2 Freshers 2016 The Cheese Grater
Welcome to UCL, Here’s What’s Not in the Prospectus. Jason Murugesu & Ollie Phelan
UCL 20-never?
The official line is still that UCL’s £1.25bn expansion plan, a.k.a. UCL2034, will be completed by 2034. However, worries abound as the financial committee raised concerns about the plan last year and Provost Michael Arthur admitted in June that the university is “barely financially sustainable” with a surplus that would only last 42 days. In an attempt to find the cash to fund the plans, UCL agreed a £280m loan with the European Investment Bank loan in April, the largest loan even received by a university. But academic council members complained that senior management pushed through the loan with little scrutiny, claiming they were deliberately kept in the dark. This move comes despite the Higher Education Funding Council for England warning that the “trend of increasing borrowing and reducing liquidity is unsustainable in the long term.” The latest fundraising gimmick put forward to plug the financial gap is the ‘UCL campaign’ - a crowdfunding campaign targeting alumni and students across campus with swish posters, begging people to donate online. It aims to raise £600m by 2020, with a further £1bn raised by 2026. Turn out your pockets, kids. UCL are getting desperate.
Cut the Rent AWOL
After months of refusing to pay rent, in June UCL Cut The Rent threw a victory rally. A joint press release with the university was later published promising accommodation bursaries designed by both management and students from CTR. Management offered a £350,000 fund for incoming students struggling to pay rent and a further £500,000 for students in Halls the following year. The fund would continue to grow year on
year. The specifics of the bursary were to be debated during the summer. However, how much input campaign leaders will have in designing the bursary remains to be seen. After leading a victorious campaign, UCL Cut the Rent took off on their summer jollies. Not a single meeting with management was organised by the campaign over the summer, despite Duncan Palmer, Head of Accommodations, attempting to reach out on multiple occasions. Future meetings are now being arranged, but the morning after Sports Night is strictly off the table.
Rent strike: the inside story
At the start of this year, 1000s of students across UCL accommodations, lead by UCL Cut the Rent, began a determined rent strike, complaining about vermin and shoddy facilities. This was met unsympathetically by a UCL senior management team determined to rule with an iron fist. Duncan Palmer, Head of Accommodations’, said during a meeting at Max Rayne: “I’m sorry, but some people just simply cannot afford to study in London…and that is a fact of life.” Cut the Rent launched a direct-action assault on UCL, including demos, colour bombs and an extravagant effigy burning of Rex Knight, the vice-provost for operations. UCL responded with guilt trips, sending an email claiming that withholding rent “would be unfair to do so to the 3,926 students who have paid their fees.” They also threatened strikers, telling them that the university would not act as guarantors. This guarantor scheme is key for students trying to secure accommodation on the private market in second year and beyond. However, the Cut the Rent campaign continued to push on. They drew up plans to disrupt UCL’s Open Days, including rape alarms attached to helium balloons, stink bombs, large demos and
Society Bitch It’s been a thrilling week at UCLU Bars. Monday saw Musical Theatre Society’s open mic night take a turn for the phallic when one charming punter spiced up his act by taking his dick out onstage. Unfortunately for Soc Bitch’s libido, the gent was escorted off the premises by security. Not to be outdone, UCL Rugby Society started the term in true LAD fashion by being banned from UCLU venues on the very first Sportsnite of the year - it seems even Phineas cannot contain such exemplary specimens of manhood. Meanwhile, it’ll be a long time before Film Society is sitting down to a convivial pint: the summer saw a civil war break out in the committee, leading to this year’s second most unnecessary vote of no confidence. Whether the society will splinter remains to be seen: Soc Bitch’s money is on the side that keeps the DVD collection.
an imitation UCL Accommodations stall. Management, spooked by these plans opened negotiations which soon became acrimonious. Rex Knight, visibly stressed, said during a meeting: “guns are being held on both sides.” Whilst management wouldn’t sway on the students’ demand for a 40% rent cut, by the third meeting they began discussing the prospect of accommodation bursaries. Scarred by the events of last year, this year’s 5000 freshers were met by welcome parties at their halls, smiling student hosts and individual goody bags including chocolate, branded sim-cards and a jar of pickled onions. But a pickled onion sandwich won’t fix the problems that still remain. Cockroaches are still making Max Rayne their home and management have held multiple meetings about the state of Ifor Evans. Supported by the NUS, expect the Cut the Rent campaign to be back with a vengeance.
Contributors: Jason Murugesu, Will Orton, Ollie Phelan, Jack Redfern, Anna Saunders, Tara Sarangi.