Stephen Ministry Offers Care For Those Who Are Suffering

Pain can visit anyone, in many forms — the death of a loved one, divorce, loss of a job, illness But, thanks to the trained lay ministers of the Stephen Ministry, caring help is available right here at St. Vincent de Paul Parish.

“We offer care in the name of Christ,” says Marilyn Dietrich, referrals coordinator who co-leads the ministry with Maureen Vega. “We are lay ministers who are highly trained. We are not counselors. We provide the opportunity to talk while we listen. We offer a safe place, with a safe person who is not a relative or spouse. The pairings are gender-based. We are trained to listen and we will help you carry your pain.”

Currently, the Stephen Ministry ministers are not meeting their care receivers in person, but instead, are using telephone calls and emails under COVID-19 protocol.

The Stephen Ministry has been in place at St. Vincent since 2005. The non-denominational ministry was founded in 1975 by the Rev. Kenneth C. Haugk, Ph.D., a Lutheran minister in St. Louis. He realized that when he was being overwhelmed by parishioners who needed to talk about their difficulties, laypeople who are trained in understanding could be helpful.

“You don’t have to be from St. Vincent Parish, or Catholic, or a Christian to be helped,” Marilyn says.

The ministry is advertised in our bulletin and includes Marilyn’s phone number. There also are pamphlets available with information about the ministry and its work.

When Marilyn receives a call from someone interested in receiving care, she will learn the circumstances of the care they need. Before COVID-19 restrictions were in place, she would make an appointment to meet with the caller to go into more detail about the ministry’s work. She explains the boundaries for care and the fact that everything is handled in confidence.

“Confidentiality is broken only in dire cases,” she says. “I ask if they need a Stephen Ministry minister — we have 16 — and I put them in touch so they can begin the caring relationship.”

The caregiver and receiver can meet anywhere, when in-person visits are permitted, usually in a somewhat public location. Some choose to meet at our church, while others meet in certain areas of a library, or parks.

“One of our ministry members met with the receiver for a two-hour walk in a park,” Marilyn says. “The place has to be comfortable.”

The most important element of the relationship is that of trust.

“The minister has to develop trust, especially with someone who has lost trust,” Marilyn says. “That fact that you show up is the most important thing at times. I find that you allow the receiver to talk, and you listen and reflect back on what they say. We learn how to elicit what their feelings are, to let them realize that ‘this person understands what I’m feeling.’”

During the course of helping the receiver, God is brought into the conversation.

“I ask, ‘do you mind if we pray, or do you want to ask God for something?’” Marilyn says. “Every person who comes for help, we look at them as a child of God, and we are not to be judgmental. You listen and walk with them through their pain. You pray together, which can be beautiful for people who have never considered bringing God into their pain, or vice versa. We also say that God is the ‘curegiver’ in the relationship and we’re the caregiver.”

If a receiver is in an apparent deep depression, the ministers are trained to direct the person to the mental help they need. On occasion, a receiver will seek the Stephen Ministry while they are already in the care of a therapist. In these cases, Marilyn has a form letter for the therapist that asks if the receiver can continue to work with the Stephen minister.

“Nine out of 10 times they will agree to it,” Marilyn says.

The impact of the care provided by the Stephen Ministry is deep and meaningful.

“I’ve seen people come in who could hardly talk and one year later they are a different person,” Marilyn says. “Someone listened and walked them through it. I’ve been told ‘you saved my life.’ The Stephen minister grows and heals, as well. It’s wonderful for your faith life.”

There have been instances when the Stephen minister has been able to turn the receiver’s life around.

“It’s wonderful to see,” Marilyn says. “It’s holy. It’s like you’re watching God perform a miracle in someone’s life.”

The Stephen ministers receive training that runs 50 hours and is held two to three times a year. There also are continuing education sessions. The ministers meet twice a month for peer supervision, with sessions now held virtually. The ministers meet to discuss the relationships with their “pairings.”

The discussions are all confidential in that there are no names or identification discussed.

“I think of it as a doctor and nurse meeting about a patient, that type of conference,” Marilyn says. “We talk about what has been discussed with the person and this keeps us on track and helps us help the person who has come to us.”

The ministry also offers help to parishioners who have lost a loved one. The ministry sends the bereaved a complimentary copy of Dr. Haugk’s book, Journeying Through Grief. The feedback from this care has been very positive.

If you are interested in becoming a ministry member, or if you are interested in receiving care, please contact Marilyn Dietrich at 817-457-1658.

The St. Vincent de Paul Stephen Ministry members usually meet in person twice a month for peer supervision to discuss their work. However, with COVID-19 restrictions, the group has been meeting on Zoom. Marilyn Dietrich, in the upper right corner, is referrals coordinator for the ministry. The trained members offer caring help through in-depth listening to those experiencing painful circumstances.