The Pulse 9.20 » May 17-23, 2012 by Brewer Media Group

May 17-23, 2012

Free & Saucy!

IN SEARCH OF THE LEGENDARY

sauceburger

AN EPIC JOURNEY FROM EAST RIDGE TO BRAINERD Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

MUSIC

NIGHTFALL concert series RETURNS with strong lineup

ARTS

DEEP ‘MUD’

A POWERFUL NEW PRODUCTION FROM THEATER for THE NEW SOUTH

CLUB CAPTAINS new series profiles the people behind the clubs and venues who guide chattanooga’s live music scene

Since 2003

IN SEARCH OF THE LEGENDARY Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative ChattanoogaPulse.com • Facebook.com/ChattanoogaPulse

EDITORIAL Publisher Zachary Cooper Creative Director Bill Ramsey Contributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsny Chuck Crowder • Michael Crumb • John DeVore Randall Gray • Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib Paul Hatcher • Janis Hashe • Matt Jones • Chris Kelly D.E. Langley • Mike McJunkin • David Morton Ernie Paik • Alex Teach • Richard Winham Cartoonists Max Cannon • Richard Rice Tom Tomorrow Photography Jason Dunn • Josh Lang Lesha Patterson Interns Katie Johnston • Patrick Noland • Cole Rose

sauceburger »

HIGHLIGHTS

MAY 17-23, 2012 • vol. 9 no. 20

INSIDE sushi & biscuits It’s a burger ... with sauce. But to a generation, the sauceburger means so much more. See Page 18

ADVERTISING Sales Director Lysa Greer Account Executive Rick Leavell

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The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

On the cover: Mike Dougher • Lesha Patterson

FEATURE

Club Captains • Richard Winham profiles Mike Dougher of Rhythm & Brews, the first in a series on the people who guide Chattanooga’s live music scene. » 6 MUSIC

Nightfall Returns

• The 24th season of the downtown concert series opens with a strong lineup. By Richard Winham » 11

BREWER MEDIA GROUP President Jim Brewer II

arts

Deep ‘Mud’ • New production offers powerful, challenging evening of theatre. By Janis Hashe » 14

chattanoogapulse.com • MAY 17-23, 2012 • The Pulse • 3

BOWL

THE EVENTS

TALK OF THE NOOG chattanoogapulse.com • facebook/chattanoogapulsE SEND LETTERS TO: INFO@CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

Stay, Create Building creative collaboration in the Noog it wasn’t long ago that a creative professional in chattanooga had few employment options. If there was a vibe, there were few jobs and the compromise made the move to Nashville, Atlanta or farther away even more appetizing. Thankfully, that’s less true today, says Caleb Ludwick, a globetrotting writer and copywriter who moved back to Chattanooga after years away from the city. “When I moved back to Chattanooga in 2001, it was a fairly bleak scene for young writers,” he says. “There were some good agencies and some good corporate positions, but to a large degree the best option was to leave and pursue fortunes in bigger bergs. Eleven years later, things are very different. Amazing work is being

4 • The Pulse • MAY 17-23, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

done right here, more writers are involved in generating social good and impacting business than ever before.” Ludwick is not a native Chattanoogan, but his wife is, and the allure of the city drew the couple back. Today, Ludwick oversees 26 Tools, a branding firm that develops communications platforms,

strategies and tools that connect business with creativity. He is also the author of “The First Time She Fell,” a collection of short stories that includes illustrations and designs by current or former Chattanooga artists published earlier this year and profiled by The Pulse in February. Ludwick is also seeking to unify the Chattanooga creative community—or at least get most of them together in one room on a routine basis. “There still isn’t a lot of collaboration between writers as a group,” he says. “As someone who has built a career on teaming up with social entrepreneurs, VPs and CEOs, other writers and especially graphic designers, I’d love to see Chattanooga’s best brand thinkers get together more often.” To that end, Ludwick is speaking on Thursday, May 17, at Gaining Ground, 55 E. Main St., as the guest of the local chapter of the American Institute for Graphic Arts. During his free talk, “Why I’ve Stayed in Chattanooga,” which begins with a beer-aided mixer at 5:30 p.m., Ludwick will share his own advice, philosophy and story with designers and writers. After his presentation, he’ll host an openended discussion with participants. “I’m hoping for some open dialogue about how we, as creatives, can push each other to better work—even when we’re competing for jobs,” he says. Writers and designers are the twin engines that fuel creative projects in both the public and private sectors, and Ludwick is perhaps the perfect instigator. His topics range from the whimsical to the practical, and he’ll also explain why he turned down two Leadership Chattanooga nominations and a Yale graduate program, all in one half of an hour. There is little to lose and much to gain from this event. As Ludwick points out, there was once little to meet about in Chattanooga. In a growing creative community, sharing experience and ideas benefits everyone and the opportunity for like minds to interact trumps competition and may even bring financial rewards through collaboration. If you are a creative professional in Chattanooga, we encourage you to take part in this intriguing event. —Bill Ramsey

On the Beat

alex teach

The Best We Can Do? i was going to write a bit on the hamilton county sheriff’s office this week, but in a rare fit of problems I normally consider “good to have,” I don’t know where to start. Let’s start with the light stuff, in which Sheriff Jim Hammond literally sued his own men “to prevent a trend of having to equalize pay for everyone.” (Insert awkward pause here.) I have my usual research in front of me to flesh this out a bit with dates and details, but what more do I really need to say? He took this to the State Supreme Court on May 3. Just three days earlier, on April 30, in a separate issue, Hamilton County Assistant District Attorney Steve Smith filed a motion in Sessions Court to reinstate a case against one Lonnie Hood, who had charges stemming from a traffic stop and arrest for resisting arrest and disorderly conduct. Why do I bring this up, you ask? During the stop that led to Hood’s New Year’s Eve arrest, the arresting officer was given the CLASSIC speech of “Do You Have Any Idea Who I Am?” by Hood. This did not have the desired effect (which is generally the case, if you were wondering), but unlike others, when Hood arrived at the jail, the (literally) self-proclaimed “Top Cop” in Hamilton County personally called the jail he oversees to have this man give him a call. Shortly thereafter, the sheriff calls on-duty Magistrate Sharetta Smith asking that she allow Hood to be released without having to make a bond (known as “Own Recognizance”). Like the arresting officer,

I believe she smelled the home cooking and gave him $2,000 in bonds like she would anyone else that didn’t have the sheriff intervene on their behalf. Hood goes on to court and is found guilty by Sessions Court Judge Clarence Shattuck, who gives him seven days of community service as a sentence (the same as any other citizen). And, unlike any other names he could produce, the Constitutional Officer again steps in and asks Hood to spend those seven days in the actual sheriff’s department buildings doing work for him. Why is all this pertinent? Because Lonnie Hood was federally indicted on Dec. 9, 1997, for charges that included distribution of steroids, smuggling tobacco, jury tampering, escape efforts, transfer of counterfeit money, money laundering (to the tune of $1 million), obstruction of justice, intimidation of witnesses, perjury and tax offenses—all while working for Hammond since 1991. Besides serving fiveand-one-half years in prison, Hood also forfeited more than $250,000 in assets that were ultimately (and ironically) dispersed amongst the Hamilton

County Sheriff’s Office and both the Chattanooga and Red Bank Police Departments. (Betcha’ forgot that part, guys.) I’m spelling this out to show that this was no “aberrant behavior,” dear readers. And finally, when Hammond expressed towards disappointment in this in 1998, Hood had the audacity to retort, “All I can say is a man who lives in a glass house should not throw stones … I’m sure you can figure out what I mean. That’s all I am going to say about it for now.” So what does the Constitutional Officer do? He has this same man work on his 2008 election campaign and gives him the hookup during his recent arrest. Suspicious yet? My point is this: The sole reason Jim Hammond is sheriff is because his predecessor (Billy Long) is sitting in a federal prison for, among other things, corruption in the vein of extortion, drug dealing and associating with felons. Sound familiar? This is our sheriff—the best we can do. And rather than operate differently, he suggested we express our concerns with our votes. Speaking as a trained investigator and a citizen, I have to agree. Do you? Alex Teach is a fulltime police officer of nearly 20 years experience. The opinions expressed are his own. Follow him on Facebook at facebook. com/alex.teach.

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Club Captains Rhythm & Brews’

Mike Dougher Our series of profiles on the people behind Chattanooga’s music scene begins with Mike Dougher of Rhythm & Brews, who says, “A lot of people don’t understand why we book what we book, whether it’s an ’80s cover band or … you know, I’ve heard all those songs enough, but it’s fun. We’re not selling anything but fun.’ But those fun bands also allow Dougher to book such acts as the California Guitar Trio, where the ‘odds of doing well are probably slim,’ he says, ‘but it’s important to do. It’s important to bring to the city.’ Profile by Richard Winham • Photo by Lesha Patterson

e’re not sure what the exact formula is, but we figure it goes something like this: For every dozen or so tribute bands and party acts he books at Rhythm & Brews, Mike Dougher, the impresario behind the curtain at the popular downtown club, can afford to book a group or performer of musical significance that may not exactly net the club a full till. Most recently, Dougher has brought such bands as Trigger Hippy, featuring Joan Osborne as well as other well-regarded musicians who complete the “super group,” to town. And while Osborne had to bow out at the last minute to perform at the funeral services of the late Levon Helm (a circumstance that was highly excusable, even while we were very much looking forward to seeing her), the band played on and is an example of Dougher’s booking philosophy. The man who brought some significant acts to Chattanooga at the late Sand Bar prior to the development of the downtown music scene continues to bring a selection of excellent bands and performers to Rhythm & Brews in between large blocks of high-quality cover bands which, it must

6 • The Pulse • MAY 17-23, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

be said, offer a really great time for those simply out to dance and party. Dougher is unapologetic, and rightly so. He might rather be booking the type of bands that routinely play JJ’s Bohemia, but then again, he understands his demographic. With this profile, Pulse music columnist Richard Winham embarks on a series of interviews with Chattanooga’s “Club Captains,” the owners and managers who book the bands that fuel the city’s club music scene. That scene can be basically defined by four downtown nightclubs— Rhythm & Brews, the live-music instigator of a revived downtown; JJ’s Bohemia, the CBGB of Chattanooga where one can often see up-and-coming bands before they break; Track 29, the new powerhouse venue bringing an eclectic slate of emerging acts and hot new bands to town; and The Honest Pint, the Irish pub that routinely brings intriguing and uncommon acts to these parts. Beginning this week with Dougher, these profiles are intended as a behind-the-scenes look at the venues and how and why the owners and managers select the acts they choose to rock the Scenic City. —The Editors

the dave matthews band was the most popular touring act in the first 10 years of this century, grossing well over $500 million. But earlier in their career when they came to play in Chattanooga for the first time, they made $500. On April Fools Day in 1994, the band played for fewer than 100 people in the basement of The Sand Bar. It was six months before the release of their first album for RCA, Remember Two Things, an album they had released on their own Bama Rags label that had been getting heavy airplay on college radio

stations. Getting DMB at that point was a major coup for Mike Dougher, who had been booking bands into the tiny riverside restaurant for a couple of years at that point, and it was the first of many musical victories he has scored in Chattanooga. But it might never have happened had Dougher’s friends not finally talked him into joining them in running the restaurant. Born in New York, Dougher moved to Chattanooga in the late 1960s to attend UTC. After graduation he went to work for a prep school in Nashville as a social worker, where he loved his job. “It was wonderful,” he recalled. “I learned a lot about what life is like out there for kids.” But while he may have been hired as a social worker, Dougher spent much of his time acting as the school’s social director. “I was always the guy who wanted to set up the music for the party,” he said. Dougher moved back to Chattanooga in 1988, but he’d just gotten married and had no interest in working in a restaurant. Friends kept asking, and eventually he relented. But it wasn’t long before his first love and talent for booking entertainment resurfaced, and he began pressing the owners of The Sand Bar to add music to the menu. “I said, ‘If you’ll let me play a little bit, I might could expand what we do.’ I didn’t really know what I was doing, but I listened to everybody that came in, what kind of music they liked. Eventually, I sorta figured it out.” Dougher found his dream job at just the right time. He remembers it as a “great time for music … the early ’90s in the South.” He approached the job from the perspective of a fan and for a long time he had the freedom to remain one without worrying about the bottom line. Operating a tiny budget, he booked many young bands just before they broke. He wasn’t making a lot of money, but he and other music fans frequenting the place were having a great time. “The first show we did with Hootie and the Blowfish, there were maybe 30 people there,” he recalled. “It was the only show I ever did for free.” True, but several successive shows sold out as word spread. Dougher went on to introduce local audiences to dozens of great bands, including Medeski, Martin and Wood, Gov’t Mule, The North Mississippi Allstars, Left-

over Salmon and a very young Derek Trucks. “He was 14, and his parents would come up with him,” Dougher said. Between sets, Trucks and Dougher traded baseball cards. For Dougher, the ’90s were a dream decade. “I used to say at The Sand Bar that I was there to introduce people to new genres of music, new bands—saying, ‘Just trust me, this’ll be cool!’— and for the most part it worked out pretty well.” When The Sand Bar closed, Dougher moved downtown and tried to do the same thing at a new club called Rhythm & Brews. “But it just wouldn’t work,” he said. “I mean, I tried, but it’s just different. The building is different. Big River owns us, prices are a little higher, parking— everything about it was different.” Being a fan is fun, but Dougher found being a businessman more challenging. While The Sand Bar acted as a small-scale champion of up-andcoming bands, the diversity of the audience downtown demanded a more democratic approach that includes an emphasis on the familiar. Enter cover bands and tribute acts. “A lot of people don’t understand why we book what we book, whether it’s an ’80s cover band or … you know, I’ve heard all those songs enough, but it’s fun. We’re not selling anything but fun. We’re not pretending to be anything other than a place that you can come and have a great time—and they have a great time.” Dougher may bow to the bottom line more often these days, but he’s still very much a fan. And if the club is better known as a haven for tribute and party bands, the success of these acts allows Dougher to take chances with others he finds artistically important. “If we sell out with a particular act (a cover band), it affords me the opportunity to bring in Ritchie Havens or California Guitar Trio, or something like that where the odds of doing well are probably slim, but it’s important to do. It’s important to bring to the city.” The California Guitar Trio drew 50 or 60 people to the club for a return appearance a few weeks ago. But for Dougher, it was “probably the best night of the year. It was amazing.” Coming next in the Club Captains series: Adam Kinsey and the rise of Track 29.

chattanoogapulse.com • MAY 17-23, 2012 • The Pulse • 7

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8 • The Pulse • MAY 17-23, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

LIST

THE CALENDAR

may 17-23

vacation?

THESE UNITED STATES TUE 05.22 • “Novelistic songs packed with dense narratives and loose, ragged-edged folk, rock and Americana,” says NPR. Opening for The Heartless Bastards. 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com

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THU05.17 MUSIC The Rough & Tumble • Folk, indie-rock from Nashville. 9 p.m. • The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy. • (423) 468-4192 thehonestpint.com

EVENT Lookouts Home Game • Chattanooga vs. Huntsville Stars. 7:15 p.m. • AT&T Field • 201 Power Alley (423) 267-2208 • lookouts.com

FRI05.18 MUSIC Cusses

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• Big beat, indie-rock from Savannah. See Sound Check, Page 13. 8 p.m. • JJ’s Bohemia 231 E MLK Blvd. • (423) 266-1400

EVENT Heartwood Music Festival • Four-day music festival in South Pittsburgh. 6 p.m. • 8700 Battlecreek Road South Pittsburgh heartwoodbattleofthebandsandfest.com

SAT05.19 MUSIC Space Capone • Funk, R&B, soul from Nashville. 10 p.m. • Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. • (423) 267- 4644 rhythm-brews.com

EVENT Richie Holliday • Laid-back, quirky stand-up comedian. 10:30 p.m. • Vaudeville Café 138 Market St. • (423) 517-1839 funnydinner.com

Rock the Bluff

he Hunter Museum turns Hard Rock Cafe this week. Well, sort of. The museum is hosting “Rock the Bluff: A Sound and Vision Party” to celebrate its new exhibition, “Sound and Vision: Monumental Rock and Roll Photography,” featured last week in The Pulse. The party kicks off at 7 p.m. with food, drinks and music provided by the Nim Nims, and the

museum is even encouraging you to wear your favorite rock ‘n’ roll T-shirt, surely a first for an art museum, proving the Hunter likes to party when the time is right. Besides the party, of course, you can also tour the exhibit, a stunning collection of rock photography that loosely follows the music’s history, with images from some of the best photographers in the business,

including the portrait of David Bowie (above) by Mick Rock. Organized by The Columbus Museum in Georgia, the exhibit continues at the Hunter through Aug. 12. Rock the Bluff: A Sound and Vision Party $25/$30 • 7 p.m. Friday, May 18 Hunter Museum 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org

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Between the Sleeves ERNIE PAIK musician and recording engineer Steve Albini once wrote, “The male-female relationship, as a subject for song, is thoroughly bankrupt,” and indeed it’s hard to defend the dire state of popular-song lyric writing today. So, it’s refreshing to encounter a band that actually strives Grass Widow to distinguish itself Internal Logic by being a bit on (HLR) the oblique side and not going into well-trod lyrical territory, such as the San Francisco trio Grass Widow. Its name, which is a term for an abandoned wife, also represents something that is not in plain sight, and the title of the group’s latest album, Internal Logic, refers to a line of reasoning that makes sense to one person but does not to any outsiders. Fans of Grass Widow’s previous efforts will likely enjoy Internal Logic also, although it’s a tad more difficult to decrypt, with a sonic mix that does not always clearly distinguish the lyrics. As before, the outfit employs a perky, tight, upbeat pop style that seems to draw from ’90s influences and a little bit of late-’70s post-punk attitudes. Grass Widow has an economy of sound, with hardly a wasted note, and guitarist Raven Mahon tends to pluck single notes, rather than going strumhappy, to mark her path. However, on tracks like “Under the Atmosphere” and “Milo Minute,” Mahon meanders in an ear-catching way for non-modal jaunts that defy expectations. Bassist Hannah Lew carries a similar energy but with more structured note patterns, and drummer Lillian Maring completes the sound-mesh with insistent, spirited beats, clearly coming from a self-taught performing background. All three women are singers, and perhaps the most immediately charming aspect of the group is the choirgirl-esque harmonizing. In enigmatic form, Internal Logic has musical punctuation, beginning with out-of-context electronics, ending with the solo piano piece “Response to Photographers,” and featuring a nylonstringed solo guitar piece right in the center; it might not make sense, but that’s not necessary. Read more reviews by Ernie Paik online at chattanoogapulse.com.

10 • The Pulse • MAY 17-23, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

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Nightfall Returns nightfall is back! despite its relatively paltry budget, Chattanooga’s free summer music series at Miller Plaza has for 23 years brought bands of the caliber of Nickel Creek and Bela Fleck and the Flecktones (just before both broke wide open), as well as stellar musicians like Richard Thompson, Buddy Miller, Loudon Wainwright III, the legendary Latin pianist Eddie Palmieri and dozens of others to town who might otherwise never have played in Chattanooga. Many of the acts on this year’s schedule are young, still relatively unknown bands building a buzz. The opening show last Friday, for example, featured Alexis P. Suter, a young, Brooklyn-born, bluesrock-soul musician who caught a big break several years ago when the celebrated drummer, Levon Helm, began featuring her along with her band at his Midnight Rambles. This week (Friday, May 18) the headliner is Seven Handle Circus, a seven-instrument band from Athens, Ga., that features the mandolin, violin and guitar—but isn’t exactly a bluegrass group. Asked to describe the band’s music, guitarist Shawn Spencer told an interviewer on WABE, Atlanta’s NPR station, “We tend to have the energy of rock, modern music and rap ... We actually throw in rap songs pretty frequently.” In the past year, they’ve shared a stage with rappers T-Pain and Yung Joc and they opened for

Mumford and Sons, who were apparently so impressed after hearing them in a restaurant that they invited them to play their opening act at the Fox Theatre earlier this year. Listening to the songs on their just-released, six-song EP, Whiskey Stills and Sleeping Pills, it’s easy to understand the Mumford boys’ enthusiasm. The band’s music has the breathless energy and effortless melodicism that makes many of the songs on the Mumford’s first album so memorable. It’s folk music played and paced like pop, but with the drive and energy of a rock band. They’ll be followed on Friday,

er! Bigger is Bett

Clockwise from top: Seven Handle Circus, Honey Island Swamp Band and Elliott Brood.

May 25, by Elliott Brood, a threepiece band from Toronto. Like 7HC, the band is steeped in folk music, but they approach their Seeger-ish songs the way The Police played reggae: as a springboard for a stomping, punky pop/ rock and folk that mixes The Byrds airy harmonies with the high-energy thump of Springsteen’s Seeger Sessions Band. Mark Sasso is the band’s singer and guitarist. His partners are Casey LaForet and Stephen Pitkin, who

used a suitcase for a snare until that proved (perhaps predictably) impractical. LaForet uses a foot pedal that makes his acoustic guitar sound like an electric guitar. A number of videos on You Tube show Sasso exhorting the crowd to join the band in a raucously enthusiastic sing-along. Miller Plaza will likely ring with upraised voices that night. The first show in June (Friday, June 1) will be the last before the series takes a short break for Riverbend. Featuring the Honey Island Swamp Band from New Orleans, it promises to be the one of the best of the year. The band coalesced around singers and guitarists Chris Mule and Aaron

Wilkinson, who also plays mandolin. Marooned in San Francisco following Hurricane Katrina, the two musicians decided to put a band together after meeting up with two other evacuees, bassist Sam Price and drummer Garland Paul. They all knew each other from New Orleans, and almost as soon as they began playing together they were offered a regular Sunday night gig at a club called The Boom Boom Room. They were a hit, and a local engineer offered to help them make a record. The resulting seven-song EP was so well received that they stayed together after moving back to New Orleans in 2007. After organist Trevor Brooks joined the band in 2010, they began working on their most recent album, Good To You, which became a big hit in their hometown thanks to regular airplay on WWOZ. Their music is a mash-up of 1960s and ’70s sounds, including the rootsy blues of Beggars Banquet-era Stones, the chattering conga-driven pop rock of the early Doobie Brothers, and the swampy funk of vintage Little Feat. It’s a sound that’s both familiar and fresh from a band that will likely join that pantheon of performers who’ve made Nightfall a music lover’s delight for nearly a quarter of a century. Richard Winham is the host and producer of WUTC-FM’s afternoon music program and has observed the Chattanooga music scene for more than 25 years.

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chattanoogapulse.com • MAY 17-23, 2012 • The Pulse • 11

Music

CHATTANOOGA LIVE

Thu 05.17

Wednesday • May 16

Woodford Sessions • Bearhound Hudson K

Thursday • May 17

Sweet GA Brown • Leticia Wolf Royal Hounds • Stephen Simmmons Longshot Saints

Friday • May 18 Cusses

Saturday • May 19

Black Betty • Deep Sleeze • Voltage Cut

Tuesday • May 22

Guilty Pleasures Dance Party

Wednesday • May 23

Endelouze • Two Bit Charlie Blackfoot Gypsies

Thursday • May 24

Pierced Arrows • Don’t • Future Virgins Possible Side Effects

LIVE MUSIC

Pierre Bensusan 7:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.org Sweet n Low Band 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Road (423) 499-5055 thepalmsathamilton.com Stephen Simmons, Leticia Wolf, Sweet GA Brown, Royal Hounds, Longshot Saints 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400 The Rough & Tumble, Long Gone Darlings 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192 thehonestpint.com Sunny Ledfurd 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com

FRI 05.18

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221 MARKET STREET

HOT MUSIC • FINE BEER • GREAT FOOD BUY TICKETS ONLINE • RHYTHM-BREWS.COM 12 • The Pulse • MAY 17-23, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

Seven Handle Circus, Dismembered Tennesseans 7 p.m. NightFall Music Series, River City Stage at Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. nightfallchattanooga.com Hannah Thomas 10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260 Cusses 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400 The FOG 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Drive, Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 ringgoldacoustic.com Mark Holder 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Soul Survivor 9 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956

sugarsribs.com Yacht Rock Schooner 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Bruce Chastain Band 10 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533 skyzoochattanooga.com. Bounty Hunter Band 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road (423) 499-9878 budssportsbar.com Stokeswood 10 p.m. Raw Restaurant & Nightclub, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919

SAT 05.19 Rock The Red Shield Concert 1 p.m. Coolidge Park, 150 River St. (423) 756-1023 Manifest 8 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081 thecamphouse.com Queen B & The Well-Strung Band 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Drive, Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 ringgoldacoustic.com Adam Klein and The Wild Fires 10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260 Hara Piper, Jenny Clower 8 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Black Betty, Deep Sleeze, Voltage Cut 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400 Soul Survivor 9 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 sugarsribs.com Gabe Newell and Muddy Soul 10 p.m. T-Bones,

1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240 tboneschattanooga.com Space Capone, Soul Mechanic 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Bounty Hunter Band 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road (423) 499-9878 budssportsbar.com Stevie Monce 10 p.m. Raw Restaurant & Nightclub, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919

SUN 05.20 Animal Liberation Orchestra 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Tommy Jett Reunion 1 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 sugarsribs.com

mon 05.21 Chattanooga All-Star Band 7 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 sugarsribs.com Joshua Powell & The Great Train Robbery 7 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081 thecamphouse.com

tue 05.22 Guilty Pleasures Dance Party 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400 The Heartless Bastards, These United States 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com

WED 05.23 Roger Alan Wade 7:30 p.m. Sugar’s

Sound Check

901 Carter St (Inside Days Inn) 423-634-9191

PREVIEWS

FRI05.18

The Cusses

• The Cusses are a three-piece band hailing from Savannah, Ga., featuring Angel Bond on vocals, Bryan Harder on guitar and Brian Lackey behind the drums. With guitar-driven hooks and Bonds’s powerful, engaging voice, the Cusses have enough energy to fill a

Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 sugarsribs.com Strung Like a Horse, Lacy Jo and The Accidental Circus 6:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.org Prime Cut Trio 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Road (423) 499-5055

BETTER SOUND FASTER

stadium. The sound is unique in the musical landscape of the moment and it’s easy to imagine them getting some deserved attention with the brand of soaring rock ‘n’ roll they’re playing. Live shows confirm their chops and impeccable sound. Check out the band’s new single (and video), “Worst Enemy,” which is gaining momentum with regular spins as an MTV Video Pick. Overheard quote from their last appearance in Chattanooga: “Holy fuck! They’re awesome.” —Zachary Cooper 10 p.m. • JJ’s Bohemia 231 MLK Blvd. • (423) 266-1400

thepalmsathamilton.com Endelouze, Two Bit Charlie, Blackfoot Gypsies 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400 Roxy Randall 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road (423) 499-9878 budssportsbar.com House of the Rising Funk, The Velvet Hand 9 p.m. The Honest

Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192 thehonestpint.com Grayson Capps 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com

Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send live music listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@ chattanoogapulse.com.

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Live Music

Party after Nightfall! Friday • May 18 • 10pm

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chattanoogapulse.com • MAY 17-23, 2012 • The Pulse • 13

Arts

THEATRE

Some of Us Are Looking at the Starfish By Janis Hashe mae, stumbling over the words at first, but increasingly confident, reads aloud about starfish, which cannot see but can sense both light and dark, and hermit crabs, which sometimes are forced out of the “homes” they carry on their backs. Both are apt metaphors in Maria Irene Fornes’ 1983 play “Mud,” currently being given an atmospheric and powerful production by the Theater for the New South. Cuban-American playwright Fornes, much more widely known in the theatre community than to the general public, is uninterested in linear storytelling. “Mud,” subtitled “A Play in 17 Scenes,” is experienced more as if the viewer is flashing in and out of the three characters’ bleak lives. Mae and Lloyd are living together in squalor in an unnamed place, which appears to be a farm, but from many references to a school, clinic and pharmacy, is close to a town of some kind. Lloyd is suffering acutely from something that causes both constant pain and impotence, but refuses to go to the clinic, so Mae goes alone, and returns not just with a pamphlet she cannot read (“It’s advanced and I am only intermediate,” she says), but with

Whitney Turner stars as Mae in “Mud.”

‘Mud’ is a challenging and powerful new production from Theater for the New South. Henry, who reads better than she does but without much comprehension. Mae, infatuated with what she perceives as his light into a higher life, invites him to

Nightfall. Southern Burger Co. Magical. Southern Burger Co. Food Truck at Nightfall every Friday! 14 • The Pulse • MAY 17-23, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

move in, kicking Lloyd out onto a blanket on the floor. Fornes, now 82, has always been fascinated by the societal traps women that women face. Unblinkingly feminist, in “Mud” she shows us a woman struggling to better herself, only to be drawn back into the slime by the two men who need and use her. Subtlety is not the point here: Violent, animalistic, anti-intellectual Lloyd is also strong and a survivor; pseudo-sophisticated Henry seems to promise hope and “grace,” only to deliver dishonesty and disgust.

But the play is enhanced by the deftness of this production. Audiences look down into what appears to be a dank pit, in which the characters are enclosed. Eerie original music in between scenes is by the extraordinary Tim Hinck, and occasional noise from the actual streets outside only adds to the ambient disconnect … where are these people? The lighting, by necessity very simple, is starkly appropriate. Director Blake Harris has allowed the material to speak for itself, and encouraged perfor-

mances from his three actors that provide detail without veering into cartoon. Jeff Atkins as Henry enters oozing oily confidence, and his devolution into sluglike smarminess after his “accident” is both repellent and compelling. As Mae, Whitney Turner shows us a woman who sees her life only too clearly. We care about Mae, root for her and are touched by her, even as we know she won’t succeed in emerging from the mud. Matt Johnson’s visceral performance as Lloyd is perhaps the strongest of the three. We can smell this man as he leaps about his cage like an ape. “Mud” is not the production for those who want only a light evening of diversion at the theatre, but it’s yet another example of how Chattanooga’s theatre scene is evolving and diversifying. “Mud” was first presented at Southern California’s Padua Hills Playwrights Festival, which has fostered the talent of some of the West Coast’s most innovative voices. Bravo to the Theater for the New South for this challenging choice. “Mud” $10 • 8 p.m. • May 17-20 Collective Clothing Warehouse 4015 Tennessee Ave. Facebook.com/ theaterforthenewsouth

Arts & Entertainment Thu 05.17 “Mud” 8 p.m. Collective Clothing Warehouse, 4015 Tennessee Ave. Facebook.com/ theatreforthenewsouth Fireside Nights 6 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Road (706) 820-2531 seerockcity.com Bicycle Maintenance Clinic: All About Brakes 6 p.m. Outdoor Chattanooga, 200 River St. (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com Seafood Dinner at Greenlife 6 p.m. Greenlife Grocery, 301 Manufacturers Road (423) 702-7300 tnaqua.org Sound and Vision: A Photographer’s View 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View (423) 266-0944 huntermuseum.org Artist’s Talk With Charlotte Riley-Webb 6 p.m. Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. Martin Luther King Blvd. (423) 266-8658 bessiesmithcc.org Photographic Society of Chattanooga Meeting with Larry Perry 7 p.m. St. John United Methodist Church, 3921 Murray Hills Dr.

CALENDAR

(423) 344-5643 chattanoogaphoto.org Lookouts vs. Huntsville 7:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley (423) 267-2208 lookouts.com Pierre Bensusan 7:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.org

fri 05.18 “Mud” 8 p.m. Collective Clothing Warehouse, 4015 Tennessee Ave. Facebook.com/ theatreforthenewsouth Fresh on Fridays 11 a.m. River City Company, 850 Market St. (423) 265-3700 rivercitycompany.com Nickajack Bat Cave Kayak Trip 7 p.m. Nickajack Lake Bat Cave, New Hope (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com Nightfall Concert Series 7 p.m. Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-0771 nightfallchattanooga.com Rock the Bluff: Sound and Vision 7 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View (423) 266-0944 huntermuseum.org Lookouts vs. Huntsville

7:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley (423) 267-2208 lookouts.com “Stellaluna” 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com “A Doll’s House” 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141 ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com Richie Holliday 9:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839 funnydinner.com Landry 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

SAT 05.19 “Mud” 8 p.m. Collective Clothing Warehouse, 4015 Tennessee Ave. Facebook.com/ theatreforthenewsouth Tour de Cure Chattanooga 6 a.m. First Tennessee Pavilion, 1801 Carter St. (865) 524-7868 diabetes.org/tour 5th Annual Children’s Hospital Dragon Boat Festival

8:30 a.m. Chattanooga Riverfront, Riverfront Pkwy. (877) 580-7223 chatt.racedragonboats.com Battlefield Bicycle Tour 9:30 a.m. Chickamauga Battlefield, 3370 Lafayette Road (706) 866-9241 chickchatt.org Super Snakes 10 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 262-0695 tnaqua.org River Market 10 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad St. (423) 402-9960 chattanoogamarket.com Art til Dark Noon. Winder Binder Gallery & Bookstore, 40 Frazier Ave. (423) 413-8999 winderbinder.wordpress.com Rock The Red Shield 1 p.m. Coolidge Park, 150 River St. (423) 756-1023 csarmy.org “A Doll’s House” 2 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141 ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com “Stellaluna” 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com

SUMMER

GUIDE MAY 24

“She’s Fabulous, But She’s Evil” by Kelli Vance

chattanoogapulse.com • MAY 17-23, 2012 • The Pulse • 15

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Movie Day! 2:30 p.m. The Public LibraryEastgate Branch, 5705 Marlin Road Ste. 1500 (423) 757-5310 lib.chattanooga.gov Spirits In The Wild 7 p.m. Chattanooga Zoo, 301 N. Holtzclaw Ave. (423) 697-1322 chattzoo.org Lookouts vs. Huntsville 7:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley (423) 267-2208 lookouts.com Landry 7:30 p.m./10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com A Night to Remember: 25th Anniversary Fundraising Gala 8 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. (423) 463-0687 anighttoremember.org Richie Holliday 10:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839 funnydinner.com

SUN 05.20 “Mud” 8 p.m. Collective Clothing Warehouse, 4015 Tennessee Ave. Facebook.com/ theatreforthenewsouth Day Out With Thomas 9 a.m. Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum, 4119 Cromwell Road

(423) 894-8028 tvrail.com Strawberry Festival 11 a.m. Chattanooga Market, 5711 Ooltewah Ringgold Road (423) 402-9960 chattanoogamarket.com Lookouts vs. Huntsville 2:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley (423) 267-2208 lookouts.com “Stellaluna” 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com “A Doll’s House” 6:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141 ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com Landry 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

mon 05.21 “Two Winters in a Tipi” An Evening with Mark Warren 6 p.m. Outdoor Chattanooga, 200 River St. (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com Lookouts vs. Huntsville 7:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley (423) 267-2208 lookouts.com

TUE 05.22 Launch Party for

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16 • The Pulse • MAY 17-23, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

new Sequatchie Cove Cheeses 5:30 p.m. 212 Market Restaurant, 212 Market St. (423) 265-1212 212market.com Classic Literature Book Club 6 p.m. Pasha Coffee & Tea, 3914 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 475-5482 pashacoffeehouse.com

wed 05.23 Main Street Farmer’s Market 4 p.m. 325 E. Main St. mainstfarmersmarket.com Wine Wednesdays 5 p.m. Back Inn Café, 412 East 2nd St. (423) 265-5033 bluffviewartdistrict.com 2012 Big Orange Caravan-Hamilton Co. UT Alumni Chapter 5:30 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. (423) 756-0001 chattanoogaconventioncenter.org “Kaddish for a Friend” Jewish Film Series Film #1 7 p.m. Jewish Federation of Greater Chattanooga, 5461 N. Terrace Road (423) 493-0270 jewishchattanooga.com

Map these locations on chattanoogapulse. com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@ chattanoogapulse.com.

WGC

Screen

GRAND OPENING CELEBRATION

JOHN DEVORE

Slasher with Style the teenage slasher genre has been terrible for a long time. but it must make a good amount of money, because by my count there are: 14 “Friday the 13th” films, 12 “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” films, nine “Saw” films, six “Nightmare on Elm Street” films, and five “Final Destination” films. All of these movies have essentially the same plot and purpose. Only the villains and names of dead teenagers are different. They have even been parodied to an excessive degree. Wes Craven’s “Scream” picked the genre apart, introducing mainstream audiences to the various rules and conventions before finally falling victim to its own mockery by making four sequels. It takes a special talent to breathe life into such a thoroughly massacred style. Enter the writing team of Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard, who seem to have a strong love/hate relationship with the genre. In “The Cabin in the Woods,” the duo take the conventions of the slasher movie, give elaborate, nonsensical reasons for them, and in the process create a genuinely engaging film-going experience. The premise of the film centers on a secretive government agency, an agency with massive underground facilities around the world, which entices the youth of the world to isolated locations in order to eliminate them one by one using various supernatural forces. The American team, led by the wonderful Bradley Whitford and my favorite “that guy” actor Richard Jenkins, is in charge of this year’s murder. Our teenagers are the normal stereotypes, carefully selected by the team. The narrative is told from both perspectives. We see the action as it happens to

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Fran Kranz stars in “The Cabin in the Woods.”

the young victims, and we see the behind the scenes manipulations by the organization. The filmmakers do a good job of both creating and relieving tension. Most audiences have seen enough slasher movies that they detach themselves from the characters at the onset of the film. The filmmakers encourage this detachment by showing the deaths as routine within the agency, freeing the audience to look at the genre from a new perspective. This clean, voyeuristic perspective allows for a more aloof deconstruction of the style than films like “Scream.” It gives the filmmakers a strong foothold for dark humor and sardonic wit while maintaining the gory, “jump

out and grab you” types of scares the genre is known for. “The Cabin in the Woods” is meant to both take slasher films to task for unoriginality and show a genuine love for the genre itself. It includes reference upon reference upon reference to the titans in the genre—the filmmakers know their subject matter well. It may be a bit too meta for some audience members, but with such a pervasive and overdone style, a film with this much self awareness is an enormous amount of fun. John DeVore will appear on Channel 12 WDEF-TV’s “Prime News at 7” on May 16, 23 and 30 to discuss upcoming summer movies. chattanoogapulse.com • MAY 17-23, 2012 • The Pulse • 17

Sushi & Biscuits

MIKE MCJUNKIN

In Search of the Legendary Sauceburger what do you think of when you hear “sauceburger”? If you’re under the age of 35, the word sauceburger probably just sounds like some drunken EpicMealTime escapade. But if you remember the legend that was The Burger House in East Ridge, the sauceburger is synonymous with a beautifully simple, but simply delicious hamburger in a plain white wrapper. For a pre-teen boy in the early 1970s, a trip to The Burger House was like a visit to Willy Wonka’s burger factory. Shiny metal machines with slow-moving conveyor belts periodically pumped out wondrous delights. Steam rose from vats of bubbling brews and wondrous smells teased my cravings like Augustus Gloop at the Chocolate River. A man in a white paper hat would drop burgers onto one conveyor belt of the Insta-Broiler machine and the buns onto another. Time would stand still while I waited for the burgers to emerge from the other side and take a ride down their own little super slide into a pan of that legendary secret sauce. The sauce-covered patties were then slipped between the toasted buns and tucked into their own individual white sacks before being slid across the top of the broiler and bagged up to go. Once inside my parent’s wood-paneled Caprice station wagon, I would ceremoniously slide the burger out of its wrapper and take in the moment like I had just unhooked

honest music

The SkyZoo Sauceburger

my first bra. The memories of those trips to The Burger House are special for me, my family and countless others who visited this legendary burger joint over the decades. The Burger House was one of the original Burger King franchises opened in the late 1950s on Ringgold Road that changed its

name to The Burger House in the early ’70s due to a split with the growing fast food giant. Through the 1980s and into the 1990s, the restaurant went through a few ownership changes before closing its doors for the final time. The building is still there, but it’s now a Dominos Pizza outlet. The french-fry eating squirrels that patrolled the parking lot are gone, as are the hair-netted ladies, both giving way to ambivalent teenagers making cheap pizza. But the saga of the sauceburger’s long, strange trip is definitely not over. This is clearly evident when you look at the “Bring Back the Burger House” Facebook group, where more than 1,200 Burger House sauce-freaks are still jonesing for the sauceburger monkey still on their tongues. Their consistent, clarion call to bring back the sauceburger has been answered, but in a most unexpected way. David Spivey, the somewhat eccentric son of original Burger House owner Jack Spivey, teamed up with Matt Kerley to serve up sauceburgers for a mere $1 each at SkyZoo bar. If you‘re unfamiliar with SkyZoo, it’s the nightclub/tramp-stamp magnet on Brainerd Road in the old Red Lobster restaurant, an unholy marriage of the one-time king of middle-class dining and biker bar. It’s not the first place you would expect to find a clas-

The Burger House in East Ridge, Home of the Legendary Sauceburger.

sic like the sauceburger, but if you like your sauceburger with a shot of Jaeger and a game of pool, the kitchen is clean and the sauceburgers are pretty close to what I remember. But when any beloved classic attempts a comeback, there are detractors. Some have said that the SkyZoo sauceburgers aren’t the same as the originals, and unfortunately I would have to agree; they are not exactly the same. But they are really close and they are really good and I will eat them every chance I get. The sauce itself had a familiar yet unique taste. A balanced hybrid of ketchup and barbecue sauce, it was tangy and sweet with a hint of smokiness that played well off the charbroiled burgers. Think sloppy joe sauce with an added kick. The problem is that no one can ever reproduce the sauceburger

exactly as it was at the Burger House. It’s like trying to make the cornbread like your granny used to make. Even if you use the same brand of buttermilk and the same cast-iron skillet, it never seems to be as good as you remember— there’s always something that is missing. After all of the interviews and the sackfuls of sauceburger reproductions I’ve eaten over the past couple of weeks, I’m still ultimately dissatisfied and disappointed. Trying to recapture those tastes from the past is like trying to recapture a past love or a past success—futile and frustrating. The memories I have of The Burger House are not just memories of that taste, they are memories of being young and full of wonder, holding my parents’ hands while we ordered—it’s was the joy of doing something that was special to us. Removed from that context it’s just a burger with sloppy joe sauce. But to me and the thousands who grew up making The Burger House a regular part of our lives, it will always be something more. It will always be the sauce, the myth, the legend— the Sauceburger. Mike McJunkin cooks better than you and eats quite a bit of very strange food. Visit his Facebook page (Sushi and Biscuits) for updates and recipes.

local and regional shows

House of the Rising Funk with The Velvet Hand ($3)

Wed, May 16

9pm

The Rough & Tumble with Long Gone Darlings ($3)

Thu, May 17

9pm

Soul Mechanic with Courter, Clouse and King ($3)

Thu, May 24

9pm

Free Irish Music Sunday Nights at 7pm • May 20: Olta • May 27: Molly Maguires

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18 • The Pulse • MAY 17-23, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

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SUMMER GUIDE 2012

coming may 24 “She’s Fabulous, But She’s Evil” by Kelli Vance

chattanoogapulse.com • MAY 17-23, 2012 • The Pulse • 19

Free Will Astrology ARIES (March 21-April 19): Is there a difference in sound quality between relatively inexpensive modern violins and the multimillion-dollar violins created by master craftsmen in the 1700s? In research done at the Eighth International Violin Competition, most violinists couldn’t tell them apart. (Read more here: tinyurl.com/ViolinResearch.) In accordance with the astrological omens, Aries, I urge you to do comparable tests in your own sphere. There’s no need to overpay for anything, either with your money, your emotions, your energy, or your time. Go with what works, not with what costs the most or has highest status. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): If we thought of your life as a book, the title of the next chapter could very well be “In Quest of the Primal.” I encourage you to meditate on what that means to you, and then act accordingly. Here are a few possibilities: tapping into the mother lode; connecting to the source; communing with the core; returning to beginnings; seeking out the original; being in tune with the pulse of nature. Does any of that sound like fun? According to my reading of the astrological omens, you have a mandate to be as raw as the law allows—to be the smartest animal you can be. GEMINI

(May 21-June 20): A Russian woman named Marija Usova decided to go skydiving even though she was eight months pregnant. “I wanted my baby to have the beautiful feeling of flying through the air and free-falling before it was born,” she said. Soon after she jumped out of the plane and opened her parachute, she went into labor. Luckily, her daughter waited until she landed to be born. What does this have to do with you? I don’t recommend you do anything even remotely like what Usova did in the next few weeks. But do be alert for healthier, saner approaches to the basic theme, which is to be adventurous and wild and free as you birth a new possibility.

CANCER

(June 21-July 22): You spend nearly one-third of your life sleeping. For onefifth of that time, you’re dreaming. So pretty much every night, you watch and respond to as much as 90 minutes’ worth of movies created by and starring you. Much of this footage is obscure and confusing and not exactly Oscar-worthy, which is one reason you may not recall many of the details when you wake up. But according to my astrological analysis, the immediate future could be different. Your dreams should be full of riveting entertainment that reveals important information about the mysteries of your destiny. Please consider keeping a pen and notebook near your bed, or a small recording device.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): It’s Oxymoron Season for you. That means you’re likely to en-

20 • The Pulse • MAY 17-23, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

rob brezsny counter more than your usual share of sweet and sour paradoxes. The logic-loving areas of your brain will almost certainly have to seek assistance from your non-rational wisdom. I’ll give you a heads-up on some of the lucid riddles you should be ready to embrace: 1. a humbling triumph; 2. a tender rivalry; 3. a selfish blessing; 4. an opportunity to commune with risky comfort; 5. an invitation to explore a relaxing challenge; 6. a chance to get up-close and personal with a longdistance connection. For best results, Leo, memorize these lines from Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass and recite them periodically: “Do I contradict myself? / Very well then I contradict myself. / (I am large, I contain multitudes.)”

VIRGO

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22): There’s at least a 50 percent chance that the coming days will be over-the-top, out-of-the-blue, and off-the-record. I’m half-expecting florid, luscious, and kaleidoscopic events, possibly even rococo, swashbuckling, and splendiferous adventures. Are you ready for all this? Of course not. That’s the point life will be trying to make: nudging you to learn more about the fine art of spontaneity as you improvise your way through unpredictable lessons that will lead you toward the resources you’ll need to succeed.

high gossip. High gossip has almost nothing in common with the mindless prattle that erodes reputations and fosters cynicism. It’s not driven by envy, pettiness, or schadenfreude. When you engage in high gossip, you spread uplifting whispers and inspirational hearsay; you speculate about people’s talents and call attention to their successes; you conspire to awaken generosity of spirit and practical idealism. High gossip is a righteous approach to chatting about the human zoo. It might not flow as easily as the cheap and shabby kind—at least at first—but it lasts a whole lot longer and creates connections that help keep your mental hygiene sparkling clean.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Some-

times I have a dream that seems cryptic or meaningless when I first wake up, but a few days later I realize it was a brilliant insight into what I most needed to transform about my life. If you don’t recall many of your dreams, that might not be a familiar experience for you. But you’ve probably had waking-life experiences with a similar arc. I predict you will be given at least one of those in the coming week. It may confound you while you’re in the midst of it, but will eventually reveal choice clues that have the power to change your life for the better.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Obsessions. Enchantments. Crushes. Manias. Fetishes. Some astrologers think you Libras are mostly immune from these indelicate but sometimes delightful modes of human expression. They seem to believe that you love harmony and balance too much to fall under the spell of a bewitching passion that rivets your focus. I disagree with that view. It may be true that you’re better able than the other signs to be objective about your fixations. But that doesn’t necessarily dilute the intensity you feel when they rise up and captivate your imagination with the force of a thousand love songs. My advice? Have fun and stay amused.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You may

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “The chains

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “There’s no

SAGITTARIUS

Check out Rob’s expanded audio horoscopes at freewillastrology.com. Or call 1-877873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.

that bind us most closely are the ones we have broken,” said Scorpio poet Antonio Porchia. In other words, the oppression from which we have freed ourselves may continue to influence us long after we’ve escaped. The imprint it left on our sensitive psyches might keep distorting our decisions and twisting our emotions. But I’m here to tell you, Scorpio, that you’re entering a time when you have an enhanced power to dissolve the lingering taint your broken chains still impose. You finally have the resources and wisdom to complete the liberation process.

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In the coming weeks, you will have an excellent chance to develop more skill in the art of

not have heard about the “forbidden colors.” And you certainly haven’t seen them, even though they exist. They’re reddish green and yellowish blue, which the cells of your retina are not built to register. However, scientists have figured out a trick by which these hues can be made visible. A few lucky people have actually caught a glimpse of them. I bring this to your attention, Aquarius, because I suspect you are close to experiencing a metaphorical version of this breakthrough—seeing something that is supposedly impossible to see. (If you’d like to read more about the forbidden colors, go here: tinyurl.com/ForbiddenColors.)

such thing as a wrong note,” said jazz pianist Art Tatum. “It all depends on how you resolve it.” Jazz trumpeter Miles Davis had a similar philosophy. “It’s not the note you play that’s the wrong note,” he said. “It’s the note you play afterwards that makes it right or wrong.” I think that’s an excellent understanding for you to keep in mind during the coming weeks, Pisces. Be wary of coming to premature conclusions about alleged mistakes. Wait to hear the entire song and see the bigger picture.

Jonesin’ Crossword

matt jones

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“Triple Billing”—what if these bands played together? Across

1. One-named musician born in Kalamata 6. “In the Valley of ___” (2007 Tommy Lee Jones film) 10. Maligned clear drink of the 1990s 14. Actor Delon 15. What a link leads to 16. Brown or Rice: abbr. 17. It makes a Brit bright 18. Go with the joke 20. Hazy memory after a few rounds of drinks? 22. President pro ___ 23. “The Jungle Book” snake 24. Cry convulsively 27. Former Cincinnati Bengal Collinsworth 30. More unlike a chicken 35. Painkillerinduced dreams, now for all to see? 38. Literary detective’s outburst 39. ___-Magnon man 40. Cupid’s counterpart 41. Did the candles

for your cat’s birthday party? 46. On a smaller scale 47. Timetable, for short 48. Allow 49. Eur. country 51. “Got it!” 53. Message that shows your car’s warning system is joking with you? 60. 1985 sci-fi film with Dennis Quaid and Louis Gossett, Jr. 62. Tropical vine 63. Baby ___ (tabloid term for a celeb’s pregnancy sighting) 64. ___-Seltzer 65. Pull-down directories 66. Tendency 67. Loch ___ Monster 68. Guns N’ Roses guitarist

Down

1. Pensacola pronoun 2. Matty or Felipe of baseball 3. Grandmas, for some 4. One of seven in a week

5. “Office Space” company 6. “SportsCenter” network 7. “Mystic Pizza” actress Taylor 8. Sharp as ___ 9. Words before “Take a Walk on the Wild Side,” in the lyrics 10. Yankee follower 11. “Are you ___ out?” 12. Like some keys: abbr. 13. Part of GPA 19. Dream interrupter 21. Katz of “Eerie, Indiana” 24. Need deodorant 25. Word appearing twice after “Boogie” in a 1978 #1 hit’s title 26. Sausages at picnics 28. “Hedwig and the Angry ___” 29. Belgraders, e.g. 31. One of Geena’s “Beetlejuice” co-stars 32. How some videos go 33. Bring out 34. Stopwatch button 36. Printable files

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37. Knight’s neighbor 42. Family surname in R&B 43. Sam & Dave hit covered by the Blues Brothers 44. Peachy 45. “The Hangover” actor 50. One of many explored by Mulder and Scully 52. She was “The Little Mermaid” 53. Disaster relief org. 54. Diamond heads? 55. Tattoo parlor supply 56. Meadows 57. ___ Lang (“Smallville” role) 58. Heavy burden 59. Laundry 60. Recede, like the tide 61. “Rapa ___” (1994 movie about Easter Island)

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Mon, May 21 • 7:15 PM Hispanic Heritage Night Kids Eat Free

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Jonesin’ Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2012 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0572. chattanoogapulse.com • MAY 17-23, 2012 • The Pulse • 21

Life in the Noog Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow chuck crowder

i’m bald. well, not all the way bald, just that annoying kind of bald where the top of my head is as slick as a cue ball but the sides and back sprout out like a healthy front porch fern. That’s the worst kind of bald. It’s like the infield of a baseball diamond. Thankfully the Head-Shape Gods spared me the added misfortune of an unsightly pitcher’s mound. The tide of my hairline started to go out back in high school. Looking back at the old annuals, my sophomore, junior and senior pictures are like time-lapse photography of my follicles turning into fossils. By the time I was 21, the long hair I was trying to sport started making me look more and more like Riff Raff from “Rocky Horror Picture Show,” so on the advice of whoever was cutting my hair at the time, I started trimming what was left high and tight against my skull. I eventually shaved it all off and took on the Kojak look. People remarked how the razor actually shaved years off of my overall appearance so I basked in the glow of my shiny noggin for several years. No more haircuts or shampoo, but the razor blade consumption proved to sidetrack any conceivable cost savings. Nowadays, as you can see in the picture that accompanies this drivel each week, I have gone to the “beard and whatever’s left up top” look. Since I’m middle-aged, this time the hair came back in a lot greyer than I remember. Some people now say this distinguished change of scenery actually makes me look a little more like I know what I’m talking about (although we all know that’s just perception), but the girls seem to like it though, so I’m

22 • The Pulse • MAY 17-23, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

keeping it. As much as chicks say bald men are sexy, we all know they like hair on a guy as thick and lustrous as their own, otherwise hair metal bands would be revered as sissies and never get laid. I mean if girls didn’t really care about hair on a guy, then they probably wouldn’t take their own quaff so seriously. I know women who think nothing of driving literally hundreds of miles and spending hundreds of dollars to have their do done by that one person who “gets their hair.” These girls have spent many years painstakingly trying to find that one hair stylist who can cut their hair exactly the way they like it with unmatched consistency. So moving more than a couple of hundred miles away from this person once discovered is completely out of the question. Until death do they part. Guys could really care less about their own hair, generally speaking. They’ll let it grow out with wild abandon, comb it some screwed up way just to look silly and let anyone with a pair of

scissors or clippers have at it when they want a trim. It’s only when it comes to the facial hair that a guy gets serious. Beard and/or moustache envy is a very real thing among the male species. Guys who can’t grow a good crop on the jaws typically feel emasculated. Those who can grow and groom in ways subconsciously meant to intimidate other alphas in the room. The bird’s nest, the ZZ Top, the handlebar (with and without twisting wax), the pencil thin, Fu Manchu, goatee, mutton chops and Quaker styles are considered and eventually chosen with the care normally reserved for say, adopting a child or maybe buying a new motorcycle. That’s because the look of a dude’s face commands some sort of respect among we primates. Studies have shown that bearded men appear to be serious, but are otherwise jolly and wise (like Santa Claus or Jesus). Same goes for bald and/or balding guys. And while that research may benefit a dude such as myself, I still wish I had David Lee Roth hair circa 1983—AHH-WAHUH! Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Take what you read with a grain of salt, but let it pepper your thoughts.

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