You are Here: Finding Yourself in Middletown Mom knows I’ve been trying to leave him, too. She keeps trying to give me advice and telling me to just run over to her house when things go wrong. But I can’t just run across the street every time I have a fight with Michael. I’m scared he might follow me, and Molly doesn’t need to witness any of this. Being a ten year old girl is hard enough without seeing a sister you look up to distraught and trapped. No, I just can’t impose on Mama and Molly that way. They don’t know how truly bad things are. At least Mike was in a good mood tonight. Especially since Middletown Central won. I can’t say it was surprising, Coach Harrell seems to know what he’s doing. Maybe one day Evan would like to play basketball. Maybe he’ll go to the IHSAA Championship and I’ll be there, as close to the court as I can be, cheering him on. Maybe Mike can be there too. He’s doing better. Maybe he can be the role model Evan so desperately needs. His dad doesn’t seem to want to be there for him. It’s been nearly a year since he’s made an effort to see his son. He calls every once in awhile and Evan is always so happy to talk to his daddy. He makes me so mad sometimes. He doesn’t understand what I’ve had to sacrifice for Evan. He still has everything he worked for and thinks it’s good enough just to call. If not for Ricky Garrett, I could have gone to college. My grades were good enough to get me into Middletown College. Mom would have loved that. She would have been so proud. But that’s all behind me. I knew I shouldn’t have gone to that Lunatics concert nearly five years ago. I never should have set foot in Irvings Auditorium that night. But that band was good and Ricky knew I loved them. I’d been anywhere that would allow a sixteen year old inside just to see them play. Ricky told me this concert would be their break and I’d be witnessing history in the making. He was always good with words. I knew I shouldn’t have let him convince me everything would be fine, even without a condom. I honestly could have done so much more with my life. Don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful for and blessed to have Evan. He’s my little man. If I didn’t have Evan, I would feel so alone. But I can’t help but to think sometimes how life might be different if my choices had been different. You know, I taught Evan how to ride a bike the other day. He was so precious. He got scared and kept asking me not to let go. Of course I did. Of course I had to. He wouldn’t learn if I hadn’t let go. Besides, he couldn’t fall with training wheels. He is such a precious angel though. I really am lucky to have him. Oh no, Evan’s had another bad dream. He just came in and asked if he could sleep in here tonight. Poor baby. I have to find a way to end this. Michael White Clara tried to break up with me twice. I didn’t even think she had it in her to try once. I had to be on my best behavior tonight. So I brought over a six pack of beers and we watched Middletown Central beat the piss out of Anderson. I was worried when McCallum injured his ankle, but he came back in a blaze of glory. He’s got an iron will, that one. Yep, that kid is sure something. He played a hell of a game for being so scrawny. Kid’s gonna do great things in the basketball world. After the game, I went home to my wife and kids. Having four kids is hard. Even when I get a break, I don’t get a break. Clara’s always expecting me to be
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