Paul Heiney

Yacht chandlers do a fine job and are generally a pleasure to visit but there are moments when you can’t help but get the feeling you’ve been cheated

How much would you pay for a piece of wood? I’m thinking of a longish piece, but strong, around I mean actually on your boat and not at the bottom of a harbour, or still leading a lonely life clinging to a mooring buoy after you were forced to let go when the chump on the wheel gave her a hard burst eight feet, but thin enough to of astern just after you’d grabbed hold in your hand. If you were it, making you choose between the lucky and a gale brought down boat hook or your shoulder socket? a convenient tree, I suppose I’ve got lots of boat hooks. I’ve you’d get it for free. If you had even got one of the violent antique to go to a timber merchant it type which is heavily galvanised with might cost you a few quid. On a fearsome, mediaeval spike which the other hand, if you went to looks as though it might once have chandlery your might have to fork been used on the wild boar hunt. It out £99.95, plus postage, and is rarely deployed these days for think yourself lucky to get such a fear of being found in possession bargain. of an illegal weapon. But the others It was this (lame) joke that I are in regular use. There’s one that exchanged with the chap at the promises to hook a rope through boatyard as he launched me for the a mooring every time - which it season. Once in the water, you have to make a tight turn from a standing ‘Do you sometimes suspect almost does but you need a good aim. There’s one with a springy hook start if you don’t want to be getting that the word ’maritime’ puts which is suppose to help you capture intimate with the boats opposite. To a shoreside cleat when coming along save them having to ring the bell at at least 20 per cent on the side. That’s OK, but the handle isn’t

Lloyds, Keith gives your bow a shove, strong enough to shift a bus, with price?’ very long so you have to get so close to the cleat you could step ashore his eight foot pole. It always works. with a line anyway. Then there’s ’There’s a market for that. Quick, get it in the chandlery!’ I the extendable fiend which takes the skin off your said. ’Around ninety nine quid! he shouted back, grinning. finger ends every time you try to shorten/lengthen it.

There’s a huge amount of kit that only chandlers And then there’s the one you will find at your nearest can provide, and they’re very good at it, but do you agricultural supplier. Ask for a double-ended shepherd’s sometimes suspect that the word ’maritime’ puts crook. You don’t have to dress like a competitor from at least 20 per cent on the price? If you have a long One Man and his Dog, they’ll serve you anyway. You’ll memory, you may recall that there was a ’luxury’ rate get an aluminium pole with a broad hook at one end, of VAT of 25% on yacht fittings when other sports normally used to capture a sheep by the neck, but suffered a more comfortable 15%. Inventive sailors perfect for picking up anything useful that might drift shopped elsewhere and, if needing shackles for by, such as someone’s escaped fender. And at the other example, followed farmers into agricultural stores. end, a much narrower hook, used to capture a sheep’s

There, galvanised shackles were essential farming items hind leg, but far more useful on a boat for picking up a at rock bottom prices; and while the boat owner was trailing line. How many times have you tried to retrieve there, wondering if that 50 litre tub of ’udder ointment’ the end of a sheet that’s gone over the side, only for might also make decent antifouling, their eyes might have fallen on the rubber boots and foul weather gear that farmers use. This was the era of the ’yellow wellie’ HAVE YOUR SAY it to slip off the boathook inches from your grasp? If a shepherd’s crook can capture an unwilling ram, a wayward spinnaker sheet is a minor task. It’s so easy. which all smart and overfunded sailors were wearing. Have you encountered exceptional service And now you must keep this secret. By all means

The more canny knew that a pair of farmer’s boots at a marina? buy your shepherd’s crook, but don’t tell anybody was every bit as good, and probably half the price. facebook.com/ else. You know what will happen. The next time For that reason, can I recommend that you return to sailingtoday you go into the chandlers there it will be, an anchor that agricultural store should you be in need of a new boat @sailingtodaymag painted on it and stamped ’marine’. And the price? hook. How many boathooks do you have at the moment? sailingtoday.co.uk Roughly the same as a length of wood.

ILLUSTRATION: CLAIRE WOOD