D U R B A N ’ S
b e s t
g u i d e
parenting perfectionists how to guide your overachiever
f o r
p a r e n t s
soft toys, building blocks, robots…
investing in the best toys for your child
careers of the future what will your child become?
let’s talk
grading your teachers’ gifts
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November 2015
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what they like and what gets an ‘F’
education
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Our November issue is all about exploring the modern playground. Scientists believe that our need to connect with others is as fundamental as our need for food and water. In this modern internet age, connectivity is a double-edged sword. It’s possible, like no other time in human history, to have multiple digital connections with family, friends and complete strangers, but our shiny gadgets are not necessarily fostering the deep and meaningful social connections we crave. This gives great cause to encourage our children to play together, just as we did in an age without personal computers and smartphones. However, we shouldn’t prevent them from enjoying the mind-blowing benefits of technological advances. As you’ll read in “when I grow up…” (page 12), the future is science fiction becomes reality. It’s simply important to help our children strike a balance. So, we hope you’ll enjoy our guide for toys that will help your child develop essential skills (page 16). Also, take a look at our book section for some wonderful reads (page 19). There’s a whole lot more to enjoy in our November “tech & toy” issue, from great ideas for teacher gifts (page 20) to practical ways to create the best sleep environment for your child (page 7). Keep nurturing that beautiful, lifelong connection with your children.
Lisa Mc Namara Publisher
Hunter House P U B L I S H I N G
Publisher Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za
Editorial Managing Editor Marina Zietsman • marina@childmag.co.za Features Editor Marc de Chazal • features@childmag.co.za Resource Editor Tamlyn Vincent • durban@childmag.co.za Editorial Assistant Lucille Kemp • capetown@childmag.co.za Copy Editor Debbie Hathway
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contents
november 2015
12 when i grow up...
3 a note from lisa
regulars
6 over to you readers respond
8 pregnancy news – her body, my baby Marina Zietsman
features 12 when i grow up... what will the future job market look like for our children? Jocelyn Warrington finds out
14 the prison of perfectionism we want our children to excel in life, but beware of setting the goal posts too high. By Megan Hjelm
20 gifts that count it’s that time of year again. Anél Lewis asks teachers
looks at surrogacy, what the law says and points out the benefits
10 best for baby – see how they grow Anél Lewis finds out how percentiles and growth charts work
16 resource – toy time Child magazine compiles a list of toys and activities that can assist your child’s development at all ages
19 a good read for the whole family
which gifts they really appreciate
22 what’s on in november 27 simply salad we give you a few seafood-inspired summer salads to try at home from All Sorts of Salads by Chantal Lascaris
25 next month in child magazine 26 finishing touch Anél Lewis has decided to bring some silliness back into her home
health 7 beautiful sleep creating a relaxing and hygienic sleep environment is important for a good night’s rest,
classified ads 22 it’s party time 23 family marketplace
says Marina Zietsman
this month’s cover images are supplied by shutterstock.com Joburg
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Cape Town
Pretoria
Durban
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November 2015
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letters
bullying: no laughing matter In response to the article “bully-proofing your child” (October 2015): my daughter is 11 years old and was emotionally bullied at her previous school. After numerous attempts to assist her in bettering the situation, we decided to move her and her brother to another school. The new school made a huge difference at first, but in the second term a new bully appeared. This time, a physical bully. My daughter is a strongly-built girl and she has a lot of confidence. She is very considerate of others and always gets compliments from the teachers as well as the parents. The bully is an adopted child who, for obvious and understandable reasons, struggles to share and cannot handle it when my daughter gets attention from friends and teachers. My daughter is very softhearted and cannot see another child in pain and therefore struggles to stand up for herself. She now has to wear a foot guard when she plays sport because the bully jumped on her ankle when she made a sports team. She also comes home at least once a week with scratch marks on her arms and bruises on her legs.
After always guiding her to handle situations in a civil manner, it has now reached the point where I’ve told her that if this child hurts her again, I give her the right to hurt her back. My daughter is not the only one being bullied by this child. She and a few friends have spoken to a teacher, but they were told that they need to remember that the child has been through a lot and that she is adopted. One of the parents has even gone in to see the principal who said they would find a way to sort it out, yet the same child is still bullying our children. I feel horrible for telling my child to stand up for herself in the same way that the child is treating them, but she asked me not to take on the mother of the bully, so I feel like this was the last resort. How can we manage this situation? I really don’t want to move my children again. Anonymous Response from Gail Dore, a life-skills trainer, family counsellor and author of Bully-Proof (Struik Lifestyle): Bullying is a phenomenon of human behaviour that occurs in every school. While your role as a parent is
over to you I read the article on bully-proofing your child, and some excellent points were made. Then I got to the part suggesting that a child who is relentlessly targeted by a bully “should move schools’’. What a message from the school! To the one doing the bullying and his or her parents: we’ll make the problem go away, and to the child and his or her parents on the receiving end: well, tough luck! There’s nothing we can do, we’re too weak and so you must go somewhere else, start at a new school (with all the disruption, anxiety, cost and inconvenience that goes with it). That is outrageous. I understand that legal steps are expensive and difficult, and I appreciate why, but if a head teacher has so little control over what happens to the children under his or her care, then that is a real indictment. When I was at school, there was a case of very nasty bullying and the headmaster simply listened to both sets of pupils and their parents individually, then called in the perpetrators and their parents and stated that they would no longer be doing it. The end. No further discussion, no arguing, just a simple “this is unacceptable, it ends right this moment”, and so it did. What happened to strong leadership? Caroline Follow us on twitter.com/ChildMag, facebook.com/childmag.co.za and pinterest.com/childmagazine
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to support your child and help her find techniques that she can use to put a stop to it herself, when it comes to physical bullying it is important that you step in and take action right away. The South African Constitution enshrines the rights of the child to an education and to be safe and secure at school. Being bullied violates this right and the law obliges schools to take action when they receive reports of bullying incidents. A formal, written complaint to the principal, which you can hand over during a face-to-face meeting, is a good start. If the school fails to address the bullying within a reasonable period of time, consider escalating your complaint to your local Department of Education. One may be empathetic to the background of the bully in this case, but that doesn’t mean that her behaviour should be allowed to continue unsanctioned. This kind of aggression can quickly become a habit that can have serious implications in the future. For victims of bullying, “fighting back” is not a good idea but “standing your ground” and being assertive, is. Childmag says Read the article “bully-proofing your child” online: childmag.co.za/content/bullyproofing-your-child
Let us know what’s on your mind. Send your letters or comments to marina@childmag.co.za or PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010.
taming toddlers
celebrating uniqueness
We get Child mag from my two-year-old son, Daniel’s, school every month and we truly enjoy reading it. The article on tantrums (“why is my child so angry?”, October 2015) was perfectly timed as we have recently experienced a few minor meltdowns, ending face flat on the floor in shopping centre aisles. But, we have enforced constructive and positive actions with lots of quality time with Daniel, trying to understand him better and work on what’s frustrating him and we have seen a complete change in behaviour, from total unpredictability to a cooperative, helpful, calm toddler. Vicky
Thanks for your awesome magazine. I love the October issue that is all about “dealing with difference”. As a parent of an ADHD child and a teacher of many over the years, it spoke to my heart. In the end, it’s about me trying to find the key for each individual, and celebrating the individuality instead of trying to fit stars into boxes. And yes, the focus should be on being happy parents and teachers first, as the children are so in tune with that sense of contentment. In fact, all children are so unique. After 25 years of teaching, I can still say I’ve never taught the same child twice. There is no formula for a “type” of child. Lucy Buhr
talking adoption
thank you
My adopted children are 41 and 37 years old and I have been open about their adoption from the day they were born. Friends, family and their school knew. My children had no hang-ups and today are hard-working and wonderful parents with two sons each. My daughter met up with her mother and siblings after she turned 18 and has a good relationship with them. Our relationship has not changed because of this and I have even met up with her biological mother and family. Please do not wait to tell your child the truth. Henriette Stoddard
Our event, The Blooming Affair [published in the Child magazine October 2015 calendar], was very successful, and I think it had a lot to do with the coverage from your magazine. Khanya Warren subscribe to our newsletter and win Our wins have moved online. Please subscribe to our newsletter and enter our weekly competitions. To subscribe, visit childmag.co.za
We reserve the right to edit and shorten submitted letters. The opinions reflected here are those of our readers and are not necessarily held by Hunter House Publishing.
Post a comment online at childmag.co.za
magazine durban
health
beautiful
sleep
Getting a good night’s sleep helps you stay healthy and alert. MARINA ZIETSMAN looks at certain factors that can interfere with you getting
ILLUSTRATION: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
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proper shuteye.
our bedroom is your sanctuary from the stresses of the day, and creating the best environment for sleep is crucial. The goal of a mattress is to allow you to lie still for a peaceful night’s sleep on your side, back or stomach. The most vital issues when shopping for a mattress are support and comfort. While it is important that a mattress provides an adequate level of support for the spine, personal preference and comfort level is crucial when selecting one. Choose organic, nontoxic hygienic materials as a mattress filler, or opt for a latex mattress. Avoid mattresses with springs and coils. These act as an incubator for mildew, mould and dust, as the area is damp and dark. To protect pillows and
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mattresses, encase them in protectors or slip covers. These will keep allergens at bay while shielding bedding from bed wetting, spillages, sweating, skin scales, and hair and body oils, which can soak into the filling. Choose woven fabrics that are tightly constructed so dust mites cannot wiggle their way through the fabric. The pore size of the cover must be less than 10 microns, which is the size of an average dust mite. And, replace your mattress every eight to 10 years.
cover it up Dust mites are a common trigger for allergies, and they can often be found living in your bedding. Replace old bedding with hypoallergenic alternatives. These are resistant to saliva and sweat, and are composed of natural fibres that can be washed at high temperatures and are chemical free. Gaynor Walkey, who launched a family-owned pillow, duvet and linen manufacturing company in Cape Town in 1995, believes in the durability, practicality and value of cotton. “Cotton breathes, which regulates the body temperature. Cotton also lasts longer, and can fit into any budget, depending on the thread count you prefer.” Certain fibre fills used in duvets and pillows also make a good home for dust mites and other allergens. Fillers that are eco-friendly as well as hypoallergenic include natural fibres such as kapok fillers, wool that is organically farmed and natural latex. Steer clear of synthetics, particularly polyester fibre and polyurethane foam. Replace your pillows every two to three years as 10% of a two-year-old pillow’s weight is made up of skin scales, mould, dead and living dust mites and their allergen-laden faeces. Walkey says before you buy any bedding, make sure it can be washed and sterilised. “Even pillows and duvets must be cleaned, and ideally you should be able to pop these into the washing machine.”
have a good night The Sleep Council in the UK recommends the following: • Go to bed and get up at roughly the same time, all the time, which will programme your body to sleep better. • Create a restful sleeping environment. • Make sure your bed is comfortable. • Do more exercise. • Cut down on stimulants such as caffeine in tea or coffee. • Don’t over-indulge. • Don’t smoke. • Try to relax before going to bed. • If you can’t sleep, get up and do something relaxing until you feel sleepy again.
how much sleep per day is enough? Newborns (0–3 months): 14–17 hours Infants (4–11 months): 12–15 hours Toddlers (1–2 years): 11–14 hours Preschoolers (3–5 years): 10–13 hours School-age children (6–13 years): 9–11 hours Teenagers (14–17 years): 8–10 hours Young adults (18–25 years): 7–9 hours Adults (26–64 years): 7–9 hours Older adults (65+ years): 7–8 hours Source: US National Sleep Foundation
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pregnancy news
her body, my baby Starting a family is a wonderful journey, but for many couples unable to conceive, it’s a frustrating, emotional roller-coaster ride. Could surrogacy be the solution? MARINA ZIETSMAN finds out how the process works.
the choices There are two types of surrogacy: the seldom-used, outdated traditional surrogacy, where the surrogate herself provides the eggs and undergoes artificial insemination, or IVF with sperm from the would-be dad or from a sperm donor. The surrogate is therefore genetically related to the child. Nowadays gestational surrogacy is the preferred option, where the commissioning parents provide the egg and sperm, or if the parents-to-be are unable to produce eggs or sperm, donors are used. In South Africa altruistic surrogacy is the legal option, which means a surrogate receives no financial gain for carrying a child. The intended parents cover only realistic expenses directly related to the pregnancy, such as medical costs, lawyers’ fees and costs for counselling. Altruistic surrogacy can use either a traditional or gestational surrogate.
It’s a powerful gift to be able to give a child to an infertile couple. what the law says Before any treatments or procedures start, the high court will demand a medical certificate from a registered healthcare practitioner stating that you are medically unable to carry a baby. “Surrogacy in South Africa is very well regulated and managed,” says Albertyn. “Most fertility clinics and surrogacy advisory groups or agencies will only work with gestational surrogacy, which makes it almost impossible to find loopholes in the law, and fertility clinics will not treat anyone for surrogacy without a high court order,” Albertyn adds. In April 2010, the new Children’s Act changed the surrogacy process in many ways. This act was put in place to protect the rights of all parties involved in the surrogacy agreement, including the child. The most important regulations that affect commissioning parents is that the surrogate mother can’t use her position as a source of income or for commercial purposes; the commissioning parents have to provide the surrogate with a medical aid and a life policy that will cover her during the surrogacy, and usually for up to three months following the birth; the surrogate will have no rights to the child after birth; and the commissioning parents’ names will be entered directly onto the birth certificate after the birth; there is no longer a need for adoption. “Every single surrogacy arrangement
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needs to have a contract drafted between the parties and this contract or agreement needs to be approved by the high court,” says Albertyn. “So an important person in the surrogacy arrangement is the surrogacy attorney. The other parties involved include the fertility specialist and the psychologist who will assess the surrogate and intended parents and submit the report as part of the high court application.” So, surrogacy is legally and medically possible, but it is not always easily accessible. Being a surrogate mother is an emotionally and physically demanding task, and choosing a surrogate is not simply done by asking for a favour via email. Albertyn says that because of the strict laws regulating surrogacy and ensuring that it cannot be done for commercial gain, there are few women who are willing or able to be a surrogate. But there are women out there who unconditionally want to help childless couples start a family. The best route to follow is through an agency, where you can choose a surrogate, and get advice and support around the legal and psychological issues that are part of this journey.
my story Robynne Friedman, a lawyer with a special interest in surrogacy, is a mother of a surrogate-born baby. After many failed IVFs, 10 years of infertility treatment and three surrogacy cycles, Robynne was eventually blessed with her special baby. “I was desperate to become a mother,” says Robynne, “and the unsuccessful infertility treatments I went through were extremely distressing for my husband and me. I had been diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease and pregnancy posed a danger to my health. Surrogacy was the answer as I could still have a child related to either myself or my husband, knowing my child would be carried in a ‘safe tummy’.” Robynne admits there were conflicting emotions after making the big decision. “My biggest issue was trust. Could I trust this person to look after this pregnancy as well as I would have?” In the end, she was just grateful. “I had no concerns of any post-delivery issues with the surrogate, as the child was mine. I knew that I would always have an immense amount of gratitude to this surrogate for giving us the gift of a child – it’s a powerful gift to be able to give a child to an infertile couple. I think of my surrogate most days with such appreciation.” Regardless of the time, cost and other factors involved in surrogacy, Robynne says the pros of choosing surrogacy far outweigh the cons. “One needs to go through the process knowing that there is a bigger picture – the birth of your child. Surrogacy can be a roller-coaster ride; the biggest hurdle to overcome is getting your surrogate pregnant,” says Robynne. “There is a misconception that surrogates fall pregnant the first time. It could take several attempts at IVF before you have a positive result.” Robynne says if everything is done properly and legally, the risks are considerably minimised. “Surrogacy is an easier process than adoption, as one is much more in control of the pregnancy and you are part of the journey, which facilitates the bonding to your child in utero. It can be a beautiful, wonderful experience where a third person is able to facilitate a miracle-in-the-making for you.”
are you surrogate material? Potential surrogates are women between the ages of 21 and 42 who have had a previous successful pregnancy and a healthy birth. You also need to be mentally and physically healthy. Visit surrogacy.co.za
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PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
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icole Kidman followed the surrogacy route, as did Sarah Jessica Parker, Angela Bassett and Neil Patrick Harris. But surrogacy is not a “glamorous” choice; it’s medically motivated. Dr Sascha Edelstein, a fertility specialist, gynaecologist and obstetrician based in Cape Town, explains who can apply for surrogacy. “The intended mother may have been born without a uterus, may have an abnormal uterus [damaged due to illness or other factors] that cannot carry a pregnancy, or she may have had a hysterectomy,” says Edelstein. “The mom may also have a serious medical condition that could be exacerbated by pregnancy or cause risk to the fetus, such as a cardiac condition, in which case the pregnancy also places too much physiological burden on the mom,” Edelstein adds. Biological inability to conceive a child, such as same-sex male couples, could also lead to surrogacy, as well as in cases where recurrent pregnancy loss has occurred or where there has been recurrent failure of multiple IVF procedures despite the transfer of good-quality embryos. Surrogacy is a complex option, which involves fertility specialists, lawyers, psychologists and contracts. As Tertia Albertyn, co-founder of a surrogacy advisory group in Cape Town, puts it: “You can’t choose surrogacy because you feel like it, or because you are ‘too posh to push’.”
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best for baby
There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to babies, but height and weight charts will help you track your baby’s development. ANÉL LEWIS finds out more about the percentiles and charts that track this growth.
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nowing how much your baby weighs is a simple yet accurate measure of gauging whether your baby is getting enough food to grow, says Cape Town-based paediatrician Dr Mike Greeff. But it’s not just a matter of grams and centimetres. The internationally standardised growth chart used by your paediatrician or clinic sister to plot your baby’s growth will also tell you how your child’s development compares to others. It charts a
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the plot The Department of Health issues all newborns with a “Road to Health” booklet that includes weight-for-age and weight-for-length charts for boys and girls. The charts are gender-specific as boys and girls gain weight at different rates; boys lean towards being heavier than girls. The growth chart is divided into percentiles that measure a baby’s growth patterns ranging from zero to 100%. Dr Greeff explains that a child on the 50th percentile for height is taller than 50% of other children the same age. Weight is plotted using the same percentiles, so a child on the 50th percentile in this category would be heavier than 50% of his peers. Dr Greeff says children should ideally have proportionate percentile scores and if there are any problems with a baby’s food intake, the weight score will be affected first. The chart has four curves, with the 50th percentile considered the average. The top curve is the 97th percentile and the curve below the 50th percentile is the third percentile. Children measuring below the fourth and lowest curve would be severely underweight. Most children will fall between the 97th and third percentiles.
a rough guide A normal birth weight is about 3kg. The Association for Dietetics in South Africa notes that there is some weight
loss in the first week, but your baby should reach birth weight again within 14 days. Thereafter, a baby born at full term should double its birth weight at the four-month mark, and then triple it by 12 months. A child’s length at 12 months should be 1,5 times the birth weight. The head circumference is measured to ensure that your baby’s brain is growing and developing normally. An average head circumference for a baby born at term and in the 50th percentile is about 34 centimetres.
growth factors While the percentiles and graphs may be confusing, the consensus from medical practitioners is to not fixate on the number. The charts should rather be used to gauge trends or the rate of growth, and to pick up any problems such as a drop in weight or an unexpected growth surge. Growth may be affected by various factors including gestational age, birth weight, whether you are breastfeeding or using formula, the parents’ stature, nutrition, chronic illness or special healthcare needs.
keeping track online • Paediatric calculator – a growth calculator for birth to five years old • Baby Growth Chart – allows you to monitor up to 10 children at once • Kids measure – an iPhone app that allows you to compare your child’s growth to the World Health Organisation’s charts • WHO Growth Charts for Babies, Infants and Children – compatible with Apple iOS7 or later
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ILLUSTRATION: shutterstock.com
see how they grow
child’s weight and length, as well as the circumference of the head. While an important guide for your baby’s growth, the growth chart is just one of the tools that can be used to measure your child’s development. A child’s height, weight and head circumference should be checked and noted on a growth chart 11 times by the age of two.
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your child’s life
when i grow up... With our hyper-connected world moving a mile a minute, the tried-and-true professions that we pursue today could quickly become a thing of the past. How do we career-proof our children to ensure they don’t get blindsided by the future? By JOCELYN WARRINGTON
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a world of dogmatic specialists, it is the generalist who will end up running the show,” he says.
the future is wired Despite a consensus that Jack-of-all-trades will rule the world, there are certain industries that will offer strong job opportunities in the future. “The future is being written right now by a wave of exponential technologies. The big opportunities for 2030 and beyond lie in these fields,” says futurist Neil Jacobsohn, senior partner at FutureWorld International, a global business and technology think tank. According to Jacobsohn, data is the new gold. “Data analytics will be huge and the new ‘hierarchy of needs’ will be defined as DIKW – turning Data into Information into Knowledge and, ultimately, into Wisdom,” he says, adding, “While data will become increasingly valuable, it will only do so when it becomes meaningful.” Intrinsically linked to the growth in data analytics will be robots in various shapes and sizes, and much smarter computers, doing the majority of tasks on our planet, claims Jacobsohn. “Robots are already heavily employed in manufacturing, but in future these will become increasingly intelligent, and will be able to learn and perform new tasks,” he maintains. “Artificial intelligence (AI) is a major science being studied by vast numbers of organisations, including Google, Amazon and the like.
American computer scientist, inventor and futurist Ray Kurzweil, the leading proponent of AI, postulates that ‘the singularity is near’ – that moment when machines become more intelligent than human beings. Many are worried about the prospect, including leading lights like Elon Musk, Bill Gates and Stephen Hawking. But others believe that AI will free humanity from endless drone-like tasks and make life immeasurably better.”
Encourage your children to recognise that maths is a life skill. And to avoid work that is easily replicated by machines. New-age manufacturing, says Jacobsohn, is another field with future career potential: “Techniques such as 3-D printing and even 4-D printing (implanting ‘intelligence’ into materials so that they can ‘self-form’) will replace labour-intensive ‘dirty’ manufacturing techniques. Airbus has the ambition to 3-D print an entire jet aircraft by 2050. We’ve only just begun to radicalise how we make things.” However, Jacobsohn points out that, while 3-D printing will recreate manufacturing, there will still be a need to
access and advanced memory-stimulation techniques. Why? Because we will have so much more time on our hands.”
survival skills In a technology-driven world, maths and science skills will shoot people to the top of the employment ladder, predicts Jacobsohn, who is, nevertheless, quick to point out that “at the same time, there will be a need for hard-core engineering skills.” But parallel to the importance of numeracy, there will also be an increasing magazine durban
PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
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ixty percent of the best jobs in the next 10 years haven’t even been invented yet. At least that’s what world-renowned American futurist Dr Thomas Frey is fond of saying. The world will be a very different place when our children enter the job market. Where does one possibly begin, then, when it comes to steering them down a stable, yet enjoyable, career path? “The idea of the traditional job is fast changing as we increasingly have access to the whole world via the internet,” says Andy Hadfield, tech entrepreneur and CEO of Forgood, an online platform that connects passionate people with needy organisations. According to Hadfield, it will become impossible to pigeonhole the roles of the employees of tomorrow. “The companies of today are structured to find Mr Know-it-all – that one specialist, the expert who knows all there is in his field,” he explains. “But the next generation of careers will not be about knowing it all. Instead, companies will be looking for Mr Find-it-all – that employee who has the utility and aptitude to apply himself to finding the answers.” Specialists, says Hadfield, are a dying breed. “Already we’re seeing employees being expected to perform beyond their allocated stations. Even interns, these days, are thrust out in front of the client. In short, employer expectation levels are rising and will only continue to do so. In
move “things”, be it foodstuff or products manufactured in local print shops. “And people will need to move themselves. Newworld logistics and transport will be key fields,” he asserts. “Autonomous vehicles and high-tech mass transit systems are opportunities of tomorrow.” Underpinning all of these is the need for infrastructure: the computing hardware and software that is driving this revolution. “Computing will change as concepts like neural processing become a reality, but there will still be a strong demand for the devices on which computing happens, and the software that drives it. That implies a need for the rare earth minerals required to make computing happen,” says Jacobsohn. And because we’re facing a future in which “energy will be reinvented”, if you’re in coal mining, start planning your exit now, he advises. “We have just reached the point where the world is adding more energy capacity through energy forms other than oil, natural gas and coal put together. China has announced massive plans to invest in solar and wind power and every motor manufacturer in the world is working on electric vehicles. The tipping point has been reached, and investment into new, alternative forms of energy is soaring. A future of clean, plentiful and cheap energy beckons. But first we have to break the destructive stranglehold of the existing energy giants.” Finally, Jacobsohn explains how learning itself will be redefined: “In 2015, tens of millions of people in every corner of the world are studying at the best universities on earth – Yale, Harvard – free of charge, through the thousands of MOOCs (Massive Open Online Courses). By 2030, education will become a constant. We will learn new things every day, through easy
requirement for “humaneness”, he says. “Financial institutions will employ artists and designers to create services that are ‘human friendly’. Architecture and product design will focus on usability and workability. Music has become a core part of life as connectivity has put it within everyone’s reach. And health will be a field of opportunity, as we live longer and demand more from our lives.” According to Hadfield, less tangible skills, such as focus and commitment, will give the employees of tomorrow a competitive edge. “In a world where we are constantly bombarded by every imaginable kind of stimuli, it is easy to get distracted. Those who can maintain a singularity of purpose – in short, who can get things done – will have a decided advantage over their more easily sidetracked colleagues,” he says. Hadfield’s number-one piece of advice to parents is, “Teach your children about the dangers of job hopping. As Nqobile Dlamini, the head of Corporate Citizenship at Microsoft SA, put it: ‘Don’t quit when your job gets hard, quit when it gets easy.’
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We see it already in today’s workplace – the gen-Xers who are hiring millennials complain of the impossibility of finding an employee under the age of 28 who has been in the same job for more than two years. Not only is flitting from one position to another potentially very destructive to your career, but the reality is that you don’t learn if you don’t stick around.” And Jacobsohn’s advice: “Encourage your children to recognise that maths is a life skill. And to avoid work that is easily replicated by machines – jobs as drivers or labourers will eventually become redundant. Teach children to explore their minds and the world around them. Read to them when they are young; engender a love of knowledge and curiosity. Explore the internet with them – there is a world of fascination out there. Encourage their interests in experimentation and new ideas, and be prepared to have them challenge you and your thinking. Be open to discussion and debate – make dinner times about an exchange of ideas. And, above all, have fun.”
jobs of the future According to futurist Neil Jacobsohn, here are nine new jobs that will likely be available in 2030: • Personal profile manager People will employ specialists to “groom” their online profiles for improved personal and business interactions. • Personalised medical providers Medicine will be personal, with drugs created just for you, to match your personal profile and requirements. • Vertical farmers Urban gardening and farming will happen inside buildings, to produce food right where it is needed. • Body-part manufacturers Already in 2015 scientists are printing prototype human kidneys and other organs. • Memory-augmentation specialists Right now we use only around 12% of our brains. Specialists will help us unlock much more in the future through all sorts of devices, drugs and techniques. • Climate assessors Climate change will continue to narrow humanity’s options, but special teams will be at work assessing and addressing climate problems as they arise. • Time managers The most rare and special commodity remains time. Experts will assess your life and advise on how to maximise it through technology. • Virtual entertainment and tour organisers Feel like climbing Kilimanjaro? You will be able to do so from your armchair through immersive virtual reality, or in real life (at a significant cost) through specialist tour organisers. • Virtual everything! Experts in any field you can imagine will be on hand to help you do whatever it is you need to do – virtually. This includes, of course, your electronic virtual personal organiser, which will be Siri x 1000 on steroids.
November 2015
13
parenting
the
prisonof
perfectionism
We naturally want our children to achieve greatness, but setting impossible goals can do more harm than good. MEGAN HJELM looks for ways to strike a balance.
it comes down to numbers Unfortunately, childhood and adolescence are punctuated by a series of numbers to determine “success”. I think back to my early days of groggy parenthood and recall
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the smug moms who counted hours of unbroken sleep, percentile growth rates, words spoken – and the shame I felt whenever my babies didn’t measure up. When our children are a little older, they are plunged into a formal school system and everything they do gets a number: academic marks, eisteddfod performances, ranking of sports teams, placement in individual sports like cross-country, numbers of goals scored, and – later – kilograms on a scale. All are chances to gather an accolade, a pat on the back. To parent a perfectionist in this world is a precarious balancing act. “In primary school I watched my daughter blossom before my eyes,” says Mary, 43, mother of two. “She hadn’t loved pre-school, all that playground politics. She shone when life became more structured and she loved achieving. I saw her becoming a real allrounder and my heart felt like it would burst with pride. Until she stopped sleeping.” With every achievement, a perfectionist’s web of anxiety increases: the need, the drive, the fear of failure (or, more accurately, the fear of not being exceptional or excellent). A perfectionist’s self-talk goes
something like this: “What will people think if I don’t get over 80% this year? Imagine if I didn’t make the netball A-team or the first swimming squad – it would be so embarrassing. I’ve been up there for three years; I feel that life will fall apart if I’m dropped. So I must do more, practise again, go over my work one more time, try and eliminate all potential errors.”
making mistakes Making mistakes is critical to learning and growth. Avoidance of mistakes can lead to fear and paralysis. Mistakes may be messy, yet they can lead to greatness. Just look at babies learning to walk, Thomas Edison and the light bulb, Steve Jobs and Apple. But when you’re a perfectionist, mistakes can feel devastating and you may develop a fear of getting things wrong and getting into trouble. William Elliott, Cape Town-based psychologist and executive life coach, says: “Guide and correct mistakes, but encourage children to keep taking risks and make new mistakes that are part of learning.” Imagine the potential in a world where parents ask their children, not what they achieved or
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PHOTOGRAPH AND ILLUSTRATION: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
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perfectionist strives for flawlessness and judges his or her performance against exceptionally high standards. So what’s wrong with that? I’ve always been unwilling to give up my perfectionistic tendencies, because they represent excellence and have given me every achievement I’ve ever had. I used to mention that I was a perfectionist in job interviews, in answer to the question: “What is your weakness?” I knew it would impress a potential employer, no matter how miserable it made me. When you possess this characteristic, it makes you good at what you do. But, somehow, when you watch your child building her own prison of perfectionism – the one you didn’t notice you had built around yourself – you truly see the downside: the self-ensnaring trap of trying to be perfect and setting impossibly high standards.
did today, but what mistakes they made. Imagine the unconditional acceptance that children would feel in their bones. Elliott says: “It is vital to not link love and achievement in our parenting. Children should feel a constant, warm welcoming love that does not go up with achievement (and down with mistakes). Let them feel lovable all the time, for who they are, not for what they achieve. Otherwise external validation will slowly replace self-validation, leaving them dependent on success to feel worthwhile.”
Linda Bruce, author of Motherhood and Me (Oshun Books) and founder of learning programmes that develop and enhance young children’s emotional intelligence and social well-being, says: “By measuring ourselves externally, we’re setting ourselves up for a rollercoaster ride.” Linda believes that “selfesteem and self-worth are your birthright. You are all entitled to these qualities because of who you are, rather than because of what you’ve done or achieved.”
When you’re a perfectionist, mistakes can feel devastating and you may develop a fear of getting things wrong and getting into trouble. We need to look clearly, in a spirit of warmth and compassion, at our own hooks. It is incredibly hard not to get sucked into the rosy glow of pride and vicarious living that our children’s achievements give us. I try so hard to keep balanced and I tell my daughters (and myself) that although I am delighted that they worked hard and were rewarded for this, their achievements don’t mean everything; what counts is the people they are inside. But, I have to admit that there is nothing like those tears that spring to your eyes when your child’s name is called out at prize-giving or you watch him score a try. Nothing like it.
self-confidence versus self-esteem Self-confidence (confidence in one’s own abilities and judgement) is definitely enhanced by achievements. However, selfesteem (feeling good about yourself) is often earned independently of achievements. When all else falls away, what is left of your sense of self when you don’t “succeed”? What is on the inside?
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So, how do we nurture self-esteem in our children? We can do this by being truly present for them, whatever that may mean: playing with them, cuddling, listening, switching off our cellphones. This will make them feel worthy and important. And, in this way, they learn about selfworth and self-love.
what about striving for excellence? I hear this argument often. How can you embrace mistakes? What about teaching your children to strive for excellence? How will they be successful later on in life without doing this? There is no denying the importance of discipline and hard work. But perhaps we need to probe our own views of success. Alain de Botton, writer and philosopher, asserted in his TED talk, “A kinder, gentler philosophy of success”, that we need to make sure our views of success are truly our own. When I was at school my vision of a successful career (definitely gleaned from the prevalent philosophies of the time) was
to choose something I was really good at. As an adult, after years of sleepless nights, I finally decided that my authentic vision of success was to do something I loved, that engaged and absorbed me. It turned out that some of the things I was good at, I didn’t love to do. I agree with Steve Jobs’ words to the graduating class of Stanford University in 2005: “And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle.”
the real world We think we are setting up our children for the real world by emphasizing achievements. But is the real world really structured this way? In some ways, climbing the corporate ladder is like school and includes measures like performance evaluations, money earned, promotions and titles received. But in many ways, some perfectionists flounder when they begin working and money, promotions and deals become their drug of choice.
We must remember that there are so many non-traditional options in the working world nowadays, particularly in an entrepreneurial environment like South Africa. The real world of work often requires flexibility, innovation and creativity – qualities not always synonymous with perfectionism. Natalie Barker from the University of Gothenburg conducted a study about how elite athletes cope with the transition to the real world. She found that certain personal characteristics, like perseverance and organisational skills, helped the athlete to thrive in the real world. However, other characteristics, including perfectionism and hyper-competitiveness, had the opposite effect. An open-hearted awareness of our children’s tendencies and vulnerabilities – and our own – can lead to great change. As parents, an awareness of the pitfalls of perfectionism can be a great gift to our children.
parenting perfectionists •
Be present when you’re with them and nurture their self-esteem.
•
Listen – there is nothing more healing than feeling understood.
•
Honour their mistakes.
•
Praise the hard work and the specifics instead of just the achievements.
•
Encourage them to do what they love.
•
Teach them to relax and live in the moment by having fun as a family. If you step outside your own comfort zone, this will teach them to step outside theirs.
•
Probe your own definition of success.
•
Be brave enough to let them fail.
•
Be patient; they need to learn life lessons in their own time – you will be their safety net when they do fall.
overachieving parents If all your time and energy goes to your child, what is left for everything else in your life, including yourself? You may be at risk of burning out if you take on too much. Read “to burned-out parent, with love” for our tips to avoid burnout: childmag.co.za/content/burn-out
November 2015
15
resource
Playing with toys gives children a chance to develop essential skill sets.
t
oys are entertaining. What’s more, choosing the right toy can help children develop certain skills, which will help them achieve developmental milestones. Liz Senior, occupational therapist and founder of Clamber Club, says that playing with toys helps children practise skills that are essential to their development. Children can develop within age-appropriate milestones, says Senior, by having experience with and exposure to a variety of activities. Senior suggests looking for toys that will interest and challenge your child,
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but also, choosing a mix of toys to promote a variety of skills. Try toys that encourage explorative play, where children can solve problems and use all of their senses. Fantasy, creative and constructive play, as well as physical or perceptual play, such as with puzzles, are all good options. Senior adds that we shouldn’t get too hung up on toys that are geared towards specific milestones. She suggests choosing toys that engage children, that strengthen their inner curiosity, and that let them have fun.
milestones and skills Milestones are reached when children achieve a level of competence in specific areas of development. Fine motor skills: the development of smaller actions, usually of the hands and fingers. Gross motor skills: children learn larger movements of legs and arms. Language skills: the ability to speak, listen, read and write. Cognitive development: children learn to process thoughts, including memory, attention, learning new information and understanding. Social skills: children learn to communicate and interact with others. Emotional skills: the ability to manage, express and self-regulate emotions.
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PHOTOGRAPHS AND ILLUSTRATION: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
CHILD MAGAZINE has put together a guide for toys that can do just that.
stage: 0–2 years old
stage: 3–6 years old
Gross motor skills: Large play mat with soft toys Play mats facilitate tummy time, making it comfy and safe, and placing toys out of reach encourages crawling. Occupational therapist Megan Faure says tummy time develops the back and extensor muscles, which, when balanced with tummy muscle strength, facilitates rolling and, later, crawling. The early focus on this muscle strengthening likely means that progress from tummy crawling to leg crawling will be quicker.
Gross motor skills: Toys with wheels Any toy that can be pushed is great for your child’s whole-body muscular development, improving their strength, balance and coordination as they move with their cars or push their doll’s pram. Fine motor skills: Dress-up box Buttoning, zipping, pulling over, and sliding head, arms and legs successfully into garments will develop fine motor skills such as hand and finger strength. Your child uses the small muscles of their hands and fingers when they tie a cape or baker’s apron and button their jacket. Dressing up
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Fine motor skills: Bath toys, including jugs, cups, animal squirters and foam shapes These encourage fine motor development through the various hand actions of squeezing, sticking, plucking, dunking, scooping, filling and pouring. Extended time in the bath also builds strength in the hands and arms as your child wades through the resistant water to get to their toys. Language development: Shape sorters Sorters that use blocks or shapes, with numbers or colours on them, help children develop basic vocabulary and concepts. Some shape sorters even say words as you put the shape into the hole, helping children learn new words. Cognitive development: Stacking toys and wooden building blocks These help develop problem-solving and understanding of consequences, logic and size relationships. These can also help counting skills, if you have ones with numbers on them. You can get stacking trains, cups, rings or animal shapes.
as a fairy or Batman just makes learning this skill more appealing. Language development: Play sets Farm sets, tea sets or any pretend play sets help children learn basic nouns and verbs associated with the sets. Children also interact with, and through, the sets during pretend play, so they copy what they hear others say and learn to communicate. Social development: Action figures and dolls Toys that mimic family life and encourage role playing, such as pretend household items and character toys, stimulate your child’s social development. Through pretend play and role playing, children are able to express their emotions and navigate new social dynamics. Emotional development: Storybooks and art activities Art activities provide children with a way to articulate their needs, wants, wishes and feelings. Storybooks that deal with feelings and behaviours can help children to better understand life experiences, develop friendship skills and empathy, and learn coping strategies.
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resource
stage: 7–9 years old
stage: 10–13 years old
Gross motor skills: Bicycle Your child will build leg-muscle strength through the pedal action, along with arm and hand strength as a firm handgrip for steering the bicycle is needed. Riding a bicycle requires, and will improve, good core stability and balance, coordination skills and overall strength and endurance. Fine motor skills: Construction toys and puzzles Intricate finger work and manipulation are required to piece together or model efficiently and will advance their manual dexterity and hand-eye coordination. Language development: Story cubes Story cubes or story dice are blocks with various images on them. Children roll a few of the blocks and make up a story using the images. These build storytelling skills,
Gross motor skills: Swingball set Connecting ball with bat requires speedy reactive arm movement, which calls for a certain level of strength and hand-eye coordination. Learning to hit the ball back to their friend with enough force is the aim of keeping the game going, so gross motor skills are brought into play automatically. Language development: Language apps There is a variety of language apps that help children reinforce their home language, or improve on a second or third. You could also try word game apps, or those that test their knowledge and vocabulary. Cognitive development: Robotic kits and Technic Lego These engage and build on knowledge of how things function, while teaching principles of science and mathematics.
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vocabulary and imagination, and stories can be told orally or written down. Cognitive development: Science and discovery kits Let children experiment and make, mix, build and learn about new things. Look for experiments, solar kits, or those that let you grow plants. Not only will children learn about how stuff works, they will also have to apply logic and solve problems. Social development: Board games Group activities such as board games teach children to control impulses, follow the rules, take turns, share and collaborate, handle disagreements and win or lose gracefully. These are important when it comes to developing friendships. Emotional development: Chore charts Chore charts help build self-pride and a sense of mastery and accomplishment in a fun way. Apart from teaching practical skills, chores also help develop emotional intelligence, teach children selflessness and empathy, instil a sense of responsibility towards others, and may just generate a newfound respect for the things you do for them.
Social development: Video game consoles Some video games require cooperative play and interactions between team members. Video games create a common ground for children to make friends, structured time to hang out and a topic of conversation among peers. Consoles with motion-sensing input devices also encourage physical exercise. You should still monitor video game play the same way you monitor television and other media. Emotional development: Charades Being successful in social interactions depends on children’s ability to navigate these and interpret others’ perspectives and emotions. In a game of charades children engage in a variety of social skills, from reading body language and social cues to using gestures to convey important information.
magazine durban
books
a good
read Start to Learn: Words (Published by Human and Rousseau, R140) This colourful introduction to words will delight and inform preschool children. The combination of bright, appealing photographs and stimulating questions will encourage interaction and enhance learning. The book will also help improve speaking skills.
Donna Wilson’s Creative Creatures By Donna Wilson (Published by Kingfisher, R164) Make quirky, creative characters to be used as games, cards, key rings, kites and more. With easily sourced material, simple techniques and clear instructions, each activity is a joy to create.
Winnie’s Big Bad Robot By Valerie Thomas and Korky Paul (Published by Oxford University Press, R124) Winnie is very pleased when she turns her cardboard robot into a real one, but when the naughty robot takes Winnie’s wand, things start to get totally out of control.
Danger is Everywhere By Docter Noel Zone (Published by Puffin Books, R146) Docter Noel Zone is a “dangerologist” and he wants to remind you that danger is everywhere, and turn you into a dangerologist too. With hilarious tips on what to do, you’ll be prepared.
Family Fun By Lisa Mc Namara (Published by Map Studio, R195) Are you looking for fun and interesting things to do with your family in Cape Town, Joburg, Durban and Pretoria? This informative guide will inspire you to get out there and explore your urban surroundings. You’ll find great things to do with children of all ages, as well as treats for parents.
The Poohsticks Handbook By Mark Evans (Published by Egmont, R181) This is a fun exploration of the game Poohsticks as invented by Winnie-thePooh, which he plays with his friends at the edge of the forest. In this humorous edition, Mark Evans explains the rules, the history and gives variations of this fun game about sticks, bridges, rivers and friends.
Let’s Build 3D Models: Wild Animals at the Waterhole! and Farm Animals in the Little Red Barn! By Brenda Apsley and Paul Morton (Published by Human and Rousseau, R139 each) Children from the age of three years old can build the models of the animals, read about their adventures and then use the models as counters in a fun game included in the back of the book.
Busy Machines: Up and Away! By Julie Fletcher (Published by Scholastic, R116) Small hands can turn the chunky, shaped pages with bright illustrations to discover lots of busy vehicles zooming across the sky. magazine durban
Thomas and Friends (Published by Penguin Books SA, R65 each) All little boys love Thomas the Tank Engine, and this series, titled the Thomas Story Library, has a whole set of Thomas adventure books for little ones up to the age of three years old. November 2015
19
education
gifts that
count
After the long school year, it’s time to get your child’s teacher an appropriate and heartfelt gift. ANÉL LEWIS finds out what teachers really want, and what would get an “F” in their books.
what to give The tricky part is figuring out what to give, and who to include on your thank-you list. Do you give something to all the teachers, or just the class teacher? Once you’ve firmed up your recipient list and settled on a budget, you can start thinking about the ideal gift. And don’t leave it to the last minute. The end of the year has a nasty habit of sneaking up on one, and take it from me, the express garage shop does not have a lot of options that say “thank you for teaching Johnny how to read this year”. Bear in mind that your child’s teacher could be getting up to 30 gifts, depending on the size and generosity of the class. Nicole Masureik, a Cape Town-based high school teacher, gives personal gifts an A+. “Something that says the child or parent has thought about who you are as a person.” Nicole says there are some generic gifts, including wine, chocolate, flowers and gift vouchers that are perennial favourites with pedagogues. “Female teachers might love a voucher for a manicure, pedicure or back massage after all the marking,” she says, and ideas for male teachers include tickets to the rugby or cricket, or a CD. “However, the most important thing is to thank the teacher. Just because we are paid to teach doesn’t mean that our work should go unnoticed or without thanks.”
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what to avoid Unless you know your child’s Grade 3 teacher is mad about lavender or shea body butter, it’s probably wise to steer clear of the smelly bath stuff and candles. Nicole agrees that the candles, perfumes and home decor items are probably best left for teachers you know well. She’s not a fan of the “creams and bath stuff”, but says some of her colleagues are not averse to the odd bath salt ball. “At the end of the day though, I’d rather get something than nothing, because it shows they appreciate my effort.” But even the most magnanimous of teachers, with a penchant for long soaks in the tub, would find 17 wicker baskets filled with bath bombs a bit too much. Also, give aprons and T-shirts with “kiss the teacher” slogans a wide berth, especially if your child has siblings who would still have to come through the class. Those parent/teacher meetings will be decidedly awkward if your gift the year before was lingerie or a “teachers do it with class” mug.
handy gifts Valencia Dentlinger, who teaches in Namibia, has received dozens of craft baskets during her career. Most of these were passed on to her children when they were younger, and used to store their toys and other trinkets. Valencia, who now teaches Grade 12, says gifts from pupils at this stage are the exception rather than the norm. Arlene Johnston, a former primary school teacher from Cape Town, says effort outweighs the cost when it comes to gifts from pupils. “My favourite presents were the ones made by the pupils themselves – particularly the ones with mistakes and spelling errors. I just loved and still love those.” Arlene received her fair share of unusual gifts over the years, including a dress and some “crazy” ornaments. But she says she loved it when the children made and baked iced cakes or biscuits. “Some were really unappetising and unappealing, but it was the effort that counted.” Nicole says the gifts don’t have to be expensive. “I much prefer a letter from the child just saying thank you to a ‘I have to get you something because my mom says I do’ present. Something from the heart trumps everything.” Many teachers admit that chocolates and sweets are among the least liked end-of-year gifts. But, they also say they wouldn’t say no to something homemade – a jar of chillies decorated with a beautiful ribbon, or a hand-painted pot with herbs would make welcome alternatives to the usual box of assorted chocolates. Vouchers are always a safe bet, especially for male teachers who probably have at least one box of unworn socks and garish ties tucked away at the back of the cupboard. There are also only so many “best teacher” mugs, ornaments, magnets, laminated certificates or stationery items that one teacher can display, so try and avoid these twee tokens of your child’s appreciation. A beautifully drawn card or handpainted ornament made by your child would probably mean the world. Irrespective of the gift, make sure the card is handwritten or decorated by your child if they are not yet able to write. To avoid the risk of the teacher getting duplicate gifts, suggest a class collection so that she gets one special gift from the whole class, with a card bearing a special message from each child. Other ideas include getting something for the classroom, or a yearbook or photo album with special memories from the year. The trick seems to be to keep it simple, and to keep it real. Unless you know the teacher well, opt for gifts that won’t be regifted or dumped in a dusty cupboard as soon as the final bell rings at the end of term. magazine durban
PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
a
ccording to lore, in the olden days – circa the 1800s – poorer families couldn’t afford to pay for their children’s education, so they would thank teachers by sending them produce – usually apples or potatoes – from the farm. Nowadays, unless that apple comes with an electronic device bearing the same logo, a piece of fruit – no matter how shiny – just isn’t going to cut it. Teachers work long hours and spend at least 20 hours a week teaching our children everything from Letterland and multiplication to life sciences and career guidance. They wipe noses and disinfect scrapes, they coach our divas to perform in school concerts and help our budding Boks shine on the sports field. It’s a tough job, so don’t forget to send a token of your appreciation at the end of the school year.
magazine durban
November 2015
21
calendar
You can also access the calendar online at
what’s on in november
childmag.co.za
Your guide for what to do, where to go and who to see. Compiled by TAMLYN VINCENT
29 sun
special events
23
FUN for children
24
only for parents
24
bump, baby & tot in tow
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how to help
25
SPECIAL EVENTS
FUN FOR CHILDREN
ONLY FOR PARENTS
bump, baby & tot in tow
how to help
I Heart market Find locally designed, handmade crafts, artisan foods and goodies for children.
Viva Las Vegas A tribute show to the influential and iconic stars who perform in Las Vegas.
Baby massage classes Practical classes on baby massage that can help relieve a baby’s wind and colic.
Bless a Granny and Grandpa Buy a gift or volunteer your time to make a Christmas wish come true.
it’s party time For more help planning your child’s party visit
childmag.co.za/resources/birthday-parties
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November 2015
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PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
Durban Global Diabetes run/walk This fun 5km walk promotes a healthy lifestyle, and includes a Wellness Expo.
Midlands Ultra Triathlon
29 sun
The event includes the individual sprint, the sprint team relay, and the ultra half-ironman distance triathlon. Time: 6:50am. Venue: Midmar Dam, Lion’s River. Cost: gate entry R15, race entries vary. For more info: ultratri.co.za
for the first time, the story of how they overcame the huge challenge of their children’s fatal genetic illnesses. Ends 22 November. Time: varies. Venue: Elizabeth Sneddon Theatre, UKZN, Glenwood. Cost: R130–R140. Book through computicket.com The Best of Aaron & Lisa Aaron McIlroy and Lisa Bobbert put on their entertaining best for parents. Time: 6pm. Venue: Muir Auditorium, Umhlanga College, 21 Preston Dr, Prestondale. Cost: R120. Contact: marketing@ucollege.co.za or umhlangacollege.co.za
12 thursday
Curro HCA Golf Day Enjoy a day out of the office with colleagues, business partners or friends. Time: 11am. Venue: Cotswold Downs Estate, Inanda Rd, Hillcrest. Cost: R2 500. Contact: nickydoo21@yahoo.com
A Country Christmas Enjoy a festive weekend of fabulous Christmas shopping, with food, children’s activities, and live music at lunch time. Proceeds from the raffle are donated to Fulton School for the Deaf. Ends 8 November. Time: 10am–4pm. Venue: Fulton School, Roosevelt Rd, Winston Park. Cost: free entry. Contact: 076 992 4769
DinosAlive – the exhibition This exhibition is a time machine that will transport you back millions of years. The exhibition features 25 animatronic dinosaurs, and also has fun things for children to do. Ends 10 January. Time: 9am–7pm. Venue: Suncoast Casino, Beachfront. Cost: adults R120, children R85. Book through webtickets.co.za
7 saturday
11 wednesday
13 friday
Book Club Find lots of adult’s and children’s books, tea, coffee, a bite to eat, and fantastic discounts. No cash, only cards. Time: 8:30am–1pm. Venue: unit 6 Afriscan Park, 21 Shepstone Rd, New Germany. Contact: 031 705 7744 or books2you.co.za
Fantastic 50 This golden theatrical anniversary of laughter, love, glamour and humanity features fabulous costumes, dynamic dancing and magical music. As Ian von Memerty and Vivienne Lawrence both celebrate turning 50, they share
Crow’s 2015 Golf Day Tee-off to support this wildlife rehabilitation centre. Time: 10:56am. Venue: Durban Country Club, Walter Gilbert Rd. Cost: R2 400. Contact: 031 462 1127 or info@crowkzn.co.za The Dino Expo This robotic dinosaur display also has fun activities for children such as dino colouring, dino rides, instant photos, face-painting and more. Ends 17 January. Time: from 10am. Venue: The Pavilion, Westville. Cost: R95–R120. Book through computicket.com Umhlanga College Annual Christmas Fair Enjoy the tea garden, plenty of stalls selling anything from food and decor to clothing and festivities. Time: 8am–3pm. Venue: Umhlanga College, 21 Preston Dr. Cost: free entry. Contact: marketing@ ucollege.co.za or umhlangacollege.co.za
SPECIAL EVENTS 6 friday
12 November–10 January – DinosAlive – the exhibition
17 tuesday Wear Purple for Preemies Buy a sticker to wear on World Prematurity Day and help give premature babies the best chance at life. One in seven babies are born premature in SA. Stickers cost R10. Contact: enquiries@ newborns.org.za or newborns.org.za
11 November – The Best of Aaron & Lisa
21 saturday Happy Valley Christmas Market Find crafts, food and fun activities. Time: 10am. Venue: 15 Hamilton Crescent, Gillitts. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 764 6661 or info@ happyvalleyeducentre.co.za The Festive Gift Fair 2015 Shop for Christmas gifts, crafts, designer clothes, decorations and fine Christmas fare. Entertainment is also on offer. Ends 22 November. Time: 9am. Venue: Greyville Racecourse, 150 Avondale Rd. Cost: adults R20. Contact: 082 973 6493 or mikaela@ eventscompany.durban Dads and Lads Movember Campout Dads and sons can join this campout, which has a fun zone, live music and a beer garden. Groups are welcome. Ends 22 November. Time: from 2pm, tents must be set up by 5pm. Venue: College Rovers Rugby Club. Cost: R50 per tent and R50 per camper with a maximum of 4 campers per tent. Contact: 031 208 6110 or hospice.co.za Shine on Ice Dancing Theater This troupe consists of figure skaters, circus artists, figure skating sport couples, clowns and ice ballet dancers. Ends 22 November. Time: 12pm, 3pm and 6pm. Venue: Durban Ice Arena, 81 Somtseu Rd. Cost: R200– R300. Book through computicket.com
26 thursday Feed the Babies Fund golf day All funds raised are used to further early childhood development in informal crèches. Time: tbc. Venue: Royal Durban Golf Course. Cost: R2 000 per fourball, includes
family marketplace
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November 2015
23
calendar
14 November. Time: 8am–11am. Venue: 24 Ferguson Rd, Glenwood. Cost: free entry, minimal fees for tables. For more info go to Facebook: I love my community garage sale
entry fees and a light supper. Contact: 031 201 4682, 031 468 6612 or info@ feedthebabiesfund.org.za
29 sunday Durban Global Diabetes run/walk Take steps to prevent diabetes by joining this 5km walk, followed by a Wellness Expo. Time: 8am. Venue: Amphitheatre, Bay of Plenty, Durban. Cost: R50. Contact Diabetes SA: 084 717 7443 or Nerve Events: 031 201 2169, durban@diabetessa. org.za or diabetessa.org.za
playtime and story time
Chimp and Zee Rope Adventure Park
FUN FOR CHILDREN art, culture and science The Courageous 1 One of the exhibitions scheduled for November. Time: 9am Monday–Saturday. Venue: ArtSpace, 3 Miller Rd, Stamford Hill. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 312 0793 or artspace-durban.com
The Courageous 1
classes, talks and workshops Computers4Kids For children in Grades R–7. Time: 11am–12pm every Saturday. Venue: 124 Ridgeton Towers, 6 Aurora Dr, Umhlanga Ridge. Cost: R500 per month. Contact: 074 113 8364 or umhlanga@ computers4kids.co.za
Return of the barn swallows See masses of barn swallows gather before roosting. From 8 November. Time: 5pm, 30 minutes before sunset. Venue: viewing site at Mount Moreland. Cost: R10. For more info: barnswallow.co.za
markets Essenwood Market There are free pony rides and entertainment for children. Time: 9am–2pm every Saturday. Venue: Steven Dlamini Rd, Essenwood. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 208 1264, info@essenwoodmarket.com or essenwoodmarket.com I Heart Market For local products. 7 November. Time: 9am–2pm. Venue: Moses Mabhida Stadium, Isaiah Ntshangase Rd. Cost: free entry. Contact: info@iheartmkt. com or iheartmarket.blogspot.com I Love My Community garage sale Nifty, thrifty shoppers and bargain hunters can enjoy these monthly garage sales.
14 sat
family outings Books2You book fair Time: 10am–3pm 3 November, 7:30am–1pm 4 November. Venue: Curro Hillcrest Christian Academy. Also Umhlanga College 5 and 6 November, Cygnet Preparatory School 9 and 10 November and Atholton Primary School 19 and 20 November. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 705 7744 or orders@ books2you.co.za The Inchanga Choo Choo This steam train travels to Inchanga and back. 29 November. Time: departs 8:30am and 12:30pm. Venue: departs from Kloof Station, Stoker’s Arms. Cost: adults R200, children 2–12 years old R140. Contact: 087 808 7715, 082 353 6003 or umgenisteamrailway.co.za
finding nature and outdoor play Crow open days Tours include a visit to some of the enclosures for animals in rehabilitation, as well as the environmental education centre. 29 November. Time: 11am–1pm. Venue: 15A Coedmore Rd, Yellowwood Park. Cost: R10–R25. Contact: 031 462 1127 or info@crowkzn.co.za
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November 2015
Lucky Bean A safe children’s outdoor playground and indoor playbarn, with a coffee shop. Time: 9am–4pm, Tuesday– Sunday. Venue: 10 Cadmoor Rd, Assagay. Cost: R20 entrance fee. Contact: 082 216 3892, info@luckybean.co or luckybean.co Steam train rides Ride a miniature steam engine on the second Sunday of each month. Time: 11am–4pm. Venue: 4 Hinton Grove, Virginia. Cost: rides R10. Contact: 031 205 1089 or dsme.co.za
sport and physical activities Chimp and Zee Rope Adventure Park Consisting of 35 elevated hanging bridges, obstacles and zip lines. Minimum height restriction of 1,2m. Time: 9am–5pm daily. Venue: uShaka Marine World. Cost: R150. Contact: 031 332 1167 or chimpandzee.co.za Durban Ice Arena Book a leisure skating session online. Time: varies, Friday–Sunday. Venue: 81 Somtseu Rd, Durban. Cost: R50 entry, skating session R80–R90. Contact: 031 332 4597 or durbanicearena.co.za
only for parents classes, talks and workshops Craft night A social craft get-together for all ladies who are busy with a craft or would love to learn a new one. Time: 5pm–8pm every Tuesday. Venue: Snip It, 5 Glenridge Rd, Pinetown. Cost: R50, includes cup of tea and slice of cake. Contact: 031 709 1744, info@snipit.co.za or snipit.co.za Domestic workers cooking courses 10 November–1 December. Time: 8:30am–11am every Tuesday. Venue: Meryl’s School of Cooking, 1 Wingfield Rd, Kloof. Cost: R1 000. Contact: 031 764 6577, meryl@merylschoolofcooking.co.za or merylschoolofcooking.co.za Learn Caps isiZulu additional language Adult isiZulu classes for parents of foundation phase learners. Time: 8am, 9:30am or 11am weekdays, varies on Saturdays. Venue: La Lucia. Cost: R100 per lesson. Contact: jenniferwhyte@xis.co.za Pheka cooking courses Practical courses for domestic workers are held over five weeks, with one lesson per week. Time: 9am–12:30pm weekdays. Venue: varies. Cost: R1 300. Contact: 072 261 5192, danielle@pheka.co.za or pheka.co.za
Aladdin Grey Street
on stage and screen
This adult pantomime promises good old-fashioned belly laughs and a liberal dose of saucy gags. Ends 30 December. Time: 7:30pm Tuesday–Saturday, 2pm Saturday. Venue: Centenary Room, Greyville Racecourse. Cost: R130–R170, dining options available. Book through computicket.com
Viva Las Vegas A celebration of some of the legendary performers of Las
Clamber Club
Vegas. 18 October–10 January. Time: 8pm Tuesday–Saturday, 2pm Sunday. Venue: The Barnyard Theatre, Gateway. Cost: R110–R155. Contact: 031 566 3045, gateway@barnyardtheatres.co.za or barnyardtheatres.co.za
support groups Hi Hopes Home intervention programme for children who are deaf or hard of hearing. Contact: kzn@hihopes.co.za or hihopes.co.za Overeaters Anonymous A support group for compulsive overeaters. Share experiences and be inspired. Contact: 011 640 2901, sms 076 274 5474 or oa.org.za
bump, baby & Tot in tow
classes, talks and workshops Baby massage classes Time: varies. Venues: Durban North, Glenwood and Hillcrest. Cost: R600. Contact: 072 623 3266, lisa@holisticbaby.co.za or holisticbaby.co.za Pre- and postnatal yoga Time and venues: moms and babies 8:30am Tuesday, pregnancy yoga 4:45pm Tuesday and Thursday in Hillcrest and Assagay; postnatal yoga 8am Friday in Assagay.
Pheka cooking courses
don’t miss out! For a free listing, email your event to durban@childmag.co.za. Information must be received by 30 October for the December/January issue, and must include all relevant details. No guarantee can be given that it will be published. To post an event online, visit childmag.co.za
magazine durban
Cost: R280 per month. Contact: 073 351 6824 or kirsty@blissfulbellies.co.za
playtime and story time Clamber Club Movement and stimulation classes for babies 8 weeks–12 months old, and children 1–4 years old, with their parents or guardians. Time: varies. Venues: situated in Ballito and Kloof. Cost: varies. Contact Ballito: 076 222 2946 or Kloof: 083 259 2746 or clamberclub.com
how to help Bless a Granny and Grandpa Help make a senior citizen’s Christmas wish come true by buying a gift, giving them your time or joining a Baking It Forward workshop to bake teatime treats. For dates, dropoff points and more info, contact: 076 612 9060, robinhoodfund@telkomsa.net or robinhoodfoundation.co.za
it’s happy holidays Bless a Granny and Grandpa
dec/jan issue on streets 19 nov
look out for: mamma mia! a single mom and her sons experience Italy
fun ways to keep children learning during
the long holidays
fabulous familyfriendly things to do and see in dec & jan
sun and water safety tips
plus
get psyched for
BACK TO SCHOOL get organised for the new year uniforms, stationery, lift clubs, check-ups, and more To advertise call: (031) 764 0448 or email: dbnsales@childmag.co.za Booking deadline: 2 Nov Material deadline: 5 Nov magazine durban
November 2015
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a
t some stage, probably during the endless struggle of potty training and the discovery of three sticky sweets glued to the leg of the couch, I lost my sense of fun. It had been obscured by the cushions piled up as a makeshift fort, covered in a pool of red juice congealed on the lounge carpet, and crumpled with the pages that were torn out of my favourite magazine before I even had a chance to glance at the letters page. I’ve lost my sense of fun to the demands of parenting. And I know I am not alone. A snap survey in the school parking lot revealed that for many moms, the ability to make it through the day has all but obscured the ability to have unbridled, uninhibited fun. I feel as if I have forgotten how to give in to the silliness. I know how to make Erin’s favourite grated cheese sarmies and how to mix Conor’s porridge at just the right consistency. I know which cartoon to put on in the morning so that I can sneak in an extra five minutes in the shower before they call me to change the channel. But when it comes to just laughing and playing with them, I’m falling short.
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November 2015
Erin, Anél and Conor
frivolity rules The responsibilities of parenting can suck the joy out of life sometimes, but ANÉL LEWIS is learning to just give in to silliness every once in a while. Parenting is not for sissies – it’s hard graft. But it would be a pity if this meant we forfeited our ability to give in to a little bit of frivolity every now and again. Sometimes, you can get a lot more done if you yield to a bit of tomfoolery along the way. Dressing Conor is an exercise in patience. He usually runs around the house to avoid being changed. Playing tag before
work is not my idea of fun, so I usually scream at him to stop and get dressed. But recently I gave in and gave chase as he sidestepped the pants I was about to put on him. Laughing, he raced around the dining room table. Soon Erin joined in, and all three of us charged through the house before we got ready to leave. Sure, it made us a few minutes later than I would have
liked on a busy school morning, but it was worth it to hear their shrieks of delight. A few days ago, Erin wanted to do art in the kitchen. This involved lots of paint and glitter and bits of paper. Conor painted his hands green. Erin knocked over the glitter and most of it ended up on the floor. As they snipped and glued, I found myself having to work really hard to ignore the carpet of glitter. Conor swiped at Erin’s face with his green hand, leaving a smear of paint on her cheek. She laughed and returned the favour. Before I knew it, I had been added to the tribe. The children found it hilarious and I forgot all about the floor and the glitter. The important thing is that we managed to turn something quite ordinary into a memorable and, yes, fun experience. A lot of parenting is about routine and rules, discipline and to-do lists. The challenge is to somehow find ways of injecting these with a little bit of frivolity; even if it means having to scoop up glitter from the floor for days afterwards. Anél Lewis is bringing silly back to the Lewis household, despite the very real risk that she could arrive at work with the odd smear of green warpaint on her left cheek.
magazine durban
PHOTOGRAPH: Susie Leblond Photography
finishing touch
book extract
simply salad Salads are the perfect medium for bringing out the delicate flavours of succulent fish and seafood. We’ve chosen a few from All Sorts of Salads by CHANTAL LASCARIS for you to try at home. fishcake salad Here is a recipe for making fishcakes from scratch, but if you simply don’t have the time, buy readymade ones instead. Either way, this makes for a filling main course. Makes 12 fishcakes ingredients • 450g white fish, chopped • 1 whole egg • ¼ cup breadcrumbs • onion, peeled and chopped • ¾ tsp green curry paste or 1 green chilli, deseeded and finely chopped, depending on taste • ½ tsp dried dill • salt and pepper to taste • oil for frying ingredients | sweet potato chips • 2 sweet potatoes, peeled and finely sliced • oil for frying ingredients | salad • 2 cups mixed salad leaves (I like rocket and watercress) • 1 red onion, peeled and sliced into rings • 1 cup halved baby tomatoes • ¼ medium cucumber, sliced into rounds • 3 tbsp pomegranate arils • 1 cup fresh pea shoots or micro leaves
ingredients | dressing • ¼ cup sweet-chilli sauce • ¼ cup olive oil • ½ tsp green curry paste • 2 tbsp lemon juice method In a blender, whizz the fish, egg, breadcrumbs, onion, curry paste or chilli and dill to form a rough paste. Don’t let it get too mushy or the cakes won’t keep their shape. Season generously with salt and pepper. Break off bits of mixture and form into small balls. Flatten slightly. Put on a plate and chill in the fridge for 30 minutes. Heat a little oil in a frying pan over medium-high heat and add the fishcakes. Cook for about 3 minutes on each side or until cooked through. Drain on paper towel. To make the sweet potato chips, heat some oil in a pot and fry the potato slices until crisp. Remove
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with a slotted spoon and drain on paper towel. Scatter the salad leaves either on a platter or individual plates. Add the onion, tomatoes and cucumber and scatter over the pomegranate arils.
calamari, chorizo and chickpea salad
ingredients • 100g calamari rings • olive oil and lemon juice for grilling • 1 chorizo, sliced • 410g can chickpeas, drained and rinsed • 1 red onion, peeled and finely sliced • 1 red chilli, deseeded and finely chopped • ½ cup halved cherry tomatoes • ¼ cup finely chopped cucumber • ¼ cup chopped fresh mint • ¼ cup chopped fresh basil • 1 round feta cheese, chopped ingredients | dressing • ¼ cup olive oil • 1 tbsp white wine vinegar • 2 tbsp lemon juice • 1 tsp white sugar • salt and pepper to taste
PHOTOGRAPHS:
©
Penguin Random House South Africa Pty Ltd/Matthys van Lill
I love the addition of chorizo to this already lively salad. Chorizo is a well-spiced pork sausage that originated in Spain. It is usually smoked, which means you can eat it without cooking it. The unusual red colour and smoky flavour is due to the large amounts of paprika in the spice mix. Depending on the type of paprika used, the sausage can be either spicier or sweeter. Serves 4
method Heat a griddle pan and grill the calamari rings with a touch of olive oil and lemon juice until
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just cooked. Remove from the pan and drain on paper towel. Add the chorizo to the same pan and grill until almost crispy. Drain on paper towel. Slightly mash a quarter of the chickpeas, leaving the rest whole. Combine all the ingredients in a large bowl. Whisk together the dressing ingredients and pour over the salad, tossing well. Chill it in the fridge before serving.
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Place the cooked fishcakes on top of the salad, then add the potato chips. Whisk together the dressing ingredients and pour over the salad. Top with the pea shoots or micro leaves and serve.
about the book The author admits that salads can become boring if you don’t try something new, but you’ll find the assortment of recipes in All Sorts of Salads by Chantal Lascaris (Struik Lifestyle) anything but boring. Healthy eating is the underlying theme of many of the salad recipes in her book, although there are a few rich and exotic options to keep things interesting. You will find old favourites, vegetarian, fish and seafood, chicken, meat, fruit and a chapter on salad dressings. If you like things uncomplicated and convenient, you’ll find lots of inspiration here. All Sorts of Salads is available at good bookstores for R230.