HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS
DIGGING LOCAL
Celebrating Charleston Families Since 1996
Why you might want to give flowers to a guy By Toni Reale, Special to Digs
Charlie Smith, Broker
843.813.0352 • csarealestate.com csmith@csarealestate.com
VOTED BEST HOME PAINTER
Digs 01.12.2022
Proudly uses
18
brand paints.
Call us today! 843-906-2272 • Bkingocpc@gmail.com Ocpcllc.com • Facebook.com/OCPC843 We proudly use Sherwin-Williams Brand Paints
Famous European and Japanese male painters, such as Monet, van Gogh, Hiroshige and Renoir, are revered for their interpretations of flower gardens and composed arrangements. According to My Modern Met, the French painter Edouard Manet loved to be gifted floral bouquets and, for the last six months of his life, the only things he painted were still lifes of the flowers he received. If art imitates life, then why in American culture is the first time most men receive flowers at their funerals? Shouldn’t Earth’s natural gifts be enjoyed by all, regardless of their gender identity? Overwhelmingly, flower deliveries are sent to female recipients to express a variety of emotions such as love, friendship and appreciation or to celebrate an achievement. How do we express these same emotions to the men in our lives? Typically, men are gifted things that our culture deems useful to a stereotypical man, such as tools, a new razor, a desk plaque or ties. However, a poll from the Society of American Florists found that more than 60 percent of men polled would “love” to receive the gift of flowers. So where is the disconnect between what men want and what we give? After interviewing Brenton Rueger, the community leader coordinator for the Mankind Project’s Charleston Community, the answer seems to go Reale much deeper than the material gift itself. It’s not about the thing. Rather, it’s about the ability for men to receive love and the pressures in how they give it. According to Rueger, men typically demonstrate their love and appreciation
“
All people deserve the opportunity to enjoy receiving gifts of flowers and the intentions behind them.”
through acts of service — by “being big” to be seen. Historically in our culture, men are pressured to be the “providers,’’ to base their worth on what they can bring to the table. Unconsciously, to do for others or to attempt to be ‘useful,’ can be an internal way for men to prove their worthiness and that they are loveable, no matter the personal cost. As a consequence, this imbalanced societal pressure has left most men with the inability to truly receive. Rueger explains that fully allowing yourself to receive from another requires being “small” and vulnerable, and allowing the giver to express their love or appreciation in the way that they would like to show it. Because of our accepted societal structure, it can be uncomfortable for most men to allow themselves to be served, let another do something for them or be given something the gifter deems valuable, Rueger said. I’ve personally given flowers to a man who had helped me greatly and while I could see that he thought it was a kind gesture, he immediately replied, “Thank you. I’ll put it by my secretary’s desk.” In the seconds leading up to his comment, I can only guess the discomfort he felt was because his judgment was that flowers weren’t traditionally for men or that he was undeserving of my thanks. While the true reasons are unknown, he immediately decided to re-gift the gesture. The radical acceptance of love, respect and appreciation is like a muscle that needs to be flexed. Rueger suggests if a man