health
body
positive Comparison is a natural part of any child’s development, but what happens when it leads to a negative body image? ANÉL LEWIS looks at ways to encourage children to develop a healthy relationship with their changing bodies.
Joburg-based clinical psychologist Liane Lurie says children will intuitively model much of their behaviour on that of their primary caregivers, or the person they most identify with, depending on their developmental stage. If a mother restricts her own food intake, or avoids certain foods, the child may do the same or even the opposite, she says.
beyond the home Duncan says there are “points of vulnerability” in a child’s development when they could be more prone to developing a negative body image. These include the transition from preschool to primary school and again in the pre-pubescent or tween stage when hormonal changes, including weight gain or a growth spurt, make children more aware of their bodies.
from the start Duncan says the language a child hears at home plays a significant role in how they perceive themselves and others. If they hear people being referred to as fat or tall, it could impact how they see themselves. When I was about nine or 10 years old, someone told me I was too fat to do ballet. I was crushed. I had always been a chubby child, but that was the first time that I connected my size with my ability – or inability – to do something. My concern about my weight has held me back from all sorts of activities and experiences since that comment. As a gauche tween, I gave up on swimming because I could not bear the thought of being seen in a costume; and school concerts were a nightmare because inevitably I would be cast as Winniethe-Pooh and not the delicate sugar plum fairy. I don’t want my daughter to have the same hang-ups because she is worried about how she looks. Already, at the age of almost five, Erin knows that she’s taller than other girls her age. It doesn’t seem to bother her just yet. But she’s aware that it’s a physical trait that sets her apart from some of her peers. Cape Town mother Glenda Eberlein says she makes a point of not using the words “fat” or “thin”, or even “diet”, around her three-year-old daughter, Alyssa. As someone who has grappled with her weight since she was a child, Glenda admits she is “totally paranoid and neurotic” about Alyssa’s weight. Although Alyssa is perfectly in proportion, she is big built and tall for her age, so she weighs more than other children, says Glenda. Duncan says a parent’s perception of their own body image is critical in the development of the child’s body. “We almost never see a child with early body dysmorphic disorder where the parent did not also have a preoccupation with her body or self-image,” she says.
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October 2015
Psychologists say they are treating children as young as nine for body dysmorphic disorders and other conditions related to their body image. “For tweens, this is a very vulnerable period,” says Duncan. During adolescence, from the age of 13, the focus shifts to establishing one’s identity. A child’s “self-speak” is also a factor, says Duncan. An anxious child who is suddenly teased for being overweight would perhaps be more affected than a child with a stronger personality. Both Lurie and Duncan mention exposure to inappropriate media as having a negative impact on a developing child’s body image. Television programmes such as reality shows with unrealistic characters, could create a misperception around what is socially acceptable. Lurie says these mixed messages could even start in the toy box with anatomically incorrect dolls for girls, for example, that create unrealistic images for them to strive towards.
what to do “It’s important for parents to listen to what their child says about themselves,” says Duncan, and this applies to children of all ages. Although it may be instinctual to respond to negative comments by saying, “Oh, but you’re not fat”, Duncan says this could be an invalidating response. Instead, acknowledge what your child is feeling
and look for other ways of reinforcing the positive. Help children to understand that differences are okay. If your daughter complains about her curly hair, point out that it’s a lovely blonde colour too. Try and avoid comparing them with other children, adds Duncan. “It’s important for parents to remove the focus from the physical aspects and talk about other good points,” she says. Tell your daughter how much you love baking with her, instead of only telling her how pretty she is, for example. Glenda says she emphasises the “beauty in people’s hearts or their smiles” instead of their physical attributes. “I tell Alyssa every single day how much I love her and I tell her how beautiful she is and she has started saying the same to me. I try to focus on people who are different not only as in ‘fat’, but also disabled or of different races, so that she sees the world as beautiful and not thin, fat, white or black.” Lurie says children need a place where they feel safe to be “both the beautiful and awkward caterpillar”. One way of doing this is by reinforcing that their bodies are only one aspect of who they are. “Our bodies are one part of what we present to the world. Children need to be encouraged to explore other facets of their being without fears of being harshly judged.” Duncan recommends encouraging healthy eating and physical activity in the home. Go on family bike rides or hikes. But bear in mind that some children are more physical than others and allow for, and celebrate, these differences too. “As a parent or guardian you have the ability to educate your child in the world of healthy choices, realistic standards and nurturing habits,” says Lurie.
warning signs Wendy Duncan says parents should look out for: • mirror gazing or avoiding the mirror altogether. • using phrases such as “I’m so fat” or “I’m too skinny”. • spending hours in the bathroom. • wearing unnecessarily baggy clothing. • attempts to limit exposure, such as avoiding wearing a swimming costume. • cutting down on social activities where the child would have to wear a costume. • excuses to avoid physical activity or sport at school. Other signs include excessive dieting or food restriction. Lurie says even young children have become familiar with terms such as fat-free and low-carb. Excessive exercising and a refusal to eat in public should also raise the red flag.
magazine joburg
PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
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n an age where selfies and social media set the tone for so much of our interaction with others, it’s not surprising that children are becoming more conscious of how they look. But what is alarming is that psychologists say they are treating children as young as nine for body dysmorphic disorders and other conditions related to their body image. Gauteng-based child psychiatrist Wendy Duncan says children’s development from the outset is intrinsically linked to their physical, as well as emotional and social growth. Children will compare themselves to others and physical development is prized. “It’s the same for boys and girls. Our relationship with our bodies starts early.” But what is causing boys and girls of all races and cultures to develop a negative, and possibly even destructive, relationship with their body?