and I was in a serious relationship so it was a once off thing. My boyfriend came home for Christmas and was finally going to introduce me to his family as their future makoti (In law). We arrived at his parent’s house and it was full with the whole family. In shock I almost wet myself when I saw my one night stand there- my boss! He introduces us and he turns out to be his step dad.’ Lerato
A double adapter affair
‘I’ve never been ashamed of my sexual orientation. I grew up known as a tomboy and I’m a proud lessy (lesbian). One crazy night of boozing at a local pub with friends, I hit it off with this guy from engingqini (My neighborhood). There’s nothing wrong with a lessy hitting it off with a guy, it happens but the confession is that the guy was gay. The morning after, we couldn’t even look at each other because of shame. My biggest concern now was who saw us? Until a friend of mine told me everyone saw us all over each other at the pub.’ Yvonne
Church camp sex extravaganza ‘I’m used to being called a ‘holier than thou’ by my friends and colleagues. I never miss a church service on Sundays and as a member of the youth team, I’m very active at church. One of our summer outings included a weekend camp at the bushes. Saturday evening we decided to be a little naughty and have drinks with the guys who had a couple of vodka bottles. I got so drunk and ended up having sex with two guys somewhere in the bushes both my collage mates. Since then I haven’t gone back to church as I can’t even look at the guys in the eyes.’ Amanda ‘I wanted to break him up with the love of his life’
When we met he told me that he had a beautiful lady in his life as his wife and that he loved her dearly. Our relationship was a fun, no strings attached thing and I didn’t mind at first. Later on in the relationship I needed more from him but he couldn’t give me more because he was already taken. We had an electric thing going on between us. But the other woman was a threat. I consulted a Sangoma and he gave me Muti that would split them up. They started having problems and constant fights, eventually they broke up, and then he was all mine and still is, only me can break the spell, I have power over him. Thandi
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Amakaka in the swimming pool
‘I’m the ‘it girl’ in eKasi, every guy wants to hook up with me or dreams spending a night with me. Am envied by other girls because I represent class. I mingle with only the rich and classy guys and that’s the line I have drawn , We do what we do best and that’s to drink ,sniff and smoke coke. A morning after a serious night of partying; it was decided at a local tshis’inyama, “The boys paradise” that after a few hour the guys would come pick us up and we’d have a pool party at one of their houses. Umbhengo (braai) continued at Thabo’s house, utywala (booze) ne ntash (cocaine) freely available. I had had too much coke , I was so intoxicated I felt like I was floating in the air. I was swimming in the pool when my stomach started feeling funny and I let out a fart but much to my surprise it wasn’t just umsuzo (Fart). Everything came loose and I shit on my panties in the swimming pool with lots of people swimming inside too. The humiliation wasn’t felt then cause I was drunk and high. Came the next day, I couldn’t get out of the house nor answer my phone, I was the news of the town for weeks! I was so disgusted with myself that I stopped smoking cocaine for a year. Irene
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RANDELAS!! THE FINANCIAL GUIDE s – Methods to re Bling that Sting bt ippling de lease you from cr d! gone shopping ma ve ha s South African o int ing ter en credit, They are buying on purchase agreeehir g pin ap money-s accessing loans via ments, feverishly dthen going on spen micro-lenders and the fy their desire for ing sprees, to satis ng. d the brightest bli an newest gadgets e as rch ptation to pu There is a real tem nifur d an s, , appliance watches, jewellery s, an -lo cro mi to secure ture on credit, or l ring tough financia du er ov u yo to tide the at k loo ul caref times. We take a l in a tough financia ng wi rro bo of ls fal pit of ns co o the pros and market, delving int krec ch ue. With so mu this debatable iss rica, ing on in South Af go less borrowing es us ab the s some of we aim to addres try, us ind g din len to the that are common l cia an fin the ke to ‘ta and consequently asing bling’. sting out of purch
The most important point to consider when buying on credit is the fact that the purchased item is not wholly owned by you, ‘the purchaser’, until the loan, or credit transaction, has been fully repaid, often with excessive interest. Put simply, when buying on credit, you are purchasing something you cannot afford, with money you do not have readily available. It is very easy to swipe your credit card (the financial institutions have made sure of that), and it is just as easy to become bogged down by the resultant debt. Traditionally, buying on credit comes with hefty interest rates, which far outweigh the value of the original purchase price. The National Credit Regulator (NCR) and the Micro Finance Regulatory Council (MFRC) ensure that mandatory interest rate principles are adhered to, but this does not negate the fact that interest rates associated with micro-lending, or hirepurchase agreements, are still extremely high. Often, consumers end up paying double for a desired item, by utilising the credit that is so easily offered to them. Micro-lenders are allowed to charge exceptionally high interest rates on a monthly basis and, when annualised, these rates become exorbitant.
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If consumers opted to save the amount being spent on interest payments for a few months, they would be able to pay cash for the item, in a relatively short period of time. Default payments on micro-loans will incur additional costs. So, should you opt for the micro-loan route? I’ll leave those calculations up to you. As Suze Orman says: “The only way you will ever permanently take control of your financial life is to dig deep and fix the root problem”. We chatted to Mbuyiseli Mkunqwana, who is a financial adviser at Old Mutual, and he suggests that, in some cases, micro-loans can
be helpful, but in general he would encourage saving for the desired purchase, to circumvent the high interest rates that are typically associated with micro-loans. He also strongly advises that consumers elicit the aid of a qualified financial planner from a reputable financial institution, to properly assess their financial needs. Mbuyiseli goes on to warn that financial markets in South Africa for 2013 have not performed to their peak and are predominantly governed by international markets, making them highly susceptible to world fiscal challenges.
He then goes on to say that forecasting whether 2014 will be a profitable fiscal year (or experience fiscal collapse, after 2013’s slow start), is very difficult. Mbuyiseli’s advice: save where you can, invest wisely and reduce debt. In most cases, the biggest credit agreement a consumer will enter into is when they purchase a home. This involves determined negotiation with the bank that is offering you the bond. Banks are negotiable with regard to their mortgage interest rates, so do not accept the first housing bond approval that you get! Shop around at other financial institutions. Tell one financial institution what the other is offering in terms of interest rates, and they will probably meet that reduced rate. A 1% reduction in a bond interest rate equates to a large monetary saving, over the term of the loan. Negotiate hard with your financial institution for the best possible bond rates. If your home is your biggest credit purchase, then your second biggest purchase is usually a vehicle.
Vehicle interest rates are also highly negotiable, and as a client you have full rights to request a lower interest rate from the bank. Do not simply accept the interest rate they offer you. It is to the benefit of the car dealership to negotiate on your behalf, if they want to retain your business. Remember... there is another vehicle dealership just down the road, which is dying to do business with you! Get your vehicle dealership to ensure that the banks sharpen their pencils. In this article, we’ve touched on credit spending, micro-lending, housing bonds and vehicle finance, as well as the pros and cons associated with each of these methods of purchase, or loan. We’ve learnt not to accept the first interest rate offered by any financial institution, as there is an array of banks clamouring to get your business. Remember, as the buyer, you are in the driver’s seat. The only way that financial institutions survive, is by recouping the interest you pay them for their loans.
We have all been pushed into believing that the financial institutions which control the money they lend us, also control us. In fact the exact opposite applies. We, as the borrowers of their money, hold the key to their ultimate prosperity! Without the public, the banks do not have a clientele. It’s that simple. Banks need us, and in that need lies the public’s trump card to negotiate heavily on interest rates. Take charge of your own finances, negotiate firmly for improved interest rates, consider all your options, seek out a financial adviser, factfind on the internet and arm yourself with the financial knowledge you need. With regard to reckless borrowing, as legendary actor, John Barrymore, once said: “If it isn’t the sheriff, it’s the finance company; I’ve got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner.” Don’t let yourself get sucked into bad debt. (And learn to take care of your own financial needs … because if you don’t, someone else will charge you for the privilege!)
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Lady Gogo Inbox gogo@mzansimen.com
Question: I recently found out that I cannot have babies. I had been married twice and my family and I have always blamed my ex-wives for being impotent. Now the woman I am married to is on the verge of being thrown away by my family. She is always harassed by my relatives. How do I tell my family and my wife that I am the one who has the problem? I don’t want to be embarrassed because it feels easier just to let them take the blame. The problem is that it has been haunting me for a while I want this to go away but I don’t want to tell everybody the truth. Sbu LG: That is a very difficult problem you have because you do not want to own up to your problems. Every action has consequences. If you don’t tell the truth you will have to live with the guilt and in the process you will also be hurting your wife. My advice to you is that you tell the truth especially to your wife. You two can decide on whether to tell the rest of your family or not. It would be a good idea to do so though, because if they know then they will treat her with respect. Also try visit the men’s clinic close to you and find out what can be done with your situation if you haven’t already. There are numerous programmes that you can be put on to try and help with your situation. Question: My dear Gogo! Ndinengxaki ne cheri yami. I lost my job a couple of months ago and since then she has changed. When I had a job she didn’t mind to walk holding hands and she always visited me. We had a normal relationship. Now she has changed, she doesn’t want people to know that we are dating, she doesn’t visit me anymore and she treats me like trash. She talks to me like I am nothing and doesn’t want to have sex with me anymore. What should I do? Thulani LG: Mamela Thulani clearly this girl has problems. It’s either she wanted you only when you had money and now that you don’t she doesn’t. One thing you don’t want is to date someone who is there only in the good times and runs away in the bad times. So sit down with her and tell her how you feel. If nothing changes haike leave her and find someone who will love you unconditionally. Question: I am dating a lady who told me she was pregnant with my baby, but then a few days ago she turned around and told me the child does not belong to me but her current boyfriend who she met few months ago and is a major tenderpreneur, she met this guy after she had informed me she was pregnant. How should I deal with this situation because if the baby is mine I have to do some traditional ceremonies before the baby is born. Ndlovu Answer: Are you sure that she only met this man after she told you she was pregnant? Amasiko (Culture) is very important hence you cannot do the ceremonies when you are not certain if the baby is yours or not. Try and talk to your ex and make her understand what your intensions are. If you are still unsatisfied then go to your nearest hospital and find out if they can perform pre-birth DNA test, if not they will refer you to the right place. You can also wait until the baby is born to do this test if the ceremony can be held off. Question: I am having a baby mama drama. I have seven children with different women. My girlfriend whom I am currently living with doesn’t like it when the other women come to the house of which they have to because I have to see my kids. I don’t know how to make her happy and to be able to be with my kids. She knew before we started staying together that I have seven children. Mbedzi LG: It is vital that you have a relationship with your kids. Since your girlfriend knew that you had them she has to remember that she got into this knowingly. You have to make an arrangement with your baby mama’s. Deposit money in the account to maintain your children and someone can bring them when they come to visit. It will be impossible to totally brash them [the baby mama’s] out of your lives because they are the mothers of your children. Your girlfriend has to understand that. This problem might be that she doesn’t trust you around them. She can be present all the time when they bring your children. In the long run show her that she can trust you.
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Are you the next ATM? Are you ekasi’s favourite? Send your photo to hourglass@mzansimen.com and be the next African Trademark. You must be over 18.
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TERMS AND CONDITIONS • Competition is open to everyone except employees of Poznetworks CC, their families and third parties directly involved with Poznetworks CC. • Entry implies you have accepted our rules. • There is no cash alternative for the price. • Winners will be notified by Phone, Post or Email. • Editors decision is final. • Prices from third parties are not guaranteed. WWW.MZANSIMEN.COM ISSUE 1 49
Get Facts
SK’HOKO did you know that? MOST LIPSTICK CONTAINS FISH SCALES
THE AVERAGE MALE ORGASM LASTS 6 SECONDS. WOMEN GET 23 SECONDS. WHICH MEANS IF WOMEN WERE REALLY INTERESTED IN EQUALITY, THEY'D MAKE SURE WE HAVE FOUR ORGASMS FOR EVERY ONE OF THEIRS.
SOUTH AFRICA HAS 30,596 km OF RAILWAY TRACK – WHICH MAKES 80% OF AFRICA'S RAIL INFRASTRUCTURE.
THE NAMES OF THE CONTINENTS ALL END WITH THE SAME LETTER WITH WHICH THEY START.
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THERE ARE MORE THAN 2,000 SHIPWRECKS, DATING BACK AT LEAST 500 YEARS, OFF THE SOUTH AFRICAN COAST. MORE THAN ONE OF THESE, INCLUDING THE WARATAH, SIMPLY VANISHED WITHOUT A TRACE.
THE SHORTEST WAR IN HISTORY WAS BETWEEN ZANZIBAR AND ENGLAND IN 1896. ZANZIBAR SURRENDERED AFTER 38 MINUTES.
THE ONLY STREET IN THE WORLD TO HOUSE TWO NOBEL PEACE PRIZE WINNERS IS IN SOWETO. NELSON MANDELA AND ARCHBISHOP DESMOND TUTU BOTH HAVE HOUSES IN VILAKAZI STREET.
• IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO SNEEZE WITH YOUR EYES OPEN • A COCKROACH CAN LIVE NINE DAYS WITHOUT ITS HEAD BEFORE IT STARVES TO DEATH. • TYPEWRITER IS THE LONGEST WORD THAT CAN BE MADE USING THE LETTERS ON ONLY ONE ROW OF THE KEYBOARD. • LEONARDO DA VINCI COULD WRITE WITH ONE HAND AND DRAW WITH THE OTHER SIMULTANEOUSLY.
a l u s t apan
M a l a Dl
THE BAFANA eish MOMENTS Over the years we have watched Bafana Bafana win games. We have watched them lose games, and we have watched them playing draw games. Our national team has experienced a lot of problems, both administratively and in the actual pitch. We remind you of some of the light, if painful moments the supporters have been put through by our beloved Bafana Bafana together with SAFA, pronounced suffer.
• Going to the Afcon 98, Bafana Bafana arrived a man shot because SAFA failed to adder to the rules set out by CAF, that the squad to partake in the tournament must be submitted a week before the actual kick off of the tournament. Pollen Ndlanya was the sacrificial lamb.
• That same year we took part in our first ever World Cup. A new player was introduced to us. Pirre Isaa. He played in France for Marseille at the time; coincidentally our first game was against France. He made two own goals in the game, giving us a loose in our first outing ever!
si was in charge of the guys • Successful coach, Ted Dumitru, having defended the league with Amakho Afcon tournament held in Egypt 2006.
when they failed to score a single goal in the
• In 2009 SAFA appoints Joel Santana at the recommendation of Carlos Alberto Parreira. The Brazilian had no international experience as a coach. He’s reign was a disaster.
• For three years Bafana have failed to go past the group stages in the Afcon, 2004/6/8.
• We failed to qualify for the 2010 tournament, eish!
the first country • We qualified for the World Cup in 2010 albeit as hosts and became group stages.
ever not to go past the
• Bafana Bafana made a joke of themselves when they, thinking they qualified for the 2012 tournament after having played a draw against Burkina Faso. Amajita were celebrating and dancing, not understanding the rules of the tournament.
• We qualified as hosts, again, after Libya withdrew due to political unrest in that country.
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One on One with Siyabonga Ntubeni AKA Skara
The man beyond the Stormers Jersey
All in all Skara has what it takes to be the best black rugby player in South Africa and perhaps the World. Humility, honesty and pure passion for this hard sport is evident right through the conversation and will be his cutting edge as he goes on to become bigger and better. Go, go Skara!
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Siyabonga Ntubeni enters into the gorgeous Josephine’s Cookery in the heart of Newlands, with a broad smile and eager demeanor. He is clad in shorts, a tracksuit top and sneakers which gives us all the sense that we can sit back and relax while chatting to this guy. MM Lets chat about where you were born and raised Skara I was born in King Williams Town, my parents still live there. Attended Dale College up to Grade 10, then applied for a bursary at King Edwards (KES) and finished Grade 11 & 12. Got the offer to come to Cape Town just after Craven week, which was the opportunity I was waiting for. MM Tell us about your parents Skara My parents are still sha-na-na. Dad is a teacher /headmaster at a township school, Dimbaza and my mom works for Buffalo Toyota in Umtata. MM Are they supportive? Skara Sometimes a bit too much (big laugh). I get home and my dad is standing ready to introduce me to his old, school friends, but I understand, so I grin and bear it. MM How do you handle being in the public eye? Is there pressure? Skara I’m very young and very recently was on the outside looking in, now I’m one of that guys. I remember being 9 or 10 and waited for up to 2 hours to meet Dean Hall from the Lions and he just never pitched after the game. That left a sore spot so when there is a request for a fan to meet me, I try my utmost to show up. MM What would you describe as a ‘memorable moment’? Skara I remember running on against the Lions at Newlands and Alistair (Alistair Coetzee, Stormers coach) gave me a message to give to Andries as we had a scrum at our 5m line. I ran onto the field and I saw Andries and he says “Skara, so what did Alistair say?”, and I was so nervous that I totally forgot what the message was and I made up something and Andries was like, “Ok, thanks”. I will never forget that. MM So it seems you are versatile in various sporting codes, why rugby? Skara I grew up in the Eastern Cape and was surrounded by people who became very successful because of the sport. I look up to guys like Kaunda Ntunja who was brilliant as school and turned his passion for rugby into a career of opinions on Supersport. As a young boy we made rugby balls out of water bottles and the rule was to play till the street lights came on. I fell in love with the sport and decided at school that this was the path I was going to pursue. MM If not a rugby player? Skara I’d be a Physiotherapist
MM Describe the feeling of winning the Currie Cup with Western Province Skara This has all happened so quickly that I was just going through the motions and letting it happen. It has always been my dream to play Provincial rugby and for it to happen and to be part of the winning team in the Currie Cup is nothing short of amazing. MM What drives you? Skara There isn’t one thing, rather a group of things which keep me motivated to be better and that is the support from my parents, the DHL faithful and the Newlands faithful. This is part of a huge achievement of my goals in life, I am not completely there yet but getting there. MM Is there someone special? Skara Yes (giggles) MM Who is the ultimate sports star you admire? Skara Definitely Schalk Burger MM Thoughts on your rapid success Skara Be patient and believe in what you do. Sometimes we look at the success of others and place them on a pedestal, making it seem impossible for us to achieve. I now know, it’s so possible. MM Who is the ‘chick magnet’ in the Stormers squad? Skara It has to be Joe Pietersen. We were on a tour bus in Kuilsrivier and one lady shouted, “Joe Pietersen, jou sex on legs” (laughter all round) MM What is the one thing your friends, family and team mates would agree about your character Skara Charismatic ball of fun MM Taking some downtime, where could we expect to find you? Skara With friends, my Playstation or trending on You Tube MM Where does ‘Skara’ originate from Skara Originates from my clan name being ‘Gxarha’, which is just to difficult for my white friends to pronounce, so I’ve officially been dubbed Skara!
Quick Pick PSL or English Premier League? PSL – Pirates all the way Comfort or Speed? Speed Peanuts or Avo? Avo WWW.MZANSIMEN.COM ISSUE 1 53
BEST COACHES 2013
2. Tito Villanova –Barcelona
1. JUPP HEYNCKES Full name: Jupp Heynckes Date of birth: 9 May 1945 Country of birth: Germany Playing career Played for: Borussia Mönchengladbach and was part of the team that won: Bundesliga 4 times 1971, 1975, 1976 and 1978 DFB Pokal (1973) and the UEFA Cup (1975). Scored 51 goals in 64 matches in European Club competitions 39 appearances for West Germany and scored 14 goals. He won the1972 European Championship. Part of the squad that won the 1974 FIFA World Cup in West Germany. Coaching career Borussia Mönchengladbach, Bayern Munich, Athlético Bilbao, Eintracht Frankfurt, Tenerife, Real Madrid, Benfica and Schalke. Coaching Trophies 1986/1987 FC Bayern Munich – German Super Cup 1988/1989 FC Bayern Munich – Bundesliga Champion 1989/1990 FC Bayern Munich – Bundesliga Champion 1989/1990 FC Bayern Munich – German Super Cup 1996/1997 Real Madrid – Spanish Super Cup 1997/1998 Real Madrid – UEFA Champions League 2002/2003 Schalke 04 – UEFA Intertoto Cup 2003/2004 Schalke 04 – UEFA Intertoto Cup 2011/2012 FC Bayern Munich – German Super Cup 2012/2013 FC Bayern Munich – German Super Cup 2012/2013 FC Bayern Munich – Bundesliga Champion 2012/2013 FC Bayern Munich –UEFA Champions League
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Full name: Francesc Vilanova i Bayo Date of birth: 17 September 1969 Country of birth: Spain Playing career 1988–1990 Barcelona B 1990–1992 Figueres 1992–1995 Celta 1995–1996 Badajoz 1996–1997 Mallorca 1998–2000 Elche 2000–2001 Gramenet Coaching career 2003–2004 Palafrugell 2007–2008 Barcelona B (assistant) 2008–2012 Barcelona (assistant) 2012– To present Barcelona Coaching Trophies 2012/2013 FC Barcelona – Primera Division champion
3. José Mourinho - Real Madrid Full name: José Mourinho Coaching career Date of birth: 26 January 1963 2000 Benfica Country of birth: Portugal 2001–2002 União de Leiria Playing career 2002–2004 Porto 1980–1982 Rio Ave 2004–2007 Chelsea 1982–1983 Belenenses 2008–2010 Internazionale 1983–1985 Sesimbra 2010–2013 Real Madrid 1985–1987 Comércio e Indústria Coaching Trophies 2002/2003 FC Porto – UEFA Europa League | Primeira Liga champion | Portugal Cup 2003/2004 FC Porto – UEFA Champions League | Primeira Liga champion | Portugal Super Cup 2004/2005 Chelsea – Premier League champion | League Cup 2005/2006 Chelsea – Premier League champion | League Cup 2006/2007 Chelsea – FA CUP | League Cup 2008/2009 Internationale – Serie A champion | Italian Super Cup 2009/2010 Internationale – UEFA Champions League | Serie A champion | Italian Cup 2010/2011 Real Madrid – Spanish Cup 2011/2012 Real Madrid – Primera División champion 2012/2013 Real Madrid – Spanish Super Cup
5. Sir Alex Ferguson Manchester United
4. Atlético Madrid Full name: Diego Pablo Simeone Date of birth: 28 April 1970 Country of birth: Argentina Playing career 1987–1990 Vélez Sársfield 1990–1992 Pisa 1992–1994 Sevilla 1994–1997 Atlético Madrid 1997–1999 Internazionale 1999–2003 Lazio 2003–2005 Atlético Madrid 2005–2006 Racing National team 1988–2002 Argentina Coaching 2006 Racing 2006–2007 Estudiantes 2008 River Plate 2009–2010 San Lorenzo 2011 Catania 2011 Racing 2011– Atlético Madrid Trophies 2012 UEFA Europa League with Atlético Madrid. 2012 UEFA Super Cup with Atlético Madrid 2013 Copa del Rey with Atlético Madrid
Date of birth: 31 December 1941 Country of birth: Scotland Playing Career 1957–1960 Queen's Park 1960–1964 St. Johnstone 1964–1967 Dunfermline Athletic 1967–1969 Rangers 1969–1973 Falkirk 1973–1974 Ayr United National team 1967 Scottish League XI 1967 Scotland XI Coaching 1974 East Stirlingshire 1974–1978 St. Mirren 1978–1986 Aberdeen 1985–1986 Scotland 1986–2013 Manchester United Trophies St. Mirren Scottish First Division 1976–77 Aberdeen Scottish Premier Division 1979–80, 1983–84, 1984–85 Scottish Cup 1981–82, 1982–83, 1983–84, 1985–86 Scottish League Cup 1985–86 UEFA Cup Winners' Cup 1982–83 UEFA Super Cup 1983 Manchester United Premier League 1992–93, 1993–94, 1995–96, 1996–97, 1998–99, 1999–2000, 2000–01, 2002–03, 2006–07, 2007–08, 2008–09, 2010–11, 2012–13 FA Cup 1989–90, 1993–94, 1995–96, 1998–99, 2003–04 League Cup 1991–92, 2005–06, 2008–09, 2009–10 FA Charity/Community Shield 1990 (shared), 1993, 1994, 1996, 1997, 2003, 2007, 2008, 2010, 2011 UEFA Champions League 1998–99, 2007–08 UEFA Cup Winners' Cup 1990–91 UEFA Super Cup 1991 Intercontinental Cup 1999 FIFA Club World Cup 2008.
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LOL Andile Jali Reporter: Andile, firstly, I hear that your wife is pregnant. That’s fantastic news, congratulations...! Jali: Yes, thank you. All credit goes to my team mates. Everyone worked hard for it, especially Thulasizwe Mbuyane. It was a tight situation when we came in, but performance was great, with some help from Oupa Manyisa, who looked like he was really enjoying himself. Special thanks to Daine Klate for finding space from tight angle. And not forgetting Tlou Segolela, who showed lots of energy when everyone was tired... Bashin Mahlangu Interviewer: Bashin how do you feel about scoring such a beautiful goal? Mahlangu: I feel immediately!!! Bobby Motaung "As for those who dream that Bobby Motaung must step down, that Bobby Motaung must go, it is a dream! Bobby Motaung goes nowhere. I'm not elected here. I was not appointed by ANC or IFP… I will be here as long as this company exists." – Bobby Motaung Jomo Sono "No, no… it is not true. Jabu is not training with us. I would rather sign Jomo Sono than sign Jabu Mahlangu!" Steve Lekeolea Interviewer: Steve you have just played an amazing game to help Pirates win, where to from here. Lekoelea: I am going home. Peter Ndlovu Interviewer: Peter those were three beautiful babies you put away behind the net. How do you feel? Peter: Aah I am so ashamed, I just don't like it when these woman tell the whole world. Philani Shange "I was smoking dagga… You see my mom suffers from TB and it was stressing me. My friends came and they offered me this thing and I thought why not because it would help me relieve my stress, that's when I made a mistake." Coach Pitso Mosimane - Africa Cup of Nations qualifications "We don't know if we are going or coming… I'm confused. It is mixed feelings… If South Africa didn't qualify then it is a sad story." Sangoma S'bonelo Madela at loggerheads with SAFA over an alleged muti deal. "I can't have them arrested, because the agreement was never written down because we [sangomas] don't sign papers. We just talk and I'm willing to talk to them face-to-face. Until then Bafana will not win." Sifiso Myeni "When you go to Sundowns your career goes down and I don't want to be one of the victims" Steve Lekeolea Interviewer: Steve you seem to have hit such a rich vein of form you also seem a lot fitter. What is your secret? Lekoelea: In the morning I get up and I run away.
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Roger de Sa: ''You probably get paid by the kilo". McCarthy: "If they want to get nasty, I can get very nasty… If you want to compare medals and achievements and money, then I would be glad to join in that conversation because I know I would come out right on top."
Are you the next HOUR GLASS?
Have you got the figure 8? Send your photo to hourglass@mzansimen.com and be the next Hour Glass You must be over 18.
Vote now!!
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TERMS AND CONDITIONS • Competition is open to everyone except employees of Poznetworks CC, their families and third parties directly involved with Poznetworks CC. • Entry implies you have accepted our rules. • There is no cash alternative for the price. • Winners will be notified by Phone, Post or Email. • Editors decision is final. • Prices from third parties are not guaranteed.
WWW.MZANSIMEN.COM ISSUE 1 57
TECHNO REVIEW Our very own Guru
Samsung 5G technology - coming soon
What the naartjie is 5G technology? Well, according to those in the know, Samsung is on the brink of launching their core technology for the wireless 5G network that is markedly faster than the 4G version. When I say ‘brink’, I mean in a few years time... like 2020. Gee... sus! What does this mean for the man or woman on the street? It means that this technology will enable the cell phone user to download and have access to much bigger data files, such as high resolution photographs and 3-D games. Samsung is trying to take the lead in creating a flawless network platform that is faster, bigger and better than the current 4G networks. They are ploughing large amounts of funding into their research and development to create a premium network, which is set to arrive in... yes you guessed it... 2020. Call me negative, but I have difficulty retaining a solid thought pattern that lasts for more than a week, so you can understand my lack of enthusiasm for an intangible 5G network that I cannot touch or feel and which costs money to join. I’d be more inclined to buy a new pair of glasses, as my vision will definitely not be 20/20 in 2020, but those willing to wait for the new 5G technology, will be pleasantly surprised.
Temporary Social Media – self-destructing messages
Social media is evolving at an alarming rate! MIT Technology Review perceives one of the ten breakthrough technologies in 2013 to be a new type of social media messaging and photo sharing technology that allows for these media file types to self destruct after a designated time period. With more and more people being concerned with the privacy related to social media sites, the advent of self-destructing messages would simply enhance the privacy of the user, if they require it. Employers often conduct background searches through social media sites and may well derive a negative outlook on a prospective employee simply through the information contained within that site. Self-destructing social media messages will alleviate this and possibly make social media interaction more open and spontaneous. Free speech bru, free speech that self-destructs! Quite honestly, if you’re going to slag someone off, don’t do it on a social media platform. The information can be used against you in the future! It is clear that self-destructing messaging has both pros and cons but in my case, I am careful about what I say on social media sites as the information I submit often remains there for long periods of time, for all to see. Would I use self-destructing messaging? I’m not so sure, how about you? Privacy is always going to be a challenge, whether it self-destructs or not. Kaboom!
Electronic memory implants
Electronic brain implants, to aid patients who suffer from memory loss, is a technology that is purported to be within reach of neuroscientists. These implants will, when they reach the mainstream market, aid people affected by Alzheimer’s, brain injury and strokes. I can’t wait... because then I might remember where I left my blerrie car keys! Theodore Berger, who is a neuroscientist at the University of Southern California, believes that it will not be long before this type of technology will be commonplace in the medical world. This implant technology is constantly being refined and continues to get smaller and smaller, allowing greater intra-physiological use. Wouldn’t it have been lekker to have this type of implant during my school exams... I wouldn’t have had to study. It all sounds very simple, but restoring the cognitive processes of the brain and its complex memory functions is not that easy. As this technology is still in its developmental stage, it might be a while before I find my car keys, or the reading glasses that are perched on top of my head, and it might be a while before my brain realises this. I never forget where I put my beer though!
Nanotechnology: an integral part of ultra-efficient solar power
Nanotechnology is a viable power source option in solar power and with the great strides being made in this micro-technology; it is soon to become relevant to our ever-increasing power needs. Though nanotechnology solar power is in its infancy, Harry Atwater, professor of material sciences and applied physics, is confident that his lab technicians will be able to devise a viable prototype that is able to manipulate light at a very small scale. Atwater goes on to explain it’s all about the light being split up into different colours and then fed to cells with a semiconductor that can absorb it. Hell that is just too complicated. Let’s leave the building of the ultra-efficient solar power panels up to the scientists. If their invention can produce hot water more cheaply than Eskom, then I’ll be tempted to buy one of their units when they light up the market. Until then, boetie... I’ll let Eskom light up my life, or plunge me into darkness, whichever comes first. I’m sure there is an okie at Eskom who turns the lights off during premium soccer games to freak us all out. He’s definitely not a sports fan. Eish!
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Wearable Computing from Google Glass
What’s the uproar about? Why are people going crazy with excitement about the voice-activated-computer-monitor combo that can be worn on eyeglasses? Glass is a highly advanced system of wearable computing and Thad Starner, professor at Georgia Tech, believes that the general public will soon have a real need for the ultrafast communication that Glass delivers. He has been designing this wearable technology since 1993 and through his dogged determination, has been hired by Google to pursue his dream. Users can even make movies when wearing their Glass technology. I love this type of technology but I’m a little worried, to say the least. As is common amongst the male species of our race, we cannot concentrate on two things at once. Our multitasking skills are deplorable and this leads me to believe that I might be concentrating on the image in the glasses of my Glass headset, rather than concentrating on more important things like the traffic in front of me. The real benefit of the Glass system is that you can wear them unobtrusively at work, do nothing the whole damn day, watch your favourite movies and still look like you’re working. Now that’s cool. I’m all for being a Glasshole, how about you?
Deep Learning Machines can translate speech in real time
Simultaneous-real-time-translation is here. Jislaaik (translation – Wow!) that’s going to make understanding foreign languages so easy! Technology already exists which translates both sides of a conversation. This leading technology was revealed recently by an inventor in London called Will Powell, and his system exhibited the remarkable characteristics of being able to translate a conversation between an English and a Spanish speaker very effectively in real time. Soon this technology will be readily available, probably in the form of a handheld device or even a cell phone application, which will allow free translation between all languages. Speak to a bartender in Kazakhstani, order a boerewors roll in Afrikaans or simply sit and chat to a friend from a different culture and language background. Some of the cellular phone operators are already translating messages and phone calls between languages. Now when the petrol attendant in a foreign country smiles at you and tells you that you smell worse than rotting camel dung on a hot day, you can reply, “Thank you for the generous compliment you fetid maggot.” Recently, to show how close we are to this translation technology going mainstream, Rick Rashid from Microsoft spoke at a convention in English and his words were immediately translated into Mandarin subtitles and computer-generated Mandarin speech. Now that’s technology I look forward to. I can’t wait until they have to translate the Afrikaans word ‘doos’ or ‘skyf’ for that matter.
Prenatal DNA Sequencing: the possibilities of reading an unborn baby’s DNA
Recently, Illumina, the manufacturer of one of the world’s most extensively utilised DNA sequencing machines, purchased technology from a starter company called Verinata that allows the sequencing of DNA of the human foetus... prior to birth. The benefits of DNA sequencing are that now, blood is drawn from the mother who is then sequenced to tell if there are abnormalities such as Down’s syndrome present in the foetus. What this technology does is eliminate the need for more invasive procedures that usually involve harvesting foetal cells from the placenta or the amniotic fluid – procedures that carry a lot more risk. My chommie and his wife are set to have a baby in a few months and I might suggest he send his wife for DNA sequencing to determine what type of sport the kid would be good at. Maybe he is the next Tiger Woods, or Sachin Tendulkar. Who knows? Both my children were born in an age where this type of technology could only be found in far-fetched sci-fi films, and they have both turned out just fine. One is musical and the other is technical by nature. If I had a choice as to when they were born, I would have chosen the technical side of the family to be the first born so he could show me how to successfully change light bulbs and plugs. Then my second born would be able to teach me a few guitar chords in our well lit home.
Smart Watches – data on the go
Smart watches, which are capable of connecting wirelessly to Android or iPhones to grab and display simple messaging, data and notifications, and display these on a small LCD screen, have become all the rage with technophobes around the world. The Pebble smart watch is a good litmus test for this newly-established market. The Pebble can run a music playlist as well as handle uncomplicated apps, with the focus being on simplicity, functionality, aesthetic appearance and visual brilliance. Eric Migicovsky, the designer of the Pebble, had no problem finding funding for his venture and has now shipped over 85,000 of his smart watches to enthusiastic customers on his waiting list. The Pebble comes with a black and white screen which can be easily viewed in direct sunlight (unlike many cell phones) and displays content continuously, without being forced into powersaving mode to save battery life. So the next time you see an ou ballie looking at his watch for an extended period of time, don’t assume he has bad eyesight... he might well be reading his emails or chatting to his skelmpie in Kalksteenfontein. When this smart watch technology reaches the point where I can order a pizza, then I’ll be in. I find my life is already very complicated by a muddle of other technologies... and occasionally I do like to know what the actual time is... usually around 4:59 on a Friday afternoon. It’s the weekend baby! I’ll stick to my normal watch for the time being.
Plastic from grass - engineers seek a cheaper biodegradable polymer
Most plastic that is sold is not biodegradable, but scientists at Metabolix in Massachusetts, USA are genetically engineering a type of grass that generates a biodegradable polymer which is a by-product of the plant. Today’s biodegradable products are often expensive to produce, yet with the introduction of these new plant-based polymers, these types of products will become much more affordable and accessible, playing a greater role in creating a sustainable existence. Metabolix mentions that the cost related to their plant-based polymers could be reduced by up to 50% of the normal costs associated with biodegradable products. Whether you agree or disagree that messing with the gene pool of a particular species of plant to harvest an artificially produced polymer is the route to go – this type of biological manipulation will continue to take place. Soon we might have a house plant that produces shopping bags or a garden that sprouts Tupperware! Whether the Metabolix system is cleaner than producing plastic from fossil fuels has yet to be determined, but I’m a bit old school when it comes to messing genetically with our plant and animal life. How does the saying go? Don’t fix it if it aint broke!
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A NIGHT WITH MXIZO LONA AT PHEZULU Mxizo a township man who has overcome life’s obstacles is a role model and has become a brand in Cape Town. Hola Bafethu keep it up!!!!
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• Born in 1978 as Mxolisi Moyi and famously known as “Mxizo” Lona, the vibrant Afro Soul musician from Nyanga East, Cape Town. He was a solo champion at the South African Nation Choral Championship. • The City of Cape Town ‘Switching on The City Lights’ 2010 soundtrack came from his debut album “Ndiku’jongile” which translates to I’m watching you. • His music is mostly sung in isiXhosa-his mother tongue. His second album released in October 2012 and hit single ‘Uyandenza’ tells a story about his inspiration and the love of his life. He sees his girlfriend as the inspiration behind his music. • Mxizo does live performances in the Cape Town townships at places like Mzoli’s ,Chippa’s and Maphindi’s but has also shared the stage with big names such Speedy, Stoan and Pitch Black Afro to mention just but a few. • He says he also wants to try to do more songs with other artists “At the moment I’m focusing on pushing collabos and singles,” he said. Fans should look forward to hearing more from Mxizo who is also busy with his music production.
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eKASI LIFE
Deep house music or deafening kwaito, mountains of sausages, beef and chicken and hundreds of happy people-these are the features that welcome you to Kwa Mzoli in Guguletu; a twenty minute drive from Cape Town will get you there. Since its opening in 2003 Mzoli’s meat/ place/butchery has become more and more popular for its vibrant parties, assorted crowd and mostly its meat. Named after its founder Mzoli Ngcawuzele the place started as an informal butchery and has grown so popular that there is no knowing to what it will turn to in the future.
A visit to the popular day and night spot which is far from posh is the best way to experience fun e-Kasi style. The crowd is always full of life and knows how to have a good time, the meat keeps coming, the beer keeps pouring and there is no telling who has had more as people keep feasting and making merry. Mzoli’s is a butchery and outside there are braai stands where customers take their meat. It is all do-it-yourself and in the midst of plumes of smoke, people push and shove to get their meat and get to the next available braai stand where the shisa nyama is done the way they want it.
Mzoli’s Place. The heart of Cape Town.
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Out-of -towners, tourists, businessmen and locals all come to Mzoli’s for an unforgettable experience and half the crowd knows that they will be back for more sooner or later; such is the vibe at Mzoli’s. Celebrities such as Dj Fresh have been spotted there and the introduction of live entertainment has seen lots of artists come and complement the great experiences people have had there. . After a few hours of drinking those who know how to get down, do their thing and entertain others and those who don’t just nod their heads to the rhythm and wish they could dance just as well.
Usually by 15:00 on a good day, the crowd starts spilling into the streets as more people come from work, more girls with fancy hairdo’s and amajita dressed to the nines join the party. Parking becomes an issue as some start to leave and others will just be getting there but since everyone will be in a blissful mood parking space issues are easily resolved. Everyone brings their own alcohol and wait in their cars or for those who go early sit in the plastic chairs while they pretend nothing else in the world matters except the meat they are waiting for. Mzoli’s is popular for the marinade
used for the meat, only known as the ‘secret’ mix of herbs and spices. Those who live near Mzoli’s do not complain about the crowds and have come to understand that they can also join the trade by doing braai or working in the butchery and get extra cash. Although it is situated on the outskirts of Cape Town, Mzoli’s has become quite the tourist attraction a township needs for a little income boost and motivation.
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GET SOCIAL
Send us those amazing tweets to getsocial@mzansimen.com
Gossip on Twitter: The Cheese section
Loyiso Gola on Oscar Murder case @loyisogola If Oscar had shot Rhino that would be no bail for his ass. Luckily for him it was a human being.
Euphonik vs Ntsiki It all started with the rumours that Euphonik Tysoned ex-girlfriend Bonang Matheba "@euphonik if u hav smthing to say to me... call me let's talk... but no fists..." of course, making a little reference to the domestic violence charge that Euphonik is up against. There's rumour Ntsiki never showers “as in his armpit stinks” "@ntsikimazwai ...i will speak my mind. Anyway its a new day I hope we've all taken a bath".
Kenny the iron Kunene vs Mmusi Maimane (DA spokesperson) kenny kunene @zarsushiking m.maimane I'm no role model 4 glorified garden boy, who made u a judge. u f**ken political cockroach. focus on f**king ur wife b4 we do it 4u... After tweeter community urge MMUSI to sue Kenny on rape threats. kenny Kunene @zarsushikin I threatened no one wit rape here, if u don’t satisfy ur wife sexually we’ll do it for u... some married women cheat with us for satisfaction
This incident involved J. Elianto vs Crazy white boy. Crazy white boy was being accused of being a racist of which Fresh came to his aid. Well J took the fight to Fresh and fresh couldn’t handle the pressure. Djfresh vs Job Elianto @jobelianto stop spaming me @DJFreshSA sperm lol u can never have enough of it faggot
Trevor Gumbi queue at the bank @TREVORGUMBI This dude behind me in the bank queque doesn’t realize how close he standing cause his feet are far, his boep is resting on my ass
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Trevor Noah on Oscar Pistorious murder case while Oscar was still in custody @Trevornoah And the Oscar goes to – jail Dineo Ranaka Vs Nonhle Dineo ranaka Claiming Nonhle Thema of having sold her body for wealth and of having “a big Bermuda Triangle” which can park all the buses @NonhleThema even after birth my coochie don’t need stitches… Word has it yours can park a bus… Good going channel o ho! #ImBrokeBitch
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