The Pulse 11.16 » April 17, 2014

The Pulse CHATTANOOGA'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE

APRIL 17, 2014

BESSIE SMITH WOULD HAVE LOVED IT

2 • The Pulse • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

APRIL

brewEr media group

Happenings

Publisher & President Jim Brewer II

EDITORIAL

Managing Editor Gary Poole

BEGINNINGS: The future belongs to us ... Hippity hop to the Bun Run shop

Contributing Editor Janis Hashe Contributors David Traver Adolphus • Rich Bailey Rob Brezsny • John DeVore • Janis Hashe Matt Jones • Sandra Kurtz • Kelly Lockhart Marc T. Michael • Ernie Paik • Alex Teach

LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR

Editorial Interns Madeline Chambliss • Dea Lisica Leith Tigges

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT CALENDAR

Cartoonists & Illustrators Rick Baldwin • Tom Tomorrow Photographer/Webmaster Josh Lang Cover Artwork Rodi De Asis Founded 2003 by Zachary Cooper & Michael Kull

Features

JAZZANOOGA BLOSSOMS Bessie would have loved it—and chances are you will, too

ADVERTISING

By Shawanda Mason

Director of Sales Mike Baskin Account Executives Chee Chee Brown • Julie Brown Lisa Dicaire • Rick Leavell • Leif Sawyer Stacey Tyler • Jerry Ware

MUSIC: Very old, very good school NEW MUSIC REVIEWS: New take on Stravinsky, re-release of Molina ART: Still crazy and Pagan after all these years

CONTACT

AUTOMOTIVE: Upping the convertible cool quotient

Offices 1305 Carter St., Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Website chattanoogapulse.com Email info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar calendar@chattanoogapulse.com THE FINE PRINT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching.

The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

Contents Copyright © 2014 by Brewer Media. All rights reserved.

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VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 16

Contents

N E IO TYL ulse SH S he P FA GA in T O k O ee N xt W

2014

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17

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY JONESIN' CROSSWORD

Voices

GOOD CHEAP THRILLS A dark favorite from the Chattanooga Film Festival

By John DeVore

“THE MEDIUM IS THE MESSAGE”

SANDRA KURTZ: Newest report on climate change is irrefutable ALEX TEACH: Officer Alex gets a new beat and experiences culture shock

MAKE MAKE YOUR YOUR SPECIAL SPECIAL MESSAGE UNFORGETTABLE MESSAGE UNFORGETTABLE at at “THE “THE JEWEL JEWEL OF OF THE THE SOUTH.” The HISTORIC SOUTH.” The HISTORIC TIVOLI TIVOLI THEATRE THEATRE MARQUEE MARQUEE IS IS AVAILable for CUSTOM AVAILable for CUSTOM MARQUEE MARQUEE MESSAGES. MESSAGES. CALL CALL (423) (423) 757-5156.

757-5156. chattanoogapulse.com • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 3

news • views • rants • raves

BEGINNINGS

updates » CHATTANOOGApulse.com facebook/chattanoogapulse EMAIL LOVE LETTERS, ADVICE & TRASH TALK TO INFO@CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

The Future Belongs To Us “Why Chattanooga?” people have been asking upon hearing the news that a neo-Nazi group, the National Socialist Movement, is coming to town and holding a rally on April 26, ostensibly to protest illegal immigration, but actually to give themselves another opportunity to dress up and posture in front of the media.

“

But we have the best response of all, and we’re already engaged in it. Take last Sunday night at Barking Legs Theater.”

Why Chattanooga?

• According to the “Hate Map” recently released by the Southern Poverty Law Center, Tennessee has 37 groups the SPLC identifies as hate groups. Chattanooga itself has two, neither of which deserves to be identified in print.

• The Ku Klux Klan was founded in Pulaski, Tenn. in 1885.

• And, if you are someone who “thinks” like these individuals, Chattanooga’s much-touted Volk-

swagen plant very likely symbolizes a link with Adolf Hitler, who gave the order to Ferdinand Porsche to create a “people’s car,” eventually resulting in the original version of the Beetle.

Ignore rather than confront them, says the SPLC. Don’t give them what they want, which is free national publicity for their bigotry and ignorance. Good advice. But sticking our fingers in our ears and humming loudly while people proclaim there was no Holocaust JANIS HASHE and that black people should go back to Africa (oh, and let’s not forget “Mexicans” back to Mexico and by the way, gay people, back in the closet and women, back in the kitchen) simply says, “We just don’t want to have to deal with you.”

Luckily, their days are numbered. In my view, cartoonish groups such as the one arriving on the city’s doorstep soon are dinosaurs.

I mean, “Master Race”? Have you seen these guys, and the other members of these groups?

It’s laughable.

Even more luckily,we have the best response of all. And we’re already engaged in it.

Take last Sunday night at Barking Legs Theater. As part of the ongoing Jazzanooga festival, a roomful of people got together for “Gospel Meets Jazz.” And when I say people, I mean people of all ages, both black and white. We were all there to hear the Chattanooga Gospel Orchestra, made up of volunteer musicians, along with stellar gospel singer Jeneal Johnson.

Views

4 • The Pulse • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

Now, the CGO, directed by Danny Sample, happens to include local legend Booker T. Scruggs II, who besides being a fabulous saxophonist/clarinetist, is also one of the 12 honor students of Howard High School’s class of 1960 who participated in Chattanooga’s lunch counter sitins. Mr. Scruggs has gone on to a prestigious career that includes teaching at UTC—a university that at the time he was a child, did not admit black students.

The CGO also includes Erskine Peoples, who, after arriving late that night to a warm round of applause, proceeded to give us a killer trumpet solo—after reminding us that he is 82. Think about what this talented man has seen in his 82 years. The world has changed, and for the better.

And as I gazed around a room filled with just plain people clapping and tapping their feet to the commingling of two the most American music genres, it was pretty damn clear why we don’t really need to worry too much about the group coming to town.

They are the past, even if they fail to realize it. The future, made possible by the heroism of the past, is already here, manifested in that room.

EdiToon

by Rick Baldwin

DUSTIN LYNCH

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Hippity Hop to the Bun Run Shop When thinking of Easter, most people envision big meals and plastic eggs stuffed with candy. Run Chattanooga has come up with a different sort of celebration this year: the Bun Run 5K. In the spirit of flouting tradition, the Bun Run 5K will be a free, noncompetitive, family-friendly, flashmob-style 5K/1-mile run, walk, or any other sort of movement you prefer (perhaps hopping?).

When asked about the event, Run Chattanooga’s Executive Director Courtney Bird said the following: “Putting a bunch of crazy people in a flashmob situation, running, or walking or skateboarding or biking or cartwheeling…anything goes, around in bunny ears as a group and

giving out high fives to unsuspecting people along the way is bound to brighten up everyone’s day.” According to Bird, Run Chattanooga’s goal with everything they do, “is to build community, connecting people who may not cross paths otherwise, and make our city a more positive and healthy place to live.”

The Bun Run 5K will begin at 10 a.m.

Saturday, Apr. 19 at an as-yet undisclosed downtown location (revealed via email to registered participants). For more information about the Bun Run and Run Chattanooga, visit runchattanooga.org or facebook.com/runnooga. For registration, visit bunrun.eventbrite.com — Dea Lisica

IN THIS ISSUE

Shawanda Mason This week's Pulse cover story this week on Jazzanooga is written by Shawanda Mason, a newcomer to Chattanooga. Shawanda is a freelance writer, blogger and marketing professional. In 2010, she started the blog eat.drink.frolic. and began a journey of develop-

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David Traver Adolphus ing and experimenting with food and cocktails. Originally from Virginia, she attended college at George Mason University then headed to Atlanta for a little Southern fun before moving to Chattanooga. When she’s not writing or cooking, she and her business partner are busy running The Chattery, a local nonprofit. We would like to welcome her to the Pulse family and hope you will, too.

David Traver Adolphus is our newest colunist, covering all things automotive for us on a monthly basis. He last wrote our automotive cover story in our March 13 issue.

David is a freelance automotive researcher who recently quit his full-time job writing

about old cars to pursue his lifelong dream of writing about old AND new cars. David occasionally contributes to Road & Track and often to roadandtrack.com and elsewhere. He is also the founder of The Road Home, a nonprofit benefitting post-9/11 veterans. He welcomes the inevitable and probably richly deserved kvetching about Airbag and anything else on Twitter as @proscriptus.

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chattanoogapulse.com • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 5

Future Shaped By Our Choices Now Newest report on climate change is irrefutable. It's time for everyone to wake up.

World Meteorological OrganizaIf you were trying to find sometion and the UN Environment where to live, would you choose Programme, regularly assesses a place that you knew would the scientific basis of climate regularly flood during frequent change, its impacts and future and catastrophic storms? If you risks, and options for adaptation were a farmer and suspected your and mitigation. That’s a massive main income crop could not withtask! stand expected extreme heat or Each report calls on more than drought, what would you do?

2,000 scientists If you expectaround the world ed a tropical disto contribute ease epidemic science-based into hit your comformation about munity, what climate change. options would The informayou have? If you tion then unsaw the Southdergoes several eastern US forrounds of review est ecosystem by thousands of weaken with selected volunloss of fragile teer experts to plant and animal make sure a full species, would range of objective you want to stop SANDRA KURTZ views are repreit and if so, how? sented. The inThese and formation is then convened into other questions will have to be comprehensive conclusions for addressed according to the fifth the final report. Once that is done, assessment by the Intergovernexpert reviewers determine their mental Panel on Climate Change level of confidence in the truth of (IPCC). the conclusions. This is certainly IPCC, begun in 1988 by the

Shades of Green

6 • The Pulse • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

a most rigorous process.

Gregory Jackson, oceanographer and report contributor, has summed up climate change in haiku poetry. These exerpts are definitely more fun to read than the report: Carbon increases Air warms through century past More heavy rains fall.

We burn more carbon Air warms for decades But seas for millennia.

Forty years from now Children will live in a world Shaped by our choices.

Mind you, IPCC has no authority to make anyone or any government do anything, but if you knew how vulnerable you were with certainty, you surely would take steps to build in resilience for your family now and in the future.

So, you ask, what’s in the report? It’s huge, with lots of charts and graphs, but here are some conclusions drawn with high confidence level (meaning 90 percent surety).

1. Human interference with the climate system is occurring and climate change poses risks for human and natural systems as temperature rises.

“

If you saw the Southeastern US forest ecosystem weaken with loss of fragile plant and animal species, would you want to stop it and if so, how?”

2. Many terrestrial, freshwater, and marine species have shifted their geographic ranges, seasonal activities, migration patterns, abundances, and species interactions in response to ongoing climate change.

3. Based on many studies covering a wide range of regions and crops, negative impacts of climate change on crop yields have been more common than positive impacts.

4. Impacts from recent climaterelated extremes, such as heat waves, droughts, floods, cyclones, and wildfires, reveal significant vulnerability and exposure of some ecosystems and many human systems to current climate

variability.

5. Climate-related hazards exacerbate other stressors, often with negative outcomes for livelihoods, especially for people living in poverty.

The report takes a global look—but you live here. Taking steps to prevent impacts or be prepared is in order wherever you live. Our area will suffer primarily from flooding, drought, and loss of related forest biodiversity.

In North America, governments are engaging in incremental adaptation assessment and planning, particularly at the municipal level. Some proactive adaptation is occurring to protect longer-term investments in energy and public infrastructure.

Chattanooga has started with green moves to mitigate flooding, hybrid shuttle buses, EPB’s energy efficiency efforts, and green buildings, but we have a long way to go.

Reading poetry may be soothing, but active steps in risk management planning and mitigation work are needed to make the future of our children a livable one.

Sandra Kurt is an environmental community activist and is presently working through the Urban Century Institute. Visit her website at enviroedu.net

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chattanoogapulse.com • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 7

Bessie Would Have Loved It

This year’s Jazzanooga blossoms and dazzles–take it in

By Shawanda Mason

“

“I really want Jazzanooga to be what the community needs it to be; a catalyst for positive change.”

“Jazz is restless. It won’t stay put and it never will.”

— J. J. Johnson, trombonist

T

he history of jazz dates all the way back to the early 20th century with its roots firmly planted in the South. The genre of jazz has evolved over time, but the subgenres remain the same: smooth jazz, Afro-Cuban jazz, acid jazz, traditional jazz and even gospel, just to name a few.

Jazz has many different layers and elements, making it a bit difficult to define—jazz just doesn’t fit inside a box.

The true definition of jazz is something that can’t summed up simply with a handful of words; it’s music you have to listen to, to fully and truly understand its history and the beauty of its origins.

One thing we can be sure of is that jazz most definitely has roots in Chattanooga. Chattanooga’s own Bessie Smith, who was crowned the Empress of Blues, famously got her start on the streets of Chattanooga, slowly making a name for herself. If Bessie Smith were alive today, she’d certainly be proud of the city Chattanooga has become—especially with the inception of our very own month-long celebration of jazz: Jazzanooga.

Jazzanooga began in 2010 as a one-

8 • The Pulse • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

day event called “Jazz on the Bluff”. It quickly grew into a festival that embraces and showcases all elements of jazz throughout the month of April, which is known nationally as Jazz Appreciation Month. Since its rebranding from Jazz on the Bluff, Jazzanooga has blossomed into many events and activities for jazz enthusiasts, families and the arts-minded community of Chattanooga.

Jazzanooga has been bringing all facets of music to the forefront by showcasing live music, art, food and education.

For example: the exciting and unique upcoming event that Jazznooga is hosting is with culinary historian and Washington D.C.-based food writer, Michael Twitty. Twitty will lead a lecture and cooking demonstration on the subject of edible jazz on Thursday, April 24 at Dish T’ Pass. Food and music lovers, this one’s for you.

James McKissic and Shane Morrow created Jazzanooga after discovering a need for a jazz festival in the Scenic City. McKissic credits this Frederick Douglass quote as the beginning of Jazzanooga’s journey: “I prayed for twenty years but I received no answer until I prayed with my feet.”

Mckissic currently serves as the director of the Office of Multicultural Affairs for the city of Chattanooga and sits on many boards, including ArtsBuild

and the Mayor’s Chattanooga Forward Arts Task Force. Morrow can be seen around town sharing his musical gifts as the founder and director of THECREATIVEUNDERGROUND, a community arts initiative that aims to increase awareness and visibility of culturally artistic expressions from the diverse and underrepresented communities in the greater Chattanooga area.

He’s also an active board member for Barking Legs Theater and Art 120. If you know these guys or have been in the same room with them for any amount of time, you’ve quickly become aware that they aren’t the type of people who sit around asking “why”; they do. They move with their feet and get the party—in this case, the festival— started.

Thanks to the support from both the Benwood and Lyndhurst Foundations and Double Cola, Jazzanooga has been able to market to a broader audience and invest in world-class headlining acts. The festival is supplying music lovers with performances from jazz singer Gregory Porter and Lalah Hathaway, daughter of the legendary singer Donny Hathaway.

Both Porter and Hathaway have recently been nominated for Grammys and after performing in Chattanooga, both are heading to Tokyo to perform in

the International Jazz Day Concert with jazz greats Herbie Hancock and Sonny Rollins. Also scheduled to perform is “American Idol” season two winner Ruben Studdard.

“It is our hope that the festival will continue to grow and become a wonderful event for Chattanoogans and people throughout the region,” says McKissic. (Lalah Hathaway and Ruben Studdard perform April 25 at the Tivoli; Gregory Porter and Avery Sunshine perform April 27 at the Community Theatre at Memorial Auditorium.)

In addition to national acts, Jazzanooga is also featuring musical talents based right here in our city. Artists like the Ben Friberg Trio, Booker T. Scruggs, Normal Park’s jazz band and the Dexter Bell Trio are just a sampling of what Chattanooga offers musically.

Local jazz musician Booker Scruggs is a native of Chattanooga and a 1960 graduate of Howard High School, where he was a member of Howard High School’s concert band. He went on to attend Clark Atlanta University, where he continued his love of music by playing in both the marching and concert bands.

Scruggs is a clarinetist and saxophonist who is a part of multiple musical groups including The Chattanooga Gospel Orchestra, Spectrum Jazz Band, Chattanooga Clarinet Choir and the Booker T. Scruggs Ensemble. A stalwart of the Chattanooga jazz scene, he’s helping preserve Chattanooga’s music community one note at a time.

“It is important to preserve jazz because it is one of the original art forms of the American culture,” says Scruggs. “It’s

difficult to preserve jazz in Chattanooga because without [events like] Jazzanooga, there aren’t too many other outlets which promote jazz on a regular basis.” During Jazzanooga, the Booker T. Scruggs Ensemble presented a concert at Barking Legs Theater to honor and educate the public on 10 African-American composers from jazz to gospel. Scruggs also participated in a Jazz Meets Gospel event with the Chattanooga Gospel Orchestra.

Looking through the Jazzanooga lineup and schedule, you’ll notice there’s a little something for everyone. Jazzanooga features everything from big band to soulful jazz with a bit of contemporary jazz sprinkled in. Another pleasantly surprising feature of Jazzanooga is the involvement of Chattanooga’s youth. Children may not be the first group of people you think of when contemplating a jazz festival—but that’s what makes Jazzanooga such a special and unique music festival.

“With arts education programs diminishing within our schools, we established a Youth Music Academy for youth between the ages of 12 and 18,” says Morrow. “It not only focuses on music education and performance, but it also provides a rare opportunity for our youth from diverse cultures and socioeconomic backgrounds to come together and learn to celebrate their differences through the arts.”

Through the Youth Music Academy, students are also learning how to play jazz and are performing at different venues throughout the city during Jazzanooga.

On Friday, April 11, Jazzanooga hosted JazzReach, a New York City-based nonprofit and one of the nation’s leading arts organizations dedicated to jazz. JazzReach

musicians conducted live multimedia educational programs for more than 800 Hamilton County students, teachers and family members. In partnership with WTCI/PBS, organizers have also presented a weekly interactive and free screening on jazz, which is geared towards family enjoyment.

The growth of Jazzanooga has spiked since its inception. Both McKissic and Morrow see growth and hope for Jazzanooga as the festival matures. Morrow’s plans for growth include continuing to draw from the cultural history of our city and its residents, creating successful collaborations with local organizations, small businesses and cultural institutions, while also continuing to provide a festive platform where those who may not regularly interact can gather and celebrate together.

“Upwards and onward toward celebrating our city’s rich musical heritage. I really want Jazzanooga to be what the community needs it to be; a catalyst for positive change,” says Morrow.

In the future, organizers hope to attract a larger audience and a younger crowd interested in jazz. McKissic says that in addition to strategic planning, the festival will achieve its growth goals by using funds that Jazzanooga generates to funnel into community education and continuing the Youth Music Academy.

Jazzanooga is a nonprofit operating under the Community Foundation of Greater Chattanooga. Music enthusiasts and artsminded Chattanoogans can donate to Jazzanooga’s fund by visiting the Community Foundation’s website.

For a listing of Jazzanooga events for the rest of the month, visit jazzanooga.org

“

McKissic credits this Frederick Douglass quote as the beginning of Jazzanooga’s journey: ‘I prayed for twenty years but I received no answer until I prayed with my feet.’”

chattanoogapulse.com • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 9

CITY SCENE

Very Old, Very Good School

I

Get in the Smooth Groove Jazzanooga continues with Euge Groove at the Bessie Chattanooga’s history with jazz may not be as well-known as that of Memphis, Detroit or New Orleans, but our city certainly introduced the world to local icons Bessie Smith, Yusef Lateef, and Lovie Austin, to name a few. Celebrating jazz with Jazzanooga, Chattanooga continues its tradition of showcasing groovy musical greats with artists like Stephen Eugene Grove.

He’s better known as Euge Groove.

Described as a “smooth jazz saxophonist with a strong Top-40 background,” Groove has toured around the world with artists including Tina Turner, Huey Lewis and the News, and Tower of Power, and has worked with several

pop artists, including Paula Abdul, Elton John, Bonnie Raitt and Exposé.

The saxophonist has produced seven albums since recording his first, Euge Groove, in 2000, and is known for singles like, “Chillaxin,’” “Born 2 Groove,” and “Religify,” among others.

Groove is performing with the Joe Johnson Band at the Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. MLK Blvd., on Saturday, April 19 at 7 p.m. Tickets are $35 and can be purchased at the Bessie, by phone (423) 266-8658, or online at https://songbookeuge.eventbrite.com.

For more information, visit bessiesmithcc.org — Madeline Chambliss

THU4.17

frI4.18

SAT4.19

WICK-IT GOOD

NO CONSPIRACY

MUSICAL TAPESTRY

Wick-It the Instigator

Scarlett Love Conspiracy

Brigitte Demeyer

• Wick-it the Instigator is a multi-genre DJ and producer known as a breath of fresh air in an otherwise over-crowded EDM scene.

With successful headline tours and huge sets at major festivals, it’s obvious his talent and success extend far beyond the studio.

9:30 p.m. • Rhytmn & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com

• Their musical goal is to spread a message of love and inclusion through the shared experience of creating and enjoying music with as many people as possible. Appearing with Banditos, Memphis Dawls and Dead Soldiers.

10 p.m. • JJ’s Bohemia 231 E MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com

• Brigitte writes songs as weavers thread tapestries, her most vivid colors being a Southern feel, a churchy soulfulness in her vocals, and a way with words that bears comparison to literature as easily as to the best contemporary lyrics.

8 p.m. • Charles and Myrtle’s Coffeehouse 105 McBrien Rd. christunity.org

10 • The Pulse • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

’VE SAID IT BEFORE BUT IT BEARS REPEATING: ONE of the nicest perks of this assignment is that I frequently get to hear tracks from local bands before they’re released. The 9th Street Stompers are the latest example of that. They are putting the finishing touches on their new EP scheduled for release in June, but I’ve had the privilege of listening to it all morning long and, kids, it’s fantastic.

Music MARC T. MICHAEL

“

The 9th Street Stompers have captured the look, sound and feel of early 20th-century American music as well as or better than anyone else I’ve ever heard, and it is glorious.”

My first thought upon firing the tracks up was, “Hey, someone call Garrison Keillor and see if he’s missing a band.” Is the reference unclear?

“A Prairie Home Companion” is renowned for its high caliber of music and the house band, Guy’s All-Star Shoe Band, is legendary. The 9th Street Stompers are every bit their equal—and are snazzier dressers to boot.

The Stompers have been described variously as swing, rockabilly, jazz, gypsy, tango and blues and that’s as fair, accurate (and brief) a description as can be given. This is no mere nostalgia; they have captured the look, sound and feel of early 20th-century American music as well as or better than anyone else I’ve ever heard, and it is glorious.

Bassist Skip Frontz Jr. and guitarist/uke/kazoo player Lon Eldridge share mic duties. Their vocals are as crisp, clean and picture perfect as their dapper duds (wingtips are coming BACK, baby!). Dalton Chapman sizzles on guitar. The eminent Christy Burns tickles the honky-tonk ivories while “drummer extraordinaire” Bryan Gross bangs the skins. John Boulware’s fiddle flows like hot syrup on pancakes, the perfect finishing touch to an absolutely top-notch ensemble.

There are four tracks on the EP, the first of which is “The Axman (of New

Tickling The Ivories

The 9th Street Stompers in their natural habitat. Contributed photo.

Orleans),” a familiar subject to residents of the Big Easy, as well as fans of “American Horror Story”. It is the hallmark of this kind of swing music that it is jaunty, upbeat and infectiously toetapping...while discussing the nuances of an early 20th-century serial killer.

“Chattanooga Blues” is the second track, a languid and leisurely stroll through familiar neighborhoods with perhaps a quick stop off for a pig-foot and a bottle of beer.

The third track is called “Cooking with Gas”, and the name says it all.

This frenetic piece alternates between

honest music

dazzling guitar work, lilting fiddle and ragtime piano. I’ll admit, I would have liked to hear the string bass get a chance to come out front for a turn too, but I’d wager that’s a thing reserved for live performances and future recordings.

The final track is another “get up and move” tune called “New Baby” and here the lyrics and vocals demonstrate virtuosity no less impressive than the instrumentation.

The band has achieved something wonderful with this effort. They have managed to demonstrate an exceptional level of technical proficiency without

losing any of the fun, flavor or spirit of the music—a win-win, and my only complaint is that it’s an EP and not a full album. There are worse things to say about a band than “they are so good they leave you wanting more”. When June rolls around, you’re going to want to pick up a copy of the EP, grab a bottle of bootleg hooch and settle back in the front porch rocking chair.

Until then, if you want to experience their vintage goodness, you’ll just have to catch a live show. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go tie an onion to my belt.

Lee University's Ning An is a rare pianist hailed as a musician who "combines a flawless technique and mastery of the instrument with an expressive power that is fueled by profound and insightful understanding."

An made his concerto debut at the age of 16, performing the Rachmaninov Second Piano Concerto with the Cleveland Orchestra. His recent Carnegie Hall debut, an all-Chopin program presented by the Chopin Foundation of the United States in Weill Recital Hall, was highly praised in the New York Concert Review.

Come hear for yourself one of the region's hidden treasures as he performs a free concert Thursday night.

Ning An Thursday, Apr. 17, 7 p.m.

Summitt Pianos 6209 Lee Hwy. (423) 499-0600 summittpianos.com

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chattanoogapulse.com • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 11

LIVE MUSIC

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MUSIC CALENDAR

CHATTANOOGA

Nickel Creek

thursday4.17 Flute Studio Recital 5 p.m.

UTC Cadek Conservatory 725 Oak St., Room 200. utc.edu String Theory 6:30 p.m.

The Hunter Museum of American Art 10 Bluff View. huntermuseum.org Red Bank Bluegrass Jam 6:30 p.m.

Grace Church of the Nazarene 6310 Dayton Blvd. chattanoogagrace.com Lifesong Zambia Children’s Choir 6:30 p.m.

The Gathering Church 4445 Hikson Pk. gatheringchattanooga.com Ning An 7 p.m.

Summitt Pianos 6209 Lee Hwy. (423) 499-0600 Scared Harp Singing 7 p.m.

St. Elmo Fire Hall 4501 St. Elmo Ave. stelmofirehall.com Songwriter Shootout 7 p.m.

The Camphouse 1427 Williams St. thecamphouse.com Jordan Hallquist 8 p.m.

1885 Grill 3914 St. Elmo Ave. 1885grill.com American Lesion, Bless the Dead, Minor Nine 8 p.m.

Ziggy’s Underground

12 • The Pulse • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

607 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 265-8711 Dustin Lynch 9 p.m.

Track 29 1400 Market St. track29.co Kids From Across the Street, Lil’ Iffy 9 p.m.

The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy. thehonestpint.com Wick-It the Instigator 9:30 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Afro, Shabti 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com Shock to the System 10 p.m.

Raw 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919

Pulse pick: Rick Rushing One of Chattanooga's better bluesmen, Rick breaks it down to the basiscs. “We love the blues; the blues is where everything comes from, it is raw and revives the soul, true emotion and musical creativity.”

Rick Rushing Wednesday, Apr. 23 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com

friday4.18 Zach Dylan and the D-Railed Band 8 p.m.

N’awlins 2595 Georgetown Rd., NW, Cleveland.

(423) 559-0933 FrazierBand 8 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. barkinglegs.org Mountain Opry 8 p.m.

Walden’s Ridge Civic Center 2501 Fairmount Pk. (423) 866-3252 Wasted 8 p.m.

Sky Zoo 5709 Lee Hwy. chattazooga.com The Plowboys 8 p.m.

Pokey’s Sports Bar

918 Sahara Dr., Cleveland.

(423) 476-6059 Priscilla & Lil Rickee 8:30 p.m.

The Foundry 1201 Broad St. chattanooganhotel.com Rising Appalachia 9 p.m.

Track 29 1400 Market St. track29.co Denver Attaway 9 p.m. The Office 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) (423) 634-9191 Arson 9 p.m.

The Brew and Cue 5017 Rossville Blvd.

(423) 867-9402 Banditos, Memphis Dawls, Dead Soldiers, Scarlett Love Conspiracy 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com Arpetrio, Jimkata 10 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Jordan Hallquist 10 p.m.

Tremont Tavern 1203 Hixson Pk. tremonttavern.com Aunt Betty 10 p.m.

Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com

saturday4.19 John Lathim & Michelle Young 12:30 p.m.

The Chattanooga River Market Tennessee Aquarium Plaza 1 Broad St. chattanoogarivermarket.com Marlow Drive 3 p.m.

Sky Zoo 5709 Lee Hwy. chattazooga.com Songbook: Euge Groove 7 p.m.

Bessie Smith Cultural Center 200 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-8658 bessiesmithcc.org Another Story Live, The Southside Union 7 p.m.

The Camp House 1427 Williams St. thecamphouse.com Choke-O, BuDD, Blazin J, Kamo Killa, Ozmoses Bones 8 p.m.

Cloud Springs Deli 4097 Cloud Springs Rd. cloudspringsdeli.com Brigitte Demeyer 8 p.m.

Charles and Myrtle’s Coffeehouse 105 McBrien Rd. christunity.org Zack Dylan and the D-Railed Band 8 p.m.

Pokey’s Sports Bar 918 Sahara Dr., Cleveland.

(423) 476-6059 Priscilla & Lil Rickee 8:30 p.m.

The Foundry 1201 Broad St. chattanooganhotel.com Owen Mays, Bryan Hensley, Sweet G.A. Brown 9 p.m.

Ziggy’s Underground, 607 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 265-8711

The Velcro Pygmies 10 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Matt Bohannon 9 p.m.

The Office 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) (423) 634-9191 Aunt Betty 10 p.m.

Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com Daze Like These 10 p.m.

T-Bones 1419 Chestnut St. tboneschattanooga.com

sunday4.20 Easter Sunday Gospel Singing 11 a.m.

Jubilee Baptist Church 1181 Clift Mill Rd., Soddy-Daisy.

(423) 332-8060 Irish Music Jam Session 5 p.m.

Enzo’s Market 1501 Long St. enzosmarket.com Acoustic Gospel Jam Session 6 p.m.

Brainerd United Methodist Church 4315 Brainerd Rd. brainerdumc.org Sunday Jam 7 p.m.

Ziggy’s Underground 607 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 265-8711 Blind Draw 9 p.m.

Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com

Hot Damn, Milele Roots 9 p.m.

The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy. thehonestpint.com

monday4.21 Jazz on the Grass 6 p.m.

Whiteside Park 398 E. MLK Blvd. jazzanooga.org Big Band Night 7 p.m.

The Palms at Hamilton, Coconut Room 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Music Monday 7 p.m.

Pasha Coffee and Tea 3914 St Elmo Ave. (423) 475-5482 Men’s Chorus and Women’s Chorale Spring Concert 7:30 p.m.

UTC Fine Arts Center Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4269 utc.edu Nickel Creek 8 p.m.

Track 29 1400 Market St. track29.co Wishbone Ash 8 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com

MUSIC CALENDAR

Wishbone Ash

(423) 266-9466 Open Mike with Mike McDade 9 p.m.

Tremont Tavern 1203 Hixson Pk. tremonttavern.com

wednesday4.23 CSO: Breaking Bach 4:30 p.m.

Tivoli Theater 709 Broad St. chattanoogaonstage.com Old Time Music Community Jam 6 p.m.

Enzo’s Market 1501 Long St. enzosmarket.com Jordan Hallquist 7:30 The Tavern 12130 Dayton Pk., Soddy-Daisy.

(423) 401-7234 Arlo Gilliam 9 p.m.

Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com Rick Rushing, Voices of the Creative Underground 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com Zoogma 10 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com

tuesday4.22 Wendell Matthews Acoustic 7 p.m.

The North Chatt Cat 346 Frazier Ave.

Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@ chattanoogapulse.com

901 Carter St (Inside Days Inn) 423-634-9191 Thursday, April 17: 9pm Open Mic with Hap Henninger Friday, April 18: 9pm Denver Attaway Saturday, April 19: 10pm Matt Bohannon Tuesday, April 22: 7pm

Server/Hotel Appreciation Night $5 Pitchers $2 Wells $1.50 Domestics ●

●

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks!

Stop by & check out our daily specials!

Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

Join us on Facebook Ever felt like an outcast in God’s House?

WE HAVE TOO!!

That’s why at New Covenant Church of Chattanooga, We are HEAVEN-bent on showing the love of Jesus to everyone on the planet!

We welcome and openly affirm all people… and when we say all, WE MEAN IT!!!

Come join us this Sunday at 11 am for a contemporary worship experience you won’t forget!

We are located near Lee Hwy and Hwy 153 at 6234 Perimeter Drive, Suite E 102, Chattanooga, TN 37421

chattanoogapulse.com • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 13

Record Reviews

ernie paik

A Hiss of Spring, A Chug of Fuzz Rock New take on Stravinsky, re-release of Molina

Thu, April 17 • 7:15 PM vs. Jacksonville Suns @Nooga Start Up Night

Fri, April 18 • 7:15 PM vs. Jacksonville Suns

Star Wars Night | Fireworks!

Thu, April 24 • 7:15 PM vs. Birmingham Barons Golf Night

Fri, April 25 • 7:15 PM vs. Birmingham Barons Fireworks

The Bad Plus The Rite of Spring (Sony Music Masterworks)

M

uch—possibly too much—has been said about the ballet premiere of Igor Stravinsky’s radical The Rite of Spring in 1913, with the mythical “riot” having little evidence of being much more than audience members hissing and shouting, as much as we would like to imagine men wearing top hats and monocles engaging in fisticuffs with bloodthirsty, lawless abandon.

Make no mistake, though; the audience was not entirely pleased with the new work, with some historians pointing toward the primitivism of the dancers and others focusing on the music’s dissonance, for which the listeners were not prepared.

The album at hand by the modern jazz trio The Bad Plus is a reworking of The Rite of Spring, and for all the thunder and bombast of the original—representing pagan rituals welcoming springtime and ending with a sacrificial girl dancing herself to death—this version is surprisingly restrained and com-

14 • The Pulse • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

Tony Molina Dissed and Dismissed (Slumberland) posed.

Oddly, regarding this adaptation, Tori Amos’ piano-and-vocals version of “Smells Like Teen Spirit” came to mind, which stripped down and softened the volume of the original—unlike The Bad Plus’ own cover of that Nirvana track, which supplied a jazz-tinged wild raucousness.

Classical music aficionados are likely most familiar with the orchestral version of The Rite of Spring, but Stravinsky’s first published score for the piece was a four-hand piano arrangement; knowing this, having the dominant instrument on The Bad Plus’ album being the piano makes sense.

The opening track offers the most variation, with the trio being enhanced by electronic flourishes, a sole human breath, heartbeats and the pops and surface noise of a vinyl record. “The Augurs of Spring” offers dynamic contrasts with key beats accented with drums and piano chord slams, but it’s all done fairly delicately; it’s

not a driving track, but it’s choreographed with care, with a jazzcentered bass and drum spinal column. The piano scampers and rings lightly with trills, with the composition’s dissonance being the prominent contrary voice.

Those expecting some kind of scorching, face-melting jazz monster will be disappointed, but it’s not a lightweight trifle, either.

It’s more like a small splinter that you can’t ignore, with discordance working its subtle magic instead of blunt dynamics—a hiss, rather than a punch.

I

n Hamlet, Polonius said, “Brevity is the soul of punk.”

Actually, he said “wit” but stay with me here. Gertrude’s response to Polonius was “More matter, with less art.”

In other words, cut to the chase, with no frills. Brevity in punk is the rule, with the most extreme example being the one-second 1987 track “All” by Descendents (sic), consisting of a single word and a

single blasted note. (The exception to the rule is the ten-minute masterpiece “Youth of America”

by Wipers, but I digress.) Somewhere between “All” and your typical punk song is the work of Tony Molina, who ruthlessly trims the fat in his power-pop-punk numbers.

His mini-album Dissed and Dismissed features 12 tracks, each with an average length of one minute, and it was released last year before getting re-issued on Slumberland Records last month.

The standard template on Dissed and Dismissed is laid out on the opener, “Nowhere to Go,” which begins with squealing feedback before diving into standard Ramones chords and ending with duetting guitars separated by a third interval; “Change My Ways” serves up chugging fuzz rock and dispenses melodic progressions only after a few seconds of use, like a toddler searching for new toys and constant amusement.

A few songs don’t adhere to the formula, like the drum-free “Nothing I Can Do,” which is as close to a ballad as you’ll hear here, with a sludgy distorted guitar accompanying the vocals before the ending feedback and solo; “Sick Ass Riff” is just a mellow 25-second fragment of layered acoustic guitars.

Molina’s voice is reminiscent of Graham Smith (a.k.a. Kleenex Girl Wonder), being unrefined, friendly and unpretentious, and both Molina and Smith have an affinity for the lo-fi, concise Guided By Voices aesthetic.

Molina even covers the Guided

By Voices track “Wondering Boy Poet,” which offers the most interesting lyrics on the entire album.

For what it is, it’s an above-average, ultra-tight aural quadruple shot of espresso, conveying an arc of a full-length album in under 12 minutes.

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chattanoogapulse.com • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 15

RECORD STORE

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chattanoogapulse.com • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 17

ART SCENE

Still Crazy and Pagan After All These Years

Free the Art, Man! Evereman Project is weekend-long celebration Outdoor murals, major exhibitions and gallery openings (not to mention 4 Bridges)—Chattanooga has become a visual artists’ haven. Joining the scene is the Evereman Road Show, a two-day workshop promoting a street art project and the free art movement in Chattanooga.

Atlanta-based artist Evereman is looking to expand the gift of art and encourage the community to participate.

The event will begin Friday, April 18 at 6 p.m. at the Farmer’s Daughter restaurant, 1211 Hixson Pike, where there will be a discussion and informational session about the project and the free art movement.

On April 19, at noon a production

party will take place at Artifact, 1080B Duncan Avenue. Create art to share with the community and participate in workshops featuring techniques like stencil-making and hot branding.

A citywide art hunt will then take place at 4 p.m. The @Evereman Twitter account will feature hints and clues as to where the art is hidden throughout Chattanooga.

To conclude the event, an Evereman sculpture burn will occur at 7:30 p.m. at 201 W. Main Street, alongside live music, food trucks and dancing. As the Evereman Project promotes, anyone and everyone can contribute to the street art that decorates our com— Leith Tigges munity.

THU4.17

frI4.18

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MUSICAL THEORY

EVEN MORE JAZZ

BIRD WATCHING

String Theory: Johannes String Quartet

Downtown Jazz at the Waterhouse Pavilion

Waking up with the Birds

• Enjoy the last String Theory concert with works

by Brahms and Schoenberg as performed by the Johannes String Quartet, with violist Kim Kashkashian and cellist Marcy Rosen.

5:30 p.m. • Hunter Museum of American Art 10 Bluff View Ave. (423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org

• Free lunchtime jazz concert showcasing the Chattanooga Community College Jazz Ensemble, Jazzanooga Youth Academy and Chattanooga’s Jazz Divas.

12:30 p.m. • Waterhouse Pavilion Downtown Chattanooga 850 Market St

• Join Naturalist Corey Hagen and members of the Tennessee Ornithological Society on a birding hike around the Reflection Riding property.

7:30 a.m. • Chattanooga Arboretum and Nature Center 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160 chattanoogaanc.org

18 • The Pulse • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

T

HE ANCIENT PAGAN RITUAL THAT BEGAN THE modern era in music and dance is coming to Chattanooga.

OK—the ritual itself remains firmly stuck in Russian prehistory. But the work it inspired composer Igor Stravinsky to create is another story.

Arts RICH BAILEY

“

Time does not seem to have domesticated Stravinsky’s piece as much as it has some other groundbreaking art.”

Stravinsky’s “Rite of Spring”—the full ballet, with Stravinsky’s score and choreography

by Vaslav Nijinksy—caused a riot or near-riot in the theater when it premiered in Paris on May 29, 1913. From a distance of nearly 101 years, it’s hard to get an authoritative account, but it seems that believers in the old ways of making art and supporters of the new ones came to blows inside the theater over what they were seeing and hearing.

The uproar from the audience was so loud the dancers couldn’t hear the music. A few dozen people were ejected, police may or may not have been called, and enough order was restored for the performance to finish.

Next week, Stravinsky’s “Rite of Spring” makes its Chattanooga premiere, performed by the Chattanooga Symphony Orchestra on April 24 at the Tivoli. Recently, I sat down with Taylor Brown, principal double bass player with the CSO, to continue a conversation we began a few weeks before about this century-old music.

“The piece itself signifies the beginning of the modern era as far as art goes,” says Brown.

“It sparked a lot of stuff as far as music, painting, dance, poetry. It depicts ancient Russian pagan rituals to bring in spring in which they take a virgin. She dances until she dies.

It’s very much a modern piece but harkening [back] and looking at ancient prehistoric music.”

Stravinsky was trying to capture what he thought the music actually would have sounded like, which he imagined was very simple.

And the melodies in “Rite of Spring”, Brown says, are “very narrow” compared to the CSO’s most recent performance of Prokofiev’s fifth symphony, which uses the whole orchestra to make the theme. In “Rite of Spring”, he ex-

Igor Stravinksy conducting in 1929.

plains, “The melodies are very compact, few notes, all in a close range.”

What brings the piece into the modern era is its use of polytonality and polyrhythm. Music up to that point was tonal, although some composers were already moving away from tonality.

“Stravinsky is not there yet,” says Brown. “He’s still doing a tonal thing, but he’s stacking them, so it’s one key on top of another key at the exact same time, so it sounds just raw. It’s just crazy, but it’s very organized, not random at all. There’s moments where it sounds like there’s accents that jut forward and you don’t know where it’s coming from, but its very organized.

It’s like several rhythmic ideas happening at once, all independent.”

Like a lot of foundational classical music, parts of “Rite of Spring” have become familiar over the years. The opening notes—an eerie, high-pitched bassoon solo—may be remembered from a segment of Walt Disney’s animated Fantasia.

Although Disney softened some of the rough edges of the visual story—no virgin death, go figure—time does not seem to have domesticated Stravinsky’s piece as much as it has some other groundbreaking art.

For example, the Impressionist painters were almost as provocative to early 20th century artistic orthodoxy, but their work has become decorative poster art since then. Stravinsky’s music remains challenging for both musicians and audience.

“For us it’s very challenging to play,” Brown says. “It takes an intense amount of concentration to not make mistakes. It

doesn’t feel comfortable, ever.”

So even when the piece sounds like a machine moving steadily, the way the music is written means it’s never comfortable for the musicians to play. But Brown thinks that necessarily agitated way of playing adds something to the piece. In the final movement, he says, “It’s like the machine takes over. What’s happening is the dancer is dancing herself to death. It’s as if she’s not doing it herself, something has taken over her. And the music depicts it well. It’s out of control, but still sounds perfectly in control and agitated for the musicians.”

It’s clear that Brown loves this music, which he first performed in college at the Peabody Conservatory of Music, where his music director taught the students to play without a conductor.

“I understand what the grooves are going to be when it locks into place,” he says. “It’s not going to be easy, but I didn’t have to start from ground zero.”

And the audience?

“I think it will anger some people,” he says. “I’m OK with that. It’s our job. If you don’t want musicians and artists to push you a bit, make you feel uncomfortable sometimes, then you don’t want to expand yourself as an audience member and an enjoyer of art. We do entertaining things, but we’re not entertainers. Our first goal is to be artistic. This orchestra and this community need a piece like this.”

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For more information about the CSO’s April 24 performance of Stravinsky’s “Rite of Spring”, visit chattanoogasymphony.org chattanoogapulse.com • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 19

Make plans to visit Spring Break!

Adventure awaits you at Rock City’s newest event, Fairytale Nights where Dreams Come to Life! Join us on a spectacular journey as we travel to a faraway kingdom where magic is around every turn.

Help Little Red Riding Hood avoid the Big Bad Wolf; follow Jack as he ventures off the beanstalk into the giant’s lair; enjoy the radiant gardens with Cinderella; learn to sword fight with a knight! Don’t miss this chance to make magical memories at Rock City’s Fairytale Nights! SeeRockCity.com/Fairytale

Last Week!

Now through April 20!

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

A Magical New Evening Event

“The Fine Art of Jazz“

thursday4.17 UTC Art Senior Thesis Exhibitions 9:30 a.m.

Cress Gallery of Art Vine & Palmetto Sts. cressgallery.org (423) 425-4600 String Theory: Johannes String Quartet 5:30 p.m.

Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View Ave. (423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org Collaboration on Mapping: Space, Self, and Surroundings 6 p.m.

The Apothecary Doctor's Building, St. 113 744 McCallie Ave. apothecarygallery.com Chattanooga State Community College 2014 Writers @ Work: Jill McCorkle 6:30 p.m.

Tennessee Aquarium 1 Broad St. (423) 402-9960 tnaqua.org “Mystery of the Nightmare Office Party” 7 p.m.

Vaudeville Café 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839 funnydinner.com Jerry Harvey & Friends 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

20 • The Pulse • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

friday4.18 UTC Art Senior Thesis Exhibitions 9:30 a.m.

Cress Gallery of Art Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4600 cressgallery.org EarthDayz 10 a..m.

Rock City 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mtn, Ga. seerockcity.com Downtown Jazz at the Waterhouse Pavilion 12:30 p.m.

Waterhouse Pavilion, 850 Market St. “Mystery of Flight 138” 7 p.m.

Vaudeville Café 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839 funnydinner.com

Pulse pick: UTC Senior Thesis ART Exhibitions The student artists in this exhibition respond to the contexts of our contemporary world with a wide range of material and form.

UTC Art Senior Thesis Exhibitions Cress Gallery of Art Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4600 cressgallery.org

Jerry Harvey & Friends 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com Friday Night Ballroom Dance Party 8:30 p.m.

Ballroom Magic Dance Center 4200 N Access Rd. (423) 771-3646 ballroommagicdancecenter. com

saturday4.19 Waking up with the Birds 7:30 a.m.

Chattanooga Arboretum and Nature Center 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160 chattanoogaanc.org EarthDayz 10 a..m.

Rock City 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mtn, Ga. seerockcity.com Museum Store Trunk Show: Jewelry By Christina 11 a.m.

Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View Ave. (423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org Evereman Free Art Project Production Party Noon.

Artifact 1080b Duncan Ave. teamartifact.com UTC Art Senior Thesis Exhibitions 1 p.m.

Cress Gallery of Art Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4600 cressgallery.org Houston Gunn: Meet the author and book signing 2 p.m.

Barnes and Noble 2230 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 893-0186 “Mystery of The Facebook Fugitive” 5:30 p.m.

Vaudeville Café 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839 funnydinner.com Evereman Free Art Project: Free Art Movement Talk 6 p.m.

Farmer’s Daughter 1211 Hixson Pike.

(423) 355-5372 thefarmersdaughterchattanooga. com Susan G. Komen Great Gatsby Gala’s Casino Night 6:30 p.m.

Sheraton Read House 827 Broad St. (423) 266-4121 Another Story LIVE with The Southside Union 7 p.m.

The Camp House 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081 thecamphouse.com Songbook: Euge Groove 7 p.m.

Bessie Smith Cultural Center 200 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-8658 bessiesmithcc.org Evereman Free Art Project Party 7:30 p.m.

201 W. Main St. (across from Craftwork) facebook.com/Evereman Jerry Harvey & Friends 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com Monte Allen 10:30 p.m.

Vaudeville Café 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839, funnydinner.com

sunday4.20 EarthDayz 10 a.m.

Rock City 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mtn, Ga. seerockcity.com Hike to Visit /Leave No Trace / Traveling Trainers 1 p.m.

Stringers Ridge Park at the Spears Avenue

Trailhead, Northshore.

UTC Art Senior Thesis Exhibitions 1 p.m.

Cress Gallery of Art Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4600 cressgallery.org Acupuncture Happy Hour 4 p.m.

Center for Mindful Living 1212 McCallie Ave. (423) 486-1279

monday4.21 Beginning Watercolor with Durinda Cheek 9 a.m.

Townsend Atelier 201 W. Main St. (423)-266-2712 townsendatelier.com UTC Art Senior Thesis Exhibitions 9:30 a.m.

Cress Gallery of Art Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4600 cressgallery.org Jazz on the Grass 6 p.m.

Whiteside Park 398 E. MLK Blvd.

Chattanooga Bicycle Club 6 p.m.

Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St. (423) 643-6888. outdoorchattanooga.com

tuesday4.22 Painting the Impressionist Landscape with Durinda Cheek 9 a.m.

Townsend Atelier 201 W. Main St. (423)-266-2712 townsendatelier.com UTC Art Senior Thesis Exhibitions 9:30 a.m.

Cress Gallery of Art Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4600 cressgallery.org “Exposed Terrarium” Class 6 p.m.

Chattanooga Workspace 302 W. 6th St. (423) 822-5750 chattanoogaworkspace.com Leave No Trace Awareness Workshop: Enjoying the Outdoors Responsibly 6 p.m.

Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St. (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com

wednesday4.23 UTC Art Senior Thesis Exhibitions 9:30 a.m.

Cress Gallery of Art Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4600 cressgallery.org CSO: “Breaking Bach” 4:30 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. (423) 267-8583 chattanoogasymphony.org

ongoing “The Fine Art of Jazz“ Bessie Smith Cultural Center

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

CSO: “Breaking Bach”

200 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-8658 bessiesmithcc.org “Bright Ideas: African American Inventors” Bessie Smith Cultural Center 200 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-8658 bessiesmithcc.org “Nature At Its Best” River Gallery 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033 river-gallery.com “African American Art: Harlem Renaissance Civil Rights Era and Beyond” Hunter Museum 10 Bluff View.

(423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org “Serendipitous” In-Town Gallery 26A Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214 intowngallery.com “East Asian Inspired Art: 7 Artists” North River Civic Center 1009 Executive Dr., Hixson (423) 870-8924 Rock City Raptors Rock City 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mtn., GA seerockcity.com Chattanooga Ghost Tours The Little Curiosity Shoppe 138 Market St. (423) 821-7125 chattanoogaghosttours.com

Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@ chattanoogapulse.com.

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chattanoogapulse.com • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 21

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Upping the Convertible Cool Quotient A great convertible doesn’t have to be good, but it does have to make you feel that way Editor’s note: Welcome to our new monthly automotive column!

one of five people in 1,000—now we’re talking.

There are more than 60 new I can sum up the American convertibles on the market (asconvertible in one sad car: The suming you consider, say, the Chrysler Sebring. This mediocre BMW 640 and 650 different modjellybean was the best-selling conels; more like 45 if you don’t). A vertible for most of 15 years, bePorsche Boxster or Aston Martin cause from its 1995 introduction DB9 any enthusiast will know; though 2010, the Sebring Convertbut others are so deeply obscure ible was the rental it’s hard to imagfleet convertible ine how they get of choice. built.They’re all That means cool by my definiit outsold cars tion, but as with bought by acanimals, some DAVID TRAVER tual people, like cars are more cool ADOLPHUS Ford Mustang than others. and Mazda Miata.

So here’s a Mazda moved a big 5,780 Miatas little list of “More Cool” convertfor all of 2013, and while Ford ibles.These are not necessarily the doesn’t break down Mustangs, best of their kind but they do sucthey probably sold around 14,000 ceed in making you feel special. If convertibles in 2013. Fourteen you think I’m leaving American thousand! Out of 2.5 million Fords cars off the list, here they all are: sold in the US. Only one out of Ford Mustang, Chevrolet Camaro, every 200 Fords goes out the door Chevrolet Corvette, Jeep Wranwithout a roof. gler, Chrysler 200. I like them all But selling in tiny numbers is except the Chrysler, which I hate. exactly what makes convertibles so very cool. If there were millions 1. Volvo C70 (or in some cases just thousands) A friend once made a 2,000-mile of them on the road, they wouldn’t round trip to get the perfect early exactly stand out, but when you’re (2000) C70. That first (and better

Air Bag

looking) 1998-2002 coupe generation sold a total of 6,465 in the USA, but a new 2006-2013 model did much better. While that was the last year for the retractable hardtop C70, a quick check on the Autotrader site shows 350 of them still on dealer lots.

450hp V-8. Can you imagine answering, when someone asks you what you drive, “Maserati”?

2. Infiniti Q60 Like the outgoing C70, Infiniti’s Q60 has a retractable hardtop. And like many hardtops, you end up with a funny high bustle on the end. But on the business side, it comes with a 325hp V-6 that goes into the legendary Skyline and incredibly (for enthusiasts), you can get a six-speed manual.

Infiniti sold 1,490 Q60s last year and I can’t imagine that means more than 250 of them were convertibles. Get the manual transmission and you must have one of less than 50. In the car world, we call those “unicorns”.

unlike that.” With the Cube, Versa, Leaf EV and NV van, Nissan is already The Ugly Car Company, so maybe they thought that they should take it to the logical extreme. Annual sales? Who knows.

Five? Twenty? Nissan isn’t saying. How high do the numbers on a dartboard go? Lower than that.

What a bizarre, unlikely little pug it is, so much so it’s sliding into the “So ugly it’s cute” category, like a toad.

3. Nissan Murano CrossCabriolet The CrossCab wins both “Least Likely” and “Most Ungainly.”

The Murano SUV is inoffensive and didn’t deserve to have this done to it, and yet, someone thought, “Let’s take a softroader SUV and put a cloth roof on it, like an old Ford Bronco, except totally

4. Maserati GranCabrio I have to include one true exotic and the Maserati is a truly stunning car. Lined up against any other Italian convertible from Lamborghini or Ferrari, this is the one I’d want to live with. Unless I had to pay for maintenance, which would have bankrupted Jack Lupton. This one is the Sport, with a

5. Morgan Three Wheeler This is an actual car, actually built by Morgan in England, and that’s its actual name. At 105, Morgan is one of the world’s oldest car companies and has always been tradition-minded. This is just the latest iteration of that, a brand-new, handmade version of the Three Wheelers they sold from 1910 through 1953. An 82hp S&S V-twin motorcycle engine sits up front, one fat tire holds up the back and who cares about the rest? This is one of the coolest objects of any kind on the planet.

David Traver Adolphus is a freelance automotive researcher who recently quit his full time job writing about old cars to pursue his lifelong dream of writing about old AND new cars. He welcomes the inevitable and probably richly deserved kvetching about Airbag and anything else on Twitter as @proscriptus.

Need we say more?

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2014 Beetle Convertible chattanoogapulse.com • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 23

FILM SCENE

Other People’s Cheap Thrills

Y

Lights! Camera! Action!

So you want to be a filmmaker. Where do you start?

Chattanooga has been blessed the past two months with a pair of excellent (and successful) film festivals: The Lookout Wild Film Festival and the Chattanooga Film Festival.

With the heightened interest in film in our fair city, a number of aspiring filmmakers have asked the obvious question, "How do we get started making our movies?"

Well, aside from the basic answers such as, "Buy a decent camera, some lights, and write down a story you want to immortalize on film," there is one rather simple thing you can do: join the Chattanooga Film Society.

✴✴✴✴✴

The Society was formed as the result of a public visioning process begun in November 2009. The organization promotes professional film and television production across the region, supports independent filmmaking locally, coordinates local film education efforts, and is currently working on the launch of a major destination film festival in Chattanooga.

No movie has even been made by one person (no matter how hard Robert Rodriguez tries). So the best way to get in touch with your inner Spielberg is to find likeminded folks. Come find them at chattanoogafilmsociety.org

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A Haunted House 2 Having exorcised the demons of his ex, Malcolm is starting fresh with his new girlfriend and her two children. After moving into their dream home, however... (R) Director: Michael Tiddes Stars: Marlon Wayans, Jaime Pressly, Cedric the Entertainer, Essence Atkins

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24 • The Pulse • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

EARS AGO, WHILE I WORKED AT BLOCKBUSTER, I remember seeing a series of pilots for game shows that never came to fruition. In general, these game shows promised money for depraved behavior, like offering a man on the street $100 for drinking a bottle of ipecac, watching him retch uncomfortably for a few minutes, then offering another $200 to lick the results of the heaving from the sidewalk.

Screen JOHN DEVORE

“

It’s well done, and has definite cult film potential.

‘Cheap Thrills’ is absolutely a film for genre film fans.”

This was supposed to be funny, of course, but more than anything it was just sad. It’s always been baffling what people are willing to do for seemingly inconsequential amounts of money. However, desperation and greed are powerful motivators. These themes are on full display in “Cheap Thrills,” an official Chattanooga Film Festival selection and audience favorite where two men are pitted against each other for the amusement of couple belonging to the ranks of the bored upper class.

The film is dark and uncomfortable, a comedy by only the broadest of definitions, but better than one might expect. While the bad-to-worse plotting of the film might cause flashbacks to scenes found in “Very Bad Things,” “Cheap Thrills” is a very different movie, one with strong characters in a far-fetched situation. In the film, Craig (Pat Healy) is a family man with a new baby. He is facing eviction from his apartment and his boss has just laid him off.

Craig wanders into a bar to drown his sorrows and encounters an old friend (a nearly unrecognizable Ethan Embry). The pair reminisce and draw the attention of a couple sitting in the corner of the room. Colin (David Koechner) and his bored-but-beautiful wife Audrey (Amanda Fuller) are out celebrating a birthday. What follows is a series of escalating dares, each worth arbitrary amounts of money, which become more and more sinister as the night rolls on.

The film is not especially subtle in its development of its themes. The callous

Craig (Pat Healy) is not having a very good day.

and detached amusement of the super wealthy vs. the eroding moral consciousness of the under classes is wellworn ground, explored everywhere from “The Great Gatsby” to the “The Wolf of Wall Street”. “Cheap Thrills” is as much an exaggeration as those films, just one with a darker tone and harder edge. At times the film is hard to watch, and the experience of hearing an audience cackle at the revolting and horrifying situations that unfold onscreen can be jarring. But it’s well done, and has definite cult film potential. “Cheap Thrills” is absolutely a film for genre film fans, although by those standards it might be considered a bit tame.

The film would not be as successful were it not for the performances of the cast. Both Healy and Embry commit to their performances, creating relatable people essential to the storytelling. Koechner is more reserved as the master of ceremonies, affable, with the undercurrent of condescension necessary for that type of person. The result is a movie that entertains and engages, despite the natural revulsion we might feel at the subject matter.

As mentioned, “Cheap Thrills” was just one of the excellent selections in

the Chattanooga Film Festivall. For a first-year festival, the event was an undeniable success and a huge leap forward for film fans in the Scenic City.

Of the films I saw (around 10 out of the available 28), none were in any way low quality, although many were strange and complex. Several of them need repeat viewings for full understanding. Some are unlikely ever to make complete sense. Quite a few of the films are at the beginning of their theatrical release, meaning if you didn’t see them at the festival, you are unlikely to see them in Chattanooga again.

While things return to normal in the film world, and we all wait patiently for the opening of the Scenic, Chattanooga’s first art house theater, “Cheap Thrills” is one festival film that anyone can, and should, enjoy in the comfort of their own home. You won’t have the pleasure of a Q & A with star Pat Healy, but the film is available right now on iTunes and ripe for discussion afterwards. For those so inclined, it is essential that you watch the film with friends. Have a party and revel in the uncomfortable debauchery on screen. Other people make the movie more enjoyable. We can’t be islands all the time. chattanoogapulse.com • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 25

Free Will Astrology ARIES (March 21-April 19): It’s Compensation Week. If you have in the past suffered from injustice, it’s an excellent time to go in quest of restitution. If you have been deprived of the beauty you need to thrive, now is the time to get filled up. Wherever your life has been out of balance, you have the power to create more harmony. Don’t be shy about seeking redress. Ask people to make amends. Pursue restorations. But don’t, under any circumstances, lust for revenge.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “Our brains are no longer conditioned for reverence and awe,” said novelist John Updike. That’s a sad possibility. Could you please do something to dispute or override it, Taurus? Would it be too much to ask if I encouraged you to go out in quest of lyrical miracles that fill you with wonder? Can I persuade you to be alert for sweet mysteries that provoke dizzying joy and uncanny breakthroughs that heal a wound you’ve feared might forever plague you? Here’s what the astrological omens suggest: Phenomena that stir reverence and awe are far more likely than usual.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I wonder if it’s time for you to modify an old standby. I’m getting the sense that you should consider tinkering with a familiar resource that has served you pretty well. Why? This resource may have some hidden weakness that you need to attend to in order to prevent a future disruption. Now might be one of those rare occasions when you should ignore the old rule, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” So be proactive, Gemini. Investigate what’s going on beneath the surface. Make this your motto: “I will solve the problem before it’s a problem—and then it will never be a problem.”

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “Do you really have what it takes or do you not have what it takes?”

That’s the wrong question to ask, in my opinion.

You can’t possibly know the answer ahead of time, for one thing. To dwell on that quandary would put you on the defensive and activate your fear, diminishing your power to accomplish the task at hand. Here’s a more useful inquiry: “Do you want it strongly enough or do you not want it strongly enough?” With this as your meditation, you might be inspired to do whatever’s necessary to pump up your desire. And that is the single best thing you can do to ensure your ultimate success.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): I swear my meditations are more dynamic when I hike along the trail through the marsh than if I’m pretzeled up in the lotus position back in my bedroom. Maybe I’ve been influenced by Aristotle’s Peripatetic School. He felt his students learned best when they accompanied him on long strolls. Then there was philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, who testified that his most brilliant thoughts came to him as he rambled far and wide.

Even if this possibility seems whimsical to you, Leo, I invite you to give it a try. According to my reading of the current astrological omens, your moving body is likely to generate bright ideas and unexpected solutions and visions of future adventures.

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26 • The Pulse • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Throughout North America and Europe, there are hundreds of unused roads. Many are former exit and entrance ramps to major highways, abandoned for one reason or another. Some are stretches of pavement that used to be parts of main thoroughfares before they were rerouted. I suggest we make “unused roads” your metaphor of the week, Virgo. It may be time for you to bring some of them back into operation, and maybe even relink them to the pathways they were originally joined to. Are there any missing connections in your life that you would love to restore? Any partial bridges you feel motivated to finish building?

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Karma works both ways.

If you do ignorant things, ignorant things may eventually be done to you. Engage in generous actions, and at some future date you may be the unexpected beneficiary of generosity. I’m expecting more of the

rob brezsny latter than the former for you in the coming days, Libra. I think fate will bring you sweet compensations for your enlightened behavior in the past.

I’m reminded of the fairy tale in which a peasant girl goes out of her way to be kind to a seemingly feeble, disabled old woman. The crone turns out to be a good witch who rewards the girl with a bag of gold. But as I hinted, there could also be a bit of that other kind of karma lurking in your vicinity.

Would you like to ward it off? All you have to do is unleash a flurry of good deeds. Anytime you have a chance to help people in need, do it.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): As they lie in the sand, African crocodiles are in the habit of opening their jaws wide for hours at a time. It keeps them cool, and allows for birds called plovers to stop by and pluck morsels of food that are stuck between the crocs’ molars. The relationship is symbiotic. The teeth-cleaners eat for free as they provide a service for the large reptiles. As I analyze your astrological aspects, Scorpio, I’m inclined to see an opportunity coming your way that has a certain resemblance to the plovers’. Can you summon the necessary trust and courage to take full advantage?

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Are you sure you have enough obstacles? I’m afraid you’re running low. And that wouldn’t be healthy, would it?

Obstacles keep you honest, after all. They motivate you to get smarter. They compel you to grow your willpower and develop more courage. Please understand that I’m not taking about trivial and boring obstacles that make you numb. I’m referring to scintillating obstacles that fire up your imagination; rousing obstacles that excite your determination to be who you want and get what you want. So your assignment is to acquire at least one new interesting obstacle. It’s time to tap into a deeper strain of your ingenuity.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In 1937, physicist George Paget Thomson won a Nobel Prize for the work he did to prove that the electron is a wave. That’s funny, because his father, physicist J. J. Thomson, was awarded the Nobel Prize in 1906 for showing that the electron is a particle. Together, they helped tell the whole story about the electron, which as we now know is both a wave and a particle.

I think it’s an excellent time for you to try something similar to what George did: follow up on some theme from the life of one of your parents or mentors; be inspired by what he or she did, but also go beyond it; build on a gift he or she gave the world, extending or expanding it.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You have been a pretty decent student lately, Aquarius. The learning curve was steep, but you mastered it as well as could be expected. You had to pay more attention to the intricate details than you liked, which was sometimes excruciating, but you summoned the patience to tough it out. Congrats! Your against-thegrain effort was worth it. You are definitely smarter now than you were four weeks ago. But you are more wired, too. More stressed. In the next chapter of your life story, you will need some downtime to integrate all you’ve absorbed. I suggest you schedule some sessions in a sanctuary where you can relax more deeply than you’ve allowed yourself to relax in a while.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You have the power to shut what has been open or open what has been shut. That’s a lot of responsibility. Just because you have the power to unleash these momentous actions doesn’t mean you should rashly do so. Make sure your motivations are pure and your integrity is high. Try to keep fear and egotism from influencing you. Be aware that whatever you do will send out ripples for months to come. And when you are confident that you have taken the proper precautions, by all means proceed with vigor and rigor.

Shut what has been open or open what has been shut—or both.

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Blacksmithing l Clay l Fibers l Glass Metals l Wood l Photography 3D Printing l & More Call today to register (931) 372-3051 or visit tntech.edu/craftcenter for more info This ad was produced by the Appalachian Center for Craft. TTU does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, national origin, sex, disability, or age. For inquiries regarding non-discrimination policies, contact affirmact@tntech.edu. Pub#AAR170-AD-14

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For when you need help.

The Law Office of Chris Dixon Specializing in Criminal Defense, Personal Injury & Estates 707 Georgia Avenue, Suite 402 The FlatIron Building Chattanooga, TN 37402

Phone: (423) 648-7527 Mobile: (423) 800-3510 Fax: (423) 648-7537

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Saturday, April 26, 2014

Black Tie Optional

6:30 PM

Cocktails and Dinner

Music and Dancing with The Celebrity AllStars

An Evening Celebrating & Supporting ALS Research 28 • The Pulse • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

Jonesin’ Crossword

Pilgrim Congregational Church

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“Ron For Your Lives!”

--that’s all you can do.

(UCC)

Celebrating 100 Years

of providing the Chattanooga community with a liberal Christian tradition Learn more about our mission and activities at pilgrim-church.com

Sunday Worship 11am 400 Glenwood Drive at 3rd Street (423) 698-5682

We Are Saving Mobile Lives ACROSS 1 Ski lodge drinks 7 Put up for display 11 “Danny and the Dinosaur” author ___ Hoff 14 Show off 15 Cookie with its name stamped on it 16 Actress Mendes 17 Furniture wheel 18 Club for shorter shots 20 “What’s that D.C. university, hon?” response (from a director and former pitcher)?

22 Fish hook 24 Through 25 Controversial director Riefenstahl 26 Affect adversely 27 Dubliner’s dance 28 Affirmation at the altar 31 Adjust a clock 32 Become more liked by 34 Like day-old bread 36 Premium-class

TV dinner brand (from a fictional boss and an actor)?

40 Oldest of the “Animaniacs” siblings 41 Strainers 43 Miguel’s “more” 46 Part of iOS 47 Easter egg coloring 48 Put away 49 Volcano that erupted in 2002 51 Al and Peggy Bundy’s son 52 “Srsly?!”

53 Wine that can’t decide what it is (from a stand-up comedian and a fictional newsman)?

58 Video game starting point 59 ___ car (child’s ride) 62 Compass dir.

63 Advanced 64 Interlock 65 The Mavericks, on scoreboards 66 ‘90s Mariners star

67 Agree (to) DOWN 1 Freon letters 2 Rock-___ (jukebox manufacturer) 3 Movement of money 4 Words before bounds or breath 5 Over again 6 “The Firebird” composer 7 Accord creator 8 Like Death Valley 9 “99 Luftballons” singer 10 Movie or party attachment 11 Sitcom, e.g.

12 Miss ___ (“Pee-Wee’s Playhouse” character) 13 “Heck!”

19 Down with something 21 18-wheeler 22 Prank 23 Goes on TV 27 The ___ Brothers 28 “___ Always Sunny

in Philadelphia” 29 Short, short shorts 30 Skate park maneuver 33 Method 34 Snoopy ___cone Machine 35 The night before 37 Allows 38 Common 39 “Are you for ___?”

42 Hog’s haven 43 Whimpered 44 Favorite daughter of Zeus 45 Whimper 47 Burrowed 50 Fed on 51 AKC category 52 “This is weird, but...”

54 First name of the “First Lady of Song” 55 Feral pig 56 “...___ dust shalt thou return” 57 Columbus vessel 60 Food preserver 61 Suffix with employ

Copyright © 2014 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0671

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chattanoogapulse.com • APRIL 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 29

Rapid Decompression Officer Alex gets a new beat and experiences culture shock.

Clients, take heed.

“Just listen to the music of the traffic in the city Linger on the sidewalk where the neon signs are pretty How can you lose?

The lights are much brighter there You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares…”

— “Downtown”, by Petula Clark “Vood it be okeh if I took my pic’cha vit you?” said the ALEX comely young German woman as she approached me with her husband from across the street.

I was still adapting to this kind of behavior, but I complied and even ensured we had the marked car in the backdrop.

“To be honest,” she said afterward, “in Germany ve ah afraid of ze’ police. Ven you deal vit dem it is all business and usually trouble. You ah so approachable he’ah und kind, ve haf’ nevah seen zis. Sank you.”

What the hell? Was she crazy?

Was I just complimented? I only

acceded to the picture because her accent and appearance with her husband gave me a sudden flashback to a scene from the movie “Super Troopers”. The statistical likelihood of this was too much to pass up (and yes— EVERY cop watches “Super Troopers” in its entirety every time they see it on television just as you do with “Shawshank Redemption”, despite TEACH both of us probably having the DVD next to the TV), but this had never happened before. Literally.

“Distressed areas,” they were called. They had been the only environment I had worked in since Clinton was president so I was completely out of my element here.

Not only were there street lights everywhere, they actually worked. Crime scene tape did not linger on the street signs on the corners. People were running, running everywhere! Yet they

On The Beat

weren’t running from me or because they did something; they were just running for no reason.

To stay healthy? I just assumed it was something I would never know.

Young children were not playing in the road alone or unsupervised: They were holding the hands of an adult, and in many cases the adult appeared to be their father. Kids with fathers?

For the first few days, or perhaps weeks, I performed various experiments to ensure this wasn’t the Wachowski brothers’ “Matrix.” And why wouldn’t I? People in restaurants ate “vegetarian wraps”, and the one gas station in the area didn’t have the first deep fryer. You read this right: A gas station that did NOT produce metric tons of tater logs or chicken or jalapeno poppers that required a roll of paper towels per serving.

When I got out of my car to walk, I still locked it, but I did not do so with my pistol in my hand with the barrel pointed down and its left side held against my chest so that I could secure it but keep it rapidly deployable at the first sign of trouble. It stayed in its holster.

And instead of people asking me for my badge number?

They were asking me for direc-

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“

There is a definite possibility that the phrase “becoming institutionalized” applies to more than just prison inmates. tions. (The first one that did so, I maced out of sheer panic—I admit it. I was still woozy from having passed out at seeing a young woman in yoga pants working a hula hoop in an open park area… like I could be BLAMED for any of this.)

Where am I going with all this? I have no idea. And it’s not that I’ve been wrong about anything, I mean, of course, but there is a definite possibility that the phrase “becoming institutionalized” applies to more than just prison inmates. I suppose it’s closer to home than I ever realized about my prior assignments.

In the meantime, I think I’m going to ponder this a bit more at a place called “a restaurant.”

The kind where there is a lec-

tern up front from which someone politely seats you and appoints a waiter or waitress who more likely than not doesn’t have a knife behind their apron for security. Where menus have heart healthy options, and...(Your Author Pauses). It’s all too much.

But I’m still going to take another anti-“Matrix” pill when I get home, just in case. Or perhaps splash some malt liquor on my shoes for comfort, while I figure out why there are not stray dogs walking around aimlessly, and why there are shops that sell coffee, and coffee only...

Thank God I am able to drive through East Chattanooga on the way home after work. Baby steps, ladies and gentlemen.

Baby steps. But trust me on the folks asking directions. Trickery, trickery, trickery.

When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at facebook.com/alexteach

APRIL 26, 2014 www.P2PChattanooga.org B E N E F I T I N G T H E C R A N I O FA C I A L F O U N D AT I O N O F A M E R I C A

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