Late Laughs The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
money to someone other than rich people!
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Vladimir Putin announced that restrictions in Russia will be lifted. That’s right, A former official called Trump a “total germaphobe.” Putin said now people can go back to enjoying all of For a germaphobe, Trump the old restrictions. sure is anxious to get the rest of us out in the hot Twitter just announced that zone. It’s the ultimate “This their employees can work at milk smells funny ... here, home forever. You know you drink it.” we’re living in crazy times because normally when you French language experts tell someone to work from have determined that the home forever, it means acronym COVID-19 is officially feminine. We should “you’re fired.” have known that COVID-19 is Dr. Rick Bright said that female; it explains why without better planning, Trump doesn’t take her 2020 could be the darkest seriously. winter in modern history. It’s Republicans are desperate to not a good sign when our reopen the economy because experts sound like the Night’s Watch in “Game of if they don’t, they’ll have to Thrones.” do the unthinkable: give
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Jimmy Kimmel Live The president took a field trip today to Phoenix to visit a Honeywell factory where they are manufacturing N95 masks. And the big question was: Would he wear a mask to the plant where they make masks? No, he did not.
doctors are behind them nodding.
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Late Night With Seth Meyers A man in Iceland set a world record over the weekend by lifting over 1,100 pounds. Said the man: “Why isn’t anyone helping me?!”
I can think of no better metaphor for this presidency than Donald Trump not wearing a facemask to a facemask factory while the song “Live and Let Die” blares in the background.
President Trump participated in a Fox News Virtual Town Hall at the Lincoln Memorial yesterday. Said Lincoln, “This is literally the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”
You don’t want your kids to grow up thinking they can throw a fit and then get what they want. You do that and the next thing you know they’re at the White House telling people to drink Clorox, and a bunch of
The CEO of the grocery chain Kroger said yesterday that Americans will have meat during the coronavirus pandemic so long as they are “flexible.” Although, isn’t being flexible on meat what got us into this in the first place?
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