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THE HERALD • MID-APRIL 2019 • Tel: 01530 244069 • Email: info@markfieldherald.co.uk
Letter From Uncle Eustace
On the tribulations that await a curate in his first parish…
Trinity Methodist Church, Main Street, Markfield LE67 9UU
Friday17 May 2019 at 7.00pm
Alistair Parnell
Saxophonist Extraordinaire!
The Rectory St James the Least My dear Nephew Darren SO, YOUR BISHOP is dropping hints that you should begin to consider a move to having your own parish – ‘not forever in green pastures’ comes to mind. Do not be too hasty to leave; remember that a curate can do no wrong, but a vicar can do no right. That means that as soon as you get your own parish, you will be held accountable not only for everything that goes on inside the church, but also for the goal average of the local football team and the state of the economy. And if it rains for your first Summer Fete, you will be told reproachfully that this never used to happen when ‘the former vicar was here’. As you begin to ponder this momentous decision, allow me to give you a few pieces of advice. It will be assumed in the parish that every new incumbent is bound to be worse than his predecessor. The greatest compliment I ever received when leaving a parish came from an elderly parishioner: “I’ve known six Rectors of this parish; you weren’t the worst.” Naturally the church you go to will have asked for a married man between 30 and 35 with a wife who will not have her own job but who wants to devote her entire life working for the parish - and it will be a definite advantage if she is a brilliant organist, professional caterer and fully computer literate. They will expect you to have two children, one of whom should be of primary school age, so he can attend the local Church school, where you will naturally wish to be chairman of governors and coach of the football team. They will want you to have exceptional talents for attracting young people - but for young people who enjoy the sorts of Services that the present congregation prefer - and you should have the ability to stop a baby crying during Mattins with the briefest of glances. They will want you to bring ‘a breath of fresh air’ into parish life without changing anything. They will hope you will shun holidays, preach short sermons and be able to run a tight jumble sale. Your CV is a little thin. If you could acquire a wife and family within the next six months, become an expert flower arranger and qualify as a football referee, chartered accountant and trained electrician and plumber, it would prove very helpful. If in addition, you learned how to service photocopiers, had a mini-bus available for church outings, were an heir to a family firm producing a single malt whisky and could provide reliable horse racing tips, your choice of parishes would be endless. On the other hand, my advice would be to stop attending all meetings where you know the bishop may be present; out of sight, out of mind. Have your phone disconnected, your letterbox sealed and only appear in public wearing dark glasses and a false beard. Keep your head down, lay low, hold on to the charmed life of being a curate for as long as possible. Life will never be better.
Your loving uncle,
Saxophonist Alistair Parnell presents an eclectic programme of music from Baroque to Jazz including new arrangements of some well known tunes. He will also play the new Roland Aerophone and demonstrate the amazing possibilities to this electronic wind instrument. Backed by his own accompaniments, there will be music to suite all tastes and ages.
Tickets: £10 (under-16s £5) available from our website by clicking on the “Contact us” button or by calling 01530 242742 | 07979 607099| 01530 244497 www.markfieldmethodistchurch.org Facebook – Markfield Methodist Church
Monetary Prizes - Card bingo
Bring your own buffet and drinks to share
WHEN
WHERE
Saturday 8th June 2019 Doors open - 7pm
Thornton Community Centre 175 Main St Thornton LE67 1AH
Tickets - £5 per person. Maximum number per team = 6.
Eustace
(Teams can be arranged on the night – pre booking essential)
Contact Gill Tapping – 07719 882144 – gilltevents@aol.com www.thorntonvillage.org
Stanton Family Fun Day in May COME AND JOIN us at the Thatch, Main Street Stanton Monday 27th May from 2pm for a fantastic Family Fun Day. There will be a raffle, tombola, water & wine, games, face painting, cake stall, lucky dip, apple bobbing, white elephant, £1 in the bucket, wheelie bin race, BBQ from 3.00pm, and live music from “Jonnie & The Rockers” from 4.30pm.
Stanton Scarecrow Competition Walt Disney Theme Make a scarecrow in your front garden based on anything relating to Walt Disney. Put your name and address and what your entry is. Please include your 50p entry fee (by village request) with a piece of paper, or the entry form coming through your door, and put it into the box at Stanton Stores by 23rd May 5pm - any later may result in being missed off the judges’ and visitors’ maps. Judges will view on Monday 27th May after 12 noon and winners will be announced at the Thatch after 5pm. Any donations towards the Raffle, Auction, Tombola or cake stall would be gratefully received, any further info just contact me, Sally Wilkins, on 01530 242847 or at 176 Main Street, Stanton. We are looking for new recruits to enable us to carry on with these events and would love to hear from you. Contact Sally Wilkins Tel: 242847 or call at 176 Main Street. Or contact Elaine on Tel: 244820. We are a very informal group and just love putting on events for the village.
Sally Wilkins
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I don’t even talk to the girl until the second date.
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