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Staying Comfortable Will Cost You The art of feedback lies in being proactive, making it routine, and connecting first. By Tara Gronhovd
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f there’s one leadership skill that separates highperforming teams from dysfunctional teams, it is not charisma, confidence, or strategy. It’s feedback. And yet, most of us avoid giving feedback like we avoid opening our credit card statement after vacation. Here’s the irony: leaders want clarity, accountability, and growth, but we often resist the very tool that creates those outcomes. We tell ourselves we’re holding back because we don’t want to upset people or because the feedback won’t
change anything anyway. The truth is that we avoid feedback to protect our own comfort. And while comfort is easy to justify in the moment, it becomes expensive over time. Effective feedback can lead to earlier problem identification, healthier relationships, and improved productivity. It prevents teams from drifting into passive frustration and helps leaders address issues before they lead to turnover. So why do we avoid it? Because all humans can get defensive. We assume feedback
won’t be received well; we personalize conflict and tell ourselves stories that justify staying silent. But the real roadblock is that most leaders simply lack the skills, modeling, and practice to do it well. So, how do we increase our comfort with feedback? 1 Ask for Feedback The best way to improve giving feedback is to experience receiving it. If you want your team to handle feedback without spiraling, you need to model how to receive it with humility and curiosity. Start by asking for advice instead of feedback. It lowers defensiveness and invites insight. Try asking: “What’s one change I could make that would improve things for the team?” 2 Normalize Feedback
Feedback shouldn’t be a rare, serious conversation behind closed doors. It needs to be integrated at every step, from hiring and onboarding to coaching and check-ins. Leaders should pause often to provide both praise and coaching. When feedback becomes routine, it becomes less threatening and more useful. 3 Seek Connection
Before Correction When at least 70 percent of our interactions create connection
and trust, team members are more likely to handle it well when you need to provide corrective feedback. Often, a leader’s frustration grows because a team member is missing the mark and the leader feels frustrated that they have to provide the feedback in the first place. Before giving feedback, ask yourself: What story am I telling myself? Am I focused on being right, or helping them succeed? A grounded leader will pause until they can lead with clarity instead of frustration. One of the most effective feedback frameworks for leaders is Intent vs. Impact. Assume positive intent (Connection), then clarify impact (Correction). For example: “I know you care about being a great teammate. And when you say yes to every request, deadlines get missed. As a result, the team is getting frustrated.” Then move into collaboration: “How can I support you in becoming the kind of teammate I know you want to be?” Start small. Pay attention to how often you’re creating connection with team members; ask one trusted person for advice; and practice Intent vs. Impact the next time you need to provide feedback. Growth of any kind is uncomfortable. The good news? Comfort with feedback grows with practice, and the payoff is worth the effort.
Contributor ________ Tara Gronhovd is the founder and principal of ALIGN Strategy, a St. Cloud–based leadership coaching and consulting firm that partners with business owners and leadership teams to build grounded, resilient leaders and healthy, high-performing organizations. With 20 years of leadership experience, Tara also co-hosts the Grounding & Growing Leadership podcast and produces the SHIFT Leadership Event.
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