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LIVING 50 PLUS
AUGUST 30, 2019
“The Conversation”
was at dinner last year with my husband and some friends. I was talking with my girlfriend who is getting ready to retire. As
we chitchatted about her plans after retirement she mentioned that her Dad had some real estate holdings that she would be working on to “get things straightened out”. I asked what needed straightening and she gave me a long list of all the things that had been neglected over the last ten years. What struck me was the comment she made about having had a conversation with her Dad many years ago. She told him it would be really helpful if he would fill her in on his real estate holdings, his investments, and, most importantly, how he wanted things handled in the future. He was 80 at the time. She offered to help him with some of the day to day responsibilities. He told her that, while he appreciated the offer, he was fine and didn’t need her to step in and help. She felt he may have even been a bit offended that she had broached the subject at all. She continued through the hustle and bustle of life and he seemed to be handling things so she didn’t ask any questions. As she discussed her retirement with him, he told her he was glad she would have some free time because he may need her help ‘getting some things straightened out’. That is when she learned the reality. He told her there were several properties that were in serious disarray, there are a few legal lease issues, and one property has a hazardous waste issue that could mean real trouble for him. She was overwhelmed as he explained how things had just “kinda gotten away from him”. She asked herself “how did this happen?” He was fine… until he wasn’t. The hard part for parents, and their adult children, is knowing when it is time to have “The Conversation”. For the parents, it is an acknowledgement that perhaps they are not able to “handle it all” anymore. It is a loss of independence. It just doesn’t feel great. For the kids, it feels intrusive and hurtful. Our parents are ‘Mom and Dad’ – the backbone of the family. They have taken care of us all our lives, through successes and failures; love and heartache; they have always been our rock. Now it feels like we are telling them they can’t handle it anymore. The reality is that we must learn how to have intergenerational conversations before a crisis. The worst time to try to ‘figure stuff out’ is during an emergency when tensions are high, and emotions are overflowing. So, who needs to know what? The Executor of the Trust, or your choice of who will handle your estate in the absence of a trust, needs to be very well versed in how you want things handled when the time comes. They need to know where your assets are held and how you want them distributed. There are so many important details they will have to handle at the time of your death, all
Beth Miller-Rowe has been in the mortgage industry for 36 years specializing in reverse mortgages for the past 10 years. Beth has degrees in economics and business administration.
while grieving your passing. The more information you can give them today, the more likely they will be able to carry out your wishes when the time comes. People often have their trust in a file cabinet, and they think that is it. I did my due diligence and now they can sort through it all once I am gone. Remember, none of us is promised tomorrow. We are not promised our health. It is just as important that someone be informed of your holdings, and your wishes, while you are still alive. The world is full of hazards – a car accident, or a fall down the stairs. Or a broken leg while skiing or a topple while sky diving – something could happen at any time. If you are laid up in the hospital for any length of time it will be important that someone can handle your affairs. If something worse, or more permanent, were to happen it becomes even more important that someone be well informed on your affairs. If they are walking in blind, with no prior knowledge, it will be all the more difficult. Remember, they are coping with your illness, and trying to wade through a maze blindfolded. Most seniors have thought about drawing up a trust, they have thought about funeral arrangements, they have even asked their kids to mark certain family heirlooms they want after their passing. These are things they are often open about when talking with their kids. The one topic seniors don’t like to talk about is day-to-day finances. Often, as ‘the conversation’ unfolds, it becomes apparent that additional monthly cash flow or elimination of the monthly mortgage debt might provide extra security and financial comfort. There may be plenty of assets, plenty of insurance, plenty of ‘stuff’ to distribute after death, but what about while we are still alive, and wanting to enjoy our time. It is interesting because my meeting with the parents is frequently at the suggestion of the adult kids who have noticed that things are tight. They want their parents to live out their years in comfort,
they want them to enjoy, they want them to spend what they have earned. It is often Mom and Dad who think the kids want them to be super frugal so there is more inheritance. I think, these days, it is just the opposite. Kids get it. Mom and Dad worked hard. It is their money. The kids want you to enjoy it while you can. Even though it is hard, the first step for a successful conversation is just being aware that all parties are hesitant about broaching the subject. Whether the conversation is between two people, four people, or ten people, just knowing that everyone is feeling a bit anxious helps to calm the waters. I think a good second step is to be casual. The bigger deal that is made of the conversation the bigger deal it seems in everyone’s mind. A casual Sunday dinner with some chitchat about the status of your investments, or your long-term care insurance, or your Living Trust, opens the door. It lets the kids know you’re ready to share; and it lifts a huge weight off your shoulders. Let your kids help you. I promise they want to be there for you. At our firm, The Reverse Mortgage Group, we want to help you to create a life plan. We work toward a strategy that will hopefully help you to live out your years in security, comfort, and even add a pinch of fun! As we review your goals we will look at all aspects of your finances to see if a reverse mortgage would be a good retirement tool to enhance that life plan. If it is, great. If it isn’t, that is okay too. We feel our job is to provide you with local face-to-face education. I will sit down with you at your kitchen table and help you to make educated decisions – Advertorial
Let’s take a look and see if we can Make Your Retirement Dreams Come True.
Beth Miller-Rowe NMLS: 294774
Branch Manager and Reverse Mortgage Specialist
The Reverse Mortgage Group • A Division of American Pacific Mortgage Corp.
Office: 925-969-0380 Cell: 925-381-8264 Beth@YourReverse.com
3478 Buskirk Ave., Ste. 1000 Pleasant Hill, CA 94523
Your Retirement Dreams Can Come True! A Division of American Pacific Mortgage Corporation NMLS 1850
DRE: 00950759/01215943 • NMLS: 294774/831612/1850 Licensed by the Dept of Business Oversight under the California Residential Mortgage Lending Act
*Reverse mortgages are loans offered to homeowners who are 62 or older who have equity in their homes. The loan programs allow borrowers to defer payment on the loans until they pass away, sell the home, or move out. Homeowners, however, remain responsible for the payment of taxes, insurance, maintenance, and other items. Nonpayment of these items can lead to a default under the loan terms and ultimate loss of the home. FHA insured reverse mortgages have an up front and ongoing cost; ask your loan officer for details. These materials are not from, nor approved by HUD, FHA, or any governing agency. **American Pacific Mortgage Corporation is not financial service company or licensed tax advisors; the material provided is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be construed as investment, tax and/or mortgage advice. Although the material is deemed to be accurate and reliable, there is no guarantee it is without errors. We are not financial or tax advisors, please contact your financial professional for your personal financial situation.