Dear Parents, One day last week our family was feeling like we had found a groove. The weather was nice, we had played outside and gone for bike rides (because sunshine and staying strong is more important now than ever) and we even celebrated taking one kid’s training wheels off! This quarantine thing maybe isn’t so bad, right? But that night one kid woke up convinced that Little League had not really been canceled, it was just an elaborate hoax and everyone else in the world was still playing baseball except him. As parents, we validate fears but put fears back to bed: WHAT?!? That is a terrible nightmare! But it’s not true. Yes, I’m sure. I know because we just got an email from Coach saying he misses you all and wants you to keep practicing until the season starts up again and believe me, if something happens, we will hear about it on GroupMe. Believe me, GroupMe knows about it first. Another child woke up terrified that the world had run out of popsicles. That’s understandable, when she hears the grownups talking about grocery lists and running out of stuff, and it dawns on her that she hasn’t actually been to a grocery store in a while and maybe the world really is running out of popsicles! But again, with the fears: WHAT?!? That is a terrible nightmare! But it is not real. Yes, I’m sure. I’m looking right now at PopsicleChecker. com and the official index shows that actually we were up 2,000 popsicles world-wide today, in all flavors. Yes, I’ll put extra popsicles on the list, YES, the ones we buy at the store not just the ones to make at home, I promise. And then a final night terror woke up in blind fury that Ariel had taken her shoes, because Ariel is a mermaid who
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MAY 2020
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turns into a person and she’s not used to legs and feet much less shoes and so she’s not very nice about other people’s shoes and… and this one was NOT hearing our reassurances and was NOT going back in there to her room where mermaids just take whatever they want so I am up, writing a letter to all of you parents. These times are tough, and fears are real. Whether they are serious grown up fears or more real fears like running out of popsicles. Anger is real whether it is fury at canceled baseball seasons, postponed graduations, or mermaids that steal shoes. Our children are learning about giving things up and being a little afraid constantly at an age far younger than we want them to learn about such things. There are, however, some things we as families can do to get through these times. p Talk with your family about their hopes and fears, joys and sorrows. All of us need to have someone to trust who will listen and help keep worries and furies in perspective. Grownups need to be mindful of children’s emotions as well, and anticipate regressions and clinginess and emotional vulnerabilities. Peer groups are great for rants and reducing isolation; grownups are better for perspective and reassurances. Being afraid or angry or worried sucks; being afraid or angry or worried together is not as bad. Make sure kids are venting to or asking questions to a good source; this is a time when being taken advantage of is more critical than usual. p Make a family journal or a shared art piece. Odds are, you have a notebook lying around and you can scribble and doodle your way through these days.
