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This Monuscript Wcrs Found on the Floor of the English Clqssroom

"This is probably my last epistle to the world of the living. In one-half an hour the cruel, relentless bell will ring me to my doom. What shall I do? Is there no escape? I now realize the feelings of the man who lvrote, ,If I had the wings of an angel.' Soon, very soon, I shall be walking down the hall to that awful room. There sits a teacher who shall demand of me that which I cannot do-give an oral theme.

"The time draws nearer. Qnly twenty minutes remain for me to remain on this planet, then darkness-utter darkness ! I can sympathize with the criminal who waits for the time to come when he shall be taken to the gallows. O, Death, how wonderful you seem to me in comparison with my fate !

"Nearer and nearer draws the time-only ten more minutes. How beautiful this world seems ! The grass is so green, the sky so blue! O, how I dread this darkness that is sure to follow ! If indeed this is my last epistle to humanity, may those who find this do for me one last favor? Send a note to Mabel, and tell her that my last thought was of her. Carbon copies to Annie, Susan, and Irene. Farewell !"

Men snd Roqds

Some wise man has said that the trouble with lots of men is that they are merely good.starters. They promise a lot -they are like some roads-they start off wide and beautifully bordered with trees, but they get narrower and narower and finally end up in a squirrel track, and run up a tree.

. All rhe Eqrmcrrks

"The world is round, isn't it, Dad?"

"Yes, son."

"If I wanted to go one block East, I could finally get there by going West. couldn't I?"

"Son, I'm going to bring you up to be a taxi driver."

And He lived

Methuselah ate what he found on his plate, And never, as people do now, Did he note the amount of the calorie count, He ate it because it was chow.

He was not disturbed as at dinner he sat. Destroying a roast or a pie, By thinking 'twas lacking in granular fat, Or a couple of vitamins shy.

He carefully chewed every species of food, Unworried by troubles or fears, Lest his health might be hurt by some fancy dessert, And he lived over nine hundred years.

One on rhe Londlady

Landlady: "I think you had better board elsewhere.', Boarder: "Yes, f often have."

Landlady: "Often had what?"

Boarder: "Better board elsewhere."

fhe Curse of One Good Round By

Edgar Guest

He wa,nts to shoot a seventy-nine, I wish him luck, but Oh, 'Twere better he should stay with me, Round ninety-two or so; 'Twere better far to miss a par, And smile when a shot is straight, Than live to sigh as time goes by, And curse at an eighty-eight.

Ife wants to shoot a seventy-nine, But sad of heart I'll be, The day I view his dream come true, For he'll be done with me. One happy day would steal away, The pleasure of the game, For the splendor fi,ne of an eighty-nine, Would never seem the same.

Oh, once I shot a seventy-nine, And once my heart was glad, But I've had no fun since that was done, Now all my shots seem bad. And the ninety-two I often do I bitterly repine, For I hold the thought that I surely ought, To shoot a seventy-nine.

O, friend, be glad with the game you have, Be happy with your fate, Let naught destroy the pride and joy Of a snappy eighty-eight. Don't try too hard for a seventy card, For if ever one comes to you, Until life is done you will get no fun, From your usual ninety-two.

Thomqs Dreier's Credo

"f know that happitress is to be found only in surrendering in obedience to goodness. f am quite willing to accept as a fact that I show wisdom when f learn as much as f can of the fundamental laws of the universe, and work in harmony with them. What I do on the golf course and in the office and at a meeting of the Advertising Club is of just as grea,t importance as what I do in church. And what f do on Monday is of as great importance as what I do on Sunday-and no more."

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