FROM THE RUSSIAN CONFESSIONAI,

By SIR ALAN P. HERBERT In London "Punch"

UDGES of the People's Court, Do not forgive me.

I confess

My grievous aberrations, I kneel, I grovel, I crawl about C)n all fours.

In my commodious cell For two years

I have been well-treated. I have had the best of everything. Oysters

(When in season) Were brought to me daily

From the Bay of Lenin. Heartening extracts

From the speeches Of Joseph Stalin, The Wise, the Good, Who discovered The Laws of Gravity, Were played to me

On the gramophone. No man ill-used me. No drug was administered. N{y conscience, The eyes of my comrades, The teachings of Stalin, Have illuminated The dark abysses Of my disgusting soul. Is it not enough ?

I have been guilty Of criminal self-will And bourgeois opinionism.

TOLD Comrade Ratovsky

That I was surprised to hear That Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin Had split the first atom With his orvn hands, Well knowing

That this was a Party decision.

I questioned the assertion Of Comrade Lavinski

That Soviet submarines Are able to fly.

It is perfectly true

That on March 17, 1946, I permitted myself In a Soviet tram

To speak to the American Consul, Well knowing of his conspiracy with Bartok, Batsky, Eisenbaum And other Imperialist Wolves of the West To disequilibrize

The intergrationary purpose Of the Soviet man In Oblovovosk. '

Further proofs

Of my diversionary trends And beastly ratiocinationalism Are to be forrnd

In my letter r c\T l\ O\\-. Judges of the People, I have but one complaint (Though even this It is not for me to utter), That my own counsel, Comrade Obolsky, Has presented My obscene divagations In a light less harsh Than they deserve. I have a right To the extreme penalty. I should demand A death of boiling oil But that, purged and refreshed By these proceedings, I still hope humbly

To the woman Smith Of England, Which I wrote In Esperanto, As I pretended, For practice in that language, But, in truth, With the childish hope Of hiding from justice My animal opinions And sub-human infidelity.

To serve more faithfully The causes I have undermined With intellectual tunneling And dynamitical distrust. So I suggest That I be cut up in pieces And sewn together again, That then, a new man I may continue the glorious struggle For the Soviet lJnion, For Peace and Brotherhood."

Iodry's

Ofiers these leslures:

MORE TIGHT AND AIR.

EASY WASHING.

POSTilVE WTNDOW LOCK.

Con be opened only from within.

DOOR mqde from selected Kiln-Dried lumber.

WINDOW SASH-rust-resistont steel.

SCREEN-AIuminum, bronze or plostic. Availoble