How many anecdotes have you heard about the couple who started pursuing fertility treatments only to have a kid on their own? We didn’t want to be “those folks.” So, we waited. the time. She took the day off for the test, and I took the morning off to be with her. The hysterosalpingogram, or HSG test, didn’t take long. After the procedure, we learned that Lori’s tubes were blocked. Even if I had been able to make her pregnant, she wouldn’t have been able to get pregnant. It didn’t seem possible that both of us were infertile. I took the afternoon off, and we both stayed home and cried. We were so surprised, but we didn’t know we were going to face even bigger surprises.
Christmas Eve About one year after the dramatic but healthy birth of our eldest daughter, we were eager to make up for lost time. We returned to the clinic ready to use one of the five frozen embryos we’d set aside from our first live IVF cycle. For some reason, I’d had it in my head that a 25% chance of success would mean that these frozen embryos would be all we’d need to build our family. In fact, I’d begun to worry about what we’d do
with leftover embryos. We were surprised and grieved when all but one of the embryos failed to survive the thaw. Neither Lori nor I wanted Lori to go through the difficult egg retrieval process again, so we’d pinned our hopes on the frozen balls of cells. Only one of them made it, a few cells short but plucky and ready for a chance to grow. So we implanted this last frozen embryo which grew into our middle daughter, due in late January of 2007. After the drama surrounding the conception and birth of our first, we’d hoped for a calm and normal second experience. But the thawing drama wasn’t the only surprise in store for us with daughter number two. On December 23, after a pleasant evening with friends (and no car burglary!), Lori began to experience contractions. And on December 24, our Christmas eve baby was born. At just over 6 lbs., she spent barely a day in the premature babies ward before joining Lori in her room. And she hasn’t stopped being plucky since! Lori is a steady, rocksteady person... never quick to make a fuss and always ready to handle things
calmly. So, maybe our middle daughter gets her pluck from her donor?
Family Planning Back in early 2004, before the conception of my eldest daughter, we wrestled with how to build our family. Two organizations had the most profound impact on our thinking as we worked through our infertility grief toward building a family. First, Beginnings Adoption Agency in Hamilton held an overnight retreat for infertile couples. We found out about it and attended. For the first time, we found ourselves in a room full of people just like us. None of us wanted to be there, and none of us knew exactly how we were going to move forward. The retreat challenged us to first grieve the loss of the child that cannot be. The speakers encouraged us not to confuse family building with a “cure” for infertility and to allow ourselves the space to begin to heal from our loss. The sessions went on to emphasize that in family building, we should think as best we can about the best interests of the child. The speakers explained how Open Adoption
WINTER/HIVER 2013-14 • Creating Families
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