safe spaces Our safety is simply in our own hands. If we are silent about our abusers they will say that we loved them when we are killed. The threat of violence is a reality, but our communities can be a gatekeeper to that as well. We cannot hope to battle this world alone, so we must take each other’s sides. This agency is powerful, to the threat of internal division. The threat of violence from society, causes scars and internal strife that’s expressed within the community We have all internalized something, racism, colorism and capitalism, misogyny, and none are exempt. To tame these threats, and bring security to our future communities – we must build from within. We must start with our own homes, and families, and invited guests. We must renew respect for the abilities and needs of those who you care for and who are close to you. We must acknowledge those who teach, and hold us accountable in the spaces where we do feel safe. Home is the institution where we first learn to judge safety: feelings, likes and dislikes and others actions help us determine if we are safe. Home is where we first learn our roles in the world. Our roles can be based on all features that make you, you. The more comfort you’re afforded the better sense of self you’ll have. Families typically have more lenience than the outside world when it comes to those roles. In a family there is “space to stretch” otherwise known as “love.” Within the family unit one has a reasonable expectation to be able to explore interests with support. Tenderness and care and are all but guaranteed to those privileged to receive it, until about the age of four. after that – its a blue vs. pink world At four we are constantly seeking safety in corners of the world not crowded by other’s expectations. Beginning with gender performance and leading all the way up to career and family, we hold the expectations of our families and communities our entire lives. Some of us are able to embrace these expectations and adjust well enough without incident. Many take and choose what works, still others buck all expectation, and survive without the safety guaranteed from a family, society. That space is important for human development. We learn who we are in these spaces. It’s here that we develop a personality, interests, habits, humors. We begin the identity formation process early, before we have a name for trans, gender, or otherwise. As we explore these inclinations outside of the gender binary in childhood we are quickly rebuked. The minute we seek to express outside the expectations of the family that innocence is stolen. WE are made to feel guilty for the disappointment and unrealistic expectations of the family and community around us. Guilt erodes safety. Once the community can point to an outsider, that person, or child, or woman, becomes guilty. We take this guilt with us for the rest of our lives. Those who eschew society’s expectations are then made the scapegoat of problems beyond our control. The society seeking an outlet, uses our community to blame. When you are a child there is a certain degree of emotion and safety that goes with your state of childhood, your state of innocence. Innocence gives us a space free of guilt. The minute that gendered expectations are leaned upon us we are thrust into emotional chaos. When our inner Page 86
will and want contradicts with the very real expectations of our parents we are left to fend for ourselves, suddenly, in an unsafe world. The way privilege is set up, white, men, cisgender people are not guilty of being outsiders when they suppress their curiosities or embrace misogyny and transphobia. The result is a heavy, burden on the heads of LBGTQ folks across the world. It accompanies shame to various degrees. There are definitely some communities out there that are safer than others. And even that complicates the larger overall narrative, as white power nationalists prepare for war and chaos in the wake of our president. These factions of religious right-wingers will use shame and guilt and difference to attack our communities. When the ball drops will we turn on each other internally? We have had to grow up without that guaranteed support of a family institution, because of our gender, or sexuality or identity. The minute that we realize our parent’s love is conditional – our lives become that much more unsafe. The world becomes enormous and we are small pieces of it. Our every day tasks are huge , and our successes never bring their due reward. When we get honest about the level of need we all have to exist and survive each day, it become more apparent that this shit dosen’t work for anyone. WE need spaces to have these conversations. The trauma of just existing as queer, when everything around you demonstrates otherwise – the weight begins to be too much at some point. We can counteract this in our homes, with our partners, as adults and parents and close friends and allies. While we can’t turn back time we do seek to repair what is lost. Becase of those shortcomings the Family often doesn’t meet our need of community. We seek each other for the sense of shared identity and experience. Even as this completes the natural order of things – bringing about a balance of choice – society doesn’t see it that way. safe spaces do heavy lifting With the common goal to alleviate threats of danger and secure the needs of the community, those spaces should insist on meeting the needs of folks who’s safety is threatened every day. Starting with our homes means creating fortresses for those in our community in need. Defining the safe space A safe space is when individuals are free from physical or emotional harm A safe space can be anytime, anywhere, and anyone. People creating safe spaces is the most beautiful experience one can have. Most intentional safe spaces provide ground rules, to establish respect. In queer spaces that includes addressing pronouns. We have these spaces with us even if we don’t name them. The beauty of safety is that is provides peace. In that peace our creativity and our society can flourish. Without it, we are bound to crash and burn. The thing about crashing and burning, is we, all do it together. Not saying it’s up to us to put on the cape, but we need the safety the most. We’re most at risk of violence because of who we are and we have to fight back. When I first decided to fight back I didn’t think I was fighting back. I was looking for community. My quest brought me to the front lines, CAPITAL PRIDE 2017