VIEW, Issue 54, 2020
www.viewdigital.org
Page 8
Confronting abuse Brian Pelan listens to 70-year-old Paul Smith’s story of alcoholism and sexual abuse and how he found peace in his life after he went to Drink Wise, Age Well meetings ur meeting took place in a small intimate counselling room in the offices of Addiction NI in Derry. Paul was well dressed and quietly spoken as he delivered his story about his struggle with alcohol addiction, sexual abuse and finding contentment. “I’m delighted to have reached 70 years of age. I grew up in the Republic of Ireland. There were four children in the family. We all went to university. I then went on to do post-graduate studies. I ended up working in finance. I loved my time in university but I hated school. It was not a good environment to be in. Paul told me how he was sexually abused by a staff member at the school. “It wasn’t a case of telling everyone. Everything was hush, hush. “I thought I had a lovely balance between my working life and my personal life. I was married in 1976. My wife has been my rock in life. We have two grownup children. “Music was always in the background of my life. I have a love for the Irish language and traditional music. During that time, drink played a fair bit in my life. “If you were at a music session it was quite natural to pick up a pint, and one pint would lead to another. I had some crazy weekends. “Eventually my past history of being abused started to catch up with me. I started to have a lot of flashbacks to being abused at school. I was also drinking more
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heavily – socially and at home. “I suffered a lot of pressure during this time in my life and I was also drinking a lot.” He went into an addiction treatment centre in 2000 and was told that he would have to deal with the fact that had been sexually abused. After a number of years pursuing his claim for damages, Paul managed to secure an apology and a financial settlement for the sexual abuse that he had suffered. After his case was settled he entered rehab again for his alcohol addiction problem. “My time in this place was wonderful because it got to the core of my problems and it helped me to understand the journey I had been through. My life was changed totally by my decision to seek addiction support. “My drinking had had a very negative impact on my family. They were very understanding though because they knew of the abuse that I had suffered. “I still drink from time to time, but the important thing is that I can now stop when I want. “I still feel that I need support though. I happened to be in the right place at the right time when Drink Wise, Age Well was established. “I connected with the programme, which was set up by Addiction NI, in September 2015. “I was one of the first to take part.
I’ve been with them ever since. “I have two sessions with them every week. We sit around and we discuss things. We talk about the present and the past is mainly left behind. “To be able to forgive myself was important as it helped me to deal with the past. This treatment has helped to make a much better future for me. “Turmoil is now absent from my life and I have much more contentment. “I had been a functioning alcoholic. A lot of times I wasn’t drinking in company. I was drinking quietly at home. “My wife taught me what unconditional love meant. I also had conversations with my children and explained to them what had happened to me in terms of being sexually abused at school. “The people who have guided me are the Drink Wise, Age Well team. “They have a loving and caring approach to addiction with an emphasis on the present. They have wonderful counsellors. It was life-changing for me to come into contact with them. “I depend on them greatly to help me keep my sanity. They have a 21st century approach to the massive problem in Ireland of addiction.”
• Paul’s real name has been changed to protect his identity.