PARENTING
Dr. Shayama Chona President, Tamana LISTEN
THE AGONY OF PEER PRESSURE
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eer pressure is best illustrated during the adolescent years which is noticed when youngsters follow a trend more so to ‘fall in line’. Daring not to risk defying the majority, teenagers go with the crowd- a herd mentality is what I would like to put it. The desire to look and think like others causes problems for those who can’t conform. I know a blind fifteen-year-old girl who refused to admit she had a handicap. She would not accept the help of a special teacher provided by the school. The thump along the corridor marked her as different from her peers, and she could not tolerate the distinction. One day as she walked to her next class with her head erect, as though she knew where she was going. Before I could stop her, she walked straight into a post. Even this experience was insufficient to make her use a helping device.
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However, it is important for your pre-teenager to know about group pressure before it reaches its peak Similarly, I worked with the parents of a class II boy with a hearing problem. He simply would not let them put a hearing aid in his ear. He would rather be deaf than different. Truly, conformity is so powerful that children of all ages succumb to it. Even adults surrender to the pressures of what’s ‘in’ or ‘out’ according to the media. Long hair, short hair, long skirts, short skirts, wide ties, narrow ties, sweat suits, mushroom cuts, we go to great expense to avoid the embarrassment of being “unfashionable.”
Adolescent peer–pressure also accounts for some of the strain between generations and reduced parental influence during this period. I have seen parents feel ‘hurt’ because their developing teenager is suddenly embarrassed to be seen with them. “I went to the door of death to bring this kid into the world,” a mother may say, “And now he grows up to be ashamed even to be seen in my presence.” Little does she understand that teenagers are engulfed by a tremendous desire to be adults, and they resent anything that implies that they are children. They are not really ashamed of their parents; they are embarrassed by the adult–baby role that was more appropriate in prior years. Parents would do well to accept this healthy aspect of growing up without becoming defensive about it. Calling a parent of a young teenager to school is his greatest punishment. His parents dare not hug him in front of friends. He must guard against any expression of parental love and affection publicly which is considered ghastly and embarrassing. However, it is important for your pre-teenager to know about group pressure before it reaches its peak. Someday, he may be sitting in a car with four friends who decide to indulge in smoking. Prepare him to understand peer pressure, to know right from wrong and the courage to stand alone in the crucial moment. This knowledge of peer influence could provide the independence to do what is right. Speak to your child to be original, creative and just be himself or herself.