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January 24, 2013

Vol. 10 • No. 4

ur of Chatt o t c an ri e oo ph

no ordinary joe

MUSIC zappa on

houses ffee co ga

An a tm os

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative


2 • The Pulse • JANUARY 24-30, 2013 •





FEB. 3 • 5:30 PM tickets $50 • $55

• Dweezil Zappa visits Track 29 on Jan. 30 to play his father’s music. Richard Winham speaks with the guitarist this week in Music » P8


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Editor and Creative Director Bill Ramsey Operations Manager/Webmaster Mike McJunkin Contributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsny • Zachary Cooper Chuck Crowder • John DeVore • Janis Hashe Matt Jones • Chris Kelly • Mike McJunkin • Ernie Paik Sarah Skates • Alex Teach • Richard Winham Photographers Kim Hunter • Josh Lang Cartoonists Max Cannon • E.J. Pettinger • Richard Rice Jen Sorensen • Tom Tomorrow Interns Gaby Dixon • Julia Sharp • Esan Swan Founded 2003 by Zachary Cooper & Michael Kull

Offices 1305 Carter St. • Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Fax 423.266.2335 Web Email Calendar THE FINE PRINT The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. © 2013 Brewer Media. All rights reserved.

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Great Food & Live Music

Live Music » Wednesday-Saturday

Thursday 7-9 pm CSA Writers Night Jam Session Enjoy $7.95 Dinner Special Every Night! Happy Hour • 3-10 p.m • Tuesday-Saturday Late Night Friday & Saturday • 11 p.m. to 3 a.m. Five Eleven 511 • Broad Street • 423.386.5921 Chattanooga’s Newest & Best Top 40 & Hip-Hop Dance Club & VIP Lounge • JANUARY 24-30, 2013 • The Pulse • 3






The Main Terrain opens on Southside

UTC No. 32 on list of ‘Sugar Baby’ schools

Imagine if the Walnut Street Bridge got zapped by a mad scientist’s shrink ray, then got chopped into pieces, relocated to the Southside and turned into oversized playground equipment. Oh, and imagine that mad scientist put a steering wheel on each piece of the bridge so you can turn it every which way. That’s how Pulse arts writer Rich Bailey described plans for The Main Terrain last summer, the new urban art fitness park opening Thursday on the Southside (at the 400 block of Main Street, between Main and 13th streets, it’s hard to miss) with a dedication and ribbon-cutting ceremony at 10:30 a.m. Later in the day at 5:30 p.m., the art and design team behind the park, landscape architect Thomas Sayre and Mike Fowler and Tom Norquist of GameTime, will discuss the design process and share their thoughts behind the making of Main Terrain in Ballroom 2 of The Chattanoogan Hotel. The talk is free and open to the public. The Main Terrain is an urban redevelopment project that has transformed a vacant tract of land downtown into a unique urban art fitness park. Internationallyrenowned artist Sayre was commissioned to design a series of sculptures that are the centerpiece for the park and are reminiscent of the iconic Walnut Street Bridge. The sculptures are movable so that parkgoers can physically interact with the artwork. The park will also feature a new line of adult fitness equipment by PlayCore. “What underlies the entire Main Terrain project is the act of bridging; bridging the physical space across a former polluted rail site; bridging community, the downtown and the renovated Main Street; and bridging the activities of urban design, art and exercise,” Sayre said of the project. The park was made possible by an Our Town grant from the National Endowment for the Arts and by numerous locally based businesses and nonprofits, including the City of Chattanooga, ArtsBuild, Public Art Chattanooga, Lyndhurst Foundation, Ross/Fowler Architecture and Landscape Architecture and PlayCore. —Staff

There’s a new trend spreading across college campuses nationwide, but it has nothing to do with the typical Gen-Y obsessions. Young women—and men—are becoming “Sugar Babies,” connecting with monied benefactors who are older, wiser, wealthier and looking for someone to spoil in return for a little, well, sugar. Sounds illegal (or sketchy at worst), but according to, the “leading website for mutually beneficial arrangements,” this hook-up is legit— and a no-brainer for cash-strapped college students. College tuition is increasingly pricey, and Sugar Daddies want to help young intellectuals become rich and successful while “tutoring” them—and maybe

4 • The Pulse • JANUARY 24-30, 2013 •

more. The site follows this logic: “The French had courtesans. The Japanese had geishas. And in today’s society, we now have sugar babies.” If you’re not sold yet, just think about all the student loans you can pay off after a few sufficiently awkward dates with someone 30 years your senior. New York University, the University of Georgia and the University of Central Florida top the list of Sugar Baby schools, but Tennessee is not far behind—UTC is No. 32, with 120 registered Sugar Babies (72 in 2012 alone, outpacing the University of Memphis and UT!). Co-eds sign up for free (using a college email address), listing basic information such as age, height and how much money they expect to receive from their Sugar Daddy—the most important element in any Sugar-based relationship. Apparently, Sugar Babies can even make a wish list and have gifts delivered right to their door.

Seem like a win-win? Some might sense a scam or legalized prostitution scheme, but as a student myself, I have to wonder why more young students are not taking advantage of the program. I’m constantly hearing friends and classmates complain about working three jobs, taking out loans, never eating out and still being hard-pressed for cash. Probably not the lifestyle for everyone, but receiving $3,000 a month for saying clever things to a lonely, divorced, 40-something, doctor, wealthy benefactor seems like an agreeable alternative to selling plasma for money. Thank me when you graduate with zero debt and a substantial and expensive jewelry collection—but caveat emptor: I’m not responsible for any feeling of being “so over” the old dude whose lap you’re still sitting in. —Julia Sharp Julia Sharp is a senior majoring in English at UTC and an intern at The Pulse. She had no Sugar Daddy at presstime.


Jerre ‘Music Man’ Haskew at ESPN Local sports broadcasting and music legend Jerre Haskew returns to the airwaves this week on ESPN 105.1-FM The Zone’s “In The Zone” with Jim Gumm with his new program, “The Music Man on Mondays” airing from 3 to 6 p.m. on Mondays. “I am excited and truly honored to return to my radio roots on ESPN,” Haskew said. “I’m also excited about reconnecting with thousands of sports fanatics in the greater Chattanooga area and across the nation via live stream who tune in to share our mutual passion for sports.” Haskew is a native Chattanoogan, a graduate of Baylor School and UT. At the latter school in 1963, he founded The Cumberland Trio, which became a nationally renowned folk band. In 1965, Haskew ventured into the banking business and for the next 15 years traveled the world before returning to Chattanooga in 1980 to become president and CEO of Commerce Union Bank (now Bank of America). In 1986, he founded his own venture capital and consulting firm, The Haskew Company, which acquired Guild Guitar, a premier American guitar manufacturer, where Haskew became president and CEO. After selling Guild in 1990, Haskew leased time on a Chattanooga radio station and created a sports talk show which was named best sports talk show in Tennessee three times. In 2000, Haskew reunited with The Cumberland Trio and continues to perform as a singer-songwriter around the Southeast. —Staff

Journalist eyes Chattanooga for Monocle report By Zachary Cooper


hen it comes to gaining attention and recognition in the media, subjects usually fall into one of two categories: attention or recognition for something bad or attention and recognition for something good. For instance, the State Legislature has, unfortunately, garnered some rather bad media attention of late. Most of it well deserved bad attention, mind you. Yet despite the seemingly unending efforts of some state leaders in Nashville to turn the white-hot spotlight of the media on the wrong side of those two categories, there are others working to direct the world’s attention to our best assets and advantages. Take Samar Ali, the state’s assistant commissioner of international affairs. Ali and a group of state representatives visited London late last year and met with editors at Monocle, the U.K.-based global affairs magazine. With its far reaching readership, Monocle is considered one of the most influential magazines on newsstands today. Ali and her fellow diplomats were successful in piquing the interest of Monocle editors, who dispatched Alastair Gee, its San Francisco-based bureaux (with an “x”—everything in Monocle is as stylized as its editor) chief to Chattanooga earlier this month to explore some of the companies, people and community leaders who are at the forefront of the continued efforts to invent, revitalize and make our city better place to work and live. If you’ve never heard of Monocle, don’t feel left out. The magazine—founded by former war correspondent, journalist and Wallpaper magazine founder Tyler Brûlé—is as hefty as the phonebook and carries a similarly hefty $12 price tag. Sophisticated and encyclopedic in scope, each issue lives up to its tagline of “A briefing on global affairs, business, culture and design,” but is far from brief. The December/January issue carries 270 pages with reports from all over the world ranging from international finance and politics to the latest insider fashion news and the hottest airport lounges. Still, it’s not the most visible magazine on the shelf—at least not here in Chattanooga, which as yet does not boast one of the magazine’s growing franchise cafés. The last time I picked up my copy at Barnes & Noble the clerk said, “So,

you’re the guy who buys this. Now I only have to return the two others.” Impressive credentials and much experience covering a wide variety of topics travel with Gee. The British-born, Cambridgeeducated journalist began his career at The Moscow Times, and has written for The Economist, The New York Times, Slate, The Sunday Times, Foreign Policy and U.S. News and World Report, among others. His contributions to Monocle are equally diverse, covering technology, health, transportation, culture and urban design. Among his frequent journalistic obsessions are cities and the revitalization of urban cores, as well as entrepreneurial ventures within cities, making him a natural fit for the Chattanooga assignment. While in town this month, Gee visited local businesses and start-ups to survey the core of what the city has to offer to the world. I had the opportunity to visit with Gee after a welcome dinner at Alleia on Main Street and probe his perspective on his experiences covering cities and his experience here in Chattanooga. With the variety of subjects that you cover, is there something unified among them or do you simply have a broad range of interests? I’ve always liked curious problems—people finding quirky solutions to mysteries or finding out what actually happened at an event. It’s certainly driven by my own interests. I like to go talk to people and find out if there is more light I can shed on this problem. Is that the approach you take when you’re surveying cities or covering startup sectors and development within cities? Yes, I think so. The mystery there is, what is working? Something is working. What’s going right there? Is there a trend or common thread that you’ve picked up on when things are going “right” in a city? I think one of the main common threads is when I see a city that has dedicated, civic-minded people. You see that in San Francisco, you see it in Oakland. These are people that are devoted to their cities, devoted to the place they live in and they are

“People want to be the next Silicon Valley, create Chattanooga 2.0, for instance. I think tech scenes bring excitement to a city. Even if they don’t bring massive profits initially, they bring an energy to a city that is important.” Alastair Gee not ashamed to embrace it. Another common thread is that, for instance, comparing Oakland and Chattanooga, things were really bad in both cities and people wanted to change it. There has to be that impetus for change as well. I also think there is a commonality in the “tecnologicalisation,” if you will, of business within these cities. People want to be the next Silicon Valley, create Chattanooga

2.0, for instance. You have these mindful tech scenes and people with big ideas within them. I think they bring excitement to a city. Even if they don’t bring massive profits initially, they bring an energy to a city that is important. Additionally, there is a definite trend toward cities regenerating downtowns. People across the country have become truly dedicated to these efforts. People are looking at the enormous urban sprawl and asking how they can create an alternative to that. They’re asking those questions now and looking for solutions. As you continue your visit here, what is your sense about your experience so far? How do you think this city fares in comparison to others you have covered? Certainly, I wouldn’t have suggested to my editors at Monocle that I write about Chattanooga if there wasn’t some exciting things happening here. Visiting places like Co-Lab and talking to them about the venture capital and entrepreneurial side of things and my visit to the Volkswagen facilities are proving that the right things are happening in Chattanooga. • JANUARY 24-30, 2013 • The Pulse • 5

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Dizzy Town

J. Todd Foster’s Hixson Life


hanneling Leonard Nimoy, we have been “In Search of ...” former TFP executive editor J. Todd Foster since he resigned in September 2011 “for personal reasons,” an official statement at that time read, after only 15 months on the job. Foster, it turned out, had been dating a staff photographer under his supervision— which violated the newspaper’s ethical and HR policies, we imagine, but it was also a handy excuse for the paper to rid themselves of an editor who didn’t end up fitting the TFP’s Johnny Deadline jacket. Foster came to Chattanooga from the Bristol Herald Courier in Virginia (where the paper won a Pulitzer Prize during his tenure) and was a former Free Press reporter from 1985 to ’89. He had an impressive resume, including being part of the Spokane (Wa.) SpokesmanReview’s Pulitzer-finalist team who covered the Ruby Ridge siege in 1992, and the TFP had

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11Am - 10 Pm dAilY 3914 St. Elmo AVE. (423) 702-5461

Find uS on FAcEbook 6 • The Pulse • JANUARY 24-30, 2013 •

high hopes (a Pulitzer!), while media-watchers cheered his hiring as a home run for Chattanooga (real journalism!). But Foster wasted no time ruffling feathers with the establishment and, less substantially, with readers. Foster bumped heads with the police department in particular and upended the direction plowed by former editor Tom

Griscom—to mostly positive feedback—but the TFP wasn’t quite ready to make such a dramatic leap, perhaps suffering buyer’s remorse. Suffice it to say, local police and sheriff’s deputies were no fans of J. Todd. Apparently, he touched a nerve in the upper echelons on 11th Street as well. But he did oversee a refreshing, if tumultuous era at the paper that has since reverted to a more Griscom-like calm. In the aftermath, the TFP said it would begin a search for a new executive editor and assigned managing editor Alison Gerber to assume Foster’s responsibilities until a new editor was named. That was almost 16 months ago. We now assume that “search” has been suspended or was never seriously pursued. Given time to lick his wounds, we figured Foster would wind up at a daily or weekly newspaper in another town far, far away. But as the days turned into months, our custom Google News search went cold. J. Todd had gone deep into exile and we’d almost forgotten him—until last weekend, when his smiling visage landed in our mailbox! If you live in Hixson, you too probably received a copy of Hixson Life, a new glossy community magazine, as well. And chances are you, like us, almost tossed it into the trash with the other detritus that qualifies as Snail Mail these days. But oldtimers, suburbanites and even alt-weekly newspaper editors can’t get enough of these types of feel-good publications, with their folksy home tips and bulletin board-style notices. So we opened up our copy. And there on Page 5 was Foster’s “Message from the Editor” topped by his cheery, cheeky face, exhorting readers to sup-

port Hixson Life with (free) submissions, photos and calendar items for his new “compelling and informative” community magazine, using the email address hixson@ We searched for a local street address or website, but found only a King of Prussia, Pa., return address and a cry to readers to visit, where readers could submit articles, photos and, perhaps more revealingly, advertising. Curiosity piqued, we dug deeper. Turns out Hixson Life is one of dozens, if not hundreds, of slick community magazines published by Hibu, the publisher of Yellow Pages competitor Yellowbook and other “products.” Each issue of every Life magazine is a virtual duplicate of the next, with the community name ahead of Life, filled with local “content” and run by would-be publishing titans—and, it seems, exdaily newspaper editors. It’s “fur piece” from his former position, but we don’t knock him for wanting to make a buck. And if Hixson actually needs a community magazine, it might as well be run by the likes of Foster, who can at least write. If you were unaware of his past, you’d miss the connection and might not chuckle at the thought of Foster detailing the Super Bowl party offerings of Buffalo Wild Wings. But, hey, we’ve seen worse lateral moves by former daily newspaper journalists (or alt-weekly journalists, for that matter—hell, we used to work for commies). We emailed Foster for comment, but did not hear back from him by presstime. Maybe his Hibu email account rejects incoming mail from local newspapers. After all, he’s got to protect his territory.



» pulse PICK of the litter

A curated selection of highlights from the live music and arts and entertainment calendars chosen by Pulse editors.

» pulse PICKS

THU01.24 MUSIC Divine Jazz • Thursday—a good night for jazz, wine and cheese at Brix Nouveau. 6:30 p.m. • Brix Nouveau • 301 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 488- 2926 •

EVENT The Main Terrain Grand Opening • New urban art and fitness park opens today with a ribbon-cutting ceremony and an afternoon discussion with the architects and artists. 10:30 p.m. • 400 Block of Main & 13th Streets

FRI01.25 MUSIC Zoso: Led Zeppelin Tribute • Get the Led out with this veteran tribute band. 10 p.m. • Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. •

EVENT “Avenue Q” • The bawdy puppet Broadway hit opens ETC’s new Eastgate digs. See Theatre, Page 18. 7:30 p.m. • Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga 5600 Brainerd Road • (423) 987-5141

SAT01.26 MUSIC Wally & Friends Benefit • Six bands perform tonight at JJ’s Bohemia in a show benefitting for the spay/neuter clinic. 6 p.m. • JJ’s Bohemia • 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400 •

EVENT “A Tribute to Lewis Grizzard” • See Arts for story, Page 15. 7 p.m. • Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. (423) 642-TIXS •

Photo • Courtesy Chattacon

Steampunks & SciFi Fans, freaks and geeks descend on the Choo Choo for Chattacon 38, where steampunks are sure to roam • Chattanooga’s vibrant Con season kicks off this weekend with Chattacon returning to its home at the Choo Choo, where it routinely draws more than 1,000 new and old sci-fi, steampunk, comic and fantasy fans roam the lobby, campus and convention space of the complex. Marketing director KC Charland said the 38th annual event is chock full of all the usual fan favorites—the art show, dealer area, the ConSuite, gaming and official events featuring guests of honors (see sidebar)—and adds that the con has included a blood drive, dubbed the Robert A. Heinlein Memorial Blood Drive, from 1 to 6 p.m. on Saturday to benefit Chattanooga Blood Assurance (vampires, saltvores, zombies and demigods need not apply). Charland said also that steampunk has risen to all

but dominated the con for the past few years, and this year is no exception. Other notable events are the film festival and Saturday night dance—always a costumed feast for the eyes— at Town Hall with DJ Synaptic Flow spining songs from across decades and genres into the wee hours of the morning. If the con starts to stress you out, free massages will provided by Healthsource Chiropractic and Progressive Rehab in the Con Suite, aka Track 29, where you can relax and chill with a cold beer (badges are $25) and de-steampunk. And don’t miss the room parties, often the very essence of the Chattacon experience. Live long and prosper, Chattacon. FRI 01.25-SUN 01.27 Chattacon 38 Chattanooga Choo Choo 1400 Market St.

Guests of Honor Tim Powers • Award-winning science fiction and fantasy author (“The Anubis Gates,” “Last Call,” “Declare”) whose 1988 novel, “On Stranger Tides,” was optioned for adaptation into the fourth “Pirates of the Caribbean” film. Cherie Priest • Seattle-based Priest is the author of a dozen novels, including the steampunk pulp adventures “Ganymede,” “Dreadnought,” “Clementine” and “Boneshaker.” William Stout • Hugely influential artist, designer, art director and film production designer whose recent murals adorn the San Diego Natural History Museum and San Diego Zoo. Wendy Webb • Toastmistress • JANUARY 24-30, 2013 • The Pulse • 7

Son of Zappa By Richard Winham


rank Zappa wasn’t a rock musician. He led any number of bands beginning with The Mothers of Invention in the mid-1960s, and the record company always promoted them as rock bands. In the late ’60s many musicians were blurring the boundaries between popular music styles and Zappa was assumed to be doing the same. But even if record companies didn’t “get it,” fans did.

Dweezil Zappa’s grassroots campaign to bring his father’s music to places it has never been comes to town

Zappa had more in common with Igor Stravinsky, who had revolutionized orchestral music earlier in the century, than his contemporaries. Both were received with a mixture of outrage and ridicule, but their music sounds as fresh today as it did when they wrote it because neither man paid any attention to convention. They both stood outside the eras in which they worked, creating music unlike anything else at the time, and

8 • The Pulse • JANUARY 24-30, 2013 •

their work remains fresh for as long as musicians are willing to accept the challenge of playing it. The first to accept the challenge was his son, Dweezil. His father, a consummate composer, released 60 albums of original material between 1966 and his death in 1993. In spite of that prolific output, many more compositions remain unrecorded. And yet many people, if they remember him at all, know him as the clown prince of rock, the man responsible for a few radio hits based on scatological bathroom badinage. Perhaps because of that widely held perception, in the years following his death, fewer and fewer younger people were listening to his music. Dweezil became increasingly concerned that so few people of his generation even knew his father’s name, let alone his music. Despite the many daunting

challenges, he decided to do something about it. In 2007, he formed a band calling it Zappa Plays Zappa to introduce his father to a new generation. On Wednesday, Jan. 39, they’re coming to Chattanooga to play at Track 29. It’ll be their first visit, but then according to Dweezil, he and the band have taken his father’s music to many places he never had an opportunity to play. “This is a grassroots campaign to bring Frank’s music to places it wouldn’t otherwise go,” he told me last week. “We can take the music to places it’s never been. We’re going to be going to Mississippi and some other places that Frank never went (in the states), as well as other places in the world, Frank never had the chance to go. We played in Israel, we’ve played in Iceland (as well as Australia, Europe, Sweden, Denmark and Netherlands) … it’s a journey, that’s for sure.” A journey in every sense of the word for everyone involved. On their first tour in 2007, Zappa Plays Zappa had eight members; this year it has six. Multi-instrumentalists all, they have spent long hours mastering the compositions that Tommy Mars, a member of Frank Zappa’s bands in the late ’70s and early ’80s called “the most challenging and invigorating music I’ve ever played.” When Dweezil first formed the band, he was acutely aware that many people thought of his father as a musical comedian akin to Spike Jones. For the first few years he “purposely stayed away from the humor in his music because I wanted people to recognize its value as music, not as novelty.” Since then his attitude has softened, and these days he says, “My goal (is) to give people a live experience that allowed them to hear a broad cross-section of Frank’s music—some of which they might be pretty familiar with and some might be brand new. But we wanted to be sure that we played it in a way that is most evocative of the era and also respectful of the composition itself.” The six musicians in the band have spent countless hours mastering not only the notes but the feel of Zappa’s music. “The current version of the band only has six players,” Dweezil says, “but

they’re multi-tasking and recreating the sound of several ensembles. It’s a real challenge to learn this stuff.” One of the many challenges Dweezil and the band faced was reproducing the sound and feel of music made on very early synthesizers. They have much more sophisticated computerized equipment to work with, of course, and the Midi allows them to reproduce the sound and timbre of a variety of instruments through a single keyboard. But the technical challenges are only the beginning. Zappa’s music was a rich gumbo teeming with the myriad threads of American music as well as European art music. “That was one of my biggest challenges,” says his son. “I didn’t have any background in jazz, in gospel, in country … these are all styles that people take a lifetime to learn on one instrument. You have to be able to play with the right sound, the right feel, and with authority.” Working on the project so intently for so long has not only given Dweezil a heightened respect for his father’s gifts, it’s also brought him much closer to him. “The thing that is sometimes surprising to me is that I have learned a lot of the idiosyncrasies within his guitar style. I’m using some of his phrases as guidelines within solos, so what happens is I’ll play something on the guitar that’s so evocative of something that he’s already played that it sometimes doesn’t feel like it’s me playing it. I’ll have moments when I’ll feel like, ‘Wow! Frank just really snuck out there.’” Editor’s note: The full version of Richard Winham’s interview with Dweezil Zappa appears online at Dweezil Zappa Zappa Plays Zappa: Accept No Substitutes 8 p.m. • $30-$55 Wednesday, Jan. 30 Track 29 1400 Market St. (423) 521-2929

Richard Winham is the producer and host of WUTC-FM’s afternoon music program and has observed the Chattanooga music scene for more than 25 years.


(423) 508-8956 Arlo Gilliam & Friends 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240 Zoso 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. Pistol Town 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919 Deep Machine, Hearts in Light 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400

sat 01.26

organic comedy tour Comedians Jarrod Harris and Ryan Singer travel the country in Jarrod’s RV. Described as funny, weird, experimental, and most of all organic, the tour reaches JJ’s at 8 p.m. on Tuesday as part of the club’s frequent Comedy Buffet nights.

THU 01.24 CSA Writers Jam Session 7 p.m. Five Eleven, 511 Broad St. (423) 386-5921 Audi Burchette 7 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 Erisa Rei, The Lauren Alexander Band 7 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192 Open Mic with Hap Henninger 7 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081 Sly Tiger, Telemonster 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400 423 Bass Love

10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919

fri 01.25 Blues Hammer The Foundry, 1201 Broad St. (423) 756-3400 Crossfire 9 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533 Babe’s Bayou Band 9 p.m. Barts Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777 Raven 9 p.m. Jack A’s Chop Shop Saloon, 742 Ashland Terrace (423) 713-8739 Bud Lightnin’ 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St.

Blues Hammer The Foundry, 1201 Broad St. (423) 756-3400 Bluesfrog & The Georgia Rhythm Crickets + 5 bands to benefit Wally & Friends 6 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400 Matt Bohannon, Ryan Oyer, Jack Kirton, Rick Rushing with Bryce Cronan and Will Van de Camp 8 p.m. Lindsay Street Hall, 901 Lindsay St. (423) 755-9111 John Cowan Trio 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 Rag Doll 9 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533 Jordan Hallquist 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Joshua Songs, The Twitches 9 p.m. Ziggy’s Underground Music, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 265-8711 No Big Deal 9 p.m. Jack A’s Chop Shop Saloon, 742 Ashland Terrace (423) 713-8739 Bud Lightnin’ 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 Mighty Sideshow, Adalene 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. Pistol Town 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919 Nathan Farrow

10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240

sun 01.27 Molly Macguires 7 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192 Daniel James Dixon, JamTastics, ‘Open Jam’ 7 p.m. Ziggy’s Underground Music, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 265-8711 PeeWee Moore and Friends 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919

MON 01.28 Reece Varnell 7 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 Organic Comedy Tour 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400 The Fried Chicken Trio 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road (423) 499-9878

Thursday • January 24 Telemonster • Sly Tiger

Friday • January 25

Deep Machine • The Hearts in Light

Saturday • January 26 Wally & Friends Benefit

Sunday • January 27

Guilty Pleasures Dance Party

Tuesday • January 29 Comedy Buffet

Wednesday • January 30 Bassgasm I – Six DJs!

Thursday • January 31

Endelouz • Marina Orchestra

Friday • February 1

Behold the Brave • Eight Knives Rigoletto • Waters Brothers

JJ’s Bohemia • 231 E MLK Blvd 423.266.1400 •


tue 01.29 Build Me A World 7 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081 Wendell Matthews 7 p.m. North Chatt Cat, 346 Frazier Ave. (423) 266-9466

wed 01.30 Zappa Plays Zappa 8 p.m. Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-4323 PeeWee Moore and Awful Dreadful Snakes 8 p.m. Jack A’s Chop Shop Saloon, 742 Ashland Terrace (423) 713-8739 Jessta James, Zach Dylan Band 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. Johnathan Wimpee & Andy Elliot 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919



FRI. 10p

with ADALENE ... for those about to rock!


with SIDECAR SPECIAL ... Rock & Roll





901 Carter St (Inside Days Inn) 423-634-9191

Between the Sleeves record reviews • ernie paik

Thursday, Jan. 24: 8 p.m. Open Mic with Hap Henninger Friday, Jan. 25: 9pm Rysa Davis • Hara Paper Saturday, Jan. 26: 10pm Jordan Hallquist Tuesday, Jan. 29: 7pm

Server/Hotel Appreciation Night $5 Pitchers $2 Wells $1.50 Domestics All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks! Stop by & check out our daily specials! ●

Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

honest music

Mark Kozelek On Tour: A Documentary— The Soundtrack (Caldo Verde)


he first part of Mark Kozelek’s career, as the front man of Red House Painters, could perhaps be summarized by the title of the Welsh band Mclusky’s debut album, My Pain and Sadness is More Sad and Painful Than Yours. Lyrically, Kozelek’s intensely moving songs can go to rare depths of profound sadness and selfdeprecation; musically, there is a melancholic sheen applied by the wistful lumbering pace (a second cousin to its slowcore brethren) and earnest manner of Kozelek’s warm yet stark voice. One may wonder: Does Kozelek ever just sit down and watch an episode of “30 Rock”? Is he even capable of laughter? The recent documentary “On Tour” offers proof that Kozelek is more than a sad-sack caricature and can muster more

than a few chuckles; one helpful soul even patched all the laughter bits together and uploaded the video to YouTube. In the second half of Kozelek’s career, glimpses of a lighter demeanor are sometimes revealed with his outfit Sun Kil Moon. Although his moods can swing, and in recent years he just seems like he’s going for it by releasing a ton of material—three solo albums and one Sun Kil Moon album, the excellent Among the Leaves, in 2012 alone—making “prolific” the most prominent adjective that comes to mind when describing Kozelek now. That might be one of the issues with the accompanying documentary soundtrack, a double album with live material recorded around the world, on stages and in hotels, plus a handful of studio tracks from previous releases. As a solo live performer, he has settled into a finger-picking style on nylonstring guitar. Coupled with his vocal sameness, the dearth of variation is a bit much to take, although there are exceptions, such as the flamenco-influenced “Heron Blue.” As a whole, it will be overwhelming to all but the most obsessed fans, but absorbed in small bites the material is an honest glimpse and beautifully delivered, if slightly frustrating because of its uniformity.

Borbetomagus Trente Belles Années (Agaric)


ou know that bit at the end of the Monterey concert where Hendrix sets his guitar on fire? That’s what we do. For a whole hour.” That’s a quote from Donald Miller, guitarist for the trio Borbetomagus, and bravado aside, he’s not off the mark with his comment. With tenor saxophonists Jim Sauter and Don Dietrich rounding out the lineup, the improvisational group is known for making sustained, punishing, impossibly intense walls of sound, combining noise with free jazz attitudes. The band’s latest release, Trente Belles Années, documents a 2009 show at Instants Chavirés in Montreuil, France. It was actually the final concert of the band’s European tour marking its 30th anniversary—indeed, its motto is “Changing lives since 1979,” the band having emerged in the post-punk/nowave era alongside contemporaries such as Sonic Youth. Like an air show, this live recording is a deafening dem-

onstration of power, and it may appeal not only to noise and extreme free-jazz fans, but also those with a taste for metal. The album is a continuous 46-minute blast with, by this writer’s estimation, merely a one-second respite in the middle with dramatic near-silence. However, as loud and overblown as it is, it’s not a monolith—ironically, one needs to listen carefully to hear a stream of moments balanced precariously, with the saxes teeter-tottering between squeals and overdriven fuzz and Miller’s damaged guitar sounds giving way to sheets of white noise. It’s dense but not impenetrable; every minute is different from the last, with glissandos, ghostly warbling, echoing and sonic disintegration. It would be hard to deny that most listeners would probably be immediately repulsed by this beast of an album, which is fine. Some may even think that noise fans like it because others don’t. But this critic believes that it’s not as cerebral as that—it’s an instant love-orhate reaction. If a humongous tidal wave is coming, most people would run, but some would think, “Hey, I should try to surf that thing,” being nourished by chaos and power. An engineer by profession, Ernie Paik’s eclectic tastes, lyrical, passionate writing and deep knowledge of music are a weekly staple of The Pulse. An archive of his reviews is available online at

local and regional shows

Brave Baby with Elim Bolt and Sly Tiger ($5) Erisa Rei with The Lauren Alexander Band ($5) Radiolucent with Nothing and Nobodies ($3) Kentucky Knife Fight with Long Gone Darlings ($5)

Wed, Jan 23 Thu, Jan 24 Wed, Jan 30 Thu, Jan 31

9pm 9pm 9pm 9pm

Special Shows Sundays: Live Trivia 4-6pm • Free Live Irish Music at 7pm Jan 27: Molly Maguires [free] • Feb. 3 : Old Time Travelers [free] • Feb. 17: Pan ($3)

10 • The Pulse • JANUARY 24-30, 2013 •

Full food menu serving lunch and dinner. 11am-2am, 7 days a week. 35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192 *


offee. Aromatic, flavorful, intoxicating, addictive, necessary. The yin to alcohol’s yang (and its antidote), coffee, and our collective national obsession with it—as a day-starter, conversation prop and, increasingly, a choice reflecting our personal politics and lifestyle—has become as an indelible mark on and an elemental accoutrement to our daily lives as smart phones. What brand or bean we choose, its provenance, and with whom and where we drink it has reached a zenith, overtaking even that of its more addictive counterpart. But we come not to praise (or condemn) the merits (or demerits) of its properties, but rather to focus on the culture it has given rise to—coffeehouses. As the venue of choice for iconoclasts of the Beat Era, the coffeehouse was once the exclusive domain of the counter-culture, existing mostly on college campuses. Poets, folkies and intellectuals were its (often ridiculed) clientele and entry dictated a certain validation (as do record stores these days in Seattle and Portlandia). Technology—and our other national obsession of duplicating, branding and multiplying the source of a very good thing (Starbucks, et. al.)— changed all that. Today, coffeehouses serve bohemians and blue-collar types, artists and writers at both ends of the economic spectrum, and act as a home office for the under- and unemployed, self-employed and otherwise xenophobic members of our society who seek comfort (and free Wi-Fi) over an endlessly (at best) or cheaply (at worst) refillable cup of Free Trade-verified, ecocertified (hot or iced) coffee—preferably with a double-shot of this or that, with room, thank you very much. It is into this vortex that The Pulse dispatched its crop of fresh Spring interns to report on the vibe of Chattanooga’s downtown coffeehouses. And who better to unleash upon the city’s coffeehouse culture than Gen-Y college students? Young, time- and sleep-starved (to say nothing of hyper-wired via laptops and smart phones), our intrepid group of UTC students rediscovered favorite haunts and found new spaces. You might learn something, too. As for us, the aging, cynical editors? We appreciate each of these outposts, but we still mostly sip our joe from stained mugs, the brew dripping dark and muddy from our office Bunn-O-Matic. Cheers.

provides for the perfect place to stow away and get that work done that you’ve been procrastinating over for so long. Just a year old, Cadence was founded by Brian Turner and Shannon Greer, two coffee lovers who wanted to create a “Cheers”-style coffee shop where they could get to know their customers and, most importantly, provide a variety of high-quality coffee. From all accounts, they’ve succeeded. Cadence is home to perhaps the selection of custom brews in town, but the menu focuses mainly on the shop’s wide variety of coffee and features only a few food items. Coffee bean sacks on the walls come directly from One Village, Cadence’s primary roaster, ordered fresh every week. So snuggle in to that big, comfy couch and enjoy some peace away from the noise of the city. 16 Patten Pkwy. • (423) 521-7686 • Monday-Friday, 6:30 a.m.-9 p.m.; Saturday, 7 .am.-9 p.m.

Chattz • Step off the busy sidewalks of Market Street and into this small nook and discover a European-style coffeehouse in Chattanooga. Settle down with a house Guatemalan or Brazilian blend at the cafe’s tables facing the windows to watch the passersby bustle to work. Parking is a bit scarce, but meter spots can be found behind the building. Take a piece of the comforting cafe with you to work along with one of the several styles of signature Chattz mugs. The food menu consists of the usual coffee shop cuisine—scones, pastries and bagels—but Chattz is more about a feel, a place that “values rituals, rhythm, and traditions,” as they say. You’ll be sure to receive a warm welcome from a smiling barista ready to help you face the day with your early-morning caffeine buzz. Chattz closes a little earlier than some of the other coffeehouses in town, but provides the perfect place to stop by with a co-worker for a light lunch or to get your daily morning java. Chattz has aimed to provide coffee lovers with a worldly, coffeelover’s experience since opening in 2002, so aficionados can visit its coffee-roasting studio at 2627 Broad St. and watch as the raw, green coffee is roasted golden brown and prepared in a cup specifically designed for you. 1010 Market St. • (423) 756-8890 Monday-Friday, 7 a.m.-5 p.m.; Saturday, 7 a.m.-1 p.m.

Downtown/City Center Art District/UTC

Greyfriar’s Coffee & Tea Co.

Cadence Coffee Co. • If you like Starbucks but are too hip for the chains, Cadence Coffee provides the crisp, clean feeling with a friendly, local feel. Tucked away in the building opposite The Honest Pint on Patten Parkway, the location offers plenty of meter parking during the day. With a leather couch in the back of the large open space, the quiet, softly lit atmosphere (don’t bump your head on the low-hanging lamps)

• The name evokes misty images of some sort of medieval English tavern at the end of a cobbled street, and that is exactly what Greyfriar’s Coffee & Tea Co. is to Chattanooga, opening in 1993 (the medieval ages of coffeehouses in Chattanooga) and the city’s oldest coffee bar. While roads are now (mostly) paved, this coffee shop is still a beacon of light, thanks to the purple and white mural proclaiming the wonders of Rare Coffee inside. Before crossing the threshold, you’ll see a shield-shaped


The Caffeinated Gospel According to Julia Sharp, Esan Swan & Gaby Dixon “with room” for The Editor • Photos by Josh Lang • JANUARY 24-30, 2013 • The Pulse • 11

sign reminding customers that the brew of coffee beans they’ll be drinking is made with as much pride as a brew of barley from the local pub. The menu boasts various takes on traditional coffee, offering both distinctive flavor combinations and unique serving methods. Traditional brewed coffee is available, but Greyfriar’s also offers a beautiful “pour-over” and the posh French press method for those who want to explore the bold taste of Europeanstyle coffee. Dark wood, grey marble and pure white cups provide a clean backdrop for Rare Coffee, which is the starring in-house roast. supplies coffee beans “roasted with genuine knowledge, thoughtful experience and creative artistry” to coffee houses like Greyfriar’s. Whenever you need a minivacation or trip back in time, stop by this coffee tavern for a taste of simplicity. 406-B Broad St. (423) 267-0376 Monday-Thursday, 6:30 a.m.-5 p.m.; Friday, 6:30 a.m.-8 p.m.; Saturday, 7:30 a.m.-8 p.m.

deliciously smooth product of ice cream. For those craving a combination of espresso and ice cream, try the Barrel Racer, a vanilla or chocolate shake with a shot of espresso. Located on the city side of the walking bridge, the shop’s quirky signs and colored string lights make for a fun atmosphere. Bring your homework, or even a date, and chill out (or warm up) with a cup of gourmet coffee from their roaster in Seattle. 105 Walnut St. (423) 702-5173 Monday-Saturday, 9 a.m.-11 p.m.; Sunday, 1-11 p.m.

Sunday, 7 a.m.-9 p.m.

Starbucks Read House

a quick stop for coffee for anyone downtown south of Broad Street. Many of the neighboring TVA employees file into the small shop to take advantage of the different sandwiches and paninis made with Boar’s Head meat. The friendly staff greets you when you walk through the door, prepared to answer any questions you have about the menu. With 11 years at their corner location, Stroud’s knows how to take care of their customers, locals and out-oftowners alike. The small cafe is carpeted to complement the coziness of the golds, greens and browns of its surroundings with a bar and stools facing the street. Two tall and narrow old-school coolers stand to the left of the entrance where you can grab a soft drink and enjoy the change from a busy work day. Stroud’s serves local Royal Cup coffee and you’re free to refill your own mug. In the morning, enjoy a plump, freshly baked muffin, fresh fruit or an organic granola parfait. For lunch, try a salad or a fresh soup. An alternative hotel coffeehouse/shop is a very good thing. We love the historic Read House, but The Chattanooga must keep the Sheraton on its toes. 1201 Broad St. (423) 424-3770 Monday-Friday, 8:30 a.m.- 3 p.m.

• If the ubiquitous chain’s Hamilton Place location offers a cozy fireplace and its Hixson and Brainerd branches are basically drive-thru outposts, the downtown Starbucks sits adjacent to the handsome

The Ice Cream Show • An ice cream parlor amidst coffeehouses? Heresy, you say! Wait. Here’s the deal:

You know what goes with a good cup of coffee? Books. Movies. Music. We buy, sell and trade.

Used Books, CDs, Movies, & More

7734 Lee Highway • Monday-Saturday 9am-10pm • Sunday 11am-7pm 12 • The Pulse • JANUARY 24-30, 2013 •

Enjoy dinner on North Shore, stroll across the Walnut Street Bridge and snuggle into a lounge chair at The Ice Cream Show to watch the boats glide down the Tennessee River. What’s with the name? Exactly what it says—a show of ice cream, and delicious coffee, a blend of hot and cold starring the best elements of each sensations. Watch as the friendly and helpful staff put your ingredients (not toppings) of choice into a machine that cranks out a perfectly proportioned,

confines of the historic Read House Hotel. Ever low-lit and utilitarian, Starbucks is the McDonald’s—no, the Fuddrucker’s—of coffeehouse chains, and downtowners addicted to the mermaid are drawn by its magnetic appeal for consistently fresh, tasty coffee at a known price and the familiar strains of light pop and jazz music, if not the added value of being a source for The New York Times. If there’s comfort in familiarity, Starbucks has cornered the market and its breakfast and lunch offerings are a notch above most. Baristas are friendly and we always enjoy the atmosphere of the Read House lobby. Travelers expect an in-house Starbucks, but local workers are its true clientele. 827 Broad St. (423) 643-1248 Monday-Thursday, 6 a.m.-9 p.m.; Friday, 6 a.m.-9:30 p.m.; Saturday, 7 a.m.-9:30 p.m.;

Stroud’s • Named after Stroud Watson, the city planner who developed The Chattanoogan (a fine hotel that is bothersome only for its ownership), Stroud’s is

Rembrandt’s • Located in the heart of the Bluff View Art District, Rembrandt’s is appropriately

the space is great for reading, conversation and meetings. 204 High St. (423) 265-5033 Monday-Thursday, 7 a.m.-10 p.m.; Friday, 7 a.m.-11:30 p.m., Saturday 8 a.m.-11:30 p.m.; Sunday, 8 a.m.-10 p.m. named and the quintessential definition of quaint. It is the face of art district, as one employee of the coffee house said during our visit. Known for its pastries, Rembrandt’s is a pageant considering its partnership with the Chocolate Kitchen, a chocolatier in its third generation of ownership also located in the art district. From the exterior, the popular coffeehouse looks like something you might see in “Les Miserables,” complete with a wrought-iron gate, railings and vine arbors. The French-inspired architecture adds a homey, cozy feel inside, complete with a Western European vibe while arthouse jazz accompanies an aroma of the good stuff—coffee beans. As a seemingly slow-paced house,

Toast • Also known as Coffee Crafters Toast Café, Toast is located on the corner of Vine and Lindsay Streets in the former Chad’s Records (which is just a few doors down), so it might seem natural that its usual customers at would be UTC students taking a break from the dorms only a short walk away. However, the audience for the artful coffee creations is broad and welcomes connoisseurs and

coffee lovers of all ages. Owner Kent Baumhover is a Delta flight attendant (hence the aircraft in the logo) who routinely travels to Europe and Toast is inspired by his travels. “Spending time in cafes around Europe really gave me a love not only for coffee itself, but the culture and community that cafes bring together,” he told The Pulse in a 2011 profile. Windows span a good portion of the storefront providing natural light to complement the relaxed vibe of the coffee house. Studio lights hang from the ceiling, highlighting the quirky art on the walls, adding to the gallery-like feel. Coffee is certainly personal here, and while basic options are available, those seeking a little kick in their morning cup can “craft” their own latte using the many syrup flavors available. Even the names of breakfast sandwiches reflect the positive atmosphere, with titles like The Sunshiner and Katie’s Power Breakfast. Open at 7 a.m., Toast is the perfect place to begin your day with a smile. 326 Vine St. (423) 756-9995 Monday-Friday, 7 a.m.-6 p.m.; Saturday-Sunday, 8 a.m.-2 p.m.

North Shore

Stone Cup Coffee Bar • In the vibrant North Shore area of the city, Stone Cup is equal to

its radiant surroundings. Whether you’re stopping in on your way to work, doing some last-minute studying before an exam or just coming to meet up with friends, Stone Cup fits the needs of many. Divided into two sections— one side features comfy (and I mean comfy) couches, tables and bookshelves, the other is more secluded, decorated with artwork for a quieter experience for crammers of caffeine and sloppy notes. The shop also offers pastries—and beer, for those looking to just hangout after work. With a great view of the river and Bluff View Art District, the outdoor balcony brings another relaxing feel to the

Small Batch, Artisan Roasted Coffee Serving the Scenic City since 1993

Monday-Thursday • 6 am-5 pm Friday • 6 am-8 pm Saturday • 7:30 am8 pm GREYFRIAR’S COFFEE & TEA 406 Broad STreeT (423) 267-0376

»P14 • JANUARY 24-30, 2013 • The Pulse • 13

already trendy North Shore area. 330 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-5010 Monday-Wednesday, 7 a.m.-9 p.m.; Thursday-Saturday, 7 a.m.-11 p.m.; Sunday, 7 a.m.-9 p.m.


Camp House Espresso • If your tastes veer toward the creative and artsy, you’re going to love the Camp House, a laptoplovers’ Wi-Fi paradise located on Williams Street in an old warehouse on the Southside that continues a popular urban theme. The relaxed yet sophisticated atmosphere is ideal for studying students, quiet conversations or friendly rendezvous. Poetry, music and storytelling performances are no strangers here—the coffeehouse is a popular venue for many local artists who follow the open-mic circuit every Thursday and during other monthly events. And, oh yeah, the coffee. The Camp House seeks to creatively build a better coffee culture by employing Fair Trade practices and

using exact methods in serving high-quality coffee. And who doesn’t love latté art? Camp House baristas design some of the city’s best (see video accompanying this story online at Complete with a menu for breakfast, lunch and dinner this house does much more than coffee—one of The Pulse’s favorite hangouts. 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081 Monday-Saturday, 7 a.m.-7 p.m. (later for live events)

The Hot Chocolatier • Another non-traditional entry, the HC’s native owners Wendy and Brandon Buckner mastered their craft through study in France and Belgium, bring the boutiquestyle trend of European chocolate shops to Chattanooga at The Hot Chocolatier—and that’s good enough for us. After all, what goes better with coffee than chocolate? That’s

a crack-meets-crack combination that’s hard to beat. A newly opened space features a window allowing customers to see the production of truffles and cupcakes, ensuring everything is truly “made from scratch.” While specialties revolve around sweet treats like French macaroons, Whiskey Pecan Bread Pudding, squirrel cake and gourmet chocolates, The Hot Chocolatier offers an array of deliciously unique hot drinks. If you’re looking to add a little sugar and spice to the average morning drink, The Hot Chocolatier is for you. They offer the Original Dark Chocolate drink, along with the appropriately named Hottie. Like all good things, the Hottie includes chocolate with hints of ancho, cayenne and chipotle peppers mixed in. In addition to creating artisan drinks and tiny treats, The Hot Chocolatier can create oneof-a-kind chocolate sculptures for any occasion. After all, why have an ice swan at a wedding when

RAW party, redefined.

St. Elmo


Pasha Coffee & Tea


• The eclectic neighborhood of historic St. Elmo might be the last thing you’d expect to find at the bottom of a mountain, yet that’s precisely why Pasha fits in so well. Unique scents of coffee and curry mix together, welcoming wandering locals into the warm, open space. Pasha’s charm is drawn from the strings of lights, local art, and reading or having a coffee date at the bar tables seems a little more exotic, bringing a subtle Middle Eastern flair to East Tennessee. Coffee is served in handcrafted mugs begging to be Instagramed. Breakfast is served all day, and if you’re feeling courageous, try the “Slumdog” scrambled egg and curry sandwich. Leather couches and plush armchairs invite you to take your coat off and stay awhile,

Online at, we visit Camp House Espresso, where baristas practice latté art, topping delicious espresso with elegant and whimsical designs.

there could be a chocolate swan? Parking available both on West Main Street and in the adjacent lot. 201 W. Main St. (423) 266-3066 Tuesday-Thursday, 11 a.m.-7 p.m.; Friday-Saturday, Noon-9 p.m.

The Mean Mug • If you’re looking for Central Perk, the fictional coffeehouse/clubhouse of the “Friends” cast, in Chattanooga, head for The Mean Mug. The Mug is the city’s newest coffeehouse and

the latest venture of Matt Lewis and Monica Smith (who also operate The Honest Pint, Terminal Brewhouse and Hair of the Dog—all local institutions). Located in a rustic Southside building next to the emerging Enzo’s Market, the Mug is casual, cool and quiet, featuring a coffee bar, tables and a relaxed den-like couch area in the back, all in a bright space darkened by wood floors, brick walls and high ceilings. Another favorite Pulse hangout, the glow of Macbooks and the strains of light, personal conversation and soft music provide the ambience. The coffee shares a starring role with a changing array of breakfast items—handmade pastries and cakes by Monica Smith and staff—and artisanal sandwiches and soups along with daily specials. Bring your laptop or page through the selection of magazines and books; or bring your friends for a cup of java. Plenty of parking on street or behind the building makes for easy access. 114 W. Main St. (423) 825-4206 Monday-Saturday, 7 a.m.-5 p.m.

which is now possible, because Pasha is open till 9 p.m. They host weekly “neighborhood-oriented” activities, such as poetry readings and live music nights. If you want to meet with hip artists, vinyl record collectors or literature buffs, Pasha should be your new usual spot. Small gravel lot and some street parking, so plan to car-pool with friends. 3914 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 475-5482 Monday-Friday, 7 a.m.-9 p.m.; Saturday, 8 a.m.-9 p.m. n

LIVE MUSIC & DJs THIS WEEK THU•JAN 24 423 Bass Love FRI & SAT•JAN 25/26 PISTOL TOWN 1st Floor DJ REGGIE REG 2nd Floor SUN•JAN 27 PEE WEE MORE & FRIENDS Live on the 1st Floor MON & TUE•JAN 28/29 DJ SPICOLI Dancing on the 2nd Floor WED•JAN 30 JOHNATHAN WIMPEE & ANDY ELLIOT Open Players Jams

tWO fLOOrS • One big party • Live MuSic • dancing • 409 Market St • 423.756.1919 open 7 days a week » full menu until 2am » 21+ » smoking allowed 14 • The Pulse • JANUARY 24-30, 2013 •

Lewis Grizzard is Dead ... And I Don’t Feel So Good Myself By Bill Ramsey


f you’re a Southern male journalist of a certain age, you must retain a certain amount of respect and admiration for Lewis Grizzard. The Georgia writer, who died suddenly (if not surprisingly) at 47 in 1994 following his fourth open-heart surgery, was the legendary Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist, humorist and author of bestselling books with such titles as “Elvis Is Dead And I Don’t Feel So Good Myself.” Grizzard was also popular on the lecture circuit and was, for a time, the nation’s most popular syndicated columnist, appearing in 450 newspapers. He was also something of a playboy who played his button-down, redneck humor and lifestyle to the hilt. Grizzard was the the South’s answer to Hunter Thompson, minus the drugs and radicalism, and his humor has been mined by such Southern comics as Jeff Foxworthy. So it was not surprising when actor Bill Oberst Jr.—a stage and film actor with the chameleonlike ability to portray such controversial figures as Jesus, John F. Kennedy, Woody Allen and Mark Twain with a commanding physical resemblance and formidable acting skills—found himself reviving Grizzard’s act for what he thought would be a one-off tribute on CMT hosted by Foxworthy. “I came to Lewis through Mark Twain,” said Oberst in a recent phone interview, connecting the dots between his one-man Twain show. “Lewis had just died, and the idea was to put together a tribute show on CMT starring Jeff Foxworthy. They needed a theatre actor to portray Lewis and someone suggested me.” That show never jelled beyond its original concept, but Oberst’s likeness and portrayal of Grizzard struck a note with the late writer’s manager, Steve Enoch, who engaged him to star in a one-man Grizzard tribute, a la his popular Mark Twain show. Oberst, a Southerner who was familiar with Grizzard, liked the character and was receptive to the idea. The only problem was

Grizzard’s widow, Dedra Kyle, the writer’s fourth wife who he had married in his hospital bed only four days before his death. “She wasn’t into it,” Oberst recalled. “She was his fourth wife and she thought people would think she was taking advantage of his legacy.” To convince her otherwise, a test show was put together and played to a sold-out audience, many of whom approached Dedra afterward to thank her for bringing her husband back to life. That was 1999, and the show has since played to standing-room-only, standingovation audiences around the country. On Saturday, Oberst will again reprise the role with a performance of “A Tribute to Lewis Grizzard: In His Own Words” at 7 p.m. at the Tivoli Theatre. Chattanoogans familiar with Grizzard—of whom I imagine number quite enough to fill the ornate theatre—are in for a treat. The show is based on the act Grizzard himself was set to perform on a concert tour scheduled prior to his death. I watched a video forwarded to me by the show’s publicist that

Bill Oberst Jr. as Lewis Grizzard and (inset) the late author on the cover of his second book.


Bill Oberst Jr. brings the late Southern journalist, author and humorist Lewis Grizzard alive in a oneman stage show

shows a split screen comparing Oberst’s portrayal of Grizzard with a tape of the humorist’s own stage show. Oberst captures Grizzard with uncanny accuracy. The writer’s signature oversized glasses, his mannerisms and drawl are all pitch perfect. No wonder the fourth Mrs. Grizzard was impressed. But besides preserving and distilling Grizzard’s legacy for fans who miss him, the show has been a lucrative goldmine for the diminishing Grizzard empire. While the writer’s 20 books can still be purchased on Amazon (and on lewisgrizzard. com, an irony in that the writer famously hated computers) and many videos (including his guest turn on “Designing Women”) are archived on YouTube, the fact remains that Grizzard has been

dead for 18 years. There is no new material, no new books and the generation who connected with and made Grizzard a wealthy man are aging fast. With this in mind, I asked Oberst if his show might be reaching its twilight. “Yes,” he said without hesitation. “The audience is thinning, and I think its a shame that he’s not better remembered than he is. Lewis represented a particular type of white male in 20th century. I grew up in that world, I know that world, and it is vanishing. The South once had a certain identity, but as times changed and years passed, it’s lost that identity. Grizzard represented the last of that generation.” Changing Southern identities aside, Oberst said he feels Grizzard is a touchstone, a bookend, as it were, for the 20th century that begins with Mark Twain, another American humorist with a substantially larger literary legacy and a uniquely American appeal who also continues to attract new audiences. “I am a Southerner, and I feel a real responsibility to preserve that,” Oberst said. “Many come to [the show to] remember that time in their lives, that era, and they come up after the show and tell me their stories.” Oberst, 47, doesn’t need to worry when the show does reach its inevitable end. He’s morphed from a stage actor playing what he calls “a little club of dead people” into an in-demand film actor with a lengthy list of horror movies on his IMDB page. Still, he will miss Grizzard when the time comes. “I’m into film more now,” he said, “but I’ve enjoyed playing him. I’ve portrayed Jesus and Lewis, and people have a strong, even vehement reaction to both. I’m not comparing them, mind you—but people react, they know I’m not either of them, but they don’t care. That’s an amen from the church choir.” “A Tribute to Lewis Grizzard: In His Own Words” 7 p.m. Saturday, Jan. 26 Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. (423) 642-TIXS • JANUARY 24-30, 2013 • The Pulse • 15

Arts Entertainment

THU 01.24 Main Terrain Park Opening 10 a.m. 400 block of Main & 13th streets parks.recreation Chattanooga Boat & Sport Show 3-9 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1100 Carter St. Alexander-Soares Duo 7:30 p.m. Cadek Recital Hall, 725 Oak St. (423) 425-4601 The Moth Ball 7-9 p.m. Stratton Hall, 3146 Broad St. (423) 667-4332 Owen Benjamin 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233

fri 01.25 Chattanooga Boat & Sport Show Noon-9 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1100 Carter St. “Colors and Collages” 4 p.m. Reflections Gallery,

16 • The Pulse • JANUARY 24-30, 2013 •


THE MAIN TERRAIN GRAND OPENING • Urban art and fitness park emerges from a vacant tract downtown on Thursday with a dedication at 10:30 a.m. and a talk with the artists and architects behind the park at 5:30 p.m. at The Chattanoogan . THU 01.24 • The Main Terrain 400 block of Main Street (between Main & 13th streets)

6922 Lee Hwy. (423) 892-3072 Chattanoogan Low Country Boil 5 p.m. Broad Street Grille, 1201 Broad St. (423) 424-3700 Ladies’ Night Out 6-8:30 p.m. Georgia Winery, 6469 Battlefield Pkwy. (706) 937- 9463 Owen Benjamin 7 & 9:30p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629- 2233 “Avenue Q” 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, Eastgate Town Center, 5600 Brainerd Road (423) 987-5141 ensembletheatre Luther College Nordic Choir 7:30 p.m. Lee University, Cleveland

(423) 614-8240 Freakwater 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 Ryan Dalton 9:30 p.m. Vaudeville Cafe, 138 Market St. (423) 517- 1839

sat 01.26

FREAKWATER • Alt-country/Americana duo Catherine Irwin and Janet Bean were alt-country before Wilco arose from the Uncle Tupelo split. Catch their 20th Anniversary tour behind their second album, “Feels Like The Third Time,” on Friday at Barking Legs. FRI 01.25 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347

Free Workshop: Geocaching 101 10 a.m.-Noon. Outdoor Chattanooga, 200 River St. (423) 643-6888 Chattanooga Boat & Sport Show 10 a.m.-9 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1100 Carter St. Intro To Digital Photography 11 a.m.- 4 p.m. Association of Visual Arts, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265- 4282 Intro to Herpetology Noon-2 p.m. Chattanooga Arboretum & Nature Center, 400 Garden Road

(423) 821- 1160 Karen K. Brown: Artist Reception & Workshop Noon-4 p.m. Shuptrine’s Gold Leaf Designs, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453 Weave a Kudzu Basket 12:30-4:30 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 262-0695 Intro To Sandhill Cranes 2-3 p.m. Chattanooga Arboretum & Nature Center, 400 Garden Road (423) 821- 1160 “Colors and Collages” 4 p.m. Reflections Gallery, 6922 Lee Hwy. (423) 892-3072 “The History of the Harp: A Musical Journey” 7 p.m. St. Marks Church, 701 Mississippi Ave. chattanoogaharp “A Tribute to Lewis Grizzard: In His Own Words” 7 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 642-TIXS Owen Benjamin 7 & 9:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629- 2233 “Avenue Q” 7:30p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, Eastgate Town Center, 5600 Brainerd Road (423) 987-5141 ensembletheatre John Cowan Trio 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, “Colors and Collages” 4 p.m. Reflections Gallery, 6922 Lee Hwy. (423) 892-3072

mon 01.28 Chattanooga Boat & Sport Show 11 a.m.-5 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1100 Carter St., “Colors and Collages” 4 p.m. Reflections Gallery, 6922 Lee Hwy. (423) 892-3072

tue 01.29

“AVENUE Q” • The wicked, sacrilegious puppet play was a fast Broadway favorite. Now, the Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga brings the adult-oriented comedy to town (and its new digs) with all the bite and adult humor you’d expect (sorry, Gary Coleman—RIP). See Janis Hashe’s review on Page 18. FRI 01.25-SUN 01.27 Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga Eastgate Town Center • 5600 Brainerd Road (423) 987-5141 •

1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 Ryan Dalton 10:30 p.m. Vaudeville Cafe, 138 Market St. (423)517- 1839

sun 01.27 Vocal Competition 1:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, 736 Vine St.

(423) 425-4371 “Avenue Q” 2:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, Eastgate Town Center, 5600 Brainerd Road (423) 987-5141 ensembletheatre Gems from the CSO Principals 3p.m. Chattanooga Symphony Orchestra, The Read House, 827 Broad St. (423) 266- 4121

Acrylic Painting Class 2 p.m. Artsy- U, 5084 S. Terr. Ste. 15 (423) 321-2317 “Colors and Collages” 4 p.m. Reflections Gallery, 6922 Lee Hwy. (423) 892-3072 “Imbued With The Spirit of Freedom: African American Chattanooga” 7 p.m. Chattanooga History Center, 2 W. Aquarium Way (423) 265-3247

wed 01.30 “Colors and Collages” 4 p.m. Reflections Gallery, 6922 Lee Hwy. (423) 892-3072

Please submit calendar items 10 days in advance. Email to

Uncovering treasures for 14 years! We do the hunting to offer you cool, unique architectural artifacts & antiques. Come browse our 15,000 square feet of one-of-a-kind pieces and find your next treasure.

Open weekends • Thur.-Sun. • 11-6 1300 McCallie Ave. • 423.697.1243 • JANUARY 24-30, 2013 • The Pulse • 17


‘Q’ Tips Bawdy puppet satire opens ETC’s new digs By Janis Hashe


efore I get started on the actual review of Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga’s production of “Avenue Q,” can I just say that for the first time in this town, when I sat down inside the theatre and looked around, I spotted drag queens in the front row. As usual, they were the best-dressed people in the room. Ladies, long may your eyelashes wave.

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Visit or call 423.242.7671 18 • The Pulse • JANUARY 24-30, 2013 •

Now back to your regularly scheduled review. “Avenue Q” opened off-Broadway in 2003, and famously made it to Broadway in only five short months, where it won three Tony Awards, “beating out ‘Wicked’,” the friend accompanying me pointed out. Its practically and (often actually) sacrilegious use of puppets, who look very much like Muppets, both scandalized and entranced theatre-goers, and I’m willing to bet Chattanooga audiences are reacting just the same—depending on how much people know about the show before they go. It is NOT for children. Bad words are used a great deal. Some characters are gay, some have (enthusiastic) premarital puppet sex, and the late former child star Gary Coleman is satirized. Loving the sound of it? Go by all means. Fanning yourself and calling for your smelling salts? Stay home. The fictional Avenue Q in New York is where a lot of beings—some human, some puppet, and all looking for a purpose in life—have ended up living, including Gary Coleman, who is the building’s super. Just like on “Sesame Street,” humans and puppets coexist, although not

without some friction, leading to one of the show’s best songs, “Everyone’s A Little Bit Racist,” one of the highlights of this production as well. Another, my personal favorite, is “The More You Ruv Someone,” with lyrics that include: “You go and find him/And you get him/And you no kill him/‘Cause chances good/ He is your love.” Now, the idea behind the kind of puppetry used in “Avenue Q” is that the actor, who is fully visible, “disappears” to the audience, which finds itself reacting to the puppet as a living being. Here is where the ETC production encounters some difficulties, which is understandable, as mastering this art takes years for most people. Most successful, because she’s had years of practice with Kids on the Block, is Emma Wiseman as Kate Monster; this is lucky, because Kate is one of the show’s main characters. Wiseman is also gifted with a lovely voice and emerges as the show’s strongest performer. Kyle Dagnan, playing Princeton, another main character and Kate Monster’s sometime-love interest, also has an excellent voice and is a good actor, but we never forget he’s onstage alongside puppet Princ-

eton. Ryan Laskowski, puppeteering Nicky, the straight roommate of closeted gay Rod, seems to have adapted naturally to allowing Nicky to take stage instead of him, making for a funny and sensitive turn. Other strengths of this production include Morgan Price as Christmas Eve, the Asian therapistwannabe. The set, more elaborate than any I’ve seen at ETC, is very effective and the live accompanist, Jennifer Arbogast, does a fabulous job. I truly enjoyed “Avenue Q” and happily suggest that adventurous theatregoers get out and support ETC in their new digs inside Eastgate Town Center, where they have been welcomed with open arms by the mall’s management. Parking is easy and free, you can have Chinese food around the corner … what’s not to ruv? “Avenue Q” $20, $15 students 7:30 p.m. Jan. 25, 26; 2:30 Jan. 27 Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga Eastgate Town Center, 5600 Brainerd Road (near Tuesday Morning) (423) 987-5141 ensembletheatre


A Doggone Good Breakfast Hot dogs for breakfast? Not. Just a tasty morning meal at Good Dog

By Mike McJunkin


hen the sun begins to rise over the Scenic City and the crisp morning air is filled with the sounds of awakening folk and scurrying fauna, one of the first things on the minds of all of God’s creatures is where to find that first meal of the day. Exactly where to break the fast of the night before and start a glorious new day may vary, but in the South we know the secret to getting your day off to a great start is a great breakfast.

Good Dog 34 Frazier Ave. (423) 475-6175 Hours Breakfast Daily, 7 to 10:30 a.m. Lunch & Dinner Sunday-Thursday, 11 a.m.-9 p.m. Friday-Saturday, 11 a.m. - 10 p.m.

In Chattanooga, your breakfast options mostly consist of fried and greasy, sugary and sweet, or healthy and flavorless. There is a time and place for countryfried steak and doughnuts, but Chattanoogans have begun to demand more from their breakfast options. We want to know there’s more to the morning meal than drive-thru biscuits and halftoasted Pop Tarts on the way out the door. That is where Good Dog comes to the rescue. Good Dog is already well known for their super tasty, artisan sausages and hot dogs, fresh and creative toppings and over-

flowing cones of twice-cooked Belgian-style frites; but they are so much more than just hot dogs and frites. The Frazier Avenue hot spot recently added breakfast to their already delicious menu offerings, served daily from 7 to 10:30 a.m., and it is an unexpected early-morning flavor bonanza, even for a health conscious or vegetarian diner. The first thing you’ll notice about Good Dog’s breakfast menu is that there are no “breakfast hot dogs” or other crimes against humanity to contend with. Owner/ operator Susan Paden and her creative culinary team have been careful to craft a menu of items that will appeal to a broad range of palates and preferences, from breakfast sandwiches and hash plates to yogurt and homemade granola. “We want to change the way you think about a hot dog shop,” Paden said when asked about their expansion into breakfast. I certainly wasn’t thinking hot dog shop when the generously portioned plates of breakfast goodies started arriving at my table. First up was the “Good Morning” hash plate. This is a heaping helping of baked (not fried) hash brown potatoes, Good Dog’s house-made breakfast sausage, roasted red peppers, tomato and a perfectly poached egg surrounded with lemon arugula. The crispiness and bright citrus of the arugula combined with the sweetness of the peppers and deep flavors of the sausage create a balance of favors and textures you’ll talk about the rest of the day. Since all of Good Dog’s breakfast plates can also be ordered as sandwiches, I decided to try the “Chicken & Gravy” in sandwich form. This two-handed sandwich piles Good Dog’s house-made chicken-apple sausage on slices of Neidlov’s country loaf with melt-

ed cheddar cheese and white pepper gravy. The sausage is made with Fuji apples and a touch of cinnamon that pairs perfectly with the white pepper gravy that, surprisingly, is both vegan and delicious. This dish also includes a little arugula that’s been lightly tossed in lemon vinaigrette and a side of those oh-so-gratifying baked hash browns with their subtle touches of onion, herbs and Good Dog’s signature “Dog Dust.” To wash down these breakfast treats I ordered a classic beer cocktail, a Brass Monkey. Traditionally made by drinking a 40-ounce Mickey’s malt liquor down to the label then refilling it to the top with orange juice, this poor man’s mimosa has been upgraded at Good Dog by replacing the Mickey’s with Shock Top Belgian White beer, whose light citrus notes really elevate the taste and early morning palatability of that funky monkey (my apologies to the Beastie Boys). I couldn’t leave without trying Good Dog’s version of one of my personal favorites, chorizo.

The chorizo hash plate was an absolutely delicious combination of GD’s house-made chorizo, avocado, tomato and jalapeno layered on top of their hash brown potatoes and topped with an over easy poached egg. That alone would be enough to make anyone’s taste buds break into a Broadway dance number, but the folks at Good Dog add a side of lime cream to the plate that plays the perfect foil to the rich flavors and textures on the rest of the plate. All of Good Dog’s breakfasts can be made vegetarian with items like their house-made black bean sausage (think black bean burger in tube form) or veganaise if you prefer. If you’re on the run there are made-fromscratch muffins, yogurt and if you call ahead they’ll even meet you at the curb with your order. Owner, Susan Paden said she wants to give her customers “an experience, as well as good food prepared well.” Visit Good Dog for breakfast or anytime of the day for your own experience in good food done right. • JANUARY 24-30, 2013 • The Pulse • 19

Free Will Astrology

rob brezsny ruses can’t afford to indulge in anything close to that level of nonsense during the next four weeks. I urge you to keep timewasting activities down to less than five percent of your total. Focus on getting a lot of important stuff done. Be extra thoughtful and responsible as you craft the impact you’re having on the world.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): What if your

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.” So said the eccentric, outspoken, and hard-partying actress Talullah Bankhead (1902-1968). Can you guess her astrological sign? Aquarius, of course. Her greatest adventure came from trying to keep up with all the unpredictable urges that welled up inside her. She found it challenging and fun to be as unique as she could possibly be. I nominate her to be your role model in the next four weeks. Your assignment is to work extra hard at being yourself. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The Dardanelles Strait is a channel that connects the Black Sea to the Mediterranean Sea, separating Europe from Asia. In some places it’s less than a mile wide. But the currents are fierce, so if you try to swim across at those narrow points, you’re pushed around and end up having to travel five or six miles. In light of the current astrological omens, I’m predicting that you will have a comparable challenge in the coming days, Pisces. The task may seem easier or faster than it actually is. Plan accordingly.

unconscious mind has dreamed up sparkling answers to your raging questions but your conscious mind doesn’t know about them yet? Is it possible you are not taking advantage of the sly wisdom that your deeper intelligence has been cooking up? I say it’s time to poke around down there. It’s time to take aggressive measures as you try to smoke out the revelations that your secret self has prepared for you. How? Remember your dreams, of course. Notice hunches that arise out of nowhere. And send a friendly greeting to your unconscious mind, something like, “I adore you and I’m receptive to you and I’d love to hear what you have to tell me.”

CANCER (June 21-July 22): In his book “Our Band Could Be Your Life,” Michael Azerrad says that the Cancerian singer-songwriter Steve Albini is a “connoisseur of intensity.” That means he’s picky about what he regards as intense. Even the two kinds of music that are often thought of as the embodiment of ferocious emotion don’t make

ARIES (March 21-April 19): The German government sponsored a scientific study of dowsing, which is a form of magical divination used to locate underground sources of water. After ten years, the chief researcher testified, “It absolutely works, beyond all doubt. But we have no idea why or how.” An assertion like that might also apply to the mojo you’ll have at your disposal, Aries, as you forge new alliances and bolster your web of connections in the coming weeks. I don’t know how or why you’ll be such an effective networker, but you will be. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The United States Congress spends an inordinate amount of time on trivial matters. For example, 16 percent of all the laws it passed in the last two years were devoted to renaming post offices. That’s down from the average of the previous eight years, during which time almost 20 percent of its laws had the sole purpose of renaming post offices. In my astrological opinion, you Tau-

20 • The Pulse • JANUARY 24-30, 2013 •

the grade for Albini. Heavy metal is comical, he says, not intense. Hardcore punk is childish, not intense. What’s your definition of intensity, Cancerian? I see the coming weeks as prime time for you to commune with the very best expressions of that state of being. Be a connoisseur of intensity.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): There’s a butterfly sanctuary at the Como Park Zoo and Conservatory in Saint Paul, Minnesota. It’s called the Enchanted Garden. As you enter, you see a sign that reads, “Please do not touch the butterflies. Let the butterflies

touch you.” In other words, you shouldn’t initiate contact with the delicate creatures. You shouldn’t pursue them or try to capture them. Instead, make yourself available for them to land on you. Allow them to decide how and when your connection will begin to unfold. In the coming week, Leo, I suggest you adopt a similar approach to any beauty you’d like to know better.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Do you ever fantasize about a more perfect version of yourself? Is there, in your imagination, an idealized image of who you might become in the future? That can be a good thing if it motivates you to improve and grow. But it might also lead you to devalue the flawed but beautiful creation you are right now. It may harm your capacity for self-acceptance. Your assignment in the coming week is to temporarily forget about whom you might evolve into at some later date, and instead just love your crazy, mysterious life exactly as it is.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Novelist Jeffrey Eugenides says he doesn’t have generic emotions that can be described with one word. “Sadness,” “joy,” and “regret” don’t happen to him. Instead, he prefers “complicated hybrid emotions, Germanic train-car constructions,” like “the disappointment of sleeping with one’s fantasy” or “the excitement of getting a hotel room with a minibar.” He delights in sensing “intimations of mortality brought on by aging family members” and “sadness inspired by failing restaurants.” In the coming days, Libra, I think you should specialize in one-of-a-kind feelings like these. Milk the nuances! Exult in the peculiarities! Celebrate the fact that each new wave of passion has never before arisen in quite the same form. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): After analyzing your astrological omens for the coming weeks, I decided that the best advice I could give you would be this passage by

the English writer G. K. Chesterton: “Of all modern notions, the worst is this: that domesticity is dull. Inside the home, they say, is dead decorum and routine; outside is adventure and variety. But the truth is that the home is the only place of liberty, the only spot on earth where a person can alter arrangements suddenly, make an experiment or indulge in a whim. The home is not the one tame place in a world of adventure; it is the one wild place in a world of set rules and set tasks.”


(Nov. 22-Dec. 21): My general philosophy is that everyone on the planet, including me, is a jerk now and then. In fact, I’m suspicious of those who are apparently so unfailingly well-behaved that they NEVER act like jerks. On the other hand, some people are jerks far too much of the time, and should be avoided. Here’s my rule of thumb: How sizable is each person’s Jerk Quotient? If it’s below six percent, I’ll probably give them a chance to be a presence in my life—especially if they’re smart and interesting. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, Sagittarius, this gauge may be useful for you to keep in mind during the coming weeks.


(Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The French painter Cezanne painted images of a lot of fruit in the course of his career. He liked to take his sweet time while engaged in his work. The apples and pears and peaches that served as his models often rotted before he was done capturing their likenesses. That’s the kind of approach I recommend for you in the coming days, Capricorn. Be very deliberate and gradual and leisurely in whatever labor of love you devote yourself to. No rushing allowed! With conscientious tenderness, exult in attending to every last detail of the process.


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Jonesin’ Crossword


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1. Mosque officials 6. Stop, drop or roll 10. Agents of change? 14. Tag cry 15. Olympic figure skater Kulik 16. Trade 17. “Our movies are so riveting they contain ___” 19. One of Marlon’s brothers 20. Immigrant’s class, briefly 21. Horse with whitish hairs 22. Mineral used in sandpaper 24. Sugar alternative in chewing gum 26. Block, as a river 27. Dog doc 28. Where press releases arrive 31. Kartik Seshadri’s instrument 34. Bean whose top producer is Cote d’Ivoire 35. One of George of the Jungle’s pals 36. It’s got an outskirts 37. Hard to see through

38. Play like a bad CD 39. Lance on the bench 40. Frivolous decisions 41. Stopped existing 42. Strands in the back 44. 2013 Golden Globes cohost Tina 45. Say without saying 46. It opens many doors 50. Bitter end 52. Cafe au ___ 53. Lofty poem 54. Candid 55. “Our pillows are extra full because we ___!” 58. Half-owner of Lake Titicaca 59. “Disappear” band 60. ___ in the bud 61. Overly emphatic assent said with a fist pump 62. Nair competitor 63. “Strawberry Wine” singer Carter


1. Textbook section 2. Shy and quiet 3. In any way 4. Alternative to gov, edu or com

5. Word before pistol or kit 6. Totally necessary 7. Tiger’s ex 8. 2016 Olympics city 9. Type and type and type 10. Samba singer ___ Gilberto 11. “Our meringues stand up so well that you’ll see ___” 12. Win at chess 13. Dalmatian feature 18. Cantankerous old guy 23. “I ___ over this...” 25. “Terrible” ruler 26. Dealer’s packets 28. DEA figures: var. 29. Music magazine 30. Held onto 31. Word on a KoolAid packet 32. Greek vowel 33. “Our races are scrutinized down to the millisecond because we use ___” 34. His nose was tweaked many times 37. Submitted a ballot, perhaps 38. Simon ___

40. Auto race units 41. London entertainment district 43. Words at the start of a countdown 44. Epic ___ 46. The P in PBR 47. King in the Super Mario Bros. series 48. Hubble of the Hubble Telescope 49. Gossip 50. Not quick to catch on: var. 51. Fencing sword 52. De ___ 56. “A Chorus Line” hit 57. Go kaput

Jonesin’ Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2013 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0607. • JANUARY 24-30, 2013 • The Pulse • 21

Life in the Noog

chuck crowder

Cookie Monster W

intertime brings with it depressingly cold (and rainy) weather, gray skies and dead trees. Nestled indoors around a space heater there are holiday gift bills to pay off, income tax filing to prepare for and careful budgeting for the year’s most dreaded occasion for any dude— Valentine’s Day. In fact, there are few joys to lift the spirits outside of what one can muster from the social remnants of their work-a-day lives. And did I mention it’s cold?

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Mitch & Deborah Everhart 22 • The Pulse • JANUARY 24-30, 2013 •

Thankfully, there’s one annual tradition happening this time of year sure to brighten any day (and tighten any waistband)— Girl Scout Cookie season. Tasty little treats delivered by fresh little faces all for a mere $3.50 a box. And we’re suckers for it—buying an estimated 200 million boxes each and every year, minus the 10 or so I hide away in my freezer. Girl Scout Cookies have come a long way since their humble introduction in 1917. Back then, the Scouts actually baked the cookies themselves and sold them door-to-door. They put in a lot of work for a small return all in the name of raising funds to go camping in the woods. Nowadays, the cookies are shipped from some huge pre-packaged baked goods manufacturer directly to Mama and Honey Boo Boo for sale off the tailgate of an F-150 in the Walmart parking lot to raise money for pricey admissions to water parks. Times have changed, but thankfully the cookies haven’t that much. Leading the pack of eight delicious delights are, of course, Thin Mints and Samoas, both laced with the cookie equivalent of crack accounting for their unquenchable appeal. Then there’s the peanut butter twins—Tagalongs and Dos-si-dos—and the tasteless shortbread cook-

ie for those who have every allergy known to mankind —the Trefoil. Gathered around the water cooler as we office cubicle-dwellers ordered as a group, I always felt sorry for the secretary who only chose Trefoils. “Aww, allergic to good taste?,” I thought. No wonder she’s still single. Then there’s always that guy who orders a case of Thin Mints. “I freeze them to eat all year long,” he says. But you know he’s lying because he looks like the kind of guy who can scarf down an entire box in one sitting. Like some kind of Cool Hand Luke stand off, he’d bet anybody he could do it too if there were any kind of monetary bet involved. “My boy says he can eat a box of Thin Mints—he can eat a box of Thin Mints.” I shouldn’t be pointing any fingers. I’ll buy a couple of boxes of Samoas from anybody and everybody taking orders. In fact, I actually do hoard them in the freezer for year-round enjoyment. Nothing impresses the ladies more than pulling out a box of Samoas in July. You suddenly become the “world’s most interesting man”

from the Dos Equis commercials, leading snowshoe exhibitions and shooing lions off your kitchen counters, but this time the tagline is, “Stay hungry, my friends.” Fact is, I owe so many people for previous Girl Scout Cookie purchases that I’ll be buying Samoas well into retirement. Let me explain. When my daughter was in the Girl Scouts my friends’ children were too young to join at the time. They all bought their cookies from my kid, so she was the one winning sales awards like new bicycles and Playstations. Some of these friends bought obscene amounts of cookies from my little girl just to place her over the top—with conviction. When I asked a friend why he always bought so many from my daughter each year he replied, “Well, you have one daughter, I have two—and they’ll both be in the scouts in a couple of years, so …” For a while there I was buying enough cookies to win my own sales award. But it’s all for a good cause. I’d much rather see a little girl learn the ins and outs of the real world from a scout leader than whatever personality traits she’d glean from “Real Housewives.” Chuck Crowder is a local writer and man about town. His opinions are his own. • JANUARY 24-30, 2013 • The Pulse • 23

The Pulse 10.04 » Jan. 24-30, 2013  

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

The Pulse 10.04 » Jan. 24-30, 2013  

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative