healthy & happy families
D U R B A N ’ S
b e s t
g u i d e
f o r
p a r e n t s
fun and games learning from play
across gender lines who says dolls are just for girls?
move it, move it
apps to keep the family healthy
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Oct/Nov 2017
free
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health
diagnosis, difference & diversity
how to manage your child’s night terrors depression: the warning signs for parents and teachers
education
entertainment
like and share It’s impressive when your 79-year-old mother-in-law is a Facebook fundi. I love to track her travels and frequent trips down memory lane. But what I don’t love is her posting pics of me or my children for the whole world to see. This she knows requires prior permission (and often a fair amount of photoediting by the girls). Don’t get me wrong – I am a Facebook fan and use it every day for work, but as far as my personal profile goes, I am rather conservative. I have invested much time and money to keep my children safe online and having taught them never to divulge personal information, it seems hypocritical of me to post a pic of them in their school uniform on their first day of school, tagging my location. I may use Facebook to ask for help, but am uncomfortable with sharing any parenting trials or tribulations, let alone details of my children’s private lives, on such a public forum. It appears that I am not alone in my fear of ‘sharenting’, a term used to describe parents’ use of social media to overshare information about their children. Psychologist Aric Sigman agrees that “part of the way a child forms their identity involves having private information about themselves that remains private. That is being eroded by social media. I think the idea of not differentiating between public and private is a very dangerous one”. I have many friends who believe the advantages of sharenting far outweigh any negatives. In a fragmented and time-poor society, social media allows us to stay connected to friends and family, and to ask for and receive help. However, I do think we must seriously consider the effects our social-media sharing has on the private lives of our children. “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” Wise words from James Baldwin and so applicable in today’s technology-run world where parenting requires digital awareness and savvy. Is sharing really caring? Follow us on Facebook, let me know your thoughts and join the conversation.
Lisa Mc Namara, Publisher
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October/November 2017
3
18
how parents of sons can break the ‘boy code’
contents 3 pub’s note 6 over to you
features 12 understanding night terrors Anél Lewis finds out how to manage this distressing sleep disorder
14 it takes a village We explore how parents and schools can identify and help children who might be suffering from depression
16 island hopping Lauren Manuel McShane shares her experience of travelling to the Seychelles with her husband and one-year-old son
18 boys to men Raising confident sons who are also kind and empathetic requires parents to rise above stereotypes, writes Samantha Page
20 across gender lines Anél Lewis tells us there are good reasons why we should encourage children to play with toys traditionally aimed at the opposite sex
23 a geek feast Great books for children keen on creativity and technology
regulars 7 health – move it, move it Apps that will help you put your best foot forward 8 pregnancy – when the craving strikes Bridget Pringle takes a look at one of the odder side effects of pregnancy
10 best for baby – play it forward Meg Faure on the value of toys 19 in the next issue of child magazine 22 a good read Something for everyone in our pick of top books 24 what’s on in October and November 26 finishing touch Anél Lewis shares the highs and lows of children’s concerts 27 recipes – keep it simple Celebrity chef Siba Mtongana’s recipes won’t keep you slaving over a hot stove
classified ads 26 let’s party 26 family marketplace
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October/November 2017
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October/November 2017
5
letters
over to you Let us know what’s on your mind. Send your letters or comments to boys behaving badly
(childmag.co.za/content/pick-your-battlesdont-stress-about-small-stuff). In it we mention a book worth reading; ‘Parenting a defiant child: A sanity saving guide to finally stopping the bad behaviour’ by Philip and Nancy Hall. For more information, read the article ‘when to see an OT’ (childmag.co.za/ content/when-see-ot).
My 4-year-old son has no developmental or academic delays, but his behaviour is of major concern. He is rude, talks back, and calls us all sorts of names. He does not listen unless it’s of benefit to him. He is also aggressive and has intense emotions when he doesn’t get his way. Would an occupational therapist be of any help to us? Name withheld
dad cuts to the chase
Child Magazine responds: Most parents benefit from a bit of professional help and we would suggest you check our online list of healthcare practitioners (childmag. co.za/resources/healthcare-practitioners) to find a child psychologist in your area. You may also be interested in our article ‘pick your battles – don’t stress the small stuff’
I was circumcised in my late teens and I was very familiar with my genitals by then. After the procedure, it was not better or worse, only different. I’m soon to be married and plan to have a family immediately. If I’m blessed with boys, I’d probably have them circumcised, not because I was, but just because I felt a slight improvement, and slightly better hygiene. I would certainly
editor@childmag.co.za
have preferred to have been circumcised as a baby. Let’s reserve judgment and let parents choose what they feel is best for their boys. Name withheld
attempt to protect her feelings, but that in turn, hurts mine. We have spent multiple holidays apart (like Christmas) and I think it is because of this reason. Anonymous
Child Magazine responds: Read ‘circumcision – cut to the chase’ online (childmag.co.za/content/circumcision).
Child Magazine responds: Read ‘help, i’m jealous of my stepchildren’ online (childmag.co.za/content/help-i’mjealous-my-stepchildren).
i read ‘help, i’m jealous of my stepchildren’ …and I feel the very same. I think my emotions come from the fact that he separates us at all times. He is either spending time with me or spending time with his daughter. We never spend time all together. I sometimes feel like he lessens the value of our relationship in an
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We reserve the right to edit and shorten submitted letters. The opinions reflected here are those of our readers and are not necessarily held by Hunter House Publishing.
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October/November 2017
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health
a healthy dose of technology Managing your health successfully can be as simple as finding the right app. TAMLYN VINCENT looks at a few options.
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hile technology doesn’t help with late-night feeds, cooking dinner or babysitting, it can help encourage you to lead a more healthy lifestyle. Monitoring what you eat, how often you exercise, and how much progress you’re making on your personal goals is as simple as turning on your phone. Here are five apps to get you on the path to healthy living:
ILLUSTRATIONS: ISTOCKPHOTO.com
Fitbit Well-known for its wearable activity trackers for adults, and now children, Fitbit also has an app. Fitbit’s various devices and the app allow you to track your activity – your steps, distance, calories and even your sleep. The app can work without the devices as well, and lets you log your weight, food, hydration levels and more. Available on iTunes and the Play Store for free.
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Couch to 5K Want to get off the couch and learn how to run? This is the app for you. Spend 30 minutes a day on this running programme, three times a week for nine weeks, and you’ll be able to run five kilometres. The app comes with a training programme and motivational coaches, plus you can track and compare your progress. Available on iTunes for R49,99 and from the Play Store for R40,99.
Sworkit Choose your workout, select the time, and get fit, strong and summer-ready or accomplish any of the many goals you can set for yourself on this app. The body-weight exercises, stretches and yoga routines are all demonstrated by real trainers, and the ability to select the length of your workout means you can fit exercise into your schedule. Free on iTunes and the Play Store. Premium is available.
My Fitness Pal With this nutrition and calorie database, which includes information on more than five million food types, you can keep track of what you eat; the calories and the nutrients. You can also set your personal goals, log your exercise and sync with other fitness apps or devices. Available for free on iTunes and the Play Store. Premium features are offered.
Strava This app for runners and cyclists allows you to enter your activities, compare your performances and compete with others in your community. So not only can you track and analyse your own activity, you can also connect with and be motivated by others. The app pairs with devices like a GPS watch, heart-rate monitor or activity trackers. Free on iTunes and the Play Store. Premium is available.
incentivised health Stay motivated with the help of incentive health programmes: ✻✻ Discovery Vitality Earn Vitality points for being active, undergoing a health screening or buying healthy foods. These points earn you rewards. ✻✻ Momentum Multiply This programme rewards you for being active, healthy and safe, and gives you discounts on Momentum products and those from their partners. ✻✻ Sanlam Reality Members of this lifestyle and rewards programme get special offers and can save on their gym fees. The more points you earn, the more you benefit.
October/November 2017
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pregnancy news
when the
An insatiable urge for certain types of food is one of pregnancy’s odder side-effects, writes BRIDGET PRINGLE.
p
regnancy is all those things that make a greeting-card writer’s heart beat faster – the wondrous creation of a new life, a magical rite of female passage. But, you’ve got to admit that it can also be pretty weird. First, there’s the rather insane concept that another person is growing in your body. Then there are the leg cramps that hit in the middle of the night. And the sudden development of a super-powered sense of smell. I even developed something called a pregnancy tumour – on my face (of course).
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Right near the top of the ‘weird list’ are those pregnancy cravings. One friend would send her partner out in the middle of the night for green milkshakes. I wasn’t that demanding, but still noticed a definite shift in the things I did and didn’t want to eat. Unfortunately, salt and vinegar chips became a necessity, while I couldn’t bear to look at broccoli (because the flipside of cravings is the sudden aversion to food you might have previously loved).
protective strategy But where do these cravings come from? Despite the advances in medical science, the answer is not a definitive one. Some research points to shifting hormones as the cause, but according to doctor and author Omar Manejwala it seems that hormones influence appetite in general, rather than a desire for specific food types. Other theories suggest that cravings might be related to changes in smell and taste perception. A third theory is that your body craves what it needs and is repulsed by what isn’t good for you. A University of Connecticut
study showed that in the first trimester, mothers showed a strong aversion to bitter tastes. This could be related to an evolutionary adaptation to steer moms-to-be away from spoiled (and thus potentially toxic) foods. The study also found that cravings change depending on the trimester of the pregnancy.
global differences It makes sense that women crave food that is culturally relevant. A study of Tanzanian women showed their most popular cravings included meat, mangoes, yoghurt and plantain – while a University of Tennessee study showed that American women listed sugary food (especially chocolate), fruit, pickles and pizza among their top cravings. But when do pregnancy cravings become a problem? If you’ve prepared for motherhood by reading pregnancy books back-to-back, you might have heard of pica. This is the craving for non-food items such as ice, hair, soil and even paint. Anyone can suffer from pica, but it’s more commonly found in pregnant
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PHOTOGRAPH LEFT: ISTOCKPHOTO.com PHOTOGRAPH OPPOSITE: ÉMILIE GUELPA
craving strikes
women. Again, the cause for this extreme craving isn’t known, but the Journal of American Dietetic Association suggests that it could be related to iron deficiency, and the body’s attempt to obtain missing vitamins and minerals. If you experience pica, it’s wise to consult your doctor.
what you told us
Fancy some Cheese Curls and peanut butter?
The pregnancy bible, What to Expect, advises pregnant women to respond to cravings and aversions with reason – try to replace cravings for unhealthy items with a healthier version, or at least have a minichocolate bar instead of a mega-sized one. In her book, Craving, author Sandra Mahut writes that pregnant women should indulge in what their body is craving – “as long as it’s safe to do so”. The key, as always, is to eat a healthy and balanced diet with everything in moderation. As Mahut points out, your pregnancy is actually the perfect time to re-evaluate your diet and focus on good eating habits. You should also follow any guidelines that your doctor may have given you.
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crisp mini sandwiches
✻✻ Raw (unpasteurised) milk, raw milk cheeses and other raw milk products. ✻✻ grated cheeses. ✻✻ Raw or undercooked fish, shellfish, crustaceans and meat. ✻✻ Marinated or smoked fish, shellfish, crustaceans and meats (unless they are cooked). ✻✻ Surimi (imitation crab), fish eggs. ✻✻ Raw or semi-cooked cured meats. ✻✻ Raw or undercooked eggs and dishes that contain them.
method 1 Slice ½ a cucumber and some radishes into thin rounds, sprinkle with salt and let them rest for 30 minutes. 2 Dry them on paper towels. Spread three slices of pumpernickel (rye) bread with your choice of spreadable cream cheese. 3 Lay the rounds of cucumber and radish on top, overlapping them slightly. Add a little organic lemon juice and a turn of the pepper mill and scatter with snipped sprigs of dill. Place the three topped slices on top of each other and close, then sandwich with the last slice of bread. 4 Cut into triangles.
The desire for sashimi might be strong, but unfortunately there are just some foods you’ll have to avoid – primarily because of the risk of picking up the listeriosis infection. Author Sandra Mahut lists the following ‘no-go’ food items.
Little radish, cucumber and dill sandwiches, excellent for an upset stomach. makes 2 triangles preparation time: 10 minutes resting time: 30 minutes
We asked our readers what they craved when they were pregnant. Here’s what some of
a sensible approach
off the menu
them had to say: Cheese Curls dipped in peanut butter. – Jetaime Naidoo Green mango with chilli powder and salt … yummy. – Nivashini Thaver Lemon and salt. – Navlene PandaramI I couldn’t go a day without fish (hake) and avocado. – Lekota Mokonyama KFC. I couldn’t stand it before I was pregnant. – Avril du Preez
about the book
Craving, by Sandra Mahut, with photographs by Emile Guelpa, provides 80 pregnancy-friendly recipes. (Murdoch Books, R279)
* For an extra sour version, add thin rounds of gherkin.
October/November 2017
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best for baby
play it forward Author and child development expert MEG FAURE explains how toys can stimulate a child’s physical and cognitive development.
Toys should be fun and ignite a child’s creativity and imagination. But more than that, toys are tools that play an important role in stimulating aspects of a child’s development – fine motor, gross motor or language etc. When a child is fully engaged with a toy, it can increase their concentration span and planning skills. Toys, and in particular books, can be used to encourage language development. Many toys are designed with specific skills in mind – a block trolley can be used to facilitate walking in a one year old. Balls are great for eye-foot co-ordination and for visual skills and motor planning.
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From what age do toys actually become useful as a development tool? Right from the first three months, toys can be useful. Take a rattle for example – the simplest of toys shaken near a newborn will encourage listening, identifying where the sound comes from and then visual skills as the little baby looks for the rattle and then follows it with his/her eyes.
Make time to play with your little one — switch off your devices and get onto the floor with him/her.
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PHOTOGRAPH: ISTOCKPHOTO.com
Many people think toys are just for fun, but how can they play a role in encouraging your child’s development?
By far the best toy is a large, empty appliance box – your little one can crawl in and out and play house-house.
What advice do you have for parents when it comes to maximising play time?
What everyday objects can parents make use of instead of expensive toys and gadgets?
Make time to play with your little one – switch off your devices and get onto the floor with him/her. Use language in all activities – it’s the best way to enhance verbal intelligence.
I much prefer everyday objects as they allow for more creativity. By far the best toy is a large, empty appliance box – your little one can crawl in and out and play househouse. Pots and spoons are fabulous ‘musical instruments’ for little ones. Packing and unpacking a Tupperware cupboard creates hours of entertainment.
What are the most important toys for babies to have access to so as to improve their fine and gross motor skills?
As your child gets older, what toys/games will encourage cerebral development such as memory and language skills?
The more simple a toy is, the better. For fine motor skills, rattles encourage grasp and release. Balls encourage your baby to use two hands together in a co-ordinated fashion. Boxes are fabulous toys for packing and unpacking and teach a baby spatial awareness. Books are also a simple way to enhance language skills. Some switch toys can be useful to learn cause and effect – for instance, “if I push this button, it will do this”.
For the older child, books continue to hold value for language skills. Memory games are excellent for cognitive skills – put out a few objects or toys and then remove one and see if your child can recall the objects and tell you which one is missing. Visual perceptual skills like spatial awareness are enhanced through puzzles. Counting games and naming colours and shapes are important to teach little ones basic concepts.
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Research shows that boys and girls develop and think differently – should parents approach play differently with a boy and a girl, using different toys? I do not think boys and girls need different toys. I think exposure to all activities is important. They will develop differently and may gravitate towards different interests, but I think this is more based on exposure and what they see mom or dad do than actual innate preference.
A challenge for parents is deciding when – and if – to introduce screen time. At what age should screen time be introduced and how can parents make use of technology to assist with development? Research has shown that screen time actually hinders learning and that time spent in front of a screen inhibits language development in children under the age of two. For this reason, the American Association of Paediatrics recommends no screen time for little ones. While this may seem unrealistic, I do recommend that babies and toddlers should not watch TV. If you do put the TV on or use screens to occupy your little one, make sure you sit with them and use the opportunity to interact. This is the only way there can be any benefit from the experience. Meg Faure, OT, co-author of Baby Sense and founder of Play Sense, a new playgroup solution for 2 to 3 year olds.
October/November 2017
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dealing with difference
understanding
night terrors Sometimes a bad dream is more than just a nightmare. Anél Lewis finds out how to manage your child’s night terrors – the more distressing of the sleep disorders.
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he first time it occurred, I thought that Erin (6) was having a seizure. About two hours after putting her to bed, I heard a piercing scream from her bedroom. I found Erin sitting upright in bed, screaming and pointing at “the bad men” she claimed were hiding in the corner. She was hysterical and I could barely make out what she was saying. I tried to wake her up, but she stared through me with tear-filled eyes. She would not make eye contact and I felt utterly helpless as I tried to soothe my hysterical child. After what felt like eons – but was probably five to 10 minutes – the crying became a whimper and Erin’s breathing eased, suggesting that she was asleep. The incident was terrifying for me. Erin, however, was oblivious the next morning. In fact, she looked at me as if I was the one who needed a few more hours of sleep when I asked her whether she remembered having any nightmares. Unfortunately, these sleep interruptions continued – sometimes as often as three times a week – and always within a few hours of Erin going to bed. Usually she’s sitting upright in bed, screaming. But I have also encountered her walking out of her room or standing with her face up against the wall. The whole experience is hugely disturbing.
nightmare or night terror? Michelle Baker, a Durban-based psychologist, says episodes such as these, which take place in the first third of the night, are not nightmares but rather “night terrors”. They fall into the category of sleeping disorders called parasomnias – sleep patterns that involve abnormal or disruptive behaviour, movements or emotions. Insomnia and nightmares are also defined as parasomnias. But unlike nightmares, night terrors only occur in the early stages of slow wave or deep sleep, and there is seldom any recollection of the distress the following morning. Night terrors are more common in children – usually between the ages of three and seven – than in adults. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine estimates that 6.5% of children experience night terrors, and the American Sleep Association says that like many parasomnias, there’s often a family history of sleep disorders. According to the Jama Pediatrics Journal, a Canadian study done in 2015 found that about 96% of people with sleep terrors had at least one family member affected by sleepwalking or night terrors, or both. While adults can also experience night terrors, these episodes are usually caused by anxiety or a traumatic event.
digital distress Although there is not much research available on the effect of electronic devices on sleeping disorders, Baker says playing on a tablet or watching television before bedtime could well be a trigger. Watching a scary movie or the iPad late at night may well contribute to sleep disturbances, she says. Lucy Wolfe, a specialist in child sleep problems at the Sleep Matters Clinic in Cork, Ireland, supports this view. She says that the increased use of electronic devices can’t be factored out when assessing the cause of night terrors. “These devices should not be allowed in the bedroom,” she cautions.
sleep it off Baker warns against waking up a child having a night terror. “If you do, the child could become more distressed and this could mean they will be more sleep deprived the next day.” Lack of sleep could of course have a knock-on effect on their school performance. Rather make sure the child will not get hurt by removing any objects that could cause harm. Guide the child back into bed if they have been sleepwalking. Do not force any physical contact and do not scream at your child, as this could exacerbate their terror. Baker says the episode will usually play itself out and the child is likely to settle fairly quickly. She does, however, encourage parents to stay with their child until the terror has passed. Baker adds that the episode is often more terrifying for parents than for the child. There is also no need to tell your child about the episode if they have no recollection of it the next morning.
parents’ guide Sleep Review: The Journal for Sleep Specialists advises parents to maintain a calm bedtime routine. Scheduled awakening, when a parent will wake up a child before a night terror can occur, has also proven to be effective. This involves keeping track of the approximate time episodes occur over a period of time, and then waking up the child 15 to 20 minutes before an expected terror can start. The good news, says Baker, is that most children will outgrow their night terrors. Only a small percentage of sufferers will continue to experience these sleep disruptions into adulthood.
other tips:
✻✻ Enforce a set sleep routine and make sure your child gets ample rest after periods of activity. ✻✻ Also, try to find out if there is any underlying anxiety or stress that could be causing parasomnia. Sleep disorder experts agree that episodic night terrors do not signify psychological problems, but if they continue to disrupt sleep for prolonged periods, it may be necessary to seek medical advice. ✻✻ Anecdotal evidence suggests that cutting out refined sugars could help improve a child’s sleep. ✻✻ My experience has been that a good supper at the dinner table, and not in front of the TV, and a set bedtime helps minimise the occurrence of Erin’s night terrors. A damp facecloth also helps to settle her during the episode.
terror triggers
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PHOTOGRAPH: ISTOCKPHOTO.com
Baker says night terrors are idiopathic – in other words, there is no specific cause for these terrifying episodes. “There are various hypotheses, including that the visual cortex has not fully shut down.” This would explain why night terrors occur in the first few hours of going to sleep, and not during the deeper, rapid eye movement (REM) or dreaming stage. But, in the absence of a definitive reason for the episodes, Baker says it is helpful to consider possible triggers. While the link between anxiety and night terrors cannot be ruled out, she says research does not strongly support this as a key cause. “There is no link between sleep terrors in children and emotional disorders, or disorders that will be developed later in life,” notes the American Sleep Association. Baker says it may depend in part on the child’s personality. A child with a vivid imagination or an active mind, for example, may be more prone to night terrors. Other factors linked to night terrors include heat, diet, illness and overtiredness. magazine durban
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October/November 2017
13
education
it takes a village Parents and schools are a critical safety net for children who might be suffering from depression, says BRIDGET PRINGLE.
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hen our children are little we cure their ‘owees’ with a quick kiss, and cuddle their nightmares away. But as they move towards the teen years and beyond, the pain they suffer isn’t always so obvious, and the fixing of it even less so – particularly when it comes to mental illness. According to statistics from the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (Sadag), up to 20% of South African youngsters are suffering from depression – so it’s a hard, cold fact that a sizeable proportion of our children need our support.
burden of a modern world Depression is not a modern affliction, but the pressures of our time seem to be bearing down on our youth more heavily than ever before, and affecting children at a younger and younger age. Mark de la Rey, a clinical psychologist and unit head at the Akeso Kenilworth Clinic in Cape Town, says that raised levels of anxiety are driving this trend: “I believe that there is a higher incidence of anxiety levels, which are contributing to more difficulty in social and family settings. In most cases, the increased anxiety levels are precursors to depression, rather than the other way around.” Sadag’s Operations Director Cassey Chambers echoes this, saying the organisation is seeing increased cases of depressed young children and teens, and that it is receiving more and more calls from children who feel helpless and hopeless, and even suicidal.
the role of tech The use of technology and a breakdown in family structures are common refrains when it comes to the factors contributing to anxiety and depression among children and teens. “The stress and anxiety created by the ‘always online’ lifestyle we as parents allow our children to engage in at increasingly early ages is a major factor,” says De la Rey. “They can never switch off from being available to friends, being bullied even when away from school, and being open to other predatory elements that are designed to look ‘benign’ to them and us.” Rondebosch Boys’ Preparatory School head Tony Ryan agrees: “Technology, which obviously has many benefits, is a reality that’s not going to go away and it presents new challenges to our children’s wellbeing. Parents have a responsibility to educate themselves, and monitor what their children are doing online.”
red flags for teachers:
Educational psychologist Heidi Theo lists the warning signs that can indicate a learner is suffering from depression:
a lack of support And then there’s the breakdown in family structures, and a consequent decline in the trusted parties that children can confide in, contributing to their sense of isolation. “It takes a village to raise a child. But for many, that village does not exist, meaning there’s not a support structure for children,” says Ryan. “Mom and/or dad may be absent, and so it’s critical that there are other people for children in need to talk to.” De la Rey also notes the fact that parents are increasingly unavailable because of work and social demands. “The time we spend with our children is being replaced by the electronic nanny (television, the internet, gaming, etc).”
first line of defence It is against this background that those closest to children from an emotional and physical point of view – parents and teachers – become critical in providing the safety net for those who might be suffering from depression and need intervention. For parents, there are a number of signs that can indicate a child needs help, although a complicating factor is that all children, and especially teenagers, exhibit ‘red flag’ behaviour at some point or another. “Children, preteens and adolescents can exhibit behavioural and mood symptoms that mimic depression, but are in fact appropriate for their developmental phase or age,” says De la Rey. “A general rule of thumb would be if the behaviour is prolonged and out of character for your child, then you should be sitting up and taking note. Start by having a talk with your child about how they are feeling and doing. If you feel uneasy about anything, then a visit to the GP might be the first point of call. I believe that prevention is better than cure.” As is so often the case, open communication is an important ally for parents. “Hearing and understanding what your children think, feel and say doesn’t mean you have to agree with it,” says De la Rey. “However, open dialogue makes it more likely that they will tell you when things go wrong.”
the role of schools Schools – which is where our children spend the majority of their young life – are critical partners. According to De la Rey, they play “an increasingly vital role in identifying, if not necessarily treating” children who are at risk. Educational psychologist Heidi Theo agrees: “Teachers are in an excellent position to identify when children are depressed, if they are sensitive to changes in their pupils’ behaviour.” For those children who do require professional help, De la Rey suggests that school support could extend to facilitating time for learners to attend programmes, either as in- or out-patients. They can also encourage information sessions for parents and teachers with professionals, who are mostly open to doing talks, often free of charge.
creating community Some schools introduce initiatives to replicate a sense of family within the school, such as Rondebosch Prep’s ‘Bosch Buddies’. This sees groups of seven boys (with one boy from each grade) making up ‘a family’. “It gives the seniors greater responsibility, and younger boys appreciate the interest the older boys show in them. It has also had an incredibly positive impact on the sense of community and connection for the boys,” says Ryan. Ultimately, it is ideal for schools and parents to work together, says Theo. “A collaborative approach is the most valuable approach when dealing with children who are at risk. Regular meetings between parents and staff to help with the early identification of concerns are invaluable. Talks hosted by schools can also help both parents and staff recognise and identify the early warning signs.”
✻✻ no participation in previously enjoyable school activities ✻✻ lethargy
red flags for parents:
Sadag provides this list of behavioural
✻✻ telltale bags under his/her eyes because of a lack of sleep
signals that can indicate a child
✻✻ signs of demotivation, for example, not completing homework or
needs help:
✻✻ a drop in marks
✻✻ inexplicable decrease in academic
during break) ✻✻ an irritable mood, disengaged and/or apathetic
✻✻ increasing social isolation ✻✻ development of unusual physical complaints sound reason
less pride in the way they look and in their general self-care routine
for
no
medically
✻✻ increased childish and dependent behaviour ✻✻ being excessively demanding
where to go for help Sadag runs a Teen Suicide Prevention School Programme in schools that involves speaking to individual classes about the symptoms of depression, warning signs of suicide and how to get help. Schools can also contact their nearest psychologist or psychiatrist, or a unit offered by groups such as Akeso (www.akeso.co.za)
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✻✻ unrealistically low self-esteem dislike or reject him or her ✻✻ unrealistic belief that one’s personal
✻✻ loss of interest in sports
✻✻ physical indicators: they may walk with stooped shoulders and may take
all proportion to the provocation
✻✻ unwarranted belief that others
performance
✻✻ a flat and sad demeanour, and quick to cry
✻✻ overreactions to frustrations out of
withdrawal
preadolescents
✻✻ an increase in social isolation (a depressed child is likely to be found alone
✻✻ marked moodiness
✻✻ marked self-isolation and social
remembering to bring sports kits ✻✻ a lack of participation during classroom discussions ✻✻ difficulty sustaining concentration
teenagers
appearance is ugly or offensive ✻✻ loss of interest in hobbies, sports, and personal self-care ✻✻ development
of
delinquent
activities, in particular the abuse of drugs and alcohol
where to go for help Parents can try a GP as a first stop, or their nearest psychologist or psychiatrist. Sadag can also provide direction ((www.sadag.org or 011 234 4837)
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ILLUSTRATION: ISTOCKPHOTO.com
✻✻ weight loss (and less frequently, weight gain), due to changes in appetite
challenges facing a teenager in the internet age
Why is it so much more difficult to be a teenager in the 21st century? A friend described what it was like being a teenager: “For me, the main give-away when I was troubled, was listlessness. And what nearly killed me was shyness, and it feels even now that the lack of self-worth was so powerful as to have been inherited from the soul that was born into my body. As from a previous life. I seemed powerless against it”. He was a teenager a long time ago and as much as the world has changed, some things stay the same. Being a teenager has never been easy. The many changes taking place in both their bodies and their brains are the same as they have always been. According to science, the growing brain only settles into regulated patterns when we become 25 years old. Up until then, most teenagers are selfish, selfabsorbed and self-centred, impulsive, lazy, moody, risk-seeking, frustrated, messy and angry. And then there are also surging hormones to contend with – rapidly growing bodies and sexual development – all designed to make teenagers feel uncomfortable, misshapen, out of place and sometimes downright ugly. Peer pressure is no longer just a matter of school marks, likes on Instagram, wearing the latest fashion, boyfriends/girlfriends, it can now be a matter of life or death as more and more dangerous drugs come onto the market, the most recent and potentially lethal is a synthetic marijuana called Spice. It’s legal, it doesn’t show up on drug tests, and there have been cases in South Africa of teenagers dying from their first hit. Research suggests that teenagers get addicted faster than adults. Now add the internet to this already lethal mix and it’s no wonder parents, teachers and mental health professionals are so worried about teenagers and the state of their mental health. Our teens are over-stimulated and over-exposed. The internet is pervasive. Its tendrils reach into every aspect of life – from entertainment and games, learning, work, communication and personal communication and identity formation. Peer pressure and bullying used to take place in the playground or at a party. Today, our teenagers cannot escape the bullies or the peer pressure by going home. They have 24-hour connectivity via their smartphones. There is no escape. Cyber-bullying is also cause for grave concern. In cyberspace, the bully and his or her behaviour is covert and hidden. Children can say things to each other that they would perhaps not be able to say as easily face-to-face. If something ugly is posted on the internet and shared, it cannot be undone. Messages and images can travel exponentially through cyberspace via sharing and likes and once it’s there, it’s there forever.
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Free and easy access to information, the greatest benefit to our society, is also our greatest concern. All you need is a smartphone to access pornography – it’s free and readily available, sometimes even if you’re not looking for it. Shows like the television series 13 Reasons Why and internet games like Blue Whale add to the mix. Research shows that the flickering blue light can cause poor sleeping patterns, depression and poor concentration at school. Attention spans last as long as it takes to flick the thumb onto the next page, platform or chat. Sleep, it has been proven, is a teenager’s greatest ally. The only escape is the ‘off’ button. But switching off is also something they struggle to do because they lack access to their frontal lobes (that part of the brain that tells them they’ve had enough). The world is more complicated, and paradoxically with increased connectivity the risk of disconnection and alienation increases. Social media and school in its current form are here to stay – we, as parents, are going to have to learn ways to manage them both creatively. Kate Shand is a writer, artist and community arts counsellor, and author of a book entitled BOY: The Story of My Teenage Son’s Suicide.
a must-read for parents Every parent should read ‘teenage suicide: a perfect storm’ by Kate Shand, who experienced the unimaginable when her son committed suicide. Find it online at childmag.co.za/content/teenage-suicideperfect-storm
October/November 2017
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getaway
have baby, will travel
seychelles
Seasoned traveller LAUREN MANUEL MCSHANE and her husband jumped at the opportunity to explore the Seychelles with their one-year-old son, and pass their love of island life from one generation to the next.
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things to do in the Seychelles with a baby:
✻✻ Snorkel and relax at Anse Source D’argent Beach on La Digue, ride on an ox cart, rent a bicycle and cycle around the island (bring a helmet for baby if they can sit up by themselves as hotels generally won’t supply helmets for children) and visit the giant Aldabra tortoises at L’Union Estate. ✻✻ Spend the good part of a day playing in the waters of Anse Lazio Beach on Praslin Island (bring or buy beach toys) and visit the animals and birds in the National Heritage site and nature reserve of Vallée de Mai (known as the Garden of Eden). ✻✻ Get all your daily supplies at the Spar on Eden Island (Mahé), visit the Victoria local market with baby on your back, enjoy the view at Mission Lodge, visit the Beau Vallon night market. ✻✻ Make sure your hotel has a pool and can give you a baby-friendly room (no stairs inside and a well-enclosed balcony with no gaps for baby to fit through). Look for a hotel with a kids’ club – even if your child is too young to be left there, you can play with them there.
we’ve discovered that careful preparation makes travelling with a baby possible...
PHOTOGRAPHS: thetravelmanuel.com
t
ravelling with a baby is so easy and carefree,” said no one ever. Nevertheless, as travel journalists with a love of island life, we were determined to continue exploring the world after Caleb was born. While jet setting is no longer as easy as slinging on a backpack at short notice, we’ve discovered that careful preparation makes travelling with a baby possible. We’ve also learnt some other truths along the way: you and your travel partner will have to play tag-team when it comes to holiday activities; you’ll never get to eat while both of you are seated, and bedtime happens when it gets dark. But there are truly incredible aspects of travelling with Caleb (now almost two) – you go back to basics, and learn to love the simple joys of life. Just before Caleb’s first birthday, we flew to his second international destination – the Seychelles – for a family holiday of island hopping. The destination ticked all the boxes for us: it is a short flight from South Africa, has no malaria and offers pristine beaches, forests and oceans. Hopping between the main island of Mahé and the smaller neighbouring islands of Praslin and La Digue, we spent all of our time in or near water. I went stand-up paddle boarding around the yachts of Port Launay while Vaughan played on the beach with Caleb. When it was time for him to explore the underwater world with goggles and a snorkel, Caleb and I built sandcastles, sunk into the sand as the water lapped gently at our feet, and tried to escape the mosquitoes hovering beneath the trees. At the Eden Bleu hotel we woke up to views of moored yachts, and spent many daylight hours in the pool. In Beau Vallon, we made a plan to take back our evenings as Caleb wasn’t going to sleep as early. No longer confined to our hotel room after dark, we strapped him onto our backs and strolled through the night market. As music played and Seychellois sold grilled sausages with vegetables and rice, we steered through the crowds. After passing fresh fruit stands and seafood stalls, we’d find any available spot on the beach nearby to enjoy our meal. Having lived in Hawaii, Koh Samui and close to Malaysia’s tropical Tioman Island, we’ve seen our fair share of spectacular beaches. But it was on La Digue and Praslin that we got to experience two of the most mind-blowing beaches we’ve ever laid eyes on. On Praslin, we stayed right on the beach, basically living on the balcony until the mosquitoes came out around sunset. We switched from swimming in the calm ocean first thing in the morning to lounging in the pool at the end of the day. I fell in love with La Digue, where bicycles are the main form of transport. As we drove around on a giant golf cart, we cruised slowly past tourists and residents alike on their bikes. We popped into L’Union Estate and walked on lawns beneath palm trees and chased Caleb through the garden. It’s easy to take beauty for granted when you travel for a living. But it was on the beach Anse Source d’ Argent that I had an ‘aha’ moment and realised just where I was. I was in the Seychelles, tucked between voluptuous boulders and lazing on my sarong as Caleb made friends with neighbouring Russians and Vaughan snorkelled in the tepid ocean. The beach, the boulders, the overhanging palms and the glistening ocean appeared photoshopped – and for once, I put the camera down and just took it all in with my eyes.
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necessities for island baby travel: carrier
If your baby is happy in a carrier, it will allow you to move through airports, new towns and along beaches hands-free. It also takes up far less room than a pram and is very quick to strap on. If you enjoy outdoor adventure holidays, there are wonderful hiking carriers for trails that dad can also wear. So shop around. mosquito repellent Well-known repellents for adults always work like a bomb, but have a look at natural options (especially for young babies). Be sure to apply repellent throughout the day, but especially early in the morning and at sunset. There are some repellents that you can use for their clothing and pram. Be sure to pack a good antihistamine from your doctor at home. camp cot net While most resorts will provide a camp cot for your baby, not all of them provide a mosquito net. Enquire about the cot size and be sure to bring a camp cot mosquito net with you. hat and thin clothing Take a wide-brimmed hat and thin, light-coloured clothing to protect your baby from sunburn and insect bites. The Seychelles is also known for hairy caterpillars, which can cause itchy rashes if they make contact with your skin. These can drop from the trees or their hairs can be carried by the wind, so it’s best to keep baby covered if possible.
magazine durban
it was on the beach Anse Source d’ Argent that I had an ‘aha’ moment...
October/November 2017
17
parenting
Raising confident sons who are respectful, kind and empathetic requires parents to rise above old-fashioned stereotypes, says Samantha Page.
in the next issue
december / january is our
happy holidays issue food, glorious food
keep the holidays happy
parenting experts Meg Faure and Kath Megaw help explain your child’s cues so that weaning becomes a happy, interactive process
practical coping strategies for separated parents and blended families
an interview with the much-loved children’s author about her brand-new, safari-inspired book
why rituals make for a more rewarding family life
sibling rivalry what to do when it’s not all fun and games
with a spotlight on back to school off to a good start - from extra mural advice
to stress-free mornings, five experts share their tips for the new academic year
et tre
on s
julia donaldson exclusive
better together
23
November
To advertise call: 0861 867 885 or email: dbnsales@childmag.co.za | Booking deadline: 7 November | Material deadline: 9 November 18
October/November 2017
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PHOTOGRAPH: ISTOCKPHOTO.com
c
boys to men
alling all parents of sons. Yes, parents of adorable apple-cheeked cherubs, squishable chocolate-covered marshmallow boys and preschoolers smelling of crayons and school, I’m talking to you. Those beautiful babes will grow into men soon enough, and the world is depending on you to raise smart, generous, observant, sensitive, strong, kind, confident and respectful men who listen well and are able to articulate their feelings to their partners, colleagues and friends. When Sheryl Sandberg so boldly declared in her New York Times bestseller Lean In that the most important career choice women will make is who they marry, she also had you in mind because your son’s education begins in the home with his parents – and these days (with single motherhood on the rise), particularly with mothers. The world is engaged in one of the most important dialogues of the century, wrote Alyson Schafer in The Huffington Post last year. “Every person is being called to make his or her contribution towards creating a more egalitarian, safe, respectful society for women. For parents, that includes making efforts to raise a new generation of boys who reject old stereotypes and instead come to respect girls and women,” adds Schafer. William Pollack, PhD, author of Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood and a groundbreaking researcher and clinical psychologist at Harvard Medical School who has devoted his investigations into boyhood for over two decades, makes a strong case for breaking the “boy code” as a starting point. Boys are told not to cry, that the things they’re interested in are for “sissies”, that real men play rugby and ballerinas play cricket and how often have you heard boys being told to “man up”? In his book, Pollack explores the toxic conceptions of masculinity in boy culture and how he believes it leads to boys doing poorly in education and health and having higher involvement in violent crimes and suicide than girls. Boys are being made to feel ashamed of their vulnerability, Pollack contends, and “while we have rethought some of our ideas about girls, we are overdue for such a rethinking about our boys.” “My son is loving and kind, but I feel like I need to prepare him for the tough male culture that exists in my culture and the world that he will inevitably become a part of,” says *Tumi. What’s Pollack’s bottom-line advice to Tumi and other moms who face the same dilemma? “Stay connected, no matter what.” Communicating with your son has never been more important than right now – and that means listening as much as speaking. “Over the past several years, I and other professionals who work with boys have become increasingly aware that even boys who seem okay on the surface are suffering silently inside – from confusion, a sense of isolation, and despair. They feel detached from their own selves, and
often feel alienated from parents, siblings and peers. Many boys feel a loneliness that may last throughout boyhood and continue into adult life,” comments Pollack. Parents need to consider that boys are now twice as likely as girls to be identified with a learning disability and in the US alone, boys constitute up to 67% of special education classes, and in some school systems are up to 10 times more likely to be diagnosed with a serious emotional disorder – most especially attention deficit disorder, for which many boys are receiving powerful medications with heavy side effects that range from lack of appetite to mood swings and insomnia. Recent research also shows boys’ scores on reading lag way behind girls in every country in the world with no real signs of amelioration, and in general it’s boys’ self-esteem that is more fragile, resulting in disciplinary problems and mood disorders. “When my best friend’s son was three years old, he loved to wear his sister’s tulle ballet tutu and her sparkly tiara and sing that Disney earworm ‘Let It Go’ whenever he had the chance. My friend was so relaxed about it and even helped him put together his various outfits. It made me wonder why his behaviour made me so uncomfortable; why I was secretly thankful that it wasn’t my son playing ballerina dress-up. Was I afraid that my son would be perceived as gay and why did that strike such fear?” muses *Judi, a mom of two tween boys. Olga Silverstein articulates this thinking in her book The Courage to Raise Good Men. “According to society’s stereotypes, if males exhibit feminine behaviour, they can bring harm to themselves by becoming homosexual or weak, while at the same time, harming the parents for having failed at raising their male children.” In her book, Silverstein cites an example of a mother who brought her son to a family therapist, claiming her son was lacking male influence in his life after her recent divorce and her now single motherhood. The mother’s concern was that her son needed a man in his life to teach him how to be a man. While the therapist agreed that the young man needed male interaction as well as female interaction, the therapist did not say the mother should bring a male into the boy’s life. Instead, the therapist stressed that if you want to raise good males in society, they must embody the best qualities of both genders. The same can be said for females and Silverstein concludes that just as feminists combat female stereotypes, we should also combat male stereotypes of what males should be and support those men in all their endeavours, interests and emotions. Clearly we should raise the standards for both genders to improve.
so how do parents raise men for the women of the future? model respectful behaviour at home: Children learn gender relations at home so, Dad, be aware of the way you speak and interact with the women in your house. Are you using a respectful tone and displaying a positive attitude? Is there sensitivity and an open exchange of ideas? Does Dad make statements like “You must be hormonal” or “Women can’t make up their minds”? ask and listen: It’s not enough to enquire if your son is okay. Create opportunities for him to share and for you to listen – free of judgment. This is a chance to develop a platform for active listening where you listen to gain information, understand where he’s coming from, enjoy the insights into his personality and learn something new – yes, you can learn from your child too. let go of the ‘boy code’: If you’ve ever said “that’s for girls”, “boys don’t cry” or excused your son’s bad behaviour with “boys will be boys”, you need to be aware that these seemingly
innocuous statements reinforce old stereotypes of what it is to be a boy or a man. The long-term effect of suppressing any emotion is more often than not destructive, and enabling his lack of responsibility diminishes his character. Reading with your kids presents a great opportunity to discuss the characters and the roles played by men and women in those stories and how the stories make him feel. What is his emotional response to a story or character and why do they resonate with your son or not? educate your sons about how to speak about and to women in a respectful way. It’s not enough to say, “don’t do that”, says Schafer. Parents must attempt to raise a boy who is willing to speak up against their peer groups’ degrading jokes and taunting. Schafer even suggests getting boys to practise phrases so it comes naturally when boys need to use them. For example, “Hey, that’s not cool, that could have been my sister, dude” or “You don’t have to impress us with that macho stuff.”
*Names have been changed
magazine durban
October/November 2017
19
resource
resource
playing across gender lines There are good reasons why children should be encouraged to play with toys that are traditionally aimed at the opposite sex, says ANÉL LEWIS.
m
y son, aged 5, was recently invited to a play date at a girl’s house, and my initial thought was whether there would be toys for him to play with. I mean, boys need cars and trains, right? Needless to say, Conor spent a delightful afternoon painting and playing dolls with his friend, and there was never an issue about the toys being too girlish. Researchers tell us that boys and girls differ physically and socially in the way that they play. So, perhaps the games may have been a bit more raucous if Conor had been playing with one of his male classmates. It’s accepted that boys generally enjoy vigorous activities that allow them to compete against their friends, while girls tend to prefer co-operative interaction where they use language to act out home-based themes. But does this mean that we should restrict our children’s choices by keeping the noisy trucks for the boys, and encouraging our girls to stick to their dolls and toy ovens?
A 2001 study by the University of Nebraska’s Department of Psychology found that boys and girls do show a preference for certain toys from the age of two but that their affinity for certain toys intensifies as they are exposed to outside influences such as their friends, parents and, of course, the media. “Girls’ play tends to centre on themes related to family and domestic life. In many communities, girls can often be observed playing with dolls, household objects, dress-up clothes, and related materials for creative expression,” note the authors. “Boys are often found playing with transportation toys, weapons, and building materials. They are often noisy in their play, shouting out the ‘swoosh’ of the sword or the ‘crash’ of the car,” they add. This research is borne out by a more recent study by the City, University of London and University College London, which found that children as young as nine months prefer toys specific to their gender. In their findings, published in 2016 in the Journal of Infant and Child Development, the team argues that there are biological as well as environmental factors at play in children’s toy choices. “Biological differences give boys an aptitude for mental rotation and more interest and ability in spatial processing, while girls are more interested in looking at faces and better at fine motor skills and manipulating objects,” says Dr Brenda Todd, a senior researcher at City, University of London. “Our results show that there are significant sex differences across all three age groups. Children in the youngest group, who were aged between nine and 17 months when infants are able to crawl or walk and therefore make independent selections, being particularly interesting; the ball was a favourite choice for the youngest boys, and the youngest girls favoured the cooking pot.” Gavin Keller, the headmaster at Sun Valley Primary School in Cape Town, has become known for his use of neuroscience to explain how boys and girls learn differently. Referring to the differences as “Pink Brain, Blue Brain”, Keller says that structural differences in boys’ and girls’ brains in utero affect the way they process information and therefore how they learn. In girls, the left hemisphere – the brain’s language centre – develops faster, which means that when the neural pathways try to cross over to the right hemisphere, this hemisphere hasn’t developed sufficiently to accept them. This results in many girls having a stronger language capacity. The reverse occurs in boys, resulting in a greater interest in spatial activities such as sport, and subjects such as maths, science and engineering. “Raising children means working hard to accept the gender difference, but at the same time creating space to lay neural pathways across the gap between our left and right brain,” says Keller.
behavioural differences But Lise Eliot, a Chicago-based neurobiologist, argues that there is little scientific evidence to back up the theory that boys’ and girls’ brains are wired differently. She stresses, however, that she is only referring to the structural differences, and not the way in which boys and girls act. “I want to be clear I am talking about their brains. There are obviously pretty striking differences in behaviour,” she explains. Eliot says that until the age of about 12 months, boys and girls don’t exhibit much difference in their toy
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October/November 2017
magazine durban
PHOTOGRAPHS: ISTOCKPHOTO.com
science says so
choice. Both will play with dolls – probably because children of that age have an affinity for anything with a face. From the age of about one, however, boys will opt for trucks and girls for dolls, often as they start developing their gender identities and become influenced by societal stereotypes.
tech toys Children are becoming tech-savvy from an increasingly young age, and much of their play involves tablets or computer games. It’s not surprising then that the same gender stereotypes often apply to these games too. As with other toys, many of these games are marketed at either boys or girls. Boys’ games often require hand/eye co-ordination, and involve a fair amount of action. Girls’ games tend to use their artistic skills for activities such as colouring-in and dress up. But there are also plenty of games that will keep both girls and boys entertained. Toca Boca is one of the development companies that has actively created gender-neutral apps that appeal to boys and girls alike. Conor and his sister, Erin, are both fans of these apps, which involve various activities from driving trains to styling hair. Online games that require construction, involving three-dimensional cubes, for example, can and should be played by boys and girls as they teach important spatial skills. Dr Clare Brett, of the University of Toronto/Ontario Institute of Studies in Education, says while older boys in their teens will use computers for gaming, girls of this age generally use technology for social networking. The role of biological differences in toy choices remains a topic of much debate, but researchers do agree that gender-specific toys can have a significant and even detrimental impact on our children’s development. And many place the blame firmly at the feet of retailers, who in recent years have taken to using the gender divide as a marketing tool. Toy stores are often clearly divided along gender lines, with aisles of dolls and pinkpackaged toys aimed at girls, while the boys get to choose from an array of action toys and vehicles in a separate aisle.
aisle bias A UK campaign called “Let Toys be Toys” is now pushing for retailers to organise toys by theme, rather than by gender. “Boys and girls need the chance to develop in all these areas, but many stores divide toys into separate boys’ and girls’ sections. Action, construction and technology toys are predominantly marketed to boys while social role play and arts and crafts toys are predominantly marketed to girls. Both boys and girls miss out this way,” notes the campaign’s website. The campaign also highlights the fact that toys themselves are inherently gender neutral, and that the real difference is how they are played with. While a boy could use a couple of dinosaur figurines as contenders in a ferocious prehistoric battle, his sister may prefer to use them to enact a story.
toys for all Judith Blakemore, a professor of psychology at Indiana University-Purdue University in Indiana, says toys that are not gender-typed are more likely to develop a child’s physical, cognitive, musical and academic skills. As parents, we of course have considerable influence over the toys our children play with, adds Eliot. It’s up to us to encourage our children to explore all the aisles in the toy shop, despite the best efforts of retailers and marketers to amplify gender stereotypes. Find building toys that appeal to girls and boys, for example, to encourage hand/eye co-ordination and spatial skills. Remember that dolls teach empathy, an important attribute for children of both genders, she adds.
Remember that dolls teach empathy, an important attribute for children of both genders.
magazine durban
October/November 2017
21
books
a good read There’s something for everyone in our pick of the best new book releases.
for babies
Izilwane ezili-100 zokuqala Amagama ali-100 lokuqala (Pan Macmillan, R59) The popular Priddy First 100 Mini series of books is now available in isiZulu and isiXhosa. The colourful books provide a fun way for your little one to learn about animals, numbers, shapes and words. Made from tough board that is easy to wipe clean, these mini-treasures will last for many reads to come.
for toddlers and preschoolers
for preschoolers
Nyambura Waits for the Bus
The All Africa Wildlife Express
The Elders At The Door
By Dianne Hofmeyr and Carol Thompson (Tafelberg, R155) Daddy is a crocodile, with a toothy grin. Daddy is a kangaroo, who hips and hops, flips and flops. Daddy is a hungry tiger, who mixes, mashes and gnashes his food. Daddy is all these things, but most of all, he’s the best daddy in the world. A catchy celebration of dads that all children will love.
By Cath Alexander (Jacana, R120) Nyambura is going to visit her Gogo, so she kisses her Mama goodbye and races off. But the bus is late, and Nyambura is left to think about all the special times spent with Gogo. This is a story that will encourage children to cherish their loved ones, and teach them the importance of helping others.
By Rosamund Haden & Tony Pinchuck (Tafelberg, R190) When Elephant receives an invitation from the monkeys to a party at Coconut Bay, he starts his steam engine for a great African adventure. Along the way, animals jump aboard for a fantastic journey to Hotel Splendide, where a big surprise awaits. Wonderfully illustrated and quirkily told, this story will keep young readers spellbound.
By Maryanne Bester (Jacana, R95) This is a delightful retelling of a popular fable that is told across the African continent. One day, three tired and hungry elders knock on the door of a family home. The family can only choose one visitor to come inside – so who will they pick? A book for every child and family.
My Daddy is a Silly Monkey
for early graders
Big Questions From Little People … Answered By Some Very Big People By Gemma Elwin Harris (Faber and Faber, R210) Children can ask some tough questions – but luckily there’s a book to help parents out. This book gets experts to provide answers to questions like, ‘Why can’t I tickle myself?’ and ‘How far away is space?’ It provides a great way for both of you to get answers to some of life’s big questions.
for us
The Women of the Castle By Jessica Shattuck (Bonnier UK, R270) Set at the end of World War Two, in a decrepit Bavarian castle that was once the site of parties hosting the who’s who of German high society, the lives of three widows become intertwined. This is a novel of secrets and forgiveness and provides a new perspective on one of the most traumatic periods of the last century.
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October/November 2017
for preteens and teens
for preschoolers
for teens
for preschoolers and early graders
for teens
City Girl and the Black Colt
Elevation 2: The Rising Tide
Ginny Moon
By Marga Jonker (Tafelberg, R160) Jessica doesn’t want to join her mom on a research trip to the West Coast. She’d rather stay at home in Pretoria for the holidays. But once she’s there, she spots a wild horse that captures her attention. And … she meets a boy. Another captivating horse story from the author of Goodbye, Chocolate Charlie.
By Helen Brain (Human & Rousseau, R205) Part 2 of this popular futuristic series set in Cape Town. Time is running out for Ebba. The General is planning a genocide. Can she stop him? Micah is heading the resistance with the gorgeous Samantha Lee. With nothing left to lose but his love, Ebba agrees to one final sacrifice.
By Benjamin Ludwig (HarperCollins UK, R270) Ginny Moon is exceptional. Everyone knows it, especially her new adoptive parents. What they don’t know is that Ginny doesn’t want to belong. She’s found her birthmother on Facebook, and is determined to get back to her. An inspirational look at one girl’s journey to find her way home.
for us
parenting
parenting
The Husband Hunters – Social Climbing in London and New York By Anne de Courcy (Orion UK, R315) A fascinating look at the American heiresses who left their country to marry into the British aristocracy towards the end of the 19th century – ostensibly in a cash-for-titles quest. Ann de Courcy’s book draws on extensive research to reveal the real story behind husband hunting in Europe.
Dummy
Parenting with Courage
By Matt Coyne (Wildfire, R280) Matt Coyne is a UK-based writer who imparts his parenting triumphs and disasters on his popular blog Man vs Baby. True to form, his book Dummy is packed with completely impractical (and hugely entertaining) advice for new moms and dads, but is also a story of the beautiful insanity of parenting.
By Mandi Hart (Struik Christian Media, R159.95) This is a contemporary parenting guide from a Christian-based perspective. Covering key topics such as values-based parenting, the stages of development, discipline, the role of culture and mindful parenting, Mandi Hart offers practical tips and inspirational stories to help parents build a strong relationship with their children. magazine durban
get your geek on activity book fun
for preschoolers
for preschoolers
Cars 3: Magical Story Cars 3: Happy Tin
for preschoolers and early graders
Disney Princess Book and Blocks
(Penguin Random House, R100 and R220) For all the little Cars fans out there. In Cars 3: Magical Story, Lightning McQueen needs to prove that his racing days aren’t over and that he still has more to give. And the Cars 3: Happy Tin, which contains three activity books and more than 50 stickers, will keep your mini-motorhead occupied for hours.
Liebetland: A Colouring Book
(Penguin Random House, R220) The Disney Princess Book and Blocks set comes complete with an illustrated story, two block puzzle characters of popular Disney princesses and a playmat, allowing little princesses (and princes) to build and create, play make-believe and act out their very own adventure story.
By Liebet Jooste (Imagnary House, R150) Liebetland is a wonderful world created by South African artist Liebet Jooste. It’s a world where strange creatures live among crazy plants and fantastical landscapes. Let your budding artist’s imagination run wild as he or she colours in the book’s whacky scenes.
cool tech reads
for early graders and preteens
for early graders and preteens
Computer Coding Python Projects for Kids
(DK, R320) Computer Coding Python Projects for Kids uses a practical approach to show young readers how this popular computer programming language works, with step-bystep projects (such as a space treasure game) that build knowledge gradually. There are also tips to personalise and adapt each project to encourage creative thinking.
for early graders and preteens
Adventure Maps to Build and Explore in Minecraft
My First Coding Book
By Kirsten Kearney (Octopus Publish Group, R271) Calling all Minecraft fans. This book explores some of the best interactive stories and quests devised by members of the Minecraft family and played by hundreds of gamers all over the world. It also includes tutorials and simple stepby-step guides that teach you how to design and build your own adventures.
By Kiki Prottsman (Penguin Random House, R230) My First Coding Book is a playful introduction to offline coding and programming that will give young children a head start. Filled with puzzles, mazes and games to teach the basic concepts of sequences, algorithms, and debugging, this book will help children develop key computer literacy skills.
win for preschoolers and early graders
for preschoolers
My Little Pony: Where Equestria Comes to Life! (Struik Children, R150) Witness true pony power when you see Princess Twilight Sparkle and her friends play outside the printed page! Watch your favourite ponies as they grow to their true size before your eyes, or you can connect to a friend’s device and let your ponies take a stroll together.
iDinosaur
(Struik Children, R150) Who says that dinosaurs don’t exist? With the digital magic of augmented reality, your child can experience these prehistoric creatures in a new dimension. Developed specifically for mobile devices, including the iPhone, iPad, Android phones and tablets, iDinosaur brings these creatures to life in a whole new way.
win
Three copies of iDinosaur and three copies of My Little Pony: Where Equestria Comes to Life! are up for grabs. To enter the competition, visit www.childmag.co.za/ wins
magazine durban
Smart Globe Become a globe-trotting genius with the SmartGlobe, an interactive globe that is packed with information about the countries of the world, and loads of fun activities. From capital cities and national anthems, to geography and history, this high-tech educational toy will wow you with fascinating knowledge and interactive challenges. We have one SmartGlobe Infinity worth R1 699 and one SmartGlobe Discovery worth R1 299 to give away. To enter the competition, visit childmag.co.za/wins
October/November 2017
23
calendar
what’s on in
October & November For more events go to childmag.co.za/whats-on or submit an event for Dec/Jan before 3 November to durban@childmag.co.za
25 October Nitro Circus Live
22 September
Splash! Circus The show combines all the elements of a circus that family audiences have loved for generations, but now with a modern twist. Expect lasers, video projections and water fountains. Performances are at various times at The Big Top at Suncoast, until 21 October. Tickets are R100–R375. Book at computicket.com 28 September
White Mountain Acoustic Festival Enjoy a three-day line-up of some of the best acoustic acts in the country. Festivalgoers can look forward to a variety of food and drink outlets, colourful arts and crafts, and outdoor activities for the whole family including fun stuff (like scavenger hunts) for the children. The festival ends on 1 October. Adults pay R600, children 4–11 years R185. Visit c-weed.com/wmf 1 October
The Nedbank Music at the Lake series – MiCasa album launch Watch this live concert at the Durban Botanic Gardens. Proceeds from the performance go to the Garden Window Project at the Botanic Gardens. The concert starts at 1:30pm and tickets are R20–R150. Book at Webtickets.co.za 2 October
Seaside Suzy Children (and adults) can join Suzy and her friends as she spends a musical day at the seaside with her Granny. This musical puppet pantomime comes complete with a good story, comedy, music and singing along. Shows are at the Rhumbelow Theatre at 10am from 2–6 October. Tickets are R60. Book at computicket.com 6 October 2017
Hobby–X Durban With a wide variety of hobbies and crafts on display, you can discover a new hobby, stock up on materials for your latest craft, or get hands-on in one of the fabulous workshops. Times are 10am–6pm on Friday, 9am–6pm on Saturday and 9am–5pm on Sunday 8 October at the
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October/November 2017
6 October Premiére of My Little Pony: The Movie
Durban Exhibition Centre. Adults pay R60, children under 12 pay R20. Visit hobby-x.co.za
Premiére of My Little Pony: The Movie The story centres on the ‘Mane 6’ characters – Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rarity – who embark on a quest to use the magic of friendship and save their home. This animated film opens in cinemas nationwide. Book at numetro.co.za or sterkinekor.co.za 7 October
Pick your own Strawberries Every Saturday from 9am–3pm, weather permitting, you can pick your own strawberries at Cappeny Estate off Esenembe Road, Ballito Compensation. Join in the fun with tractor rides, waffles, live music and entertainment. Entrance fee is R10; Pick–Your–Own: R75, children 5 years and under R50. Contact: 032 815 1168 or cappenyestates.com 8 October
International Girls Ice Hockey Day This is a global opportunity for girls to try out ice hockey as a new sport at Galleria Ice Rink, from 8am–9am. Girls are introduced to basic skills in ice hockey, learn about teamwork, meet new friends and have a chance to fall in love with a new sport. The lesson costs R50, booking essential. Contact: 072 237 3114 or durbaknights. wordpress.com
FNB Durban 10K CitySurfRun The event highlights the true beauty of Durban, while granting entrants the unique opportunity to explore their city. In addition to exciting en route entertainment and vibrant event atmosphere, entrants can explore iconic landmarks like the Moses Mabhida Stadium, Old Fort, Juma Mosque, City Hall and more. The race starts in Masabalala Yengwa Street, in front of Moses Mabhida Stadium and finishes on the Beachfront Precinct adjacent to Moses Mabhida Stadium. Entry is R160– R670. Contact: entries@durban10k.com or durban 10k.com
14 October
Serendipity – a solo exhibition by Heidi Shedlock Heidi is a Durban artist who seeks to nestle her arrangements safely within nurturing circular and oval formats. The exhibition runs at the ArtSpace Gallery in Durban, which is open from 10am Monday– Saturday. Entrance is free. Visit artspacedurban.com 20 October
Christmas through the Home Experience the magic of this Christmas house, with unique handmade crafts, decorations, gifts and more. On 20 October, join the LFCT Fundraiser from 6pm–9pm. The house then opens on 24 October at 4pm and from 25–28 October at 10am. Children permitted from 26–28 October. Entry costs vary. Find the Christmas house at 9a Highlands Rd, Pinetown. Contact: 031 702 5811, 083 270 1901 or 083 414 4388
Talana Live “Catch the vibe” The festival runs from 20–22 October and features historical battle re-enactments, historical tours and talks, pipe band parades, a vintage car display and good fun for the whole family. It opens at 5pm on Friday, 10am Saturday and Sunday, at Talana Museum in Dundee. Prices range from R10–R250. Visit talana.co.za 25 October
child chefs will get their chance to discover the joys of cooking at the annual gastronomic gathering. Open from 10am until 29 October at the Durban Exhibition Centre, Durban CBD. Visit goodfoodandwineshow.co.za
Child Welfare Durban and District Donation Station At this thrift shop jumble sale, you will find a large variety of quality goods, at competitive prices, such as shoes, crockery, toys, books, linen, and new and secondhand clothing. Open from 9am–1pm at 20 Clarence Road, Greyville. Contact: 031 312 9313 or cwdd.org.za 28 October
Holah High Tea Production This year’s annual high tea will include a performance from the Glitter Girls. Funds raised will be used to support Holah, a babies’ home that supports six children from birth until they are matched with a forever family. The tea is at Grace Family Church in Riverside at 9am and tickets are R150. Book at webtickets.co.za 3 November
Weihnachtsmarkt Deutsche Schule Durban’s Christmas market brings you tasty German food, Christmas gifts and more. It takes place at 34 Stafford Rd, Cowies Hill, from 5pm–9pm. Entrance is free. Contact 031 267 1307 or dsdurban.co.za
Nitro Circus Live This global action sports phenomenon brings an all-new show with them, filled with unbelievable world firsts, spectacular tricks and mind-blowing stunts. Adding even more to the excitement, action sports icon Travis Pastrana joins this summer’s tour, and will ride in South Africa for the first time. See the action at 8:30pm at Moses Mabhida Stadium, Stamford Hill. Tickets are R290–R2 299. Book at computicket.com
4 November
27 October
The annual South Coast golf day is a highlight on the local golfing calendar and will once again be hosted at the picturesque Umdoni Country Club. Packages include
Good Food and Wine Show International and local chefs are on the menu at this year’s show, plus budding
Kato Kira – a solo exhibition This exhibition is a celebration of the alter ego the artist has created. It is open until 23 November at the ArtSpace Gallery. Entry is free and the gallery is open from 10am Monday–Saturday. Visit artspace– durban.com 5 November
SA Guide-Dogs Association Umdoni Golf Day
magazine durban
carts, lunch and a goodie bag. Tee-off from 10am at Umdoni Country Club, Pennington, for R350 per player. Contact: AneR@guidedog.org.za 11 November
Durban Wellness Festival Take an afternoon 5km run/walk. The event includes a wellness festival, live music with Holly Wasserfal and more, and is being staged on behalf of Diabetes SA to promote general health and wellness, and awareness for diabetes. The Wellness Festival starts at 2pm and is free to attend; the Walk/Run starts at 4pm and entry is R60. It takes place at Durban Amphitheatre, Bay of Plenty. Contact: 082 499 5222 or mw.nerve@mweb.co.za 15 November
Yusuf /Cat Stevens The music of this legendary singer/songwriter has established him as a timeless voice for all generations and concert-goers will enjoy celebrating five decades in the company of this great musician. The concert is at 8pm at the Durban ICC. Tickets start at R450. Book at computicket.com 24 November
Premiére of Coco In Disney•Pixar’s new animated film, Miguel dreams of becoming an accomplished musician like his idol, Ernesto de la Cruz. Desperate to prove his talent, Miguel finds himself in the stunning and colourful Land of the Dead following a mysterious chain of events. Opens in cinemas nationwide today. Visit numetro.co.za or sterkinekor.com 25 November
Big Splash – Open Water Swim Make history by participating in the first open water swim for the KwaZulu-Natal region. Limited places are available. The magazine durban
event starts at 8am at the Richards Bay Multi–Sports Club. It costs R150 per swimmer. Contact: AneR@guidedog.org.za
Holiday activities Junior Ranger Holiday Camp Children 8–13 years old who dream of being a game ranger can start right now. At this three-day, two-night camp, children will learn about their favourite animals and see how nature can provide them with everything they need to survive in the bush. The camp runs from 4–6 October at Gwahumbe, Mid–Illovo, and costs
R1 650. Contact: 031 781 1082 or info@ gwahumbe.co.za
Markets I Heart Market This market provides a monthly platform for local foodies and designers to showcase their products. It takes place on 7 October and 4 November, from 9am–2pm. Visit Facebook: I Heart Market
Wonder Market Here you will find beautiful artwork, unusual jewellery, bespoke fashion, farm
fresh produce, home décor and lots of incredibly good food to eat. Open on 29 October and 26 November from 9am–2pm at Chris Saunders Park, Gateway. Contact: 074 467 2464
The Shongweni Farmers and Craft Market Open every Saturday morning from 6:30am, this market features a variety of locally produced food and crafts. It’s situated on the Mr551 road in Shongweni. Find out more at Facebook: The Shongweni Farmers & Craft Market October/November 2017
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finishing touch
the show must go on Children’s concerts tend to provide an equal dose of anxiety and
t
Conor, Erin and Anél
he best thing about children’s concerts is that you actually get two shows for the price of one. Every performance is in fact a double billing, and there’s almost always a surprise element thrown in. Last year, I received a note from the school informing me that Conor was going to be a king in the end-of-year concert and he needed green tights. Besides the fact that finding green tights for my 32kg son in the middle of summer was as much fun as looking for that little end piece on a roll of Sellotape, he was emphatic that he would not be taking part in any activity that involved a stage, an audience, or green tights. The day of the performance dawned and, being the eternal optimists that we are, my husband, Craig, and I packed the picnic basket (and the green tights) in case Conor decided to perform. Once we had sent him to his
classroom, with tights in hand, we settled on a spot near the back where we would not be too much of a distraction for our reluctant “king”. The music started, and two sovereigns, resplendent in purple and red, made their way across the stage. Of course, Conor was nowhere to be seen. I had almost given up on my little thespian when a flash of green caught my eye. And there he was, my mini-monarch, striding purposefully across the stage. I would have been happy enough with that performance. I mean, it’s not every day that you get to see your son on stage wearing his sister’s best friend’s green Woolies leggings. But then Conor launched into his second performance of the night – involving energetic leg kicks that resembled a mix of Axl Rose from Guns ‘n Roses and Johnny Clegg. I have never seen such a spirited rendition of the air guitar before. For all his earlier moaning, Conor loved every minute of his three minutes in the limelight. (And he eventually joined the other kings to hand over his gift, as per the script.) A similar thing happened a few months ago when Conor was billed as one of the ‘men’ in his school concert. Again, the costume he had to wear seemed to be a source
let’s party
of much consternation. He was supposed to be in a pair of jeans. But Conor, who is happiest barefoot and wearing shorts, was not interested in donning anything denim. I really thought that this time, he would opt instead to give the show a miss. But, as the music started, I was most bemused to see my son appear from stage left, defiant in jeans that had deliberately been put on inside out. It was his own act of defiance, almost as if to say: “Fine, you want me in jeans? Then I’m wearing them my way.” But, despite all the shenanigans, mishaps and costume malfunctions, there’s something incredibly endearing about seeing your child on stage. For all his recalcitrance ahead of a performance, Conor actually enjoys being part of the show with his friends; and his face when the audience applauds at the end makes all the costume changes and tears worthwhile. And, to be quite honest, we secretly look forward to the double-bill performances with that something extra thrown in for laughs. Anél Lewis has invested in a few pairs of extra-large tights in several colours, so that she can start preparing Conor for his next show ahead of time.
family marketplace
For more help planning your child’s party visit
childmag.co.za/ resources/birthday-parties
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October/November 2017
magazine durban
PHOTOGRAPH: craig lewis
amusement – for both the child and the parent, says ANÉL LEWIS.
recipes
Siba keeps it
simple
Quick and easy recipes from South African celebrity chef Siba Mtongana that won’t keep you slaving over the stove.
Raw Beet And Carrot Salad Ingredients: 200g shredded carrots 200g shredded beets 60g baby spinach, rinsed thoroughly Dressing: 80ml olive oil 4 tbsp red wine vinegar 2 tbsp fresh parsley 1 tsp honey Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper Method: 1. In a large bowl, mix the shredded beet and carrots together with the baby spinach leaves and place on a platter. 2. In a small jug, mix the dressing ingredients together. Drizzle over the salad just before serving and toss lightly.
Baked Salmon and Sriracha Sauce
images courtesy of Food Network
Ingredients: 1kg farmed salmon Pinch smoked flaked sea salt 4 cloves garlic, finely chopped 1 tsp fresh ginger, finely grated 12 red salad (spring) onions, chopped (including the green and red part) 75g cashew nuts, roughly chopped 3 tbsp peanut oil 2 tbsp fresh lemon juice 1 tbsp fish sauce 2 tsp sriracha sauce 1 tbsp honey Method: 1. Preheat the oven to 180°C and lightly grease a roasting pan with oil. Place the fish on the greased pan, skin down, and season well with smoked salt. Then rub the garlic and ginger onto the flesh of the fish. 2. In a jug, mix together the chopped nuts, spring onions, peanut oil, lemon juice, fish sauce, sriracha and honey. Scoop out the solids and place in a long line in the centre of the fish and then pour over the remaining liquid. 3. Bake in the oven for 15–18 minutes until the fish flakes when pushed with your finger – take care not to overcook the fish.
Goji Berry Granola Bars Ingredients 35g dried cranberries, chopped 35g dried goji berries 60g sunflower seed 60g mixed chai seeds 80g pumpkin seeds 60g linseed seeds 75g pistachios, roughly chopped 75g macadamia nut, chopped 100g white chocolate, roughly chopped
65g oats 125ml honey 125ml macadamia butter Topping: 250g–350g white chocolate, melted 35g goji berries 40g lightly toasted fresh coconut
Method: 1. Preheat oven to 170°C. Grease and line a 23cm x 33cm baking tray with foil and grease the foil. In a large bowl, add all the ingredients (except for topping ingredients) and mix until well combined. 2. Tip into the prepared, lined baking tray. Wet the palm of your hands with water and press the granola down firmly until level – wetting your hands prevents the mixture from sticking as you press it. 3. Bake for 15 minutes until slightly golden. Meanwhile, melt the chocolate in a double boiler. Remove the granola bake from the oven and cover with the melted chocolate. If you would prefer less chocolate, you can lightly drizzle instead of completely covering the bars. Sprinkle over the goji berries and fresh coconut. 4. Leave to cool and then chill in the fridge so it hardens slightly. Once chilled, remove from the tin, peel off foil and cut into 15 evenly sized bars. Serve as a snack or place in an airtight container for up to three weeks.
Siba Mtongana is star of the television cooking show Siba’s Table, which is broadcast on DStv’s Food Network channel, and is also aired in more than 130 countries. This collection of recipes comes from the first episode in the new season of Siba’s Table (Season 3) on Food Network. She is also author of the cookbook Welcome to My Table. Watch Siba’s Table (Season 3) on Food Network, DStv Channel 175.