FUTUR e PR oo F i NG

Dear Fellow Rider reader, I’m writing this in late January, during the longest cold spell we’ve had this winter, with hard frosts every night. To top things off, the boiler’s gone AWOL, with the immaculate timing that machinery has. When you really, really, need it to work properly, it throws a hissy fit. How many times does Zoom or Teams decide it needs to install an update, just as you log in for an important meeting?

Back in the day, that was the moment to spark up a Hamlet (other cheap cigarillos were available, but not with added Bach) and take a philosophical view. These days hardly anybody smokes, so it’s likely to be that good old Brit standby, a strong cuppa. Which is when it suddenly becomes apparent that what’s really needed is a plan B. In the boiler’s case, a couple of numbers on speed dial, for appropriately qualified technicians. Then when it turns out that the guy you really need is on a two-week skiing holiday, a temporary plan C is useful. Like three electric oil radiators, a fan heater and an immersion heater in the hot water cylinder. Along with a Nelsonian eye to the meter, as it heads towards warp factor nine.

So, what’s all that got to do with motorcycles, eh? Breakdowns and how you deal with them, that’s what. Anyone who’s been riding for a while will have known that sinking sensation: stuck at the roadside, with the trusty steed off its feed, or having thrown a shoe. The first inclination for many is to fish out the mobile and call for assistance. At this point, I’m going to make a shameless plug for the BMF’s recommended package, which is not only very reasonable, but as a member you get 10% off (quote.motoringassistance.com/bmf). This is the brainchild of Peter Laidlaw, our Membership Services Director, who wasn’t happy at the way he was left (for hours, in the rain) by another Extremely Well Known recovery organisation, who shall remain nameless, with a dead bike. Even better, he’s had to try out Motoring

Assistance for himself, after a rear tyre blowout – they did what they promised, which makes a nice change. They didn’t know who he was either, so no special treatment.

Then there’s the plan B, which can be a bit daunting. What about if you’re really a long way from home and the locals don’t speak English too well, for example? This might be the moment when having some appropriate kit, and knowing a little bit about how bikes work, might pay off. But let’s not go wild here. When I was a young’un, I thought nothing of whipping the T500 on its side, removing the clutch cover and the clutch spring and bolt that had grenaded during an overly ambitious overtake, which involved dropping down a gear and popping the clutch into the powerband. Which it didn’t like, though I was late for work that day. These days I prepare for likely problems, not self-induced idiocy.

So punctures, cables, levers, plus bodging kit. I’m not talking about high level diagnostics here, or roadside rebuilds. I’m assuming tubeless tires, though if you run tubed, you’re probably wanting all that old-fashioned stuff like levers, spare tube(s) and inflation device. You’ll also need to take the wheel out… Tubeless, get some external emergency plugs in a kit, and an inflator, and read the instructions. I’ve plugged a tyre on my old heap after picking up a nail in Calais, then gone to Italy and finally replaced the tyre, no problem. I’d also recommend one of those canisters with the white, foamy gunge inside – if you’re really stuck, they’re better than a long walk in the rain. Cables – in a perfect world we’d replace them before they break, as they’re usually pretty cheap. It’s nearly always the clutch cable, and if you think you can ride without the clutch, try it. A cable’s much easier. Then there’s spare clutch and brake levers. Brake, you can probably ride ‘around’ the loss in an emergency, but clutch, not so much. So carry a couple,because they weigh nothing and cost little. Bodging kit? Gaffa tape, zip ties, Araldite Rapid (you’d be amazed…), Loctite, RTV mastic, lecky tape and, for some of us, lockwire and pliers.

I was going to say what splendid articles there are in this issue, but I seem to have run out of space…

Ride Safe, ride often,