alyssa rorke
top ten things i have done in front of men who still wanted to have sexual intercourse with me afterwards 1. vomited 2. fell on face leaving cosmetically unfavorable cuts and scrapes 3. worn same underwear three days in a row 4. broke out in hives 5. cried about other men 6. had party that no one showed up to 7. drank smirnoff ice 8. read poetry 9. announced onset of period drunkenly and belligerently to crowd of people 10. worn fanny pack
blink 182 was right
poem for my 23rd birthday i feel small in your bed when i take up too much space a deep breath is accompanied by a shift in sleeping position and on my birthday i do not fit into my shirt i am drinking coffee and i feel older i feel older when i don’t need someone i feel older when i don’t care how my hair looks i feel older when my apathy outweighs my need to shower i pay more attention to the sounds my car is making a deep breath is accompanied by a shift in seating position the room is your bed i’m sitting on the other side and we’re not touching
my best friend is moving to Maine so my current life crises are comparable to that of the average fourth grader some nights when i am too restless to sleep i think of my first kiss i remember that it was on a monday and for some reason that made me wild today i am thinking about being too skinny for my clothes and i am thinking about being six my last google search was an antonym for compassion that’s the new “your picture’s next to it in the dictionary”
reasons why i might be crying: a list
we were just going to watch the simpsons i said i wouldn’t do it you were probably drunk sometimes sleep means different things i am more satisfied than i want to be you fall asleep immediately marge upsets her family in this episode i don’t fall asleep fast enough "this is the first time in a while i’ve done this with someone i actually like" i am more comfortable in this bed than my own your hand on my leg is probably an accident it’s going to be raining when i wake up "this is the first time in a while i’ve done this" why do i feel ok about it now bart cries in this episode "someone i actually like" is this what validation feels like i’ve been rubbing my eye with a finger that had cum on it
i slept through mother’s day and these are the dreams i had
i made dinner in a Sears model kitchen bean casserole in a round pan i broke a wooden spoon so they made me buy it i slept through mother’s day and these are the dreams i had one day i will speak to my mother through a medium i will be gray but not the kind of gray people get when they’re old but more like the way fruit fades when it sits in a pitcher of sangria for too long i will get married in my favorite castle because my mother says so even though i don’t think i’ll ever get married or know enough castles to have a favorite one and after this so-called wedding everyone will come over and watch us cut the cake in our Sears model kitchen someone bought us a new wooden spoon i am dreaming the entire time
i am nervous driving home because i don’t know if someone left the porch light on or not i am nervous driving home because i’m afraid that the bend in the road before my exit will make me think of you (and i don’t want to) i am nervous driving home because this isn’t my usual gas station. the total comes to an uneven number and i sit in my car at the pump for a while before i realize that this is the part when i’m supposed to drive away i am nervous driving home because it is night time and i am scared of the dark i am nervous driving home because i am almost home
contact~ alyssarorke@gmail.com bunkmatepoetry.tumblr.com amrpoetics.bandcamp.com
A smiling face with curved eyes, open mouth and a single drop of cold sweat. Upper teeth are shown. Aside from the drop of cold sweat, this emoji is identical to the Smiling Face with Open Mouth and Smiling Eyes. The drop of cold sweat displays slight stress and can often be a precursor of diaphoresis (Face with Cold Sweat).
made in NJ june 2014